rayah

i am finally standing on my own. you want me to be there for you regardless of how you treat me. you want me there even though you 'love' (???) her. i won't. i'm NOT. i've held in too much pain. too much anger. too much resentment. too much jealousy. i'm done.

wow i really like this and need to apply this to my life. especially #3

it took me 7 months...b/c we stayed friends from the beginning of the break up...it was HORRIBLE. i would say wait 50 more days, 3 months should be just enough time.

im a girl, my ex dumped me. hes now talking to a new girl but hes not committed to her. when we talk or hang out he acts all mean, like not mean, but like he's trying to put up a wall. like its a bad thing for him to smile or enjoy himself. i catch him gazing sometimes and he'll always be like, let me tell you something then is like nvrmind. im not worried about whether he still has feelings or not, i wanna no, does he really wanna be my friend? like im friends w/ guys and i talk to them like every day and its no biggie, but when i try to talk to him hes like 'you pressed' but then is like he's jus playing. it irritates me and he knows it, maybe thas why he does it, who knows? he still asks about my menstrual cycle, weird right. im such a nice person and i dont know if im picking up on the signs or not of if he actually wants to be my friend...hes the one that wanted to be friends and hes the one who said like 2 wks ago that he told his boys that we have a 'genuine friendship' so iono why he acts so weird in the beginning of every interaction. please help!

I DEFINITELY felt like that...but you HAVE to find someone else to talk to! You HAVE to!

Yep! But dont make him believe it actually FEEL that way...for a long time i tried to make him ''believe'' i was fine but you can sense if a person really is fine or not. anyways, im genuinely feeling great and i broke NC awhile back lol, i dont really need it, just LC...but yea and he told me he felt my strength and it 'intimidated him.' GIRL POWER!

I have a question...can a connection really be broken? I mean I feel like even with NC that connection will still be there if the two ever decided to see each other again. Also, I feel like the connection can diminish or 'seem' like it, if the partners are forcing it too. My ex is doing this. It's horrible because he acts so different towards me like when we [well this is b4 i was doing NC] would initially see each other he would be so off and then after 5 minutes it was like old times, each meeting was like this. It's really annoying. But if he's so determined to block whatever out his mind then so be it. I do feel it is sort of disrespectful. But the thing is we're friends and he always tells me how we have a 'genuine friendship' then why be so standoffish? Anywayyyys!

DAY 5 boooooo i really broke NC...i texted him/then called him/then tried to vid chat w/ him hahaha...its like when i break the barrier i lose all composure. why is that? im an obsessive person regardless though. it definitely messed my day up my defense mechanism toward this issue is sleep, im sure of this now because i feel my body trying to retreat. i need to be studying but all i want to do is lay down. i think iono what i think actually. i miss our f-ship more than anything. i cant remember the r-ship much. i would love to know what's going on in his head, but i wont ever know. so i dont think about it much. i told myself 'self, you have until 7 p.m. [its 5 p.m.] to get this/him out of your system...then you're going back on NC. i just want SB to be here no i want May 2010 to be here [GRADUATION]!!!!! i dont feel down on myself for contacting him either. i do, however, feel as though NC is key. time is patience patience is key. we have characteristics to have a successful r-ship, if that is in our destiny, but who we were who we are now and who we are becoming are so very different. but our characteristics will never change. but my heart isnt holding on to him, i am comforted by that. i cant worry about anybody but myself. God really has been there for me, like he won't allow me to get too worried or distraught about the situation. Like it feels like I may but then he comforts me and lets me know that everything will be okay. I don't regret anything that has happened but I do wish that I had listened to God from the beginning of the break up and did NC instead of waiting 7 months. well anywho i say all this to say...back to day 1 blahhh

Day 5 haha i broke no contact but i didnt...see before the relationship he will always be a dear friend of mine, regardless of if i communicate with him or not...and i know that he is VERY depressed with school right now. i found this quote from a book we both highly respect i made a new email address and sent it to him...silly me [i accidently kept my name] so it was like: email removed. BAHAHAHAHAAHAAA i sent it to him then cancelled the acct. i didnt do it to talk to him. i just wanted to bring his spirits up. although he took me for granted i will never be happy to see a close friend in his/her depths of despair. that's not my character. anyhow day 5 is going well...snow day!!

i miss him. that is all.

Day 4 im good...i was in my emotions last night/this morning...listening to slow songs and crying. but it was something that helped more than hurt or defeated me. i mean i have accepted that there will be some days that wont be as good as others, yesterday was one of those days. but nothing that made me want to talk to him...but i did check his facebook more than regularly...oh yea i did look at all our pictures [they're still on our facebook accts]. we WERE a good thing and i will never take that away from the either of us. we just need to grow and we may grow apart, may not, i dont really know. im just asking God to be with me in every step i take. 7 months is a long time to get over someone but i really [eventhough i say all the what ifs, should haves, etc] i am happy with the way things worked out b/c i am so strong...like within myself. i had the worse self-esteem. and its really growing every day! i know that if we dont get back together [which im NOT holding my breath] then there WILL be someone out there for ME...and if we ARE meant to be, then we are. But we will have more wisdom to bring into the relationship. Good Day everyone!

CORRECT! Get yourself together NOW rather than later...it took me 7 months, -20lbs, and 10 cut scars later

Day 3 so my day is going fine...for some reason im sorta kinda thinking about him, but not right now...but like thinking about the future. i have no idea why. i hope that in my future i dont even remember him. i think it's just because i'm really really tired. but im trying to study but im just too tired. also, i could be faintly thinking about him because i'm on my monthly. i noticed that ever since i stopped taking my birth control pills i have been more normal since i stopped. one reason my ex and i broke up was because i started birth control a year after we started dating and i changed into this whole different person. i didnt realize it was the birth control until we had broke up. i told him what i found out. it didnt matter. i mean my ego really is getting the best of me sometimes. well maybe its not my ego, when i was still in love with him, i just couldnt understand why he didnt wanna be with me, even when i was becoming a better person. well im not in love with him and i dont care about him anymore. he said that he doesnt feel the same about me either. that doesnt hurt me anymore. i dont care for an explanation either. he told me last wk that he could feel my aura of a 'strong black woman' and it intimidated him. that's a big deal for me b/c i used to be this needy, insecure girl. do you think that the fact that im not this needy person and he's intimidated maybe a reason why he doesn't wanna be with me anymore? i mean it would make sense, because i have gotten so strong and secure within myself and he has been depressed and felt so confused with life. it's a terrible shame because all i ever wanted to do is to make him happy and i know how secure i am with myself, i felt as though we could definitely complement each other. but i'd rather be with someone who is together, or semi put together and we go from there. im so indifferent, nonchalant about this whole thing. im so happy to finally be here. to finally think about ME instead of WE. the hardest thing about letting him go was the fact that i wouldnt me able to take care of him, he was my 'baby.' but im sure he has someone else taking care of him. maybe not. who cares.

DAY 2 Yayyyy Im so proud of myself...I am on day two and i'm feeling fine. i do still think of him. like some things may remind me of him or us and i just laugh about it. i still cant watch sex scenes in movies though lol. but most of the time i just think a) im glad im moving on from such a loser that never loved me, cuz if he loved me he wouldnt have used me and b) it was fun while it lasted. i'm not one of those people that can be angry for a long time. i guess its a good thing in this situation, but dont get it twisted...i would NEVER date him again. also, i dont speak about him much either. his mom and me and sis are still tight, but we have our own r-ships, and i dont mention him and i pray to goodness they dont mention him lol. the thing is [i know new ppl are reading my thread and is like wow shes only on day 2 and feeling so great, now this is day 2 of no contact, we've been broken up SEVEN months [today]] i know that im an AWESOME woman, in all aspects. its really his loss. so why mourn something that is sooo outta your control. i like to think of it like this, "God closes some doors so better ones can open."