FriendnorFoe Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Day 6 of NC for me, can't stop thinking about all the good times and plans for the future I had with her. I try to force myself to think of her negative traits but its hard because there are so many more positive ones. Things are getting a little easier though, think im on the road to moving on but every now and then I lose my cool Link to comment
TLguy Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Feeling forgotten. Same here Me too. I dont think the pain Ive felt would have been so bad if I hadnt been made to feel so uncared for in it all. The occasional time when I do feel down even now its because I think of her and know she isnt thinking of me even after everything we had. Its my birthday on tuesday...and Im not looking forward to it because it will prove whether or not I have been forgotten. It would probably be best for everyone if I have been... Arghh Ive been feeling so down these last few days. I can only guess its because Im kind of expecting her to contact me in a few days...or hoping. Link to comment
_ash_ Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 i think im gonna stop posting for a few days today i was able to keep him out of my mind for the most part...i need a few dayd to keep this going so finally he will be out of my thoughts entirely. i feel like this makes me think of him more than i should..so i will post i a few days and update how im doing. i think im finally moving on =] Link to comment
philove Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Day 27 Only 3 more days to day 30! Overall not a bad day. I had a meal with my parents and older brother earlier and then checked out my brother's new place. He has been with his girlfriend Sam for nearly 7 years now and although I am really happy for him because he's such a nice guy i'm also envious of the fact that he's managed to have such a strong relationship with his girlfriend for so long. I stood there thinking 'Why can't I have this?' He has a nice little love nest with a great girl who clearly loves him as much as he loves her but I feel so envious but happy for him. I'm educated, apparently not bad looking, decent job etc etc but I have had absolutely s**t luck with finding the right girl. I'm 25 and I will admit I do feel like time is catching up with me because I would like to have kids whilst i'm still in my 20s but it seems like it will never happen. I'm such a driven person usually what I want I will get or achieve but not a good relationship. Sorry for my rambling but I just needed to vent! I'm getting impatient and I want "The One" to walk into my life NOW!! Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I'm educated, apparently not bad looking, decent job etc etc but I have had absolutely s**t luck with finding the right girl. I'm 25 and I will admit I do feel like time is catching up with me because I would like to have kids whilst i'm still in my 20s but it seems like it will never happen. I'm such a driven person usually what I want I will get or achieve but not a good relationship. I know how you feel man. My ex and me talked of having kids in the future once our careers were on there way, so much of a let down...sigh, I am 24 and feel the same way, want to have kids b4 Im 30 and feel like hope is fading too Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I feel the same thing. I also feel like I'll never "connect" or like anyone again the way it was with my ex... Link to comment
philove Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I'm educated, apparently not bad looking, decent job etc etc but I have had absolutely s**t luck with finding the right girl. I'm 25 and I will admit I do feel like time is catching up with me because I would like to have kids whilst i'm still in my 20s but it seems like it will never happen. I'm such a driven person usually what I want I will get or achieve but not a good relationship. I know how you feel man. My ex and me talked of having kids in the future once our careers were on there way, so much of a let down...sigh, I am 24 and feel the same way, want to have kids b4 Im 30 and feel like hope is fading too That's the biggest thing my ex made me feel - Let down. She promised me the world but it was all false. I can never forgive her for playing with my heart like that. Link to comment
philove Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I feel the same thing. I also feel like I'll never "connect" or like anyone again the way it was with my ex... I think we will all find someone better than our exes eventually. When I don't know but I am pretty sure it will happen someday. "An ex is an ex for a reason" Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 he's such a nice guy i'm also envious of the fact that he's managed to have such a strong relationship with his girlfriend for so long. Ha, you're making me feel old here! Not that I'm suggesting that this is the case with your bro, and I sincerely hope it isn;t.. But here's a couple of stories for you: - One couple I know - been together for 10 years - every time she comes over to london (they live in brighton) she gets absolutely rat-arsed and snogs randoms in clubs. Then resumes happy families with him. - another couple 8 year, haven't had sex for 1 yr and 1/2. - Another one, spent 10 years together, now broken up, but neither have moved on and stay "friends", basically don't want to be together but not healing either so not meeting other people. All of them 30 or about to turn 30. Waste of a life if you ask me, and it proves not everything is rosy behind closed doors. Don't be envious of those who seem to have it sorted (your bro exepted!) Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I think we will all find someone better than our exes eventually. When I don't know but I am pretty sure it will happen someday. "An ex is an ex for a reason" agreed, at the time it does not feel to be true because our emotions take over our logic. Ironically, I understand this to be true but still cannot shed the mentality that I will not find anyone as special as her as well. in our reflection of all the moments we had together we are so and caught up in the act of being in love with this special individual we dismiss that this could have even been the same with anyone else. In the end all life is is a series of moments and everyone's moments are very special and personal in their own way. But perhaps if we consider that the pain we are feeling is not truly physical pain but in our minds creating our judment we have of the situation we should try focus on the negative aspects of the relationship and block out all those happy memories we had. I know this is easier said than done, I am not saying I have even achieved this, I am going through hell without my love too, however I recognize that this is the sort of mental training we must go through to obtain some sort of peace from our thoughts. Link to comment
philove Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Lol sorry buddy I didn't intend to make anyone feel old! My brother is the same age as you. His relationship with is girlfriend is far from perfect, sure they have their odd fights but what they have for each other is 100% devotion. You know how you meet some girls and you can instinctively tell they are decent... well she is one of them. I don't know or want to know about their sex life but my brother has always been very open with me and he would tell me if there were any problems! As well as being partners they are also best friends and I think that means a lot in a relationship. It's something I have never had with any of my past girlfriends but it definitely helps in the long run. It is all too easy to get comfortable in a long term relationship, I understand that. Sometimes couples won't or feel like they can't live with each other because they are so dependant on each other. Some have lost their independance and identity and feel like they need the other half to be whole. This is the point in which I personally feel makes a healthy relationship, unhealthy and it is often very difficult to leave one because of the dependance. I'm not scared of commitment but I am scared of getting into that situation! I agree it is a waste of a life for the guys mentioned above but not all relationships are like that, healthy ones anyway. Link to comment
philove Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Great bit of advice and I completely agree with you. A lot of what we think is love is often infactuation. There's a fine line but it is a question you should ask yourself. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Day 12 - Evening Just went to see Gran Torino with a couple of friends, took my mind off it for a while. But I've been thinking the whole walk home and realised that this NC challenge is the only reason I'm on "Getting Back Together". I admit defeat, there's no hope of it. My down mood has continued for most of today also. I confided in a friend last night, told him how I was and how I was worried for my own wellbeing. He didn't ask questions when I didn't turn up for uni today, but when they all went out to the park to spend some time in the sun and play a game of football, nobody thought to invite me. As it happens I spent the afternoon alone drinking tea, sat at my bedroom staring out onto the street. Nice to know my friends are so understanding. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 don't stress it bro, I dont even have any friends to confide in, all moved away or are too busy living their own lives with their own worries to deal with. I know how alone you feel, and despite all the advice you might get from friends and family it seems like the only real person's opinion you care about is your ex's which is giving her that much more power over you. The whole ordeal is a crazy one, you find yourself running in circles, when you think you finally moved on some minute thing reminds you of him or her and they are back in your head again. The only person I really confided in was her mother after she dumped me which I have mixed feelings about. I cant tell if it helped or hurt the situation because on one hand crying to her mom makes me look that much more needy and insecure, but on the other I wasnt really crying about it, I was saying goodbye and how I valued her mom's kind warm-heart as well as her family to me while I knew her daughter as well as understanding and respecting her decesion to end it. So I dont know what to make of it, if that was for the better or worse for some attempt in the future to reunite. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 an ex is an ex for a reason! In my case because I was stupid and let him go to see if the grass was greener? What the hell was I thinking? Was I crazy?? I did the worse thing tonight, started reading all the old love letters from my ex. He used to sent beautiful letter in every anniversary, valentine's day, everything. They all talked about staying together forever and how healthy our relationship was. How I made him a better person, how with me he found out the meaning of love! Gosh, I had forgotten about all this. Ugh, throw away old love letters folks.=[ Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 an ex is an ex for a reason! In my case because I was stupid and let him go to see if the grass was greener? What the hell was I thinking? Was I crazy?? I did the worse thing tonight, started reading all the old love letters from my ex. He used to sent beautiful letter in every anniversary, valentine's day, everything. They all talked about staying together forever and how healthy our relationship was. How I made him a better person, how with me he found out the meaning of love! Gosh, I had forgotten about all this. Ugh, throw away old love letters folks.=[ I used to write the ex letters like that, I really try to not focus on if she every reads them again and thinks kindly on me because that is wishful thinking, but it does pop into my head randomly Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 You have no idea, my ex loved me SO much!!! Why did I let him go?? Why didn't I value what I had on the moment? Nobody is ever going to love me the way he did and I don't think i'll ever be able to love anyone again. Link to comment
Anon21 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 You have no idea, my ex loved me SO much!!! Why did I let him go?? Why didn't I value what I had on the moment? Nobody is ever going to love me the way he did and I don't think i'll ever be able to love anyone again. I know how you feel. My ex was the same way. I guess you just have to keep reminding yourself that you broke up with the originally for a reason. Even if your reason was stupid in hind sight, there's nothing you can do about it, so you may as well just think that, even if it may not be true. Fake it till you make it. Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 You probably made a decesion that you saw as the right one. Don't be so hard on yourself, everyone wishes they had a time-machine, in fact I have been recently watching back to the future to see if I can build a flux capaciter...j/k, remember hindsight is always 20/20, leave the past in the past and focus on the future,"time is perpetually perishing." there is no such thing as here and now because here and now is already done and gone with, it too is the past. I don't mean to get too deeply philosophical but I too kick myself for decisions i have made in the past which I perceive now to be the wrong ones made, but then I think the judment and grief I bring upon myself is far more harmful than the event ever was. Link to comment
troubbble Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Day 5 or 6 This is crap. I was happier talking to her and putting myself through hell. Does that make any sense? Link to comment
FriendnorFoe Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Day 5 or 6 This is crap. I was happier talking to her and putting myself through hell. Does that make any sense? What do you mean? Do you mean prior to 5 or 6 days ago you were talking to her on the phone? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I'm going back to strict NC. I can't take this uncertainty. I'm unwilling to compromise. I'm not picking up anymore calls unless she leaves a message saying that she wants to reconcile. Link to comment
crazy4love Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 JohnGalt... you havent heard from your ex since the last time you guys hung out? wow they sure do know how to play with our hearts!! How long have u guys broken up? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 JohnGalt... you havent heard from your ex since the last time you guys hung out? wow they sure do know how to play with our hearts!! How long have u guys broken up? I don't know what her deal is. I know she's going to call me, but I'm on pins and needles waiting. My friends are split half/half in saying that I should ask her on the next date and make the move since she initiated the first contact. We've been broken up since Christmas so almost 3 months. Link to comment
crazy4love Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Johngalt well i hope things work out for you...i really do!! my ex and i broke up around Christmas too... I havent heard a word from him..not even on New Year. I think its the point of no return for us now.. I really should learn how to let go... Its hard Link to comment
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