CaliGirl77 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Hi All, I wanted to share with everyone who is out there dating. I just got my hands on a great book called, "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" Author: Greg Behrendt This book is great and gives you some REAL insight. RED FLAGS are all there and don't we all want some honesty? Too bad we don't always get it..... I think this book is helpful for guys too, even though the title suggests otherwise. It sounds so silly, but we all might say to ourselves and our friends, "It's not working, I don't want to see him/her anymore." Even though the other party involved might not think so, we all want to be happy but we are scared to hurt someone else's feelings, so we quietly walk away or hide out hoping the other person gets the picture, and we are left not having the difficult duty of explaining ourselves.......sad. Well, I only wish this book was available 5 years ago. Also, I found a used copy on link removed for only $5!!!!! ENJOY!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 yup, one of my favorite books! some people say that the entire book is common sense, but I wasn't born with that common sense, so books like those helped me out. Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 This book came out a few years ago.. so over hyped..... I hate when ever talk about a relationship dilemma... someone asks me if I've heard about this book... like its the bible with all the answers... ugh... its poorly written and the 'advice' in there is just basic common sense.. sorry... I HATE this book... and the fact that people seem to think it will solve any problem... or give any kind of insight i'm soooo trired of telling people about some guy... and they tell em to read some book whether it be this one or any book for that matter Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Haha ShikShika, No Contact is the religion, and He's just not that into you" is it's bible. The makings of a cult right here on enotalone. Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Haha ShikShika, No Contact is the religion, and He's just not that into you" is it's bible. The makings of a cult right here on enotalone. that is exactly what I don't like about it People DO treat it like some sort of 'bible?!?!?! how ridiculous... it was written by a comedian... what a great way to make some money.. now women know exactly why a man does what he does because of Greg... up until that book came out we were utterly clueless...and now have all the answers Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I was not a fan of the book, and it seems that when an author revamps old advice that should be obvious, it will sell because it is trendy. The book probably has done some good I just had issues with it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Self help books can be great but not everything applies to every situation. That book 'he's just not that into you" is a bunch of overhyped garbage written to make money not to really be of any serious help. There could be many reasons why a guy doesn't pursue someone. Just ask the shy guys on this board how they sometimes don't pursue someone even if they like her A LOT. Also, if you read the book Living With the Passive Aggressive Man, by Scott Wetzler, you will find out about a whole other dimension to human behaviour which has to do with internal demons rather than him "not being into you". People are complex and can't be lumped into some book written by Hollywood types. Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 you know what I did? I have read quite a few dating 'advice' books columns etc geared towards ME, the woman... so I thought... I'd subscribe to one of those articles written for MEN and how they should act towards women One o them was David D'angelo... can't remember the others... just to see the 'advice' they give to guys trying to get a girl. Well.. some of the advice they told these guys on how to charm a woman was absolutely ridiculous... some of the things they told the men to say or do to a woman that was 'guaranteed to make her swoon... either had me laughing in stitches... or thinking that I'd walk away mid-sentence if a guy ever said to me what they are suggesting these guys do. so I figure it works the same way round for a lot of these 'advice books... if what they are telling the men is baloney... it is the other way round too.. funny thing is... its all my FEMALE friends who suggest reading these books. My male friends whom I trust and respect .. who've heard about the book say its not all so true.. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 the point of the book, I think, is to stop obsessing or trying to "put a round peg in a square hole." I have seen so many of my friends obsessing over a married/taken man, obsessing over a guy who is not asking them out, etc.... instead of obsessing and racking your brain over that, why not just say, "oh, he is not into me?" and move on. your brain power can be used for so many more important things - like finding cures for diseases, working to better the environment, being productive at work, etc.... so why waste hours and hours of time over a guy who is not returning your calls and has a gf? Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I agree for the most part about "dating advice books", but I have read one that helped me "Don't Call That Man". When I wanted sooo badly to call him when it felt like he was drifting further away, I honestly just re-read the book, and I didn't call him. Just my opinion Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 Okay, I have to say that it is definitely NOT THE BIBLE, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I do respect that. I am truly a book-smart young woman, but I was never taught the ways of relationships............"Thanks Mom and Dad." I was only told to stay away from boys as I grew up, which helped with my grades, thank goodness. So, this book did in fact help me and opened my eyes, and that I am grateful for. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Okay, I have to say that it is definitely NOT THE BIBLE, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I do respect that. I am truly a book-smart young woman, but I was never taught the ways of relationships............"Thanks Mom and Dad." I was only told to stay away from boys as I grew up, which helped with my grades, thank goodness. So, this book did in fact help me and opened my eyes, and that I am grateful for. lol, you sound like me. i did well in school, but my mom never taught me how to interact with love interests (probably because she isn't good at it either. ) the same qualities that help you advance in your career and do well in school do not work in love, as women. If you want to get a job or a specific internship, you go after it with full force, pulling in favors, getting the coursework done, getting the grades, etc.... but you can't pursue a boyfriend in the same way. you can't set your sights on one specific man and then go full force like that after him. you will be arrested for stalking and harassment! Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Hey all, I have read this book. I have never considered it a "dating bible" nor an advice book. It is a more like a wake up call type of book or good kick in butt type of book. You cannot tell me that many people in dating world and whathave you need that and cannot see the trees in the entire forest? That is what this book is about, IMO. I like the light humor the author used...the humor allows you to laugh out loud and not take rejection so serious. Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 I agree with you Annie! I swear I would have no clue if I didn't get a little push from this silly book with useless information. I don't know about anyone else, but guys have given me compliments, promised to call, promised to go out, and when I pulled away, they come running like wild chickens, and that CONFUSES ME LIKE CRAZY! Well, now that I am a little more educated on the RED FLAGS, and I am pretty happy about that. And it makes more sense to me. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I read this book earlier this year because I'd seen other folks talking about it on here. Read it out of curiosity, because I'm happily married. I thought it would've been really great if it had been out about, oh 10-15 years ago when I was single and navigating my way through the dating world. Hindsight being what it is, though, I seriously doubt I'd have paid much attention to it then. It probably would've just pissed me off and I would've dismissed it as so much rubbish....which is what often happens when we hear something we may need to hear, but don't want to hear or aren't ready to hear. Incidentally, once you've been alive long enough, you'll realize there are hardly ever any truly new ideas. The vast majority of the time, the latest, greatest thing being peddled to the public is just some recycled idea. I've found that to be true for just about any industry...not just self-help books. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Two other thoughts: >If that book had been out when I was single/dating, it might've spared me some of the "what's wrong with me?" BS I put myself through...had I lowered my defenses enough to let it sink in. >The best advice I've ever heard regarding advice was from 12 step: "Take what you need and leave the rest." Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I never bought the book, but many of my friends had and recommended it to me. I thumbed through it one day in the bookstore. I am a woman who dates women, but I think the book can apply to any kind of relationship. I agree that the book is common sense or a wake-up call. It points out the red flags and sometimes people need a good kick in the butt to realize that someone is just not that into them or are treating them bad. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Nothing in that book was news to me- been practicing that kind of common sense for many years. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I liked the book. Every guy I have talked to about it hates it...they think it is some underhanded man-hater book. Apparently they haven't read it. It IS common sense. If someone you are interested in treats you like poo or ignores you...move on. DUH! I have gotten stuck on one person and have obsessed over why they did not respond as I had hoped, when I waited for them to "come around" so all my romantic dreams would come true. Finally, when I did take the advice of the book...guess what...the person moved on. So did I. It's all good...it wasn't meant to be anyhow. Same goes for the guys....if someone is treating you like crud....don't sit there and take it !!!! She's just not that into you ! Link to comment
Juliana Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 It is good for puncturing those wishful thinking what ifs... Best advice I ever heard was similar and more succinct: Behaviour is truth. Andrew Vachss works with abused children. He's worked in the justice system, he's seen every kind of freak, sociopath, victim, saviour -- he's seen it all. And there's no need to read people's minds; they show you who they are. Don't listen to the words, look at the behaviour. If someone loves you, they treat you as if they love you. Anyone will hang around someone who flatters their ego -- why not? But if someone loves you, they will do something, they will act on it. Behaviour is truth. Thank you, Andrew. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I didn't like it exactly - and it doesn't always work. BUT - I don't know, it's quite good for telling you not to be a sap, wise up and move on. I thought it was a bit one-dimensional, because everyone is different. But I liked the basic message of not being a doormat Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now