Insane Chemistry then Text Limbo

Every single person in this forum has probably gone through this so I won't belabor the point, but what's a relationship forum without another much-needed "Why didn't he text?" post amirite?

Went on two dates with an amazing guy. He asked me out, he complimented me on how beautiful and cool he thought I was. I reciprocated his compliments. Just mad chemistry and an incredible time. He made plans for a third date and asked me to go on a short ski trip. I couldn't (brother visiting me) but suggested we do something when he gets back Sunday. We had a few text banters last Wednesday/Thursday. Then THE DREADED RADIO SILENCE.

It's been 24 hrs which IMO is enough for someone to read/respond if they were interested. I know he has access to his phone because he's logged into a social network app 3 times since yesterday! I couldn't resist checking =(

I am so upset and depressed. It's only been 2 dates but it's been so long that I'm happy and excited and have such chemistry with someone like that. Sniffles.

He was away skiing ---- and likely very tired when he got back.

Time to chill out and wait and see if he texts to meet up later this week.

He was away skiing ---- and likely very tired when he got back.

 

Time to chill out and wait and see if he texts to meet up later this week.

Awwww thank you but I have a bad gut feeling. He's logged into a dating app so he can't possibly be soooooo tired and busy =[

Agree with Mhowe and I think in only 2 dates you got ahead of yourself.

Awwww thank you but I have a bad gut feeling. He's logged into a dating app so he can't possibly be soooooo tired and busy =[

You have had 2 dates. He is likely dating other women still at this point. In fact, someone may have gone on the ski trip with him.

You're obsessing over him and stalking him on social media. Stop it! Stop reading things into "text limbo." I hate the way people read into texting/not texting now. Admittedly, I sometimes get a text from someone, can't answer right away and then totally forgot they texted me for days on end. Maybe this happened to him. Also, many times if I am napping or sleeping or at work, I turn the notifications off on my phone.

Again, stop reading things into texts or no texts. And every once in a while, pick up the phone and call someone.

UGH I can't help obsessing. I usually don't get like this at ALL. It's just that my gut feelings about these situations are almost always correct and it just SUCKS big time.

Sure I'm aware that it's so early but I really liked this one. On one hand, people say let's not get jaded about romance and dating; on the other hand people say be realistic and don't get carried away. I've hedged my position and tried to be rational about it and yes, I know this early on both of us can be seeing multiple people at once. But such a disappointment....

It's too early to make any judgements about any of this. Date him a few more times but you're in no position to go all in after two dates. You barely know him.

You are only setting yourself up for failure. You barely start dating the guy, yes "dating" and you are obsessing over his where a bouts, etc...and monitoring his on-line activity. Maybe he is monitoring your activity too and wondering why you are online so much! Personally, it sounds like you are not entirely in a mental state to date because you are obsessing over the small stuff. Don't scare him off. If nothing comes out of it...who really cares...you weren't meant for each other. Take a deep breath and focus on more positive things.

Also, many times if I am napping or sleeping or at work, I turn the notifications off on my phone.

Edited to add "... or if I am napping and sleeping at work..."

If you have the luxury to sleep at work, I wanna know where you work, lol.

As a somewhat functional adult, I know that I shouldn't feel so invested and crazed and overly obsessive but anyone who's ever genuinely liked someone knows this is practically impossible! My reptilian brain fears rejection and disappointment so my whole mind goes into over drive.

I deleted his contact info from my phone so that I wouldn't be tempted to shoot a second text that will go unanswered. UGHHHHHHHHHHH.

It has been 3 days since last contact and he went out of town.

This level of obsession isn't really normal or healthy. Enthusiasm is one thing --- obsession is quite something else. You are much, much too invested.

Because IF you never hear from him again --- it doesn't change the fact that you had two great dates.

UGH I can't help obsessing. I usually don't get like this at ALL. It's just that my gut feelings about these situations are almost always correct and it just SUCKS big time.

 

Sure I'm aware that it's so early but I really liked this one. On one hand, people say let's not get jaded about romance and dating; on the other hand people say be realistic and don't get carried away. I've hedged my position and tried to be rational about it and yes, I know this early on both of us can be seeing multiple people at once. But such a disappointment....

Yes, you can help it. It's hard but you can do it for the long term goal of eventually finding a healthy, long-term relationship.

Just remember he's a stranger. If things are supposed to work out, they will. Just relax and soak in a hot tub.

Umm....so he is on a fun trip and it's only been 24 hours of no texting??? Hardly radio silence. On top of that you have plans for Sunday???

Besides, what makes you think that he got your last message? I don't know how many times I hadn't gotten a text or it pops up days after it was sent. My rule is always reach out twice.

I do agree that you are being over the top about the whole thing. Take a deep breath and chill out. Also, if you don't hear from him for another day, do reach out. For all you know he is wondering why you suddenly dropped off on him.

Finally, you just don't know him at all and what kind of a guy he is. All you know is that you feel red hot chemistry. He might be the type who disappears and reappears. He might have just been after a quick lay, thus the quick invite to the trip. You don't know if he is a decent man or not. Don't let your lower half override all sense.

fifregister:

I'm going to break with everyone else and agree with you: this sucks. You are fine obsessing. I mean, you don't meet a lot of people you get this excited about right? We're allowed to get really excited when this happens! We're allowed to hope that it might turn into something really good!

And we're allowed to feel like sh*t when suddenly he stops texting.

I'm glad you're here venting and going crazy about this instead of doing it in front of him. Because if this is just something innocent on his part, you would surely freak him out by contacting him about it.

In your same situation I would feel a *huge* let down. Like a brick in my stomach. It sucks to want something so badly and have no control over it... but that sums up dating.

You could always text him tomorrow with "Hey, going out to XYZ tonight if you'd like to come along. Hope the ski trip was a blast!" If he doesn't respond again, you can throw in the towel.

Umm....so he is on a fun trip and it's only been 24 hours of no texting??? Hardly radio silence. On top of that you have plans for Sunday???

Sunday was yesterday; he came back from the ski trip, didn't contact her about doing anything yesterday, and instead is on social media and dating apps.

That's the source of her anguish.

I've been there, but you need to take a deep breath, remind yourself it was two dates, he is quite possibly meeting other women and you are at this point just one more woman in the running.

Now go back on your dating app, keep looking, and date other guys. You cannot put all your hopes and dreams into one person you barely know, no matter how exciting and how much potential this looks like. It's very similar to when you get called in for a job interview, you want the job, they call you back a second time, you get all excited and then they hire someone else or decide they can't afford to fill the position and give the work to an already overworked employee.

And yes, it sucks. I well remember that feeling when dating. It's why I'm telling you right now to put down your phone, get up and go out and do things with your friends, go on other dates, remind yourself you had a life before this person and you still do and you are going to live it. Adopt the attitude that if he or anyone else wants to be a part of your life they will need to make an effort too and move forward. It's tough to do, but psychologically and emotionally it's something you need to force yourself to get in the habit of doing so little disappointments like this don't sting so much.

But it does hurt regardless. Go do something nice for yourself today, you deserve it. Vent to a friend, then take a deep breath and get back out there.

Sunday was yesterday; he came back from the ski trip, didn't contact her about doing anything yesterday, and instead is on social media and dating apps.

 

That's the source of her anguish.

Likely because....he is still dating other people! That is the reality here ---- not the fantasy.

Sunday was yesterday; he came back from the ski trip, didn't contact her about doing anything yesterday, and instead is on social media and dating apps.

 

That's the source of her anguish.

Technically, the source of her anguish is that she's checking up on him and has him on a virtual stop watch regarding when he texts her back. But I digress. Maybe I'd be the same way.

UGH I can't help obsessing. I usually don't get like this at ALL. It's just that my gut feelings about these situations are almost always correct and it just SUCKS big time.

 

Sure I'm aware that it's so early but I really liked this one. On one hand, people say let's not get jaded about romance and dating; on the other hand people say be realistic and don't get carried away. I've hedged my position and tried to be rational about it and yes, I know this early on both of us can be seeing multiple people at once. But such a disappointment....

I empathize with you. There is no time limits on emotion. If you feel that way, you feel that way. It's extremely frustrating, but it happens all the time. Why it happens is we assume the 'chemistry' is mutual. It is a very bad assumption. You only know, and can only know how you feel, not him. And if you don't here from him soon, his behaviour is saying he's not interested. He may have initially been, but people change their minds all the time, for many reasons.

Sorry for your disappointment.

I'm with you on this one, I would be sad/annoyed too. I get it that it's only been 2 dates, and that he was away for a fun weekend, but he DID find the time to log in to that app - and that app is a dating app, not just Facebook or Twitter. If he had the time to log into the dating site (Tinder I assume?), then he surely would have had time to message you too. So I totally get it.

Besides, I'm like you. I feel chemistry once in a blue moon, and if I meet someone I truly feel it with, I am disappointed to see he wasn't as excited as I was about our dates, and that he still felt the need to chat up other women. In my day and where I come from, mutidating was not a thing, so I'm old fashioned that way.

Unfortunately, your only choice is to wait and see if he contacts you again. He may very well do so, but keep in mind that he is probably (most likely) dating other women too, so try not to get overly excited about him, or too invested. And definitely no sex until and unless things progress and you become exclusive, don't make the mistake of thinking sex would increase your odds of him picking you over the others (on the contrary). I know it's hard, but sadly this is how dating works these days.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Sunday was yesterday; he came back from the ski trip, didn't contact her about doing anything yesterday, and instead is on social media and dating apps.

 

That's the source of her anguish.

Ah for some reason was thinking this coming Sunday.

In that case, I'd reach out to him one more time with something like "hey how was skiing?" and then leave it be. Maybe he responds, maybe not. At least you can stop the anguish and either move forward or put it all behind you instead of sitting in limbo checking his online activity.

I know how you feel. I've met hundreds (literally) of men online and that sort of chemistry I'm not sure I've found...but, if I did, I would feel equally disappointed. Deleting his number was a good thing. Also, don't forget that he's a virtual stranger and, no matter how you feel right now, you'll have forgotten about him in a month.

In case he contacts you again, unless he has a pretty good excuse why he blew you off yesterday, I would tell him to leave me alone..no matter the chemistry.

Ya I would shoot one more text to say hey, and then see what happens. If responds, seems keen and plans a date then yay! But if he doesn't respond or does but doesn't initiate plans to get together or is vague, then I would just think he wasn't interested and then move on..