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About FriendnorFoe

  • Birthday 12/16/1985

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  1. day 86, just got back from vacation, was good to get away from things, but simultaneously my friend brought his g/f, I wanted to stay away from seeing them together. Its been a rough year on me, aside from the breakup there has been many troubles in my family life I could not ignore, sometimes my head feels like its going to explode, other times theres not a single thought in it, almost like its too much to worry about and it shuts down. we broke in March, every now and then I get that anxious panicky feeling like I just got dumped yesterday and have to explain to meyself why things are the way they are. I go through these phases of thinking of an excuse to call her to see whats up, I def. have a few but I then snap back to reality. I still see her in my dreams, the dreams however are no longer about breaking my heart, intially I played out hurtful scenarios of seeing her with another person, or being together again and something goes wrong, these days I will see her for a split second by a door, she looks at me and smiles and walks through it. I wish she was not in my dreams at all but this is much more tolerable. Time heals all they say, it does, however its not gonna be one day you wake up and poof they are gone, its very gradual and hard, its been almost 5 months since the break and I still feel like I am on a rollercoaster sometimes, they will always be on the sideline in your head, I think it is nearly impossible to "forget" them, you just eventually realize it is what it is and thoughts of your ex just become easier to cope with.
  2. not singlin' out any movies, most of them have the same formula, its just they really almost make you believe that you can get your love back the way they do like some fairy tale with a romantic soundtrack, I wish it was true it would be so beautiful if someone would want you back if you just proved your love to them, but thats hollywood and in real life its the opposite of what we need to be doing, sigh, I think I am just very lonley and am being so critical because I want something real I can touch and trust again, truth of the matter is I dont know how long or if it will happen again, but well see
  3. day 65 or 66, I forget, man I hate romance plots in movies, they give false hope to real people and is the opposite of reality. Boy always wont take no for an answer, hounds girl showing how much he loves her until he does something so romantic he wins her over, every one lives happily ever after, what a croc of sh*t
  4. day 65, I think my anger has subsided, initially I was shocked and hurt, then I was high on denial for a while, became very into myself, working out, changing my look but secretly deep down inside it was to get her back, after that I was in a rut like i was when I first got dumped but almost worse because the shock cushions the blow somewhat, I dreaded every day but not as much as waking up the next day to do it all over again, after that I dunno why but I went through a real aggressive pissed off phase, was good for working out again but I was hostile and snappy towards every thing, I finally have come down from that phase and am understanding accpetance once again, but this time it is genuine, not the accpetance that this is temporary and shell be back, but the accpetance that she is gone, my life is what I make it and how long can I show feelings towards the situation, I am missing out on so much in life being consumed by something totally out of my control. I know I am in the acceptance phase now cause I can listen to music, watch show, do things that would have been to painful before, reminding me of her. When people would talk about relationships or things that reminded me of my previous relationship I would block it out and try to focus on something else, I can now provide input without being overcome with feelings and say her name and refer to her without any pain like "oh yea my ex girlfriend was really into that band, I never got into them really but they had some good songs." I am a attractive person, mentally and psychally, I notice women and women notice me, However not gonna be in a relationship for a while, not because I CANT due to negative emotions, just because I CHOOSE not to, my life is far to busy right now to have that be a part of it. Honestly, if she decided she wanted to come back tomorow I dont know if I psychally could, work, school, resposibilities, I would not drop it all to be with her, however I know that thats prolly what the old me would do.
  5. that will pass, u are still in the starting phases, I was that way, and now am just fed up with everything, at least its motivating me to work out
  6. Day 63, found out the number by looking at my last thread when she called, I dunno what it is but the last couple of days I have been very irritable, I think my trust in people is gone, I just feel so aggressive towards everything.
  7. Just another day tomorow, finding it hard to look forward to anything so I might as well be at work
  8. hmm, I think its around 60 days NC but I am not sure, I shouldnt be jelous or comparing my past relationships with other's, but reading these "success stories" of how people got back together after cheating, abuse, lying ect. makes me feel things are so unfair. I know I smothered my ex and we eventually became kinda a boring couple(realizing now its important to keep attraction going throughtout the relationship) but never did any of those things and my relationship seems hopeless and unsalvagable. sigh, nice guys do finish last, it seems like people will overlook so many bad qualities and keep coming back if they are still atrracted to their bad boy image or something, my story is quite the opposite. I am sick of people walking all over me, they know how to push my buttons and take advantage because I am nice and care. Also unfair that such virtues become vices in a way.
  9. dont know what day it is, I think it is close to two months, went a month and a half before until she called.
  10. day 31, forgot to post on day 30, not like its a holiday or somethin anywayz...lol
  11. didnt even realize it cause I stopped counting the second time around but today is day 29, prior to that I went 40 days before she called me.
  12. dont remember what day or week it is, lost track. Havent posted on this thread in a while, dont really feel the need to . Just thought Id share a breakthrough I had the other day. For the first time I actually thought, I am happy that we broke up, it really was for the best, it has motivated me to do so much with my life, I also dont feel like getting back together with her anymore, I loved her at one point in my life but that is done with, I want to meet someone else now
  13. yea, start getting good at saying no to her, if you think she cant handle it, more of a reason to be in NC, this will allow her to miss you more. You have to ask yourself, Do I wanna be with this girl 100% as her boyfriend or nothing at all, or do I value her friendship above all else and could see us still being friends?
  14. yea, the day after we broke up I deleted her number, stopped going on facebook or myspace, took all my pictures of her and us, presents she gave me, things that belonged to her and put them in a box in the cellar. I dont want to be reminded or her in any way, I already still think abou ther time to time, just imagine how much more intense it would be if I saw all this stuff. Glad you are optomistic, there are day where I feel on top of the world and then days I go through identity crisis crap, all in all this is normal though, you are going through withdrawls from the relationship. I have been reading on diffrent threads people saying they believe when you actually move on and feel super good about life its like she or he can sense it through some weird connection and really then fears losing you for good, just curious to what other peoples takes are on this? Voodoo mumbo jumbo or any truth in this.
  15. forecast calls for some rainy days this weekend and all next week, dont wanna be couped up in the house with my thoughts, this nice weather has really allowed me to focus on things i wanna do. The rain might bring me sorrow but the sun will be back eventually. I have found that I am perfectly capable of living my life without her, I would just enjoy having her in it with me, I dont feel like a day will come where I just dont want her if she dosent call back, if anything time will just bring me other ways to occupy my mind, ultimatley not forgetting about her, but having gone longer without than with her will give me no choice but to carry on.
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