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Down I go..

Vynde

By Vynde
in Healing After Break Up or Divorce

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LONESOUL Proficient

LONESOUL

Posted
Posted

First of all John, have you seen the rum??

 

The holidays may be tough. I am sure it will hit me as well, but I simply refuse

to give in to dispair. I'm going to do what I have been doing, fighting despression and adjusting. I will put it out of my head~I will keep busy.

I will volunteer, I will read about people less fortunate and I will seek them out and try to lend a hand. I read somwhere that 1 out of every 5 people

get depressed at the holidays. 20%. I'll be with those folks this holiday.

I'm not going to out a tree up...but I will go to visit friends and family

on the holiday. I'm just going to "get through" this one, next year will be better. Do not be ashamed to feel John, it means you are alive and that is a very good thing. You will go through the cycles of grief, over and over again sometimes. Try to expect that, that way it won't catch you off guard.

It's a process, remember, and it takes time~but you can do it.

 

Take good care~

Lone

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sandyv Proficient

sandyv

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Hi Lonesoul, John, Desert and everyone else: Sorry Lone I missed your BDay, hope it was Great. or as close as you can get to great...

 

Yep crack open that rum, although I'm a wussie (I can't handle anything stronger than beer myself) lol

 

I feel strong sometimes, actually find silly things I can laugh about, but not alot...

 

Hate the thought of Christmas, I've haven't been single for Xmas ever I don't believe, oh well this will be a first.... I wish Xmas could be bypassed, just like John does.... I don't have family except my son....

 

Aww well we shall pull through this too...

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Stambler Collaborator

Stambler

Posted
Posted

Well..................

 

I'm going to think of this. I have had past Christmases where everything in my life was fine, but family ruined the holiday anyway!

 

1) Constant, loud, scary arguing between the relatives at my 1st wife's house (Italian family - exactly like Everyone Loves Raymond, and George Castanza's family)

 

2) My family being cold to my first wife because they didn't like her

 

3) And the best one, when I was about 16, my Dog went out when we got home form midnight mass, she came in, covered in poop (she had rolled in it) and rolled all over the living rom carpet and against the sofa! Dad screamed and yelled and went in the other room cussing, my sister blew up at my dad and ran up to her room crying, Mom and my other sister cleaned the mess up and my brother in law and I washed the dog! The rest of the holiday was a bit pins and needles! So, if you didn't believe in Santa, there's proof - because we think it was reindeer poop!

 

So,it can't be that bad this year!

 

Anyhow I, personally, am going to concentrate on the birth of Christ and be happy about that. And I would recommend the same for everyoe of every other faith - celebrate your god, your faith and your happiness! And if you don't believe in a higher power, be thankful for your life, your health, family and friends!

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desertnomad Proficient

desertnomad

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The first Xmas I was without my ex-wife in 2000 I pretty much put the holidays out of my mind. I tried not to focus on anything festive like decorations or lights or xmas music. I pretty much just put blinders on and tried to take it as another day. I will admit it was still tough.

 

This year will be my second xmas alone. I have more friends now but it will still be tough thinking about my current ex and the times we had the last four years together.

 

I am just going to do as much as I can with friends and I will be working on Xmas day as they pay almost 3x my regular salary. I think volunteering is something I will be doing also to get my mind off of things.

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Stambler Collaborator

Stambler

Posted
Posted

John, in one of your posts you said you miss looking at the stars on a clear night. I have a challenge for you...all of you. On Thursday, November 30th at 9:00 pm go out and gaze. Spend a couple of moments in thought. Think of one thing you want to gain in the near future and come back here and report to everyone what that one thing is that came to you in your moment of clarity.

 

OK, because I'm so organized, I need to know:

 

Is this definitely Thursday Nov 30th?

Is it 9:00PM EST?

How long is "a couple moments"?

 

And a suggestion, don't come back and report that you want your ex back!!!! (LOL)

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LONESOUL Proficient

LONESOUL

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Hey Guys~I already pm'd Desert so he already knows but I had a bit of a breakdown or something a little bit ago. My ex called me, I don't normally answer her calls anymore, but she sent a text that it was about the cat. (her cat, was our cat) (background I stayed the last 3 years for her son because

my ex is not so great at being a Mom...finally when i could take no more I left.)

But this is his last year of HS, so I figured he'd be okay. He is welcome to live with me, but won't come because with Mom he has no rules, he's 17, he does what he wants. So he is going to live with her friends (the neighbors..)

and she will go and live with her folks for a month or so until she is ready to go and live with her new bf at the beach. I a mess folks. I am at work and a mess. I have cried, I have puked...what the hell was it all for?? I am so ANGRY right now!! I got so mad and upset, I called her just about every name in the book. I know that was wrong but right now I don't care. What kind of person does this??!!

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sandyv Proficient

sandyv

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Posted

Hey Lone so sorry you are going through this, seems like your ex is only thinking of herself, not her son, you or anyone else.

 

She sounds like a very selfish person. Lone you deserve so much better, I know its hard... but this too will pass, take it easy, I know about being upset at work. Its not happening so much now, but sometimes I had to go sit in the washroom for awhile when I get that big apple in my throat....

 

Keep talking to us though ok?

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Stambler Collaborator

Stambler

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Awwwwwwwww, lone, I was about to post to say I'm having a bad day, but now my heart goes out to you!

 

I wish I had a magic wand, I'd wave it for all of us, but I don't

 

All I can say is we all love you - and we're here for you!

 

Go out and have a smoke, or just walk around, that's all I can think of

 

...just KNOW we are all here, we are REAL, and we love you!

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LONESOUL Proficient

LONESOUL

Posted
Posted

why do people do this Sandy? Why? She is so so selfish you are right.

I remember 7 years ago like yesterday we were sitting in her driveway, we had just come back from dinner and I

was kissing her goodnight, Her son who was 10 at the time came riding up on his bike and she turned to me and said "if you take me, you take him, we are a package deal, and you will have to love him like your own" I did that dammit!

I did everything she asked me to, but it was never enough. All she every wanted was no responsibilty, a party 24/7...she didn't know know who she

wanted as a partner, or spouse. I supported her while she went to school,

raised him while she went to school, with NO support from her. (her son did no wrong, she never wanted to be the bad parent, so she let him get away with murder, no disipline at all. None) We would fight if I told her something for his own good. (like once I told her I found a report card he hid with an f on it..

we ended up fighting all night instead of her addressing anything with him..

she just didn't want to know)

So I made dinner and grocery shopped and wiped snotty noses and help with homework, shuffed to friends houses and doctors appointments and on and on, BUT I had no ay so in the way he was raised, she made all the rules.

I was too strict they said. (humm, no, you may not go to a rave party and

have 4 other 17 old kids spend the night on a school night. WRONG, MOm

said I could....you get the picture

I'm so upset. I feel lost~and pissed and out of control.

I know, I pride myself on always having it together here at work, oh well, that is now shot in the a** because everyone is now watching me fall straight apart.

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Vynde Collaborator

Vynde

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Hey LONE,

 

Im so sorry my friend. Believe it or not, I felt sick as I read your post, because I know that feelig your describing.

 

Hang in there. Like Camber said, we are here. This is a low right now, but if you really focus for just one second, think about what has really changed? Nothing. Everythig is still the same as it was right before the call.

 

.. you just got knocked over by a wave, and it sucks, but it will pass, and look! Here we come in the Coast Guard Cutter with some warm blankets and hot coffee!!

 

Hang in my friend, you have been there for me, Ill be right here for you.

 

John

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sandyv Proficient

sandyv

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Posted

Hi Lone, aww yes I also agree with John, I guess we both know how you are feeling.... it isn't pretty I know.....

 

Yeah and all you put into taking care of her and her son, and thats the thanks you get, I know it hurts, my ex had 3 little kids 5, 7 & 9. He used to go out for drinks and leave them with me, I truly loved him and them too, but how many women would actually do that, or what you did? Not many....

 

I know we put so much of ourselves into making everyone happy, and they don't give a sh*t when it comes down to it...

 

I feel like I never knew my ex at all when I think of the horrible way he treated me in the end... and I know you feel that way as well..... its awful

 

Me? I'd be going home after work for a few pints, and probably wind up smoking too many cigs as well.... keep in touch Lone..... Things should feel better after a while....

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