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rayah

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Everything posted by rayah

  1. rayah
    i am finally standing on my own. you want me to be there for you regardless of how you treat me. you want me there even though you 'love' (???) her. i won't. i'm NOT. i've held in too much pain. too much anger. too much resentment. too much jealousy. i'm done.
  2. rayah
    wow i really like this and need to apply this to my life. especially #3
  3. rayah
    it took me 7 months...b/c we stayed friends from the beginning of the break up...it was HORRIBLE. i would say wait 50 more days, 3 months should be just enough time.
  4. rayah
    im a girl, my ex dumped me. hes now talking to a new girl but hes not committed to her. when we talk or hang out he acts all mean, like not mean, but like he's trying to put up a wall. like its a bad thing for him to smile or enjoy himself. i catch him gazing sometimes and he'll always be like, let me tell you something then is like nvrmind. im not worried about whether he still has feelings or not, i wanna no, does he really wanna be my friend? like im friends w/ guys and i talk to them like every day and its no biggie, but when i try to talk to him hes like 'you pressed' but then is like he's jus playing. it irritates me and he knows it, maybe thas why he does it, who knows? he still asks about my menstrual cycle, weird right. im such a nice person and i dont know if im picking up on the signs or not of if he actually wants to be my friend...hes the one that wanted to be friends and hes the one who said like 2 wks ago that he told his boys that we have a 'genuine friendship' so iono why he acts so weird in the beginning of every interaction. please help!
  5. rayah
  6. rayah
    I DEFINITELY felt like that...but you HAVE to find someone else to talk to! You HAVE to!
  7. rayah
    Yep! But dont make him believe it actually FEEL that way...for a long time i tried to make him ''believe'' i was fine but you can sense if a person really is fine or not. anyways, im genuinely feeling great and i broke NC awhile back lol, i dont really need it, just LC...but yea and he told me he felt my strength and it 'intimidated him.' GIRL POWER!
  8. rayah
    I have a question...can a connection really be broken? I mean I feel like even with NC that connection will still be there if the two ever decided to see each other again. Also, I feel like the connection can diminish or 'seem' like it, if the partners are forcing it too. My ex is doing this. It's horrible because he acts so different towards me like when we [well this is b4 i was doing NC] would initially see each other he would be so off and then after 5 minutes it was like old times, each meeting was like this. It's really annoying. But if he's so determined to block whatever out his mind then so be it. I do feel it is sort of disrespectful. But the thing is we're friends and he always tells me how we have a 'genuine friendship' then why be so standoffish? Anywayyyys!
  9. rayah
    DAY 5 boooooo i really broke NC...i texted him/then called him/then tried to vid chat w/ him hahaha...its like when i break the barrier i lose all composure. why is that? im an obsessive person regardless though. it definitely messed my day up my defense mechanism toward this issue is sleep, im sure of this now because i feel my body trying to retreat. i need to be studying but all i want to do is lay down. i think iono what i think actually. i miss our f-ship more than anything. i cant remember the r-ship much. i would love to know what's going on in his head, but i wont ever know. so i dont think about it much. i told myself 'self, you have until 7 p.m. [its 5 p.m.] to get this/him out of your system...then you're going back on NC. i just want SB to be here no i want May 2010 to be here [GRADUATION]!!!!! i dont feel down on myself for contacting him either. i do, however, feel as though NC is key. time is patience patience is key. we have characteristics to have a successful r-ship, if that is in our destiny, but who we were who we are now and who we are becoming are so very different. but our characteristics will never change. but my heart isnt holding on to him, i am comforted by that. i cant worry about anybody but myself. God really has been there for me, like he won't allow me to get too worried or distraught about the situation. Like it feels like I may but then he comforts me and lets me know that everything will be okay. I don't regret anything that has happened but I do wish that I had listened to God from the beginning of the break up and did NC instead of waiting 7 months. well anywho i say all this to say...back to day 1 blahhh
  10. rayah
    Day 5 haha i broke no contact but i didnt...see before the relationship he will always be a dear friend of mine, regardless of if i communicate with him or not...and i know that he is VERY depressed with school right now. i found this quote from a book we both highly respect i made a new email address and sent it to him...silly me [i accidently kept my name] so it was like: email removed. BAHAHAHAHAAHAAA i sent it to him then cancelled the acct. i didnt do it to talk to him. i just wanted to bring his spirits up. although he took me for granted i will never be happy to see a close friend in his/her depths of despair. that's not my character. anyhow day 5 is going well...snow day!!
  11. rayah
    i miss him. that is all.
  12. rayah
    Day 4 im good...i was in my emotions last night/this morning...listening to slow songs and crying. but it was something that helped more than hurt or defeated me. i mean i have accepted that there will be some days that wont be as good as others, yesterday was one of those days. but nothing that made me want to talk to him...but i did check his facebook more than regularly...oh yea i did look at all our pictures [they're still on our facebook accts]. we WERE a good thing and i will never take that away from the either of us. we just need to grow and we may grow apart, may not, i dont really know. im just asking God to be with me in every step i take. 7 months is a long time to get over someone but i really [eventhough i say all the what ifs, should haves, etc] i am happy with the way things worked out b/c i am so strong...like within myself. i had the worse self-esteem. and its really growing every day! i know that if we dont get back together [which im NOT holding my breath] then there WILL be someone out there for ME...and if we ARE meant to be, then we are. But we will have more wisdom to bring into the relationship. Good Day everyone!
  13. rayah
    CORRECT! Get yourself together NOW rather than later...it took me 7 months, -20lbs, and 10 cut scars later
  14. rayah
    Day 3 so my day is going fine...for some reason im sorta kinda thinking about him, but not right now...but like thinking about the future. i have no idea why. i hope that in my future i dont even remember him. i think it's just because i'm really really tired. but im trying to study but im just too tired. also, i could be faintly thinking about him because i'm on my monthly. i noticed that ever since i stopped taking my birth control pills i have been more normal since i stopped. one reason my ex and i broke up was because i started birth control a year after we started dating and i changed into this whole different person. i didnt realize it was the birth control until we had broke up. i told him what i found out. it didnt matter. i mean my ego really is getting the best of me sometimes. well maybe its not my ego, when i was still in love with him, i just couldnt understand why he didnt wanna be with me, even when i was becoming a better person. well im not in love with him and i dont care about him anymore. he said that he doesnt feel the same about me either. that doesnt hurt me anymore. i dont care for an explanation either. he told me last wk that he could feel my aura of a 'strong black woman' and it intimidated him. that's a big deal for me b/c i used to be this needy, insecure girl. do you think that the fact that im not this needy person and he's intimidated maybe a reason why he doesn't wanna be with me anymore? i mean it would make sense, because i have gotten so strong and secure within myself and he has been depressed and felt so confused with life. it's a terrible shame because all i ever wanted to do is to make him happy and i know how secure i am with myself, i felt as though we could definitely complement each other. but i'd rather be with someone who is together, or semi put together and we go from there. im so indifferent, nonchalant about this whole thing. im so happy to finally be here. to finally think about ME instead of WE. the hardest thing about letting him go was the fact that i wouldnt me able to take care of him, he was my 'baby.' but im sure he has someone else taking care of him. maybe not. who cares.
  15. rayah
    DAY 2 Yayyyy Im so proud of myself...I am on day two and i'm feeling fine. i do still think of him. like some things may remind me of him or us and i just laugh about it. i still cant watch sex scenes in movies though lol. but most of the time i just think a) im glad im moving on from such a loser that never loved me, cuz if he loved me he wouldnt have used me and b) it was fun while it lasted. i'm not one of those people that can be angry for a long time. i guess its a good thing in this situation, but dont get it twisted...i would NEVER date him again. also, i dont speak about him much either. his mom and me and sis are still tight, but we have our own r-ships, and i dont mention him and i pray to goodness they dont mention him lol. the thing is [i know new ppl are reading my thread and is like wow shes only on day 2 and feeling so great, now this is day 2 of no contact, we've been broken up SEVEN months [today]] i know that im an AWESOME woman, in all aspects. its really his loss. so why mourn something that is sooo outta your control. i like to think of it like this, "God closes some doors so better ones can open."
  16. rayah
    This is sooo true!
  17. rayah
    you know what i realized. that even if we [let me just talk from me only] 'i' never want to talk to my ex again. glad to be moving on with my life, finally, i can't lie. i'm a little upset that he hasn't contacted me. i guess his new lady is enough for him. i mean i just want to be able to not pick up the phone or not answer his text. but he's not giving me the chance. hmph. lol ok ok that does seem a little childish. i take it back. lol.
  18. rayah
    Oh okay i was in the same boat as you...been with him for two years then he broke up with me b/c he 'wanted to be single' then not even 2 months after he was talking to a new girl [it's been 7 months now and they're still talking and he's not talking to any other girl]. he was the one that wanted to be friends [ so for the past 7 months we were friends]. but now i realized he was just using me b/c he knew i cared so much about him and would do anything. but he was still there for me too so i thought that it was an eye for an eye. but i see it differently now. p.s. i doubt the new girl [they're not official yet] knows that him and me were still friends. whatever...and he had the nerve to say [not even a wk ago] that we were 'genuine friends'...im so done with him that i really dont care about what he's doing or how he's feeling. its time for someone to worry about me!! we WILL get through this!
  19. rayah
    I have two questions: 1) how long had y'all been dating 2) how long had y'all tried to be friends?
  20. rayah
    i am sooo excited its officially day 1...well yesterday at like 11:30 am is when I really started it but todays the FULL day. I am not worried about him and I usually look at his facebook page like a bajillion times and i looked at it like only a thousand times [haha]. the more i think about everything the more i realized that i really was used. and it's a shame because im such a good and beautiful person. but it's okay. because this will only make me stronger. i have no desire, whatsoever, to ever talk to him today. at first when i was like thinking about no contact i was like, who am i going to talk to like about music and all types of stuff. but i can still listen to music, in fact i did it yesterday. i decided that im not going to talk about my ex to anyone [except to my counselor]. im not salty over the situation either. sometimes i get mad that he did that to me but everything happens for a reason!!!! loving life!
  21. rayah
    hey guys...so i went MIA because I felt so bad that i broke my no contact...but it is getting re-instated as of 11 am today. My ex has been stressed out with school and he called me last night and i was trying to be optimistic but he was like whatever so i was trying to make him laugh so i agreed with him and was like 'yea ur life is pretty much over' but i laughed like b4 i could even finish the comment and i was like quint you know im just joking...and he was like bye lorayah. well i called him back about 4x [no answer] and texted him twice. this morning i texted him and then i called him twice [no answer] so i finally texted him 'iigt im done worrying about u. bye' so now no contact is instated! im so over it. like i dont care what happens to him anymore. the only reason why i felt like i needed to be there for him was b/c that morning i had texted him asking how to deal with stress [b/c im stressing about academics also] and he told me a good remedy and then asked was i okay and he told me to keep pushing. he gets so angry...he has a temper that i already know of...and he likes to push people away when he is in 'his way.' so he probably isn't pushing the new girl away but if he wants to push me away that is totally fine, it actually gives me so much more ammunition to actually do no contact now. b/c b4 i thought it was weird to do no contact when there was nothing wrong between us, just feelings that i couldnt get over. but you dont ignore me and think that's fine. so i know that there will be days when im stressed and im gonna wanna go to him but im just gon think about how * * * * ed up he acted towards me [iono if im allowed to cuss on here or not]. i only have 13 more months here with him, then i will be going to grad school [hopefully either NYU or UGA] somewhere farrrr away from VA! It hurt me at first, b/c i am the helpful, caring, nurturing person, that's who I am and I accept that, however, I cannot help people who don't want me to help. He obviously wanted me to help but he didn't want me to help. He's so backwards like that. Well anyways, more and more I'm just being reaffirmed that he is DEFINITELY not the ONE. haha. I can't believe I thought that we could actually be. I'm so happy I only wasted 2-3 yrs of my life rather than if we had stayed in a relationship longer. I just need advice, however, on what do I do when i start missing him. Because I know I will, rarely, but I will. Okey dokey...please pray for me to get through this no contact...and im not doing 30 day no contact im trying to do no contact until we finish this semester...which will be like May 8th or something lol. So definitely pray for me!!!!
  22. rayah
    see i just dont understand all the time...like my ex and i are friends and we have been friends during the whole breakup. and at first, i was friends b/c i thought that we would get back together but i know now that is not the case. but we have so much in common and we enjoy each other's company [although i do know that seeing him isn't the best thing for me]. it's just this. i am not holding on, i know that when the time is right i will have a wonderful man. im a junior in college, i have so many other things to be worrying about. true. but when we hang out for awhile and i dont know i just have these feelings. not even old feelings, but new feelings. i kinda discarded the old r-ship, b/c the old r-ship was so wrong. we were two kids who needed to learn. the thing i dont understand is when two people who have a bond plus there's still attraction, why is it so impossible to just go slow again. i feel like 7 months [almost] is a long time for us to grow. but i mean i guess its not the perfect time, since he is involved with a new girl, but she's a freshman and i dont really think of her. i enjoy our f-ship. the only times when i get anxious are on two occasions: 1) when i text him and he's w/ her and he ignores my texts [maybe i'll ask him why this is] 2) when we hang out and there is definitely something there, not even sexual. so yea i decided to change my tactic from NC to LC. b/c honestly i feel like it's been too long to go NC for no apparent reason. It seems like all the people i've been reading about have gone NC right after or near right after the breakup. 7 months is past due, i think. LC means that I won't contact him [he knows my #] and if he contacts me then i might respond [but not too much]. what do y'all think of my plan? b/c its not like he did anything wrong, i just up out the blue decided NC b/c we were spending good quality time together and i asked him could we work on us and he said it wasnt the option. ughhh life is so difficult. especially when i hate to make people mad.
  23. rayah
    ughhh so i broke NC...he called and texted me twice...i just felt so bad...so i called him back, heres the convo: him: how r u me: fine him: why have u been ignoring me me: b/c i need space him: y didnt u tell me me: i did him: okay lorayah bye me: bye now he's mad at me and won't ever wanna tlk 2 me...this sucks, i think its childish 2 do this stupid NC thing.
  24. rayah
    Day 1 continued... So day 1 has been okay...i decided not to tell my ex that i was going to go NC, but i mean i did tell him sunday that we shouldn't have any contact. so yea he texted me and i did not respond [easy pezzy]. He called me and I almost hyperventilated, because I wanted to pick up so bad. He has called again, but I was in the bathroom so I didnt see it, I just saw a missed call from him. I just feel so guilty, because he really has been there for me and I don't wanna be rude. BUT i have to keep reminding myself, when he's with her, he ignores my texts and i asked him sunday could we work on us and he said THAT IS NOT AN OPTION....so it is NOT AN OPTION TO NOT HAVE NC!! pray for me!
  25. rayah
    Day 1 so its only 9 a.m. and i am completely nervous about this whole NC thing...i mean on sun [this is thur] i told him i needed NC and he agreed but then he texted me that night and called me the next day, which opened a door for me to text him the day after that and yesterday. I don't know what it is. I don't think I can do this. I miss his company but I have to remind myself, he surely doesn't miss mine a) he has a new girl [they're not committed] b) i already asked could we work on us, his response 'not an option' [though i cant remember if he said not an option right now, it still makes no difference]...we've been broken up almost 7 months, he's been talking to new girl i guess almost 5-6 months...i feel like thats a long time...it's almost been a friggin year, OMG. i do want him happy but i feel like he can be happy with me, actually i feel pretty selfish saying that. okay i am going to do this, for me and for him...he needs to see what life is like without and I NEEED TO BE WITHOUT HIM. I doubt i'll find someone else [right now] b/c I go to a small school but I guess that's fine. I am dreading the day when it pops up on my facebook mini-feed "Quintrel and Sarah are now in a relationship." But that's a day I need to prepare for and NC will definitely improve that [maybe I should defriend him, well no nvm...he doesnt have privacy things up so even if i did, i could still look him up] continue to PRAY 4 ME. thank you.
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