My Mum Has Cancer

[DN]

It's funny how folks like to put other people in little boxes of prejudice.

 

I admire your mother for not hiding it - good for her. The more that people do things like that the more prejudice will be diminished. And it might make other people get their own health checked or donate a little more to cancer research.

[Tigris]

I admire your Mother for being confident walking around with nothing on her head.

 

My Mother didn't get the chance for chemo etc., she left it too late to tell anyone she was ill!

 

Give her a kiss and cuddle from me and wish her luck.

[RayKay]

Thanks Tigris, I certainly will!

 

I am sorry to hear about your mum I think a lot of people get so scared of chemo they prefer to avoid it and deny it....which is sad as while it certainly is not pleasant, it IS bearable.

[annie24]

LOL - your mother the skinhead. *sigh* If she needs some fat, tell her I will send her some of mine. Filled with Krispy Kreme goodness.

 

I hope she is feeling better! I look forward to her chemo and treatments being over!

[RayKay]

She asked Annie if she could have a fat donor as lots have offered...unfortunately it can only be from an identical twin!

 

We were talking the other day about if I was in her place right now, I would not have anything for boobs Boohoo! On the plus side, I would save a lot of money on sports bras and be able to run free without worrying about them!

 

They can take tissue from tummy, back or bum or a combination. But I would not want them to take muscle, and would not want them using back as a result. There is nothing on my tummy, and if they took my bum there would be none left! I guess that is why some people do try the riskier implants out.

[RayKay]

Hi everyone, have not updated in a while

 

My mum had her bilateral mastectomy yesterday, her lymphectomy and her reconstruction. Both the surgeon doing the mastectomy, and the plastic surgeon, are very very pleased with how it went.

 

For those whom don't know, basically for the reconstruction they took tissue from her stomach (skin and fat, not muscle per her request) and brought it up through her chest to build new breasts. They won't be as large as her previous ones, but I think she is fine with that! They don't use implants generally because the radiation causes them to fail more then 50% of the time, so instead they use tissue from other parts of the body. Of course, if you don't have enough tissue elsewhere, they may try to do implants down the road after radiation.

 

Due to all the surgery, she will be SORE...essentially a mastectomy and a tummy tuck at the same time...but she is hopped up on morphine right now. My stepfather said she was in good spirits and awake. I think she will be somewhat mentally relieved to have the tumour gone. I am too, as now we can also find out the pathology of the cancer and the doctors and her can plan the further treatments.

 

I have not seen her yet, as she did not want us to come see her last night since she would be in recovery and exhausted, but we are going to go see her this evening.

 

Recovery won't be easy, it will be a while before she can be comfortably mobile, and there needs to be precautions taken to prevent lymphedema (ie she cannot lift anything heavy for a few months), but she's one tough cookie, and she will be alright. Hardest part for her is having to lay around for sure!

 

I felt surprisingly calm and relaxed yesterday. I just knew it would be okay. Today, I feel mixed. It will be hard seeing her, I mean, I am very used to hospitals by this point, but she's my mum, ya know. I saw her on Saturday and she was still active and smiling and running around being her busy self - she has lost a lot of weight and is so small (my mum is 5'10" and has always been this strong, tall woman), but so beautiful and strong. Seeing her in a bed and wrapped in bandages will be tough.

 

I also know for me, it's part of the hit of reality and fear that makes me think of myself and my sister's future too. It's humbling, and scary. I just wonder if I would be as courageous? Would I be able to mentally do it? I would be a mess having to relax and slow down, and drastically alter my working out, for example. Could I see my body getting weaker and handle it?

 

I am so, so proud of her. She is my hero, truly. I can't wait to run the Run for the Cure in October, I will be running it for her, for my angel grandmother, and for a cure before my sister and I face this disease.

[kellbell]

Hi RayKay,

 

I am so relieved to read that your mom made it through the surgery without any complications and that she is doing well.

 

I am sure it will be hard seeing your mom all bandaged up but she will bounce back in no time. She is a remarkable woman and she will heal quite nicely.

 

You will be just as brave as your mom. You are now. You have gotten through this hard time quite beautifully. You definitely have your mom's strength and courage. Thank you for the update and I continue to keep you, your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

(((hugs)))

[BellaDonna]

Hi RayKay. I am so glad that your mom's surgery went smoothly and that she is recovering well.

 

It's hard to visit loved ones in the hospital when they look so weak and vulnerable. I always hate going for such visits. Even visiting my grandmother in the hospitial after she broke her hip was distressing for me. Just try to be strong because your mom is not only a tough cookie, but also a smart cookie, and will definitly notice if you look upset immediately. Bring her something she can "do" while she's forced to lay around like a good book, crossword puzzles, a hand-held game of some kind.

 

I hope your visit with her goes well ,

 

BellaDonna

[WildChild]

Thanks for the update RayKay! I am so glad to hear all went well with surgery. I can empathize with you seeing her at the hospital. It was very difficult seeing my stepdad, but his courage and optimism astounded me. Keep your chin up honey

[RayKay]

I just don't have a great history with hospitals...last time I had to spend any great amount of time at one was when my late boyfriend was in a coma dying in the ICU

 

It's the same hospital too, it just brings back bad memories for me. I am not as bad as some people - my uncle cannot even step in a hospital and missed his daughter's births - as he has bad memories and passes out. The irony is his wife is a nurse!

 

I can deal with it, I just get a nervous gut-twisting feeling whenever I have to go back to that one, it's not so bad at other hospitals, just that one!

 

Don't worry, I don't get upset in front of her like that, I am prepared to see her like that, just don't look forward to it!

[RayKay]

Well I saw my mum last night at the hospital!

 

She is very tired, and sore - she can't lay flat down right now nor can she stand up. She did sit in a chair for a few minutes yesterday though. She is on morphine...they tried taking her off it yesterday but she was in way too much pain so they put her back.

 

They put her bellybutton back in the right place (phew!) and I got to see her new breasts! They look really good, nice job on where they put the scars. Underneath, and around where she will get her nipple tattooed in the future so it blends in nicely, but still a bit swollen. She probably will end up with a small B-cup or larger A-cup - quite a change from the DD's! Her tummy is sore...and tight. They took about a 6 inch tall strip of skin and fat from her stomach and pulled it together so it's tight. Man, if it was me, not sure what they would do...have to risk the implants I guess.

 

It is neat as they have to check the bloodflow to her breasts with the doppler...like hearing a baby!

 

The pathology on the removed breast tissue will come back in a month or so.

 

I'll pop in and see her tonight too I think, she should be in there until Saturday or Sunday, depending on how her healing and progress goes. Then it will be a few weeks of recovery - they say factor in about 3 months before she feels healed and more normal. So she will be starting radiation before then I believe.

[RayKay]

So a local radio station is doing a telethon to raise money for the Children's Hospital, which is part of the same hospital my mother is currently at.

 

They have had several young children going through serious illness, as well as relatives, come on there and speak. It is hard to listen to, but inspiring at the same time.

 

I was particularly just touched by this girl named Marissa whom has had numerous recurrences of cancer (I missed the form of it, but she has recurrent tumours that affect her spinal cord and brain) since she was 8 years old, she is now 13. What an intelligent young lady, very knowledgeable (sadly so I suppose) on all her recurrences and treatments. She has had over 150 rounds of chemo and radiation, and some surgeries.

 

The kicker is, her own mother was just diagnosed with cancer recently - her comment was that her mom has helped her through it all, and she will help her mom get through this too. This young lady has ambitions of going into fashion design and increasing awareness of childhood cancers.

 

I think I will share that story with my mom tonight, I think she would find the same inspiration from it I did.

 

I wish more people sometimes realized how blessed they are in life. I learned this when my late boyfriend died, that life is precious and amazing. Sometimes it seems we as a society seem to forget, and spend so much time worrying about the little things.

[Mrocza]

RayKay, your mom is still in my prayers. I'm really glad to see the surgery went ok - I hope she's coping well and all you have to look forward to is a speedy recovery. She'll barely remember the post-op pain in the future.

 

Stay strong throughout this all - I think you're doing awesome, but it's so easy to get overwhelmed. Your mother sounds like an amazing person and she's very lucky to have you in her life.

 

Have you had the tests done to see if your sister and you have a liklihood of inheriting it? I saw a show on the women's network (heartbeats, you've probably seen it as you're in Canada) for a woman who had the mastectomy done before being diagnosed because she had an 85% liklihood of being diagnosed.

 

I'm not exactly sure how it works and don't want to freak you out, but there are methods of getting there before it does...

 

All the best to your mummy though, even if she has to endure the hospital food!

[RayKay]

Hey Mrocza,

 

Thanks for your prayers, always welcome!

 

We are in process of testing. My mum has to get all her tests done first, before we are tested according to the procedure by CancerCare. She probably won't know until the summer or so, then if they come back positive, we (my siblings and I) would go get tested.

 

I have thought a lot about what I would do if that was the case. A lot would depend on the gene, as some have a higher risk then others. I do as much as I can to lower my risk - I exercise, eat healthy, have gone off the pill, and so on, choose organic food as much as possible, etc. So it would be lower hopefully, but the risk is still there.

 

It would be a tough decision to make at this age when so far nothing IS wrong with my own breasts, and there is a chance there never would be. It's not a risk I would want to play with either...aside from mastectomies, there are certain drugs (hormone blockers) that reduce the likelihood of the cancer cells being triggered...which they use in some high risk women too. And it is hard to say in 10 or 20 years what advances may be made in cancer. What if by then there is a cure and I had already had my breasts removed for example? If I were to do it early, due to lack of extra body fat to build new ones I would also need implants which can make future cancer harder to detect, and need replacement..not sure I want fake ones either!

 

Then again, if it was positive, I would not really be ready to just take my chances and go through the ordeal my mother is (whom by the way was very vigilant in her mammograms and exams, it was just hard to find and detect even as it was advancing..) yet with even younger children to worry about?

 

So yes, I have thought of it, and hoping it does not come to that. If though it did....I believe I would wait a few more years, just very carefully monitor my breasts with my usual exams and be vigilant, and make the decision in my mid-late 30's to perhaps have the bilateral mastectomy.

[Mrocza]

If I were to do it early, due to lack of extra body fat to build new ones I would also need implants which can make future cancer harder to detect

 

I didn't know that :S The woman in the show had implants put in? I'm not sure how that works then.

 

That's scary though...but you're right, the technology for breast cancer is increasing immensely. You never know what they might have in 10-15 years.

[RayKay]

Yes, the reason being mostly you cannot do mammograms (which flatten breast tissue to examine it) and it's harder to detect changes UNDER the breast. I believe they resort to ultrasounds or MRI's to detect, though I am unsure.

[RayKay]

Saw my mum again last night - she looks WAY better, she was able to get some rest, and they were giving her some more blood so she was seeming more lively.

 

She had found out yesterday one of her lungs had collapsed, probably due to something in surgery, so once they found that out they were able to work on reinflating that baby! Also they determined she was missing a couple pints of blood - because of her chemo, it takes longer for her to replenish her own blood stores - so they opted to give her some more units.

 

She is off morphine and on T3's, and seems to be well, though a little sore and she hurts if she laughs! They had her sitting in a chair yesterday, and she was supposed to make the 5-foot walk to the door and back last night too (which seems like a mile to her right now!).

 

She had a few visitors yesterday too...she limited it to family and just very close friends...she does not want coworkers or anything there, which can be a bit uncomfortable for her and them I think (nurses/docs don't care whom is there and just start checking things for example!).

 

Her friend whom used to live down our street came by too. Her kids went to school with my siblings. A few years ago, while she was in the midst of a divorce, she was diagnosed with cancer (cannot recall form) and she lost her leg, but is doing wonderful now.

 

Apparently when we visited a couple nights ago, my bf got queasy/lightheaded - generally he is fine in hospitals but for some reason...I had known he sat down, but not because he felt that way. My mum said he turned kinda white and had to sit down!

 

Anyway, they should be sending her home in the next couple days

 

The woman in bed next to her has had a few surgeries to remove extra skin...she lost 150 lbs (was at 350) and has many extra pounds of extra skin to remove now. She had had surgery for her tummy, buttocks and is in now for her thighs. Then it will be back/chest stuff I believe. She looks GREAT though! It's a small world though...my uncle walks in....my stepfathers brother - this big burly Polish man whom is the sweetest guy ever, and he was in hospital recently too for health problems...and he sees the woman in the next bed and her partner and they all say "hey, I know you!". They all go to the same gym, and know each other from a local garage/mechanic. Ha!

[kellbell]

Hi RayKay!

 

I am so glad your mom is doing well and that the surgery was a success. And that she will be going home in a few days!! What a trooper.

 

Thank you for all the updates. Your mom is truly a remarkable woman.

[Venturer]

I just found this thread, Raykay. Glad your mom is feeling better, and sorry you had to go through that. My dad went through something similar a year and half ago (multiple meyloma) and nearly passed away due to pneumonia, but he's fine now.

 

Keep us posted.

[RayKay]

Thanks kell & venturer,

 

Wow venturer, I am glad he is doing good now! Make sure you give him a hug as often as you can!

[Venturer]

Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time with him lately. We even went to Hawaii last week. Didn't you mention a trip to Hawaii where your mom went in between treatments?

[RayKay]

Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time with him lately. We even went to Hawaii last week. Didn't you mention a trip to Hawaii where your mom went in between treatments?

 

Wow, what a great trip that would of been!

 

Yes! She went down there after Chemo #3 with my stepfather and had a GREAT time! I was jealous......I was mentioning to my boyfriend last night as we were watching Ultimate Fighter 3 that Hawaii, aside from the volcanoes, would not be a bad place to grow up (one of the fighters - Kendall - is from Hawaii).

 

An older man there with his wife however called my mother a "skinhead" (ie the neo-nazi kind of skinhead). She was dressed in a nice sundress and sandels and I can say that when I see someone bald that is not the first thing that comes to my head! Sheesh, I am surprised that someone of his age would not have seen that before! I guess though in part as it is because my mother does not wear wigs most of the time, nor tries to hide her baldness like some may.

 

As horrible as cancer/serious illness is, it sure does bring you closer together. When my mum first was dx'd she told me when her mom was ill, it brought them closer together, and it's true in our case too. Makes you appreciate things in life more, and not worry about the little things so much.

[Jhodas]

Hi ray. My grandmother died of Intestinal cancer some years back. She was an angel that walked the earth.

 

It's great to hear your mother is making progress. I'm not religious myself, but I shall hold you, your mother and your family in my thoughts and continue to track this thread.

 

This is a quote from a movie from my childhood, Starman.

 

"Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst."

[hosswhispra]

RayKay,

 

You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

[RayKay]

That's a great quote Jhodas, I will have to remember that one!

 

I just called to see how she was doing and she sounds fantastic! She is up and about.

 

The doctors are very impressed with her recovery, she had her last drain taken out yesterday (3 were removed on Monday) and even went and did some walking and shopping yesterday. She is getting taller everyday (as her stomach stretches back out). She says she feels way better then the doctors/nurses told her she would....she is swollen and still a bit sore, but no painkillers or nothing since last week.

 

She feels even up to coming downtown and meeting me for lunch next week, and is going to the library tomorrow to get some more books as she is at home for a few weeks.

 

I am sure part of it is because she has not had chemo in a few weeks, and the mental relief of the tumour being gone, gone, gone....your body is also not constantly fighting it anymore either.

 

I am so happy she is doing so well It's a huge relief. I also hope that if I am ever in her shoes I have the same courage and resolve she has had, she amazes me everyday.