Are some of us simply meant to be alone?

[GregB]

I'm 31 years old, never married, no children and the longest relationship I've had as an adult is about 3 months. I don't have much problem getting women to go out with me, but before I even realize it I fall into the "Friend Zone" and I have learned (I think) that once in this zone there is no coming out of it.

Yet, the irony is that a good solid friendship, to my way of thinking, is the sort of excellent basis a good relationship needs. Yet, women don't seem to think this way. I digress...

I can only conclude that as a human being, I'm romantic poison. I don't understand why. I'm good looking, intelligent, funny, tall, creative and generous. I may not be very succesful or have a lot of money, but I know perfectly great women who have given themselves over to guys with less.

I've been spending a lot of time lately with a young lady who is everything I'd ever want in a woman. It's not meant to be, I know this, but she's showing me what to look for. Yet, I know how rare it must be to find someone like her and when I think about the odds, I'm nearly crying myself to sleep on a nightly basis.

The older I get, the more I wonder what in the hell I'm alive for if I can't be a good husband and/or father for anyone?

Are some of us just meant to be alone, or am I somehow choosing this? I don't know how much more sexual rejection I can take in my life.

As for "The right girl will come along someday" please refrain from this tired old cliche. I've been hearing it for too long now.

-GregB

[TraneX007]

Don't know man, it seems like you got everything it takes and more to get a girlfriend. What you gotta change is your mindset, as hard as that may seem. Make believe youve had great success and got nothin to lose, but put yourself out there as well. Go out, try to find people, be confident, if youre everything you said you are than you will meet a woman wlling to date you. Whether you like her or not, is a different matter. And I know you dont wanna hear this but you 31 really isnt old and you still have a great chance of metting a woman and starting a family.

[GurlE]

Ok I am a woman and I can understand exactly what's going on. First of all all a woman needs to figure out if a man is only going to be "just friends" is about 10 minutes. Confidence does wonders but also the message you unconsciously give off when first meeting a woman. You need to know that you are good enough to be any woman's husband and that you would make a great one. By really knowing that and believing that yourself the message you give off unconsciously will radiate that. It also may have a lot to do with the types of women you are looking at, look for a women who is ready and willing to settle down. If she parties and dates a lot most likely she would not be in the same category as you should be looking for. Also, don't overlook women who don't seem "your type" you never know what might happen, but as I say this don't jump into a relationship that you arent sure about just to have a family...neither you or she will win out in the long run. Good luck!

[activelife81]

i can definitly relate...except im only 22. the other guy was right...the problem is your mindset...you sound like you want everything to fall into place as if its a fairytale and that all you have to do is wait, and someday when u are staring into a puddle shes gonna stare into the same puddle and you will see each others reflections and fall in love....ok that was a little out in left field but my point is....finding your partner isnt like "they" want ya to believe it is....doesnt happen like the movies, or the stories, or the day dreams you have....instead this is what usually happens....

lots of going out on a limb, getting outside your comfort zone, being with all sorts of girls, even ones u might not normally consider., learning what u like, dont like, need and cant stand....

experience some disinterest, expereince some outright rejection, and then after you find out "whats out there" for chicks...and what everyone has in common, and what type of person you really click with...and what REALLY matters in your life....then you'll be all set to find yourself THE ONE. until then i have to suggest getting out of the "waiting" mode and getting into the "actively seeking" mode..

i was stuck in the same rut, and once i started to question my standards and realize that i was being unrealistically dreamy....i found a girl that made me happier than i ever imagined. know why? coz its impossible to know what you will like until you have it....take all your assumptions and dreams about who the perfect lady is and throw them out the window, because until you experience her, you dont know who she is.

[tobigahart]

In direct response to your post title, I beleive yes... some people are meant to be alone. God I am only 21 but I do think to myself sometimes, am I meant to be alone? But it doesn't scare me at all...
I too manage to meet a few chicks every now and then, and I'm f***in smart, funny, decent lookin! and care about people more than anyone I know in person. But I have not found the one, and I also am not going to settle for second best.
First girl I ever dated! 3 years and one hell of a fantastic relationship. Broke up with her at 20 for my own reasons (I knew she was not the one). Had a few meaningless dates afterwards and then realised, there's no point having these meaningless relationships. Its either the perfect girl or nothing, and nothing I can handle.
Relationships blind so many people from discovering their true selves. That's why you feel hopeless being along (not you specifically GregB). And the harder you look for someone, the harder it will be! Do not waste energy on trying to find your true love. Focus on yourself, doscover yourself, build on your independance.
If you can do this, you ultimately won't be scared of the possibility if being alone. Yes being in love is the greatest feeling in the world, but you don't need it if you love yourself.
I am not going to say the right person will come along one day because they might not, but being your own company will make the journey far easier, regardless of the outcome.

This rant was a response to the title of the topic, not to the specific post but I felt like typing it anyway

[21andAlone]

I wonder often myself if some of us are meant to be alone. I know it sounds stupid coming from an almost 22 year old female. But I've only gone out on one date in my whole life. It's not cause I don't want to go out or that I want to be alone. I'm a fun loving, outgoing kinda person, I'm smart and open minded, I'm attractive too, not very tall about 5'5" yet I've only ever been asked out once. Anytime I've taken the intiative to ask someone out, I get blown off or rejected. I feel the same way you do, what's the point being here on this earth if I can't be a good wife/and mother. I feel like, 20 years went by before the first date and first kiss. What if it's another 20 before I meet anyone else who shares mutual interest in me? More likely than not I just won't meet anyone. It's kinda sounds sad and depressing, but I mean I'm so use to be alone now anyway, even though I want to meet someone and have a family some day, I know the chances are slim, and even though I am still young, they grow slimmer everyday. I know though that even if I remain alone forever, I'll survive, I'll live and be ok. I'll just be very lonely. But if it's something that's meant to be, if I'm not meant to be with someone then what can I really do about it? Take comfort like I do in knowing you are at least not alone, in feeling alone. How ironic.

[BriarRose]

Greg, I am 44 and in the same boat. Maybe we are too nice, too giving? Seems to me a lot of women who aren't particularly good to their bf's have the bf's. And I am sure you see it with a lot of men and their gf's.

Just one theory.....but statistically, I do think it unlikely that you will remain alone.

[em22]

I wonder often myself if some of us are meant to be alone. I know it sounds stupid coming from an almost 22 year old female. But I've only gone out on one date in my whole life. It's not cause I don't want to go out or that I want to be alone. I'm a fun loving, outgoing kinda person, I'm smart and open minded, I'm attractive too, not very tall about 5'5" yet I've only ever been asked out once. Anytime I've taken the intiative to ask someone out, I get blown off or rejected. I feel the same way you do, what's the point being here on this earth if I can't be a good wife/and mother. I feel like, 20 years went by before the first date and first kiss. What if it's another 20 before I meet anyone else who shares mutual interest in me? More likely than not I just won't meet anyone. It's kinda sounds sad and depressing, but I mean I'm so use to be alone now anyway, even though I want to meet someone and have a family some day, I know the chances are slim, and even though I am still young, they grow slimmer everyday. I know though that even if I remain alone forever, I'll survive, I'll live and be ok. I'll just be very lonely. But if it's something that's meant to be, if I'm not meant to be with someone then what can I really do about it? Take comfort like I do in knowing you are at least not alone, in feeling alone. How ironic.

Try to think about it as something good and positive will happen at some point in your life (in terms of relationships). Maybe you will meet a guy that will be truly interested in you and you will not be able to resist. Meh, but what the hell do i know - i am actually on the same boat. I enjoy being alone, but somewhere deep inside i feel very lonely. Too bad i never meet a girl with mindset like yours real life and even when i do, there is no chance i will learn about "her" feelings. Sorry i have no idea what i am on about

[dr_styles]

Ouch Greg. Almost like my future in a few years, except I don't even have the dates/kisses yet. I definitely hate those cliches as well as the youth argument personally. 31 may not be "old" for a family and I don't know you're history or how you seem to rate with the women, but if I was exactly how I am now except 31 then well, kill me now? Don't have to be married or have a family but want to be somewhere on the way there ...

I like Tobiga's post though. Bit optimistic imo on being happy but may as well keep it as painless as possible; not easy when it's interfering with the rest of my life.

[Knight of Hope]

I firmly believe that we make our own destinies. So, to me, saying that some people are meant to be alone means that their perpetual singleness is completely beyond their control! As in, no matter how hard you try, you can never ever find that special someone. It's just not in the cards. It's not your destiny. Believe what you want, but I will never accept that! There is always a way... there is always hope! At least, I think so!

Now, some people may choose to live their lives alone (as in always single), and that's fine. But they chose it. That path wasn't chosen for them.