Ixtapa Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 In a few days it will be two months since I last saw him. He has moved to another country 5 weeks ago and I can't help but wonder how he is adjusting to his new surroundings (and if he has found a job in this very critical crisis situation we are in). Anyway. Still wasting my time thinking too much.... Link to comment
JuneBug Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 So I suppose I'm back to day 1? But in any case, I had to think a lot before I made that 1 contact. I emailed him asking if he wanted to come to an event at my church because I knew he was interested in my religion. I told him I had invited some of his friends too who were coming. I was really debating about whether or not to invite him because I really didn't want to see him, but on the other hand, my religion is important to me and I don't want my petty feelings to prevent me from allowing people to develop their interest. Also, it's an easter thing and it it just so happens to be targeted for those unfamiliar with Christianity so it's an even more perfect opportunity for my friends to come. I wrote him a very simple email and he wrote back saying he would go. As hard as it is, I guess I will have to face him in three weeks...and I hope I can be strong enough to not let this set me back after 2 months of no contact. I have let it sink in slowly that he may be in a relationship right now. The girl that he was only casually dating may actually be his girlfriend now. I thought about it and it hurts so much because I think he's treating her the way he never treated me...as if I made all improvement requests for him to show it to someone else. But at the same time, accepting these things are getting easier than I thought. It hurts, but I do have little pangs of "I don't care" feelings every once in a while. Either way, I have to keep telling myself a few things: 1). Getting back together is not even a possibility until you're over it. Even if he wants you back before you're over it...you'd be too hurt to try again. You need to heal first, be happy, and only then can you be at your most attractive stage. 2). He dumped you, and initially you did ask him to try again. Since he refused, the ONLY person who has anything to regret is him. But since he was in control, there is always room for him to regret. 3). You don't need him to be your friend. Yes you have developed a close relationship with him, but you were fine with just your friends at some point, you'll be fine again without him. 4). Even if you decide to be friends with him, how close can you really be his friend? His future girlfriends will feel uncomfortable around you and will probably not allow him to talk to you as often. Eventually, your status as the "ex" will hinder a friendship somewhere down the line. 5). You have the rest of your life to be happy with "the one," so take your time to be single as a gift that will be gone in the blink of an eye. Link to comment
TLguy Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Day 29. 23 minutes to go!! As its my birthday today I thought today my ex might be nice and just send a nice text or something...oh how wrong I was. Thats how little she cares... Either way, Ive almost done this and it feels great Next step, the indefinate NC challenge! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I'm back at Day 2 although I feel like seeing him and that text wasn't even breaking NC because we are SO disconnected... I haven't heard his voice either, which is just so weird. I hate hearing about birthdays, as it is mine soon and I just don't want to keep looking forward for it so I can hear from him... or get super super depressed if he doesn't even call... NC sucks, seriously. It makes people grow apart. However, it's the only thing we have =[ Link to comment
LostPartner Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Just about have made it through day 7!!! Should be a holiday for me! This has been so very very hard for me. But FINALLY I think I got it! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm back at Day 2 although I feel like seeing him and that text wasn't even breaking NC because we are SO disconnected... I haven't heard his voice either, which is just so weird. I hate hearing about birthdays, as it is mine soon and I just don't want to keep looking forward for it so I can hear from him... or get super super depressed if he doesn't even call... NC sucks, seriously. It makes people grow apart. However, it's the only thing we have =[ Patience Brazil. "absence diminishes minor passions and inflames great ones, as the wind douses a candle and fans a fire." - La Rochefoucauld Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 well im on day 8 and i feel numb Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I have to face it guys, ive been lyin' to myself in ways, I have defintely been in the steady process of moving on and accpeting she is not with me, With NC and forcing myself to not think of her during the day, but deep down inside I must be honest with myself and everyone here, it is only partly for my benefit and mostly from what I have accepted from other's advice on this site in the best way to get her back. I am def. not over her and I want her back and that is why I am forcing myself to forget about her, this is my primary motivation, and I know its for the wrong reasons and people are gonna tell me what I have heard already a hundred times, In realizing this I wonder if its all a hollow goal, seeing what drives me, I have come along way, even for only 10 days,Made progress, and fallen back a little, but all this in hope she calls me eventually, only I keep it locked in a box deep down inside me, I know its there I just dont show myself it. Until today, and Today for the first time I thought about maybe she will never call me, maybe she really isnt coming back, and wow it made me feel like I did right after she broke up with me back to sqaure 1 of my mentality, honestly this whole thing is like a bi-polar emotional rollercoaster, Im fine one minute and the next I am feeling sorry for myself again, for what I dont have and might not regain. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 triplets?? the thing is my ex already realized he "lost" me last year... so I mean, he already went through it, why would he go along with it again? Link to comment
rayah Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 wow i really like this and need to apply this to my life. especially #3 Link to comment
troubbble Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 It doesn't get better. It just gets easier. I still think about her all day, but it isn't keeping me from work, school, or things that I enjoy. I almost feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, letting my feelings for her die, letting the great things about the relationship become faded memories. I know it will help in the healing process, but shouldn't we hold onto the strongest emotion that we ever felt. Shouldn't you remember and honor that love. Link to comment
Darkness7 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I've made it through a week without contacting her and it's the hardest thing to do in the world! I just want to know if she is thinking of me, if she misses me...but I've been strong not to say anything to her. Yesterday she suddenly contacted me and asked me little questions that don't really need any answer, almost as if it was an excuse to just contact me. Is this a good sign? Should I just keep up with the NC rule? Link to comment
TLguy Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Day 30 Those 30 days actually flew by...ME WINS CHALLENGE! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 day 13 Feeling fine. Miss her very much, but no longer moping around. I'm taking care of the things I need to take care of. I am more productive. Most of all, I am happy! I would love to have her in my life to compliment me, but I'm actually happy Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 As its my birthday today I thought today my ex might be nice and just send a nice text or something...oh how wrong I was. Thats how little she cares... I went through this a couple of weeks back - my ex sent me NOTHING on my birthday, not even a simple text saying 'Happy Birthday' and it really hurt me. It took a few days to get over it. Her birthday is coming up on April 19th and I thought of being the 'bigger person' and marking the occasion for her by making her a card like I used to and I even bought her a little silly gift already. But then I realised that giving them to her will achieve nothing but make me feel worse than I already do, she won't care about the gestures and I would only really be doing them for ME to try and make her think about me. After talking it over with my therapist, I have decided she is getting NOTHING. I'm not making her the card now, and the gift is in a box under my bed and will remain unsent, forever. Go me! Day 51 Had ANOTHER dream about her last night, but this one was positive unlike the previous night's. In it we were in the dining room of my house and were tickling each other, laughing, cuddling and generally messing about in that loved-up way you do. When I woke up and realised I was alone, I was heartbroken all over again. Something positive happened yesterday though, a friend randomly emailed me and asked if I wanted to take a FREE last-minute holiday to Spain with her in a week and a half to stay with her Mum, who lives out there. So I said yes! I cannot WAIT to get away from this b*stard country and all the memories this city holds for me. I'm also off to the cinema tonight on my own for the first time in years, I'm treating myself Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Patience Brazil. "absence diminishes minor passions and inflames great ones, as the wind douses a candle and fans a fire." - La Rochefoucauld This gives me comfort, but ultimately I know it's not true in my case. I have already been forgotten by my ex and the pain of knowing she has moved onto a new guy while I can't let her go is what gets to me the most. It just seems so unfair, why does she get to fall in love and meet her soulmate and future husband while I languish here in pain, unable to let go of her? She was the one who was supposed to be head-over-heels, wanting-to-get-married-in-love with me, and now she is feeling that with someone else. It's funny how we've switched roles... Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 This gives me comfort, but ultimately I know it's not true in my case. I have already been forgotten by my ex and the pain of knowing she has moved onto a new guy while I can't let her go is what gets to me the most. It just seems so unfair, why does she get to fall in love and meet her soulmate and future husband while I languish here in pain, unable to let go of her? She was the one who was supposed to be head-over-heels, wanting-to-get-married-in-love with me, and now she is feeling that with someone else. It's funny how we've switched roles... I understand, man. The reality of the situation is that you let her go. You made a decision that you regret, but often we do not realize what we had until it is gone. I was dumped and I was an amazing man to my ex in many ways, but I didn't really appreciate the smalls things until she left. That's why I would take her back - not because of the love or the feelings. It is because I should've given her my all and I didn't. But life can hold no regrets, UK. Life is both too short and too long. If this one never comes back, you will love again. That I am certain. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 That sounds like the perfect treat BrokenheartUK, I'm envious Hope you enjoy! Day 5 I feel like I'm really making progress moving on. It fills me with a mixture of feelings however. Relief that I'm becoming interested in my studies and social life again, but a bit downhearted that I'm consciously trying to fall out of love with her so to speak. I still think she was the one for me, and I'd really like to try something with her again, but I know that right now that's gonna happen so the best I can do is slip out of her life completely. Getting my haircut in an hour, hopefully that'll boost my self esteem, then going to see a band of a friend of a friend tonight. A chance to meet some new people, keep my mind occupied for an evening. Link to comment
eva76 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Day 1 before i accept this challenge, i texted my ex to telh him that i miss him. A day after i got a call from his number, it went off when i icked it up. Than a text came up saying it was his new gf (using his cellphone) and asking who am i. I texted back telling her that she can see my name in the phonebook. Last night i send msg on fb to say sorry to my ex if they had a fight coz of those msgs. And today, on my first day of NC, he replied that he understand why am i doing that, his gf got angry and resigning from the job and will move back to her hometown (they work in the same company, not in the same city with me) and apologize. Why did he told me about his gf going home anyway? to make me feel guilty? honestly that news kinda make me feel the hope is up again I didn't reply again to his msg. It's still day 1 and i almost gave up. Gosh! Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 My confidence and self-belief has completely crashed through the floor. Dunno what's changed, can't put my finger on it. Anyway, haven't heard from ex this week, but off to Sweden for some skiing tomorrow till sunday, with the added benefit that I'll be unreachable, so that might help a bit. Just feeling really frustrated at my current self-doubt, it's really annoying me! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 is she resigning because of you? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I envy your progress guys. Can't say I've made much... I realized that my ex finally chose the new girl over me and he is trying to be good to her this time as opposed to last year when he was cheating on her with me. There is no chance for us anymore as he is clearly in love with someone else. Why can't I be like normal people, like me ex, who falls in love again? I feel like I will NEVER love or be in a relationship ever again. Link to comment
intolerable Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm new here! I've been in NC with my ex for more than 3 months now! Although it's not absolute NC since we have the same classes together (pure torture I tell you). Can I join? Link to comment
jaylh25 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Hi guys.. my exes mam called me earlier just to let me know her grandma has passed away.. she was extremely close to her. I've been NC for 3 weeks. Throughout the mess of the past 5 months I've always tried to handle things with as much dignity as possible despite the circumstances so after talking to a mate I just thought it was the decent thing to do after 6 years together to send a simple sms saying "so sorry to hear about your grandma, my thoughts are with you and the family at this time, take care"... she sent one back just saying thanks and hoped i was ok.. I guess i could have started a dialogue there but just thought it best to leave it at that.. so... back to day 1 i guess but i dont feel bad about it whatsoever... we were very close for a long time and i just feel it was the right thing to do.. any thoughts guys? Link to comment
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