THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[philove]

thats great!! cant wait till i make it to day 30! HAHA

 

It's not an easy journey but if you stay strong you can do it

[FriendnorFoe]

just got back from hiking from a friend, sure it was fun and fun catching up with him, but in the back of my head I couldnt help thinkin "wow it would be great if she were here with me right now", its little things like this I stopped doing with her, the loss of adventure as well as my own behavoir killed her attraction for me. Its too bad we usually tend to understand the problem and what we can do to fix it after the whole thing drives right by us without saying goodbye. It then becomes unecessary to consider how things could have been diffrent because whatever actions you took brought you into your present state.

[longdist]

I hear you FriendnorFoe When I go hiking, I think about my ex, b/c that was a special thing for us and how we first started dating. It is one of my favorite things to do and now I find that I tend to think about her when I do it. Near the end of our relationshsip that sort of stuff stopped happening. I lost my sense of adventure and sense of fun. I definitely wasn't the same person she started dating... but what's done is done.

 

I'm on day late teens of NC after a month of it. I'm starting to find myself thinking about my ex as a complete stranger. My heart wants to stop thinking of her as a stranger, by my brain says "good it's about time." it's not that I don't get an occasional wave of pain, but for the most part I can control it pretty well now sense my ex does seem like a complete stranger. I think about the way she spoke to me on the phone after we broke up and the fact she started dating one of her friends within 2 months of the breakup. All of these things aren't the girl that I remember and it helps to come to these realizations. I don't think she has been the same person and I know I haven't been the same person. I'm working on getting myself back and wonder how/when I left. At the same time, I'm trying to mold my old self into a better person, and am trying to toss the man I've been for the past couple of years. Sorry... just a little rambling.

[LemonCheesecak]

The end of Day 1 again

 

Just been to see Ross Noble, funny funny man so thats cheered me up for the evening! Bit disappointed none of the guys I was with fancied hanging out afterwards...they all just went home as soon as it finished

 

Oh well, think I'll just relax with a movie or something. Tomorrow will be a tough day emotionally I reckon so I might as well enjoy relaxing while I can

[FriendnorFoe]

I hear you FriendnorFoe When I go hiking, I think about my ex, b/c that was a special thing for us and how we first started dating. It is one of my favorite things to do and now I find that I tend to think about her when I do it. Near the end of our relationshsip that sort of stuff stopped happening. I lost my sense of adventure and sense of fun. I definitely wasn't the same person she started dating... but what's done is done.

 

QUOTE]

 

I thought about the same think, from an outside perspective I analyzed the man I was and the man I became. I know that if my ex met me as the man I became she would not be into me at all. It seems like it is the boring mudane routines that kill the relationships, the loss of adventure in other words, it seems when you are younger this is much more crucial, opposed to when you get older it seems like your a team, finding someone who accepts you and who you can tolerate being with all the time. Perhaps this is because you are older and wiser and understand not everyday can be as exciting as the last. I dont want to give myself false hopes but this is what I wish for the most and that is, if my ex- could change her mind down the road and I find this original man I was, which I am in the process finding, In realizing why the attraction died out we could start doing romantic adventurous things like we used to. I know this isnt healthy and goes against the process of healing, no matter how many relationship gurus preach on this website I feel like I will always hope for this, in the meantime yes I know how I should be moving on but we are all human here.

[longdist]

get older it seems like your a team, finding someone who accepts you and who you can tolerate being with all the time. Perhaps this is because you are older and wiser and understand not everyday can be as exciting as the last. I dont want to give myself false hopes but this is what I wish for the most and that is, if my ex- could change her mind down the road and I find this original man I was, which I am in the process finding, In realizing why the attraction died out we could start doing romantic adventurous things like we used to.

 

I think we're on the same page. I think becoming your old self is also something you can do for you and for your possibilities of having a new relationsihp. I think this is healthy. Having a subconscious notion that you are doing it to get back with your ex may be alright if it helps you stay commited to the cause.

[brazilgirl21]

OK, I'm just back from the most humiliating night of my life!! Like some of you may know, tonight was some of our mutual friends graduation party, and after 36 days of NC and not seeing eachother for almost 2 months, we were sharing the same space and hanging out with the same friends. My ex was with his new girlfriend. Good news is I didn't do anything stupid like cry, act desperate, etc...

 

However, my ex was completely immature. I don't even recognize this person anymore, honestly. It's like, I look at him and it's NOT my ex boyfriend, it's NOT my G. That's somebody else. Never, in a million years would I imagine that we would be sharing the same place and we would not say HI to eachother!!! He avoided me 100%, he didn't even look at me. It was absolutely disrespectful, IMO.

 

He was with his girlfriend, but he could have said "hi" to me, you know? He pretended like I didn't exist, like I was a ghost, it was the most humiliating feeling EVER. Seriously, seeing them together was NOTHING compared to how he avoided me. How he pretended not to see me, how he pretended like he did NOT know me. We were eachother's first love, we dated for 3 freaking years, we shared our families, values, so much!! What the heck?

 

OMG, what the heck?????? Seriously?? On that last time before I went NC, I said: "G, there is going to be a day where we don't even say hi to eachother", and he said, "Are you crazy?? Never, in a million years will I see you and NOT say hello to you, it's a matter of respect".

 

Well guess what?? What a disrespectful bastard. I know the girl probably would not like if we chatted, but couldn't he just have come up for 1 second and say hi to me? Or looked at me and wave?? I mean, I'm just SHOCKED. All of his friends were absolutely great to me. His best friend was even like, "M, you know that you are pratically family, my table is your table". And this loser couldn't even look me in the eyes?

 

Well, eventually I left (it's now 3 am, this parties go on until 6am). It's a big space so by leaving I guess I won't show him I'm SO desperate to talk to him and he won't really know that I'm gone.

 

I don't know how I am able to keep NC and NOT text him asking what the heck just happened, but I am staying strong guys!!!! At least for a few days, until my anger subsides, I am NOT going to do anything. However, I don't know how many days I will be able to bottle this one up. I guess one day at a time, I'm glad I am able to control myself now and not text him like I desperately want to.

 

Seriously, down with love. It's all bull* * * * , it's never true, it doesn't exist. People are just liars

[troubbble]

Still no contact. thought i'd write about how i'm feeling.

I'm doing my best to keep my composure. I decided to quit drinking because it was leading to greater feelings of depression. While I do feel a little better because of it, it now becomes apparent how much of a distraction it was for me, in a good way. Now, sober nights are filled with thoughts of her and longings to be with her.

It sucks to feel like I don't have control over any of this. As much as I may want her back, there is nothing I can do to achieve that goal. All I can do is maintain NC and hope that whatever the outcome is it is what's best for me. But it doesn't feel like it is what's best for me. I go out now and try to meet new girls and I can't even bring myself to consider them as potential partners. I compare everyone to her. I think about what she is doing. Whether or not she is feeling the same way I am, or if she has moved on and is enjoying this time apart. All I want is to have her back in my arms but the only thing that could make that happen, the only thing that I can't do is change the way she feels.

[_ash_]

learned my lesson on drinking when s till sad

cried like 5 times with my friends..

im still not over him..not even close

today would have been 1 yr and a half...

all out the window now... =[

not gonna be a good day..

[JuneBug]

Brazilgirl,

 

I think I can understand how humiliating it was to show up and seeing your ex with his girlfriend and being ignored. I think that would kill me also. But I think you're doing a great job not acting on your anger! I think a lot of people make that mistake. Maybe its sometimes easier to just not have expectations *sigh*

 

I just realized today that my ex flew accross the globe to see his new love interest over break. When we broke up, two weeks later he was already interested in her (but he told me he wasn't interested until after our breakup, and I believe him because I know he was already getting over our relationship before we even broke up so he needs less time to move on) and I stupidly confronted him about it. I told him that he was probably gonna visit her over spring break. He laughed and said he wouldn't. But they're all just liars. He did visit her and he didn't want anybody to tell me because even his friends told me he went to visit someone else. I guess my initial reaction was a bit hurt, but I think after about five minutes...I realized I was ok with this. For the first time, I was ok with the fact that I don't want him in my life. It's a scary thought but there is nothing his friendship can offer that I can't get from something else. It took me so long to realize that, and it took me even longer to realize I don't want him back even if he comes back. I'm over this, and I'm over wanting to be his friend. He said he'd be waiting for me when I'm ready to talk to him, but I think that will just be never. I told him "never" once before but I took that back later and decided maybe its too harsh of a word. But even if it is a strong word, its exactly how I feel (now maybe in the future when I forgive him, I can be friends with him again if opportunity still permits). At least for now, I dont' want to see him, don't want to hear about him. I know he has made just as many mistakes in the relationship as I did, and there are many things that I shouldn't have to settle for with him. I think this is a break through for me...is this what happens after 50+ days of NC? I have a feeling maybe I will relapse in the future, but I will mark this day as the day I first became somewhat emotionless about it. When I feel sad, I will think back on this day, and keep moving on.

[LemonCheesecak]

brazilgirl21, I don't want to put ideas in your head or anything, but if its any solace I'd say his behaviour just shows he's not over you yet. If he is truly comfortable with situation and fully moved on, surely a hello is nothing to ask?

 

Day 2

 

Kinda middle of the road today. Gonna head into town for coffee with my oldest friend and have a right good moan about relationships/our social situations/university/everything in general.

[FriendnorFoe]

brazilgirl21, I don't want to put ideas in your head or anything, but if its any solace I'd say his behaviour just shows he's not over you yet. If he is truly comfortable with situation and fully moved on, surely a hello is nothing to ask?

 

 

Agreed, this is not something that comes natural or easy for him although it might look as so. Sure he is with his new girlfriend and he wants it to seem like he just dosent notice you because he is so infatuated with this new girl which prolly isnt the case. It would take great effort on his part to act this way, displaying this "new girl" to you and his new "over you attidude" is just an act, if he was truly over you he should have no problem walking up to you in a calm manner and saying hi, perhaps even some conversation.

[FriendnorFoe]

Don't forget guys play head games just like girls, its just most of the time we are not as good at it and our cards are revealed.

[brazilgirl21]

I don't know if this is solace. I feel like crap today. I actually feel like I will NEVER get over this guy. Seriously, I cannot imagine ever loving anyone again and I feel like the memories of our amazing relationship before the break-up is all I will have. Plus the regret of breaking up with him. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with anybody else. I don't know why this hit me so hard, I was fine before I knew this person.

 

I can't believe that only 2 months ago this liar told me: "I'm so sorry I kissed her, it didn't mean anything, please forgive me, I don't want anything with this girl, I love you I want to be with you I cannot let you go" and last night, he was there all happy and in love with her pretending I did not exist??

 

What is this about? I'm just shocked.

[longdist]

BG, you probably feel this way, mostly b/c you just saw him. Remember what you were saying before the party? You claimed that you were happy and moving on.

 

Also think about this. Are you mostly feeling this way just because the other girl is in the picture? I know for me, this is the worst part of my breakup: my ex having a new guy. It's hard b/c you feel like you are better than the person they are seeing and wonder why they don't date you again instead of dating someone else. Rejection is painful.

 

Before I was dumped, I thought about breaking up with my ex (destroyed my relationship in the process), but then had a slight change of heart. Instead, I was dumped. It hurt a lot and I felt like I would love her forever, even though shortly before this, I was considering a breakup. Sure, I still think I love my ex, but I try to take console in the fact I was considering doing the same thing she is doing. The same goes for you. You broke things off with your ex. When he found someone else, it was like he broke up with you, and then you started to feel "love". Just give it some thought.

[JuneBug]

Before I was dumped, I thought about breaking up with my ex (destroyed my relationship in the process), but then had a slight change of heart. Instead, I was dumped. It hurt a lot and I felt like I would love her forever, even though shortly before this, I was considering a breakup. Sure, I still think I love my ex, but I try to take console in the fact I was considering doing the same thing she is doing. The same goes for you. You broke things off with your ex. When he found someone else, it was like he broke up with you, and then you started to feel "love". Just give it some thought.

 

Wow, Longdist, took the words right out of my mouth. I think I've always known that but at the same time, I'm so glad you said it because it really hit me hard. I went through the exact same thing--I was also thinking about a break up and had a last minute change of heart, only to be dumped because of the minimal effort I put into the relationship. I feel like I would love him forever, and that is why I can never get over this and can never be just his friend. Now that my ex has found someone else, it hurts so much and these emotions has messed with my life more than I could ever imagine it to. But thanks for putting things in perspective for me. I guess I realized that how I feel right now is just one of those "you want what you can't get" feelings and hope that one day it will die down. I think I'm just more angry now than anything, but I trust that one day I will get over this. I should stop predicting the future--if I will be back with him, if I will never get back with him, if I will ever even see him. Just take one step at at time, stop overthinking things, and just try to enjoy each moment.

[CoCo2009]

I feel sad, I just feel sad.

[Jay_Bird]

3 months no contact

 

since I last broke contact

 

 

and I must say time does heal wounds

[LemonCheesecak]

Back home again, alone for the rest of the evening. Think I'll do some writing, that makes these slow evenings a bit easier. Trying to think up a word that expresses my mindset tonight...best I can come up with is "sigh".

[philove]

Day 30

 

About 33 days ago I broke NC to ask how my ex was doing. She told me things I wish I never heard whilst I declared how strong my love was still for her. All I got was a cold hearted response, basically she had moved on. That was last straw for me I decided enough is enough and I finally went NC for good.

 

The first week went quite well, even though I felt guilty for not replying to 3 of my ex's emails I also felt quite liberated.

 

The second and third week were definitely the toughest. I had no urge to contact her but I felt really down and sad with how and why we ended. In the third week I started dreaming about her again, these dreams really played with my mind but in hindsight I realise it was my subconscious's way of letting go of her.

 

The fourth and final week was such as transformation! I felt a massive change in myself. I felt positive once again, I was excited about the future and I felt quite happy for a change!

 

And now here I am on day 30 of NC, I'm not exactly as overjoyed as I expected but I feel proud of myself. I have proven to myself that I am strong and I can break a habit if I set my mind to it.

 

One thing I have learnt is that I don't need my ex or any girl for that matter to be happy. Happiness comes from within, happiness radiates and becomes infectious much like sadness.

 

My advice for all the new guys starting NC is to keep at it. I know it's easier said than done but if you stick at it you will reap the benefits to come.

 

Phil

xxx

[LemonCheesecak]

I'm happy for you philove, this is an inspiration to guys like me who've struggled around the 2/3 week mark. I don't intend to fail this time though. Hope you can keep up this new positive outlook!

[LostPartner]

. Never, in a million years would I imagine that we would be sharing the same place and we would not say HI to eachother!!! He avoided me 100%, he didn't even look at me. It was absolutely disrespectful, IMO.

 

 

Brazil, think no more about it. It's HIS problem. My H and I have been M for 22 years, seperated for 2. If we go to the same place, he acts the same. It's absolutely so childish and pathetic.

[FriendnorFoe]

I think I am starting to remember the person I used to be, alotta people say that you need to be hanging out with friends and family to make it, well, this depends on your personality, I am not anti-social or anything, like hanging out with my friends from time to time, actually going to go see knowing at the movies with one in about an hour,which should be fun, but again I am realizing that before my ex-, my friends were never a really crucial part of me as a person, sure I have 1 or 2 friends I really consider to be close friends, unfortunatley they dont live close to me anymore, but even so I find I am most happy when I am alone, this might sound kinda depressing but whether its reading a book, going out fishing by myself or persueing some creative way to be artistic, music, visual art, I stopped playing the electric guitar when I started going out with my ex which I miss, I find I think best when I am alone, solitude and lonliness are not one in the same, and for me at least I embrace being alone, however even when we are by ourselves there is another person we often overlook, ourselves, you are your own best friend and dont let anyone tell you otherwise, so start being good to your best friend and what he or she needs, but hey to each his own

[brazilgirl21]

I still don't really remember the person I used to be. It's been 2 months, 1 month of NC, and I'm still very much not myself. =[ Seriously, love sucks.

[longdist]

I'm w/ you FriendnorFoe. I enjoy being by myself, whether that means hiking, guitar, or whatever. My best friends live far away, and I'm currently stuck with people that I very different from me (doing a PhD and stuck with PhD students). It's not really a problem b/c I like doign things by myself, but at the same time when I'm by myself, it gives me too much time to think about the past.