THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[ToodlePip]

I think I am starting to miss sex more than I miss my ex, maybe that is a good thing

 

Yes, it is. Next step will be doing something about it, and before you know it you'll be invested in a new girl, your ex consigned to the dusty depths of your mind. Keep going!

[ToodlePip]

I actually feel physically sick and have only just stopped shaking. That can't be healthy right?

 

It's normal - I still get that a bit when I see her name pop up in my inbox, and we broke up end of Jan! Don't worry about it, try and forget the exchange, keep calm and carry on.

[BrokenheartUK]

DAY 50

 

Wow, fifty days! I can't believe I've made it this far.

 

I had a dream about her last night for the first time in ages. In it we were both in a field, I saw her walk towards me and she looked really good but instead of stopping to speak to me she just walked on by with a little smile on her face. Who knew dreams could mirror reality and break your heart so much? I woke up feeling like utter sh*t and thoughts of her and her boyfriend popped into my head, that hasn't happened for ages either.

 

I'm planning on buying some new clothes come payday, and getting myself looking great for the summer. I've already started working out again and am feeling good about the results, my body has been neglected for far too long and it's like the stronger I see myself getting, the stronger I feel inside.

 

One thing I have realised the past week is that even though I love her with all my heart and will always love her, if I never see her again I'm okay with that. I guess it's because it will only bring me pain and even seeing photos of her STILL makes me upset. But at the same time, never being her friend again terrifies the hell out of me and I miss her so much. Anyone else have that weird contradictory feeling, it makes no sense?!

[JohnGalt]

I had a dream last night about my ex. Usually our dreams are about getting back together...but this one I remember vividly. She made a post on an internet site that said that 9 guys had proposed to her, but she didn't know which one she was going to pick or if she was going to pick any of them at all.

 

I call her up, upset and ask her to give me my ring back. I told her that I bought it when I had no money so it was really really special and that I wanted it back. She told me that she refused to give it back and instead would sell it. I tell her it is the law to give the ring back if she isn't going to marry me and she tells me to sue her. So I start yelling at her and trying to hurt her feelings and in the process tell her I'm dating someone else. She starts to get angry and asks why did I spend all this time trying to get back with her if I'm going to date someone else. At this point, I break down and beg for her back. She says no. She says she's never coming back. Then she starts to cry and tells me that she lied to me about not sleeping with anyone during the breakup. She says she slept with 2 people. I tell her not to worry cause I've had sex with other people too. She smiles and I wake up.

 

Needless to say, I'm not thrilled this morning.

[JohnGalt]

Hi super dave,

i'm a new member and i'm soooo in this challenge!

I dumped my ex 5 months ago, around those times he contacted me almost everyday. And make me assumed that he was interested in us getting back together (by that time i was thinking we should be back together or not). Until last month he told me has new gf and minimize his phone calls and text msg to me.

 

Aarrrggghh.........I feel like i've screwed up. I want him back but I want him to want me.

I won't be the one who's chasing.

 

So i make a commitment to my self by joining your challenge that I won't contact him or check him on FB (i know his password ). Unless he contact me first.....

 

Go see BrazilGirl's thread.

[jaylh25]

Well the 3 week mark today.

 

And i feel terrible. I don't know why it has hit me so hard these last few days but I get incredibly emotional and I guess I just miss her like crazy and after being together 6 years im feeling a huge sense of disbelief this is where we are at now.

 

Its night time here.. im gonna go out and have a quiet few drinks

[Thomazz]

14 days I guess, not really keeping the count

[brazilgirl21]

JG - Has your ex contact you at all or replied to your email???

[JohnGalt]

JG - Has your ex contact you at all or replied to your email???

 

Nope.

 

I've obviously obsessed over it and people seem to have the following conflicting views:

 

1) She didn't respond to the email because there was nothing to respond to.

2) She didn't respond to the email because it gave her the wrong signal (i.e., it was too platonic and indicated that I had no romantic interest in her).

3) She didn't respond to the email because she herself is now going no contact.

 

Nearly everyone agrees that she that the reason she didn't respond is because she dislikes me. Why a day after our meeting would she withdraw so suddenly.

 

I think perhaps the meeting didn't go as well as I thought and maybe it reconfirmed to her that she did the right thing by moving on? I don't think this is it because throughout the entire meeting she kept flirting and telling me the things that I wanted to hear if I wanted to reconcile.

 

So there's some ideas here:

 

1) DN says forget about the email; just ask her back out on a date in a couple of days and see what she says. If she says yes, obviously everything is good. If she says no, then resume no contact.

 

2) There's the idea of letting her come to me. Obviously it worked before. I know for a fact she's having conflicting thoughts in her head. She said she's journaling a lot - which she does when she's trying to work something out.

 

I don't know what I am going to do, yet. On the one hand, I like DN's approach because it will allow me to see what the last date meant. Additionally, it avoids the cat and mouse game. On the other hand, she dumped me. She understands the situation and it ought to be her reaching out to me if she wants to reconcile. Given the pathetic nature of my pleas during the breakup, I find myself hard pressed to give her anymore power in the relationship by contacting her and laying out my cards on the table explicitly when all she's offered so far is ambiguity.

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 4

 

On marks out of 10, 10 being a fantastic day, and 1 being absolutely rotten, I'd say today was a 5.5

 

Had the horrible thoughts of how I'd cope if I found out she had a new bf, but then I remembered: I don't know if she does or not, I don't plan on intentionally finding out if/when she does, and frankly he won't be nearly as loving and trusting as I am. She let go of a good thing, and even if we don't get back together, I want her to know that. Time she did some hurting.

 

For the record, I'm not angry. Just feel like I've taken all the emotional hurt in this breakup so far.

[lauramed]

Such a tough day today. Feeling so low, angry and confused about everything. Mad at myself for even thinking there was any hope. Angry at myself for even allowing those thoughts and angry at him for showing such indifference to me and my feelings. Wondering who this stranger is that I love. This man who never wanted to hurt me and has hurt me more than anybody in my life. I think I have no more tears left to cry and find myself sobbing over everything. Miss him more now than I ever had and tired of these feelings.

[ToodlePip]

Weird day today. She's still in the back of my mind, rattling her chains, but I'm reasonably focussed on other people and other possibilities. However my confidence is all ove the place. I'm finding I'm feeling a bit more secure initiating convos with people, but then I start feeling boring, unable to flirt, my jokes are * * * * , etc.

[LemonCheesecak]

Weird day today. She's still in the back of my mind, rattling her chains, but I'm reasonably focussed on other people and other possibilities. However my confidence is all ove the place. I'm finding I'm feeling a bit more secure initiating convos with people, but then I start feeling boring, unable to flirt, my jokes are * * * * , etc.

 

It might be all over the place, but at least its making an appearance I'm sure that the ball's only just been set in motion and will pick up momentum soon and feel more natural.

 

To add to my previous post, I'm treating myself to a new haircut tomorrow. Seems like nothing, but she always pestered me to keep my hair long-ish despite the fact that I prefer it short, and have been told by almost everyone else I suit it shorter. It's somewhat liberating...

[and again]

Such a tough day today. Feeling so low, angry and confused about everything. Mad at myself for even thinking there was any hope. Angry at myself for even allowing those thoughts and angry at him for showing such indifference to me and my feelings. Wondering who this stranger is that I love. This man who never wanted to hurt me and has hurt me more than anybody in my life. I think I have no more tears left to cry and find myself sobbing over everything. Miss him more now than I ever had and tired of these feelings.

 

Exact Laura, who was that girl i loved, who promised we would never hurt eachother , i swear i wouldnt have hurt her because of her past but she did it to me. The deepest hurt ive ever felt because we were so up front about things, well i was. Now left thinking did she mean any of it, and for the 1st time ever questioning my judgement on people.

[ToodlePip]

I hope so. I'm trying to push myself through the wall and live on my edge a bit more - being single is actually not such a bad thing after all

 

New haircut is great! It was one of the first things I did after the breakup and it's a real boost.

[lauramed]

and again,

 

Just how I feel. Would never have hurt him no matter what. Trusted and opened up more to him than I ever have with anyone. Like you, left to wonder if he meant anything he said to me and how he could have just walked away. Does he even understand just how much it hurts to have him call me and than back off and hear nothing for a while. Just sick of his games and sick of myself for still loving him. He doesn't deserve my love, but still can't help myself.

[and again]

Laura im stuck between love and hate at the momment and i never thought i would say that about her. If she was to contact me and say im sorry i was depressed or panicked fair enough, but to walk away and just say i want to be on my own forever just doesnt cut it. If she ever had any doubt she should have not said all she said, and now left me feeling like it was a very painfull waste of time.

[lauramed]

I wish I could hate him it would feel so much better than this. At least with hate I could finally move on with my life. He won't stop contacting me and I'm not strong enough to send him away or have the courage to ask him just what he wants from me. He doesn't have a problem asking me if I'm seeing anyone though. It's those conversations that end up getting my hope up and then I won't hear from him for another week or so. Then when I do feel strong enough to say something, even if it's to say that right now I just can't talk to him, he doesn't call.

[brazilgirl21]

NC was broken this week since we "saw" eachother at a party and I texted him (stupid move!) on sunday and he texted me back... it still feels like I'm on NC for over 30 days though because we didn't speak to eachother. It's so weird. I miss him =[

 

I have better days and worse days... sometimes it's just hard though... I feel like he's gone forever!

[LemonCheesecak]

I wish I could hate him it would feel so much better than this. At least with hate I could finally move on with my life. He won't stop contacting me and I'm not strong enough to send him away or have the courage to ask him just what he wants from me. He doesn't have a problem asking me if I'm seeing anyone though. It's those conversations that end up getting my hope up and then I won't hear from him for another week or so. Then when I do feel strong enough to say something, even if it's to say that right now I just can't talk to him, he doesn't call.

 

Not wanting to sound too spiritual anything, but hate is just as strong a feeling as love. It can be as consuming. I understand your frustration though, but I'm just longing for the day when I can feel blissful indifference.

[CoCo2009]

..................

[lauramed]

Not wanting to sound too spiritual anything, but hate is just as strong a feeling as love. It can be as consuming. I understand your frustration though, but I'm just longing for the day when I can feel blissful indifference.

 

You are right, hate is a consuming condition. I just feel as though I would be able to let go and move on a little bit better than I am right now.

[FriendnorFoe]

Well just when you think you are over someone you get sucked back in. Had a fantastic day yesterday, bought some new rollerblades, the day was all about me and my ex barely popped int my head. However today is freezing cold out with the wind blowing so I don't feel like going for my usual jog I have been doing for the past week, not trying to make excuses, I was avtually looking forward to it but its just too cold out, so couped up in my house with nothin to do reminds me of the times we were cozy and snuggled up on depressin weather days like this. I feel like thats why the winter months are so hard on us, lack of sun, cold, especially if you already have troubles on your worried mind, oh well the weather has got to get better eventually

[and again]

I wish I could hate him it would feel so much better than this. At least with hate I could finally move on with my life. He won't stop contacting me and I'm not strong enough to send him away or have the courage to ask him just what he wants from me. He doesn't have a problem asking me if I'm seeing anyone though. It's those conversations that end up getting my hope up and then I won't hear from him for another week or so. Then when I do feel strong enough to say something, even if it's to say that right now I just can't talk to him, he doesn't call.

 

Like they say laura love and hate are both so closely linked, and like lemon said it is als tireing to hate some one and also someone who you trusted and belived your future was with. As far as how close they are linked, 1 example was i found out yesterday her ex before me who she was with for five years got married last month, and even though she said she didnt have any feelings for him, and that she wasted time being with him (and probably messed her head up to the degree she says it is) i felt a little bit sorry for her feelings that he had got married. Thats how bloody soft i am. The hate is born from frustration, that she was so mixed up she decided to run.

[lauramed]

and again,

 

I wouldn't call that soft. It's hard not to feel for the person that we love. When my ex doesn't contact me, I start to worry that something has happened to him. It's just normal to have concern when you care so much. It just makes you a genuine, caring person...not soft at all.