artist777
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Luck of Irish, the thing that stands out for me most here, is that she is not willing to work on it. You have to ask yourself what does this say about this person? What other issues will she be so unbending on? Not to mention, personal release, intimacy, personal satisfaction is a BASIC HUMAN NEED. She isn't even working at it?? What a wonderful world to live in to turn a deaf ear on your loved one's needs? How much does she love you, hon? You can't just block out the other person's needs. It just doesn't work that way... I LOVE sex, but in my 20s I was not as into it. I NEVER EVER turned my lover down. If my lover wanted it, I was there, and I tried to make it good for him and accept what he was trying for me. Because I loved him and I realized it was something he needed. It's not really that hard to be in the catcher's position. It's not a huge imposition, doll. And you sound giving. You do seriously need to think on this. How long do you want your needs ignored b/c her preference comes first? This is not good. And the way she is dealing w/ it is very very selfish. You can't be unbending like that in a relationship. It just doesn't fly. I'm sorry, kiddo. It sounds like you love her, but you need to love yourself too.
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Snowy princess: I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm there, it hurts. Not to put demons in your head, but do you think he may be cheating? Are you certain of his whereabouts every evening? Not having much of a drive is one thing, but to flat out turn someone down is rude. Especially, when you are trying to entice him. It takes a lot of energy and bravado to put yourself out there. Has he put himself out there? Maybe if you told him that you are considering going out of the relationship for it. I think witholding is just not right and anyone who does it, gets what they deserve.
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Poll For Everyone on Spanking and Sexuality
artist777 replied to FiredandHurt's topic in Sex and Romance
A). Huge turn on!! So sexy! Pain and pleasure, yum! -
Well, looks like you have exactly what meant the most to you. You have peace of mind about your wallet... you should be happy.. why write?
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If he is uninterested, then why doesn't he let me go? I've tried to break it off several times. I have also asked him not to waste my time. when I try to break it off, he gets very emotional.
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[i have a feeling that even if your man initiated a lot, you'd still want it just as much and would still initiate a great deal. Only a matter of who gets there first.] Actually, no. I have a guy that knows I will initiate, so he sits back and lets me initiate, takes all the foreplay while giving only the bare minimum of foreplay, then gives me the 'gift' of intercourse for all my hard work. So, my choice is don't initiate and we both fall asleep or initiate and get short changed...
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another thought. I agree w/ you that there are women who cannot get off their lazy butt to initiate. BUT there are men out there, who if they withhold long enough, will lay back so women have to initiate every time. And that is just lousy..
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I hear you, Tiredman. I don't think it is a man/woman thing, so much as a people thing. I don't think either partner should get lazy in that department. I think that both partners need to realize that intimacy is a gift of their relationship. Both partners need to feed it and nurture it. I think we start hearing from people when one of the partners isn't pulling their weight. People don't complain for no reason. they complain b/c they are feeling resentful. I think there are plenty of couples out there, where the intimacy just 'works', and it's a non issue. Then I think there are those who have to keep cultivating and nurturing it. I don't ever believe anyone should slap anyone man/woman/animal/child ever. I don't think men need to hold doors open for women and all that crap. I think considerate people should be considerate to each other. I hold doors for my boyfriend and it freaks him out. He feels weird. I don't see anything wrong w/ it. I don't look at myself as girl or woman, but person. I think you may be angry, b/c someone didn't pull their weight w/ you. And that is okay. because there are a lot of lazy women who just lay there and behave as if showing up to the party is their gift. It isn't. It isn't for either person..
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I don't have the heart. I remember feeling very sorry for him when he first told me that. Now I completely understand what she went through. He gets very nervous when he sees me online. It's heartwrenching.
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thank you, syrix. I know that is what you were getting at w/ your first reply. It's good advice and advice I would myself give to someone. when I try to let go, he comes after me harder and there is sex by the bundles. Then I go back for more, and it slides back to me putting out all the effort again. It breaks my damn heart and confuses the hell out of me.
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[KINK IT UP......] I've tried kinking it up. Again, he sits back and watches me stand on my head for booty.. It ends up being me putting out all the FOREPLAY and EFFORT and he just 'shows up for the party'. how nice to sit back and watch a nit wit stand on their head for something that should be a healthy part of a loving relationship. I have tried all that I could possibly do. I end up feeling resentful.
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For clarification. This is a relationship where my head is being played w/ a little. That I why I am coming here for help. When I am home w/ this person, they look through me as I am not there. The minute I step out of our door, I am barraged all day w/ IM messages and email about how much he loves me and wants me. It is heartbreaking.. I love him for trying and I know he is feeling insecure about it, but my head is all screwed up. If you love and want someone, why wouldn't you give them the attention when they are right in front of you? why wait to put it in an IM or email?
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this is in response to badboy 101's comment about my 'self centered sex drive'. Right. It's a self centered sex drive when a woman has needs. If a man has needs that aren't being taken care of, a woman is a drag. He has no problem sitting in front of the TV watching the game until midnight or playing a playstation game until midnight, or talking my ear off about something w/o giving me a chance to speak until midnight. But when I need personal attention, it's too much to give. I think it's more of a selfish man - you give to me - I give to myself sort of thing. Trust me--you guys are out there. God forbid, a woman needs some care in that dept. We get the cold damn shoulder. But wait until one of you needs your rocks off--then we look good.
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Thank you, everyone!
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Here is a good example. I hated anal sex. Now I love it. It was sprung on me once in my 20s and I was so turned off, I would not try it again. My current boyfriend tried it once and I opened my mind to it. Now, I love it. I choose it when I'm on my period. If you approach her with it and tell her how you are going to go very very slow with lots of lubrication and clitoral stimulation, it will make her feel more comfortable. If I stimulate my clitoris during entry, it makes it much easier. Once it is going, my climax are 10% more powerful than vaginal. made me sorry I closed my mind to it for all those years.
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I guess my question is, if I leave him, get over him, and get into something new. Won't the same thing happen? Men are great in the beginning. Love to sell themselves to you, then they stop giving and stop trying to impress you. Will I find that man, who will want to give me what I need permanently?
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after reading the above, I realize I have had some bad bed partners! You guys rock.. I would love to be treated that way. The important this is slow foreplay. slow touches, slow kisses, slow oral stimulation. I pick up my partner's energy so quickly, If I can tell he just wants me to hurry up and come, I will not be able to. A rushed everything, gives you the signal that the other person is in a hurry and not interested in pleasing you. So cool, by the way, that you are asking. There are considerate men out there?
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Well personally I don't believe in playing games with affection. It's wrong. I'm not about to measure out what I can give in relation to what I'm getting back. I don't work that way. If I love you and I'm engaging in intimacy with you, I am giving freely and easily, and I will do all I can to watch my partner enjoy themselves. it's not because I want anything in return. It's because that is my character. I guess the world is just made up of givers and takers. The takers find the givers, that's for sure.
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i think that is so evil to give it to the tub basin, when you have a partner w/ mismatched drive.. No? Or am I blinded by the estrogen? not fair.. It makes me consider infidelity and I'm not shallow like that.
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syrix, so right. I really have seen an ugly side of manipulation and control. Which Karmically I don't deserve. I was always so giving even when I wasn't very into it. feels unfair on a life scale to me...
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Beec. Can I tell you, I am. I cook up whatever the hell I have to. I so feel for young men now. I completely understand. I bring the water to my eyes if I have to... LOL only, I just wish he was as into it as I was. Do you think there are older men who still find it interesting and need it?
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thank you Batya33. I will try that. Although, I'm really going to miss it. I will be the one suffering the whole time!!
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First of all, thank you for your long reply and thank you for taking an interest. If I were younger and did not have a child, I would have left him sooner. It is very difficult for me to date. I do not want my child seeing the revolving door of men. I am alone in NY w/ no family and an ex that doesn't pull his weight. Everytime, I walk out my door, it is $12/hr. for a sitter. I did not relish weeding thru the losers. My boyfriend and I clicked fast, and the chemistry was there. Only after he saw my great interest in intimacy, he backed away. Physically, I need the intercourse. It must be the hormones at this age. But I crave it. I think it's a control thing. He doesn't like feeling on the hook. If I were not so attracted to him, it would be easier to forget about it and play games. But I find him so hot, and I just don't like games. especially at this age. He has gotten better at being tactful. but, honestly, I know when he's glazing over and just not into it. I just wish, once, I could wake up next to a man who looked at me like he wanted me and initiated sex like he wanted it...
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Logically, I would do this. It is the right answer. When I was younger, I would have done it. Honestly, at this age, I need it. I physically need it. I have never been like this before. I need to get up and walk away in order to stop thinking about it. It's like a craving. And the more he plays games w/ it, the worse it gets. I can understand how teenage boys feel. But I get resentful, too. I remember my boyfriend when I was in my 20s. I remember having lots of sex for him when I wasn't really into it b/c he was and I loved him. Now that I'm at this point in my life, why isn't it reciprocated? I guess some men expect it when they need it, but when a woman has needs, go pound sand.. that's how I'm feeling.
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LOL. I asked my boss if he could put a tub in my cubicle here at work, but he said no...