The subject of Sex (from a guy POV)

[constantine]

For question #1, I think sometimes woman are more emotional and tend overthink. If their boyfriend doesn't want sex, they think something is wrong and they worry. But if their boyfriend doesn't want sex, they still have to deal with it, too... they just accept it differently. Guys probably don't overthink so much, so their way of dealing with it is, Darn!, and they go to sleep.

 

Maybe it is ridiculous. But guys and girls are different. That's just how it is.

 

And I do think it is reasonable for either of the two genders to just not want sex sometimes. People don't feel well, people get stressed, people have bad days, people are sometimes too sleepy to have good sex. It doesn't always mean there's something wrong w/ the relationship.

[TiredMan]

For question #1, I think sometimes woman are more emotional and tend overthink. If their boyfriend doesn't want sex, they think something is wrong and they worry. But if their boyfriend doesn't want sex, they still have to deal with it, too... they just accept it differently. Guys probably don't overthink so much, so their way of dealing with it is, Darn!, and they go to sleep.

 

Maybe it is ridiculous. But guys and girls are different. That's just how it is.

 

They are different. Try telling that to women who want to be considered "equals" and fought for it tooth and nail.

 

But, I believe it's not the overthinking. I think it's because it's expected for men to be turned down. Women turn down offers their whole lives. It gives them a big head I'm assuming in many cases. So, when they get turned down, they usually can't handle it. It's a societal "rule" that guys are supposed to be initiate this stuff.

 

An example would be there are MANY women who won't go out on a date unless the guy approaches her.

[TiredMan]

Ok Scout, I now had time to read the responses lol. I'll skip the ones we agree on of course.

 

1) As I said in the other response, no it doesn't apply to me or my relationship. We actually have no real sex issues and never have, thankfully. But my closest friends are female and I know for a fact that this applies to them. I even mentioned this point and they couldn't disagree with it lol.

 

2) This comes from some of my experiences and every guy I have ever known who complained about this. Women who just lay there. And the men are so happy to be "getting some" they just don't say anything about it. I remember one time being with a woman who just didn't do much at all. I wanted to pick up her wrist and check her pulse to let her know what I thought about it. But then she would have gotten hurt and just left.

 

3) No they are suggesting the man coddle the woman, be a "gentleman" for her, make her feel special and in return, she will open up sexually. My problem is that they make it seem like that is something she is just giving him.

 

5) Staring is one thing. But when I see a woman half dressed, I think of her as a tramp. I'm not the "whistling" type and never have been. Just what I think inside. Just like if I see a guy dressed in a red suit or neon green suit, I'm thinking he's a pimp.

 

7) yes shows to try to do this. But at the same time, this sort of stuff happens so often. And I think it's because these women are so used to guys tripping all over themselves for their "attention" that when they see someone who isn't interested, they can't handle it.

[Scout]

Tiredman, I have to say I find it odd that a man who has close female friends and a long-term relationship with a woman that he has no real issues with has such apparent feelings of hostility towards women. I don't understand it. Because the tone of your frustration really comes accross as strong, and it really comes accross as if these frustrations are happening directly, personally, to you. But, you say it isn't.

 

I also don't know what world you live in. I don't mean this in a derogatory way. But honestly, it seems to me that women do enjoy and initiate sex on a regular basis. I see plenty of posts on eNotalone from women who are concerned that they have a stronger sex drive than their partners. I know you take issue with those kinds of posts, too, but they do refute your hypothesis that men are always the initiators.

 

In fact, I'm confused by what exactly it is you're angry about...in some ways, it seems you take offense to women who want sex more than their guys. In other ways, it seems you take offense to women who "lay there like dead things."

 

The one consistent thing is it appears you really feel at odds with the female gender.

 

You do have a tendency to generalize. It makes it very hard to have a fruitful dialogue with you. I don't mean to discount your feelings, if you have them, then it would be awesome if they could be worked out somehow. But you've made these kinds of posts over and over, and nothing anyone says - both male and female posters - ever dissuades you from your already made-up mind.

[New_Horizons]

These are the ones I agree with the most. I couldn't have said it better myself. You're right, lots of women do try to take advantage of the loopholes in feminism to enjoy the best of both words. They want the equal rights but will not share equal responsibilities.

 

Ya and I can't figure out why so many women parade themselves, exposing their cleavage, etc. It's like "Hey I'm on sale, admire my body, come have sex with me!". How stupid are they? Parents need to put their foot (feet?) down and tell their daughters to quit behaving this way. I see lots of teenage girls in the streets and malls wearing such clothing and it's absolutely disgusting.

[melrich]

I've seen a man get slapped by a woman plenty of times. And it either goes unnoticed or people just stare,

 

Well then your posts I guess are a product of your experience. Where on earth do you live? Are you comfortable saying the state or area?

 

Do you see lots of men slap women as well? What happens then, does everyone rush in and lay into the guy? Or does it also get ignored where you live?

[Scout]

Ya and I can't figure out why so many women parade themselves, exposing their cleavage, etc. It's like "Hey I'm on sale, admire my body, come have sex with me!". How stupid are they? Parents need to put their foot (feet?) down and tell their daughters to quit behaving this way. I see lots of teenage girls in the streets and malls wearing such clothing and it's absolutely disgusting.

 

Would you really be interested in trying to figure this out? Or would you prefer to just shake your head in disgust over it? If the former, check out this book I recommend in this thread:

[heloladies21]

Parents need to put their foot (feet?) down and tell their daughters to quit behaving this way.

No, you need to adjust your view and stop taking out your frustrations on failing with women by ranting like this. It is getting you exactly 100% nowhere and you're missing out on some great relationships by refusing to accept the fact that the change needed to be made is inside you.

 

I have a feeling that some of these kinds of views expressed here are the kinds that rapists and real masochists have before they eventually take it to that level. It doesn't have to be this way, there is another way.

[New_Horizons]

Ok, thanks for the link. But if women are trying to emulate porn stars, isn't it paradoxical when they complain about 'unwanted attention'? What exactly are they seeking?

[heloladies21]

Ok, thanks for the link. But if women are trying to emulate porn stars, isn't it paradoxical when they complain about 'unwanted attention'? What exactly are they seeking?

Oh this is easy. They're honestly trying to attract guys, they just don't like the (flawed) way lots of guys make them feel objectified by things like whistleing and cat calls and oogling at their bodies.

 

Some guys (me included) like an ultrasexualized look. If it's not your thing, so be it. But you're not even really trying with girls so these complaints that they make don't even apply to you.

[Scout]

Ok, thanks for the link. But if women are trying to emulate porn stars, isn't it paradoxical when they complain about 'unwanted attention'? What exactly are they seeking?

 

Well, I personally don't see too many women dressed like porn stars complaining when a guy looks at them. As I said in another post, I've been dressed in completely unflattering garb and have had lewd whistles and stares thrown my way, and it's a rather scary experience.

 

But your question is different than your previous one, which I was addressing. You asked why very revealing clothes are becoming mainstream fashion. Not why women who wear them squawk about being treated like meat, which again, I do not see as happening on a regular basis.

[Scout]

No, you need to adjust your view and stop taking out your frustrations on failing with women by ranting like this. It is getting you exactly 100% nowhere and you're missing out on some great relationships by refusing to accept the fact that the change needed to be made is inside you.

 

I have a feeling that some of these kinds of views expressed here are the kinds that rapists and real masochists have before they eventually take it to that level. It doesn't have to be this way, there is another way.

 

I honestly have to agree here. And I thank heloladies for pointing this out, because if a woman did, I doubt it would be taken seriously.

[TiredMan]

Just because I have this viewpoint, I am angry and have such hositility towards women? This is something that always seems to happen and it actually proves the point I originally tried to make. If a guy turns down sex, there is something "wrong". If I give my views on a few things and it goes against the grain of what women accept, I hate women now? Cmon! And even if it's not happening to me, I'm the type of person who feels it when I see anyone being taken advantage of. It doesn't have to be happening to me.

 

And yes there are some women who do want sex more, but more often than not, they will NOT initiate. Or they will think there is something wrong if the guy isn't interested in them when they want it. It's almost like someone who is spoiled their whole life and then expects it to be that way all the time.

 

And it's getting to the point that if you do disagree with the things, people think there is something wrong with you. Look at newhorizons. Close to thinking like a rapist? Gimme a break.

 

I treat men and women the same. I'm not one of those "i'll never hit a woman" types. I'll won't hit anyone who doesn't hit me. It's that simple for me.

[Scout]

Look at newhorizons. Close to thinking like a rapist? Gimme a break.

 

I treat men and women the same. I'm not one of those "i'll never hit a woman" types. I'll won't hit anyone who doesn't hit me. It's that simple for me.

 

I don't believe Heloladies was referring solely to NewHorizon's viewpoints, especially considering they were echoing your own.

[heloladies21]

I was referring to newhorizon's exclusively here. I'm still not sure as to your true motivations for writing this. Maybe you're just upset as the way your life turned out? ie. think you could've gotten a hotter girl. I don't know yet, you make it very vague.

 

And you still haven't responded to my gf. Is she someone special? And before you respond my brother's gf is the exact same way, no lie.

 

The way a woman acts is a response to the way a guy specifically acts. It's all a reaction, and if you act right, you won't run into these problems.

[TiredMan]

Well he says they were for his comments, which I somewhat agree with anyway but then again, the whole "rapist" comment was silly, IMO too.

 

"The way a woman acts is a response to the way a guy specifically acts. It's all a reaction, and if you act right, you won't run into these problems."

 

If that isn't making excuses for behavior, I don't know is.

[dogheadma]

And yes there are some women who do want sex more, but more often than not, they will NOT initiate.

 

How do you know this? Are you there? It sounds like you're watching way too much TV. And who are these people you hang around who are all hitting each other all the time? That sounds a little bizarre, no?

[heloladies21]

You keep dodging the situation with me and my current gf. If everything you say were true, then there would be no way that she would act the way that she does. Every other girl I've ever had a relationship with has acted with some of the criticisms you've pointed out. Why not with this one? She is not someone special and I have no doubt that the next girl I get into a relationship with will act the same exact way as this one does.

 

This is all a result because I finally made a breakthrough and know what I'm doing with girls. I stopped making excuses and placing blame, and got to the heart of the matter, which is that it's all based on my own actions and I have the power to change them. I don't blame girls for their actions, I don't get slapped, the disrespect I get is a lot less, and all of this is a result of the changes I've made. If the things you said were true, then I wouldn't be able to stop all of the negative things you're postingabout. They just don't affect me anymore.

[TiredMan]

How do you know this? Are you there? It sounds like you're watching way too much TV. And who are these people you hang around who are all hitting each other all the time? That sounds a little bizarre, no?

 

Again, when people can't handle what I say, you get responses like this.

 

TV is just one thing. I'm talking about what I have seen in person or heard from those people. And not just a few times. Many times. Heck my best friend is female and I brought up this thought and she admitted that she has turned down sex a few times because she wasn't in the mood or didn't feel well. I asked her if he ever turned her down and she said no and she would think he was cheating if he ever did. This is a VERY common viewpoint. So many posts on here show that.

 

Watch anything on TV (i mean like something live like stand-up) and watch if the guy says he would never hit a woman, how get get this loud ovation. If you are a guy, try telling people that if a woman smacked you, that you would smack her back and see how the reactions would be.

[TiredMan]

Heloladies, are you talking to me or the horizons guy?

[heloladies21]

You tiredman, I'm talking to you. You didn't address anything I put in my first post or this.

[TiredMan]

You tiredman, I'm talking to you. You didn't address anything I put in my first post or this.

 

Ok I thought u were talkin about that other guy. I didn't see your first post. Look how many pages I have to look through. Looking for it now. So obviously I didn't duck your question.

[TiredMan]

I think you think you have more of an impact than you thought. And "that's just the way it is" (as what you said in the 1st post) doesn't fly with me. Should minorities have accepted mistreatment because "that's just the way it was?"

 

You shouldn't have to work so hard. You should just be yourself. And yes, if your woman initiates all the time, then she is an exception. Believe me. Most women don't ask out guys, don't initiate. Sure some do, but it's not the norm. My g/f initiates it as much as I do so it's not a problem I have experienced anytime recently. The reasons I am with her is because she is exactly the opposite of what I was describing. But again, we live in a society where the "size" of the engagement ring supposedly illustrates how the guy feels about his woman. On that note, that is another "tradition" that needs to be updated. Wedding rings, I agree with because it's a marriage and both get it but engagement rings may have to be the silliest invention ever.

[dogheadma]

[quote=TiredMan;1289026

 

I'm talking about what I have seen in person or heard from those people.

 

People can say anything when it comes to the subject matter of their sex lives, but unless you're there you don't really know.

 

 

That's because hitting people is not something that society in general sees as a productive or acceptable means of behavior.

[TiredMan]

Ok but there is a difference as scout mentioned in one of her responses. You don't see many guys reporting their wives for spousal abuse. Sure some but not even nearly as many because they will be laughed at or looked upon as funny. And I'm sorry but women do slap men and it's not considered "abuse" by many.

 

And if i "have to be there" then no one's comments are valid? So I guess by that logic, no women ever initiate sex then since I'm not there to validate it myself?