The subject of Sex (from a guy POV)

[TiredMan]

Here are some questions that I have always thought so I decided to list them. There are more of them but here are some.

 

1) Why is that when the woman is not in the mood, the guy just has to deal with it but when the man isn't, there is "something wrong" or she starts to worry that he's not into her anymore? How ridiculous is that?

 

2) Why, in so many relationships, is it the guy who is "supposed to" initiate sex? I can't tell you how many things i have read where a woman complains that the guy doesn't initiate sex like he used to. But he won't get off her lazy butt and initiate herself.

 

3) Why do so many magazines tell the guy that he has to make her feel special and do all this stuff for her, and she will reciprocate by making love to him? As if sex is just for HIS benefit.

 

4) Why do so many women want to be treated and thought of equally (which I completely agree with) but then still expect the guy to fix everything, protect her, hold doors, open door, and all that other "old school" stuff? They claim they are old fashioned that way. I think it's more of a case of wanting the best of both worlds.

 

5) Why do so many women who dress provocatively complain when people look at them like a piece of meat? If I went outside wearing a cop outfit, should I really complain if people think I'm a cop?

 

6) Why is it accepted in society for a woman to slap a guy hard accross the face if he says or does something she doesn't like? But a guy can't get away with that? And the argument on the guy's strength never flies because if I find a guy much bigger and stronger on me and I slap or hit him, I deserve for him to beat me down.

 

7) When a man gets turned down by a woman, why does he, in most cases, accept it, while when the opposite happens, she almost always gets mad. Case in point: watch any of the dating MTV shows. One in particular is that show NEXT. Almost every time the guy turns down the woman, she has to get in a cheap shot insult at him. Does not happen even nearly as often when it's the other way around.

[melrich]

You could vice versa most of these (eg point 7 more men are stalkers than women) and the rest are not acceptable by any sex (eg slapping).

[Batya33]

I think the answer to all your questions is that if you rely on generalizations - and negative ones at that - there is really no point to searching for answers to your questions - if your goal is to have a healthy relationship with a woman. It's totally fine to feel frustrated by your personal experiences with women but once you start to rely on generalizations and what you might see on a tv show or in the media you might succeed in becoming even more bitter/cynical but you certainly won't come to a better understanding of yourself or relationships. It's also hard to answer the questions as posed because of their angry and presumptuous nature.

[kellbell]

Hey there TiredMan,

 

Okay, some of your questions are valid but what I do not understand, is why are you making sweeping generalizations. I NEVER do any of that, nor do my girlfriends, my mother, either of my sister in laws. Is this based on personal experience?

 

I cannot believe you used MTV as an example of how women behave towards men when they turn them down for a date. All those shows are silly, probably fake and scripted and do those dramatic things for ratings. And the same for magazines, like Cosmo. Those magazines IMO are silly and feature those kinds of articles to get people to buy them and for ratings. These questions are very hard if not impossible to answer because they are very presumputous, the examples you used are just way out there (MTV dating shows and magazines for entertainment) and just generalize people.

 

So I am just curious of why this bitter post?

[Day_Walker]

These type of questions are always asked and are often relevant but the problem is that there is never a real solution reached because you are discussing things which are fundamental to women and men. You can accept most of what you asked or you can challenge it. I always bring issues like this up to illustrate to women these rules are beneficial to them so this is the reason they act this way and have no incentive to change.

[dogheadma]

Don't let the media get to you. It's all b.s. You reap what you sow. To quote Sir Paul McCartney, "The love you take is equal to the love you make." I think that pretty much sums up the answer to all of the questions you have posed here.

[artist777]

I hear you, Tiredman. I don't think it is a man/woman thing, so much as a people thing. I don't think either partner should get lazy in that department. I think that both partners need to realize that intimacy is a gift of their relationship. Both partners need to feed it and nurture it.

 

I think we start hearing from people when one of the partners isn't pulling their weight. People don't complain for no reason. they complain b/c they are feeling resentful. I think there are plenty of couples out there, where the intimacy just 'works', and it's a non issue. Then I think there are those who have to keep cultivating and nurturing it.

 

I don't ever believe anyone should slap anyone man/woman/animal/child ever. I don't think men need to hold doors open for women and all that crap. I think considerate people should be considerate to each other. I hold doors for my boyfriend and it freaks him out. He feels weird. I don't see anything wrong w/ it.

 

I don't look at myself as girl or woman, but person.

 

I think you may be angry, b/c someone didn't pull their weight w/ you. And that is okay. because there are a lot of lazy women who just lay there and behave as if showing up to the party is their gift. It isn't. It isn't for either person..

[shikashika]

1) Why is that when the woman is not in the mood, the guy just has to deal with it but when the man isn't, there is "something wrong" or she starts to worry that he's not into her anymore? How ridiculous is that?

 

ha ha i dont know... ive never not been in the mood

 

2) Why, in so many relationships, is it the guy who is "supposed to" initiate sex? I can't tell you how many things i have read where a woman complains that the guy doesn't initiate sex like he used to. But he won't get off her lazy butt and initiate herself.

 

see my answer to question number 1!!

 

3) Why do so many magazines tell the guy that he has to make her feel special and do all this stuff for her, and she will reciprocate by making love to him? As if sex is just for HIS benefit.

 

again see my asnwers above... it is DEFINITELY for my benefit too

 

4) Why do so many women want to be treated and thought of equally (which I completely agree with) but then still expect the guy to fix everything, protect her, hold doors, open door, and all that other "old school" stuff? They claim they are old fashioned that way. I think it's more of a case of wanting the best of both worlds.

 

so doing NICE things for people has nothing to do with them wnating the best of both worlds. If someone wants to be treated as an equal it means you hace to treat them like poo? i never expect anyone to open the door for me, but if he does i think of it as a lovely gesture and its a real treat!

 

5) Why do so many women who dress provocatively complain when people look at them like a piece of meat? If I went outside wearing a cop outfit, should I really complain if people think I'm a cop?

 

I dont know why they complain... Even if i see someone who has an eating disorder, or is overweight or hideously disfigured. I dont shout out derogatory comments to them in public.. Same with how someone dresses... i may not like it..but its still a reflection on the ones shouting abuse...NOT the person wearing the clothes you dont like

 

 

 

6) Why is it accepted in society for a woman to slap a guy hard accross the face if he says or does something she doesn't like? But a guy can't get away with that? And the argument on the guy's strength never flies because if I find a guy much bigger and stronger on me and I slap or hit him, I deserve for him to beat me down.

 

um... i dont think ANYONE finds this acceptable... who do you know that thinks its acceptable to hit their boyfriend?!?!?!?!?

 

7) When a man gets turned down by a woman, why does he, in most cases, accept it, while when the opposite happens, she almost always gets mad. Case in point: watch any of the dating MTV shows. One in particular is that show NEXT. Almost every time the guy turns down the woman, she has to get in a cheap shot insult at him. Does not happen even nearly as often when it's the other way around.

 

This is the biggest generalisation ive heard... take a look at the breaking up section... plenty of MEN and WOMEN talking about he sad state of affairs of their ex love lives.

 

did you really think up these questions? they sound like something Ive seen before on forwarded emails....

 

youve asked why do women do this... why do they do that... well they dont all... this just sounds like something out of FHm or the man show...

[heloladies21]

Well, a lot of your concerns are things that have been decided by a combination of evolutionary biology and the feminist movement, and the only thing that it really means to you and me is that "we have to accept the facts of the world and find other ways to deal with them."

 

My girl always initiates sex with me. I would do it and have no problem doing it, but she always beats me to it. Is this because she's someone special? No, she even admitted herself that she's never been like this before. She's just so into me, and like all girls, her sexual desire is tied into her emotional interest. So the real answer to your statement

1) Why is that when the woman is not in the mood, the guy just has to deal with it but when the man isn't, there is "something wrong" or she starts to worry that he's not into her anymore? How ridiculous is that?

This is not a problem with the way girls treat guys, it is a symptom of a flaw in the relationship. If you've done your job right (and doing right is a skill you can learn and it is not the conventional buy them flowers and shower them with compliments all the time), she's gonna want it from you anytime you want it anyways and will even initiate it with you a majority of the time. This is not because my girl is a sex addict or something, all girls have the potential to be this way if you know what you're doing.

 

 

2) Why, in so many relationships, is it the guy who is "supposed to" initiate sex? I can't tell you how many things i have read where a woman complains that the guy doesn't initiate sex like he used to. But he won't get off her lazy butt and initiate herself.

This only happens when the guy hasn't got her interested enough to get her to initiate things herself. Also, girls are genetically programmed to go for the guys that initiate, so just accept this as you cannot fight millions of years of evolution.

 

 

3) Why do so many magazines tell the guy that he has to make her feel special and do all this stuff for her, and she will reciprocate by making love to him? As if sex is just for HIS benefit.

These magazines are wrong. They are spouting out bad advice and it's your job to recognize it as such. It's not how male/female interactions work, it's only media hype ie. Hollywood.

 

 

4) Why do so many women want to be treated and thought of equally (which I completely agree with) but then still expect the guy to fix everything, protect her, hold doors, open door, and all that other "old school" stuff? They claim they are old fashioned that way. I think it's more of a case of wanting the best of both worlds.

Whether men and women are equal is not the issue here. It honestly doesn't make a difference. The only thing that matters is that men and women are different, communicate in different ways, and desire different things. It's your job to notice this if you want to have successful relationships with women.

 

 

5) Why do so many women who dress provocatively complain when people look at them like a piece of meat? If I went outside wearing a cop outfit, should I really complain if people think I'm a cop?

Who cares? Why does it matter to you? If some girl starts spouting off about this stuff, just ignore it, or better yet if you want her, tease her/make fun of her about it. You need to adjust the way you handle these types of situations. You need to really identify your goals and tailor your thinking to achieve those goals.

 

 

6) Why is it accepted in society for a woman to slap a guy hard accross the face if he says or does something she doesn't like? But a guy can't get away with that? And the argument on the guy's strength never flies because if I find a guy much bigger and stronger on me and I slap or hit him, I deserve for him to beat me down.

This is part of that feminist stuff I was talking about and it's not right, but this is the way it is. But if you take a step back, if you manage the situation right with the girl, it should never even get to this point. Never even come close. Everything a chick does is a reaction to your words/actions.

 

 

7) When a man gets turned down by a woman, why does he, in most cases, accept it, while when the opposite happens, she almost always gets mad. Case in point: watch any of the dating MTV shows. One in particular is that show NEXT. Almost every time the guy turns down the woman, she has to get in a cheap shot insult at him. Does not happen even nearly as often when it's the other way around.

Again, doesn't matter, this is the way evolution has set it up, that we're "tough" and soldier on, while those other reactions happen because of personal rejection.

 

Again, what happens on TV doesn't matter here, all that matters is how you do things and how they happen to you. You gotta stop worrying about all of this stuff that is set in stone and you can't change and concentrate on learning how to work with it/deal with it.

[artist777]

another thought. I agree w/ you that there are women who cannot get off their lazy butt to initiate. BUT there are men out there, who if they withhold long enough, will lay back so women have to initiate every time. And that is just lousy..

[heloladies21]

another thought. I agree w/ you that there are women who cannot get off their lazy butt to initiate. BUT there are men out there, who if they withhold long enough, will lay back so women have to initiate every time. And that is just lousy..

I have a feeling that even if your man initiated a lot, you'd still want it just as much and would still initiate a great deal. Only a matter of who gets there first.

[timjd]

Thats life- learn to deal with it.

 

''The Rules'' are unlikely to change anytime soon, as long as our fragile sense of society stays intact. If world war III happens we'll all be out raping and pillaging like in the good 'ol stone age days.

[artist777]

[i have a feeling that even if your man initiated a lot, you'd still want it just as much and would still initiate a great deal. Only a matter of who gets there first.]

 

Actually, no. I have a guy that knows I will initiate, so he sits back and lets me initiate, takes all the foreplay while giving only the bare minimum of foreplay, then gives me the 'gift' of intercourse for all my hard work. So, my choice is don't initiate and we both fall asleep or initiate and get short changed...

[heloladies21]

Yeah, I've read your other thread, your guy sounds kind of uninterested to be honest with you. It's not because he's playing psychological games, that's not the way us guys think.

[artist777]

If he is uninterested, then why doesn't he let me go? I've tried to break it off several times. I have also asked him not to waste my time. when I try to break it off, he gets very emotional.

[FifthLine]

You could vice versa most of these (eg point 7 more men are stalkers than women) and the rest are not acceptable by any sex (eg slapping).

 

quick google search found this - its only a little dated;

 

link removed

 

Extract:

Well, September 30 and October 2, 1996, Monday: Melrose Place promo - woman slaps man once, man slaps woman 0 times. Married with Children - 3 women slap 3 men 6 times, men slap women 0 times. Wednesday - News Radio - woman slaps man 4 times, 2nd woman slaps man once, man slaps women 0 times; Men Behaving Badly promo - woman slaps man once, man slaps woman 0 times; Actual show - no slapping during this episode but the show's lead-in has cuts from old movies where 18 different women slap 18 different men. The final scene shows a woman giving a roundhouse punch to a man knocking him through and flattening a door. Men slapped women 0 times. Seinfeld promo - woman shoves Seinfeld and he falls backward and hits the floor. All of this in just two days of our new prime time television season. In all cases, the women knew the men they shoved, slapped, or hit. In many of these situations, they were in relationship with each other. And, on America's Funniest Videos, men are constantly shown getting hit, kicked, or bitten in the crotch and everyone laughs. And things haven't changed much. Just last week another Melrose Place promotion shows a woman slapping a man, and even Suddenly Susan has stooped that low to get ratings. In their promo, three women gave slaps that turned the head to three coworkers in their office. All were stupid reasons. The last one depicts one of the men merely asking a woman "What time is it?" She slaps him. He says, "What was that for?" She says, "You know I don't wear a watch."

[melrich]

We are adults and we are supposed to be able to understand that these shows do not represent reality. We learnt this when we first saw the Three Stooges

 

I do not know what it is like in the USA but in nearly 40 years I have never seen a woman slap a man in real life. I have never seen a man slap a woman in real life. I have 3 or 4 times seen a man hit another man in real life.

 

Who are all these women you are seeing walking the streets slapping men?

[FifthLine]

I don't see people throwing custard pies on the street either.

 

Except when someone is making a point against a politician - I wonder where they got the idea to do that.

 

The point the article was making is that in those cases it is acceptable on TV for a woman to slap a man because that is seen as funny by their viewers. But they don't show men slapping women because society at large frowns upon that and it would affect their advertising revenue. TV will do what they can get away with that boosts audiences and their profits.

[melrich]

I don't see people throwing custard pies on the street either.

It's a TV show. The OP, I presume is talking about women slapping men in real life. Run a poll. See how many people stick there hand up and say "Yeah, that is OK".

 

Adults are supposed to be able to DISCERN. Admitedly there are some (relatively few I'd hope) that cannnot.

 

Why is it accepted in society for a woman to slap a guy hard accross the face

 

It's not accepted in society. It is occasionally incorporated into TV shows, as is throwing custard pies at people, which is also not accepted as a thing to do in society.

[TiredMan]

These don't apply in EVERY case. There are always exceptions. Of course, I meant on the most part, rather than all the time. Especially number 1. Look through the posts here. How many women complain when the guy isn't in the mood, they think something is wrong. But it is generally accepted by guys that they will get turned down for it occasionally. And it more accepted for a woman to hit a guy than vice versa. Yeah, both are horrible but one is looked at as abuse every single time while one is less so. This is just how it is.

[melrich]

TiredMan, whilst I think your list is very subjective and in most cases is just common mythical gender stereotyping, there is no doubt that it is common for people to apply different values to males and females.

 

And really the point is why would you go to pains to point out a whole lot of gender stereotypes that apply detrimentally to males without even acknowledging that the list would be equally as long, if not longer and worse for females?

 

I don't get this sort of post. Is it because you don't realise that similar gender stereotypes occur for women or is it because you want to alienated half the reading audience.

 

I guess to me, such a post should at least acknowledge that similar gender stereotypes apply to women. No need to list them, just acknowledge them.

[TiredMan]

See, I just listed them. I didn't "go to pains". Basically what you are saying that I should have put like a "disclaimer" to say there are things that benefit men too? I don't see that in other people's posts. I firmly believe every point of this and have seen it so many times, I lost count. And number 1 and the hitting one, I would say is the truth in almost 100 percent of cases. Yes there are exceptions but it's not even close to the norm.

[Scout]

My answers to your questions in bold...

[melrich]

And number 1 and the hitting one, I would say is the truth in almost 100 percent of cases. Yes there are exceptions but it's not even close to the norm.

 

How many times have you seen a woman slap a man in real life. How many tiomes have you heard someone say it is OK to do so. Did you know that 93% of all cases of domestic violence in the USA are perpetrated by men on women? Did you know that in certain states in the USA, over 50% of the population believe it is OK for a husband to keep a wife in line by hitting them occasionally?

 

Did you know that far more men over the age of 35 suffer sexual dysfunction than women and are more liklely to be incapable of or not desiring of sex than women?

 

It is too easy to spout of common mythical stereotypes. Both genders havbe their burdens to bear. And no it is not necessary to offer a disclaimer and nor is it usually done. But then most posts are not as unbalanced as this one.

[TiredMan]

I've seen a man get slapped by a woman plenty of times. And it either goes unnoticed or people just stare, But if a man slapped a woman, people would look at it differently or step in. Heck, women slap guys who use cheesy "lines" all the time. And yes, Ive seen it plenty of times happen to people.

 

And to scout, I haven't read your whole response yet but saw the first one and to answer this, none of this applies to me.