My Mum Has Cancer

[RayKay]

It has been 8 days since anyone has reassured you we are still thinking of your mother - so I thought I would start the trend, so to speak.

 

I sound like a broken record, but you really do have my fullest support and positive vibes.

 

LOL, thanks DB!

 

She is knackered right now...her last chemo was last Wednesday, and usually she feels good by now but I guess it "adds up" and she is really weak and feeling blah. She is also entering "chemopause/menopause" now which is only adding to it.

 

They have decided after her surgery she will likely get four rounds of Taxere (very effective chemo now used almost automatically for aggressive breast cancers).

 

She is alright though, and feels on the upswing again...one more treatment to go before surgery.

 

My boyfriend and I are going to look at a house on Thursday night that would put us 2 minutes away from my mum, which would be great, especially over the next year. Longer/tougher commute for me for both work and school...and I would have to get a car, but good price & nice little house, so we'll see. I would be delighted to be near her. It's on the other end of city we were looking at before, but it has many benefits including better price, less competitive, more for your dollar...and of course my family is right there...so not only more visits with them, but some free meals too When my courses start I will be hard pressed for time, so it will be nice to be able to just pop by there for a few minutes without having a huge commute to get there!

 

So wish us luck it is what we are looking for, and that our bid is enough to get it!

[SexySadie7]

Hey RayKay. . i'm glad to hear your mom is doing well.

I just talked to my brother tonite though and he said my mom's cancer is terminal, it all seems like a bad dream. i'm going up to see her next week... i hope i can be strong for her.. my aunt won't be there.but i'm afraid me and my brother are going to get into a large argument.. He was supposed to call me and let me know how she's been doing. He said this 3 weeks ago.. he claims he tried to call.. but couldn't let a message. I know that's totally false cuz my phone will always show missed calls and seeing as his is out of state call. i wuld of noticed if he did!! I'm so upset...

but more. i'm just horrified to learn i may not have that much more time with my mom..

Please just pray for me that the visit goes well. that my mom is well enough to enjoy me visiting her..she's bedridden now and very weak from the radioation but coherent mentally and that i am not too overwhelmed by how sick she is... I just feel like sobbing nonstop... I just cannot believe how fast she's gotten sick.. it was only mid January or late January when she told me she might have cancer.. I didnt' even know for sure that she does have it. let alone that it's terminal, until today!!!

My brother left me a message late last Friday saying just, "we need to talk".

So.. i decided to just call my mom myself the next day and see how she was.. She sounded fine. but tired... but never told me what the test results were..

My brother says the doctor told him that she doesn't have much time left.. anywhere from a day, a week to a month. who knows?

I feel so angry.. if only my aunt didnt' behave so horribly i could of called her every day this month. I thought my mom was mad at me.. though i've written her many times this month...

I know she was glad to hear from me today.. This is all so horrible...my poor mom!!

I love her so much... i wish i lived closer.. I live 3 days drive away.. while my brother only lives 45 minutes away. He was trying to guilt trip me today on the phone i think telling me he'd been there 24/7 for 2 weeks str8.

Well. i'd give my eye teeth to be able to see my mom so conveniently... now i gotta make arrangement to try to get on a plane and come see her by beginning of next week..

I'm so broke on top of it. i don't even know if i will have the money to pay for my car storage or the kennel bill while i'm gone.

Please pray for me and my mom...

I hear what you are saying RayKay..you should move closer to your mom. I will continue to pray for her good spirit and strength. Please pray for my mom too.. I just cannot bear to lose her!

[RayKay]

Sadie,

 

I am so sorry to hear your mom's terminal diagnosis, one of my wonderful friends had her mother pass away last year from kidney cancer, it too was all very "rushed" and very difficult for her as even though she lived several states away they were incredibly close and talked every day. It was very hard on her...she is doing much better these days but of course still misses her mom. She is very grateful she visited her for a couple weeks a week or two before she died though.

 

Don't let others guilt trip you...for some reason situations like this can bring out the best...or the worst...in people. All that matters is YOU love her, you KNOW you love her, and she knows it too. My brother can't be here either for my mum as he goes to college elsewhere, but he sure is there as much as he can be by phoning always. My mom certainly does not resent him for that! I

 

Do you have a friend or coworker whom can watch your pets for you, or even home & pet sit? It may be much cheaper to do!

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom & your family. And if she is indeed terminal, I do wish for her and all of you, she passes in relative comfort...I know having seen her daughter will definitely be a benefit too.

 

Love, RayKay

[SexySadie7]

Hey.. thank you for posting to my reply RayKay. I'm going to see about boarding the dog and cat today.. i don't really have anyone close by i could rely on for that sort of thing.

Come to think of it.. i really don't have any close friends in this town period and that makes it doubly hard.

At least my brother has his wife to lean on. Here I have no one. Sometimes in the last month I just feel like I'm going to lose it. Not do something stupid or crazy.. but it's just too much for one person to bear.

I'm so disappointed that my brother didn't call me. I don't buy that he actually tried. I know my phone system and it ALWAYS shows missed calls, even if the voice mail box is full.

I could of used a shoulder to cry on this month.. and now i just feel my brother, who seems to have a heart of stone lately...(He was terribly abusive to me verbally and even physically the day my dad was taken off life support and has never even apologized for that) is going to be cruel to me again when I get there.

I'd like to know what to say to him to make him act decent to me?? it's going to be so hard seeing mom sick.. let alone dealing with a brother who may turn hostile.

It's hard enough just to deal with my mom being so sick.. and knowing she's probably going to die soon... let alone to have a brother acting like a horse's southend to boot!

I was thinking of maybe asking if his wife, my sister-in-law, whom i've spoken with cordially several times since my dad passed away, might be willing to at least meet me at the airport, even if i have to rent a car.

I'm not really sure I want my brother to do so alone, as I said, he was abusive to me when my dad was passing away.

This is just such a mess!

I hardly slept at all last night.. I was tossing and turning.. Of course, hearing your mom's cancer is terminal and probably doesn't have long to live would give anyone fitful dreams.. but it seems now I've got some sort of bladder infection and was getting up every 20 minutes to pee!

I got so many things to do today... first i will call the doctor, then the vet.. and possibly the airlines.. my brother said he'd check online for me.. but then.. too.. he said he'd stay in touch too...

I don't know.. i cud use a good friend right now...

Thanks for always listening.. sorry to be so sad..RayKay.. but these are really hard days for me. You take care and give your mom a hug for me.

[annie24]

Hey RayKay - So, how was the house? That sounds fabulous - to be minutes away from your mom!

[darkblue]

RayKay - how is the wonderful woman?

[RayKay]

She's alright this round. Her last time was AWFUL, but I think she may have picked up a bug from somewhere which made it that way. It took her until the last week to feel herself again. It was pretty horrible for her.

 

She had her "last" chemo on Wednesday though, and she feels quite good this time around, much better and only tired, not ill.

 

We are awaiting the results of her recent MRI for her liver, and she is booked for surgery for April 18th - 7 days after my sisters birthday and when she and my mum were supposed to go to Toronto for a few days! It's soon, and it's a bit nerve wracking. It's an intense surgery (9+ hours) as it includes the mastectomy and the reconstruction as well.

 

After that she will probably need 4 more rounds of chemo, followed by 6 weeks of radiation.

 

Overall it's been a stressful few weeks for me honestly with mum, and trying to find a house and planning for my upcoming return to school!

[darkblue]

Raykay, I sincerely hope all goes well - I really do.

 

I request that everyone viewing this thread/message sends (at least) their positivity and well-wishes.

 

I'm glad she isn't feeling ill anymore, and I wish you the best of luck with school and house search.

 

You know where I am.

[kellbell]

RayKay,

 

I am truly glad that your mom is feeling better. And that your mom gets through the surgery ok. Wow, 9 hours. That is probably going to be longest 9 hours of your whole life. Your mom is so strong that I have all the confidence she will get through this surgery.

 

I continue to send my prayers and thoughts to you, your mom and your family. Thank you for the update.

 

(((hugs)))

[RayKay]

Thanks both of you!

 

I know Kell - it will certainly be very difficult for me! And she told me to not take day off and hang around hospital, so it will be even harder if I am at work! She does remind me there is little I can do though, and she needs me AFTER surgery more anyway...sigh.

 

Probably a better idea anyway, I have some bad memories from hospitals which don't help me if I am pacing around

[BellaDonna]

Hi RayKay. I am glad your mom is feeling better- that will only make her stronger for her surgery. I hope everything goes well. I know you must be worried....anyone would be. You are handeling everything quite well (though I can't say I'm surprised- just look at your mom- of course her daughter would have the same amazing strong will).

 

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers ,

 

 

BellaDonna

[Tigris]

I hope everything goes well with your Mother's surgery RayKay.

[coollady1957]

Hi RayKay, I wanted to say that I hope the best for your mom, and will be praying that everthing goes well and turns out for the best.

 

Your mom is my age, and that is so scary to think about having to go through what your mom has, and is dealing with. She is certainly a strong and courageous lady.

 

Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with your Mom , you and the entire family.

[WildChild]

Glad to hear that your mother's treatment this last time around went better. You both a very strong, and determined. Prayers and thoughts are with you sweetie!

[RayKay]

Thanks all of you!

 

I love this board, it's been a long time since I had asked for personal advice on a situation, and I really am so thankful for ALL of your support.

[WildChild]

Because you are always there for us, and because we love you honey!(((HUGS)))

[RayKay]

I went out for dinner with my sister last night (okay and some wine ) and she let me know mum found out her cancer is hormone receptor positive - I am waiting to find if it is estrogen or progesterone positive.

 

This is both good and bad - good because it means they can change her treatments to be more tailored. These kind of cancers tend to be receptive to estrogen blockers or other drugs that affect the receptiveness of the cells to hormones.

 

Bad in that it also means a lot of chemo is not always as effective...which may be why hers has not gone as well. Bad also in that the hormones are what FUEL the growth of the cancer so you really have to somehow block them.

 

Hormones are also what TRIGGER these certain cancers to start spreading. Now of course we all have levels of both of these in our systems so you can't eliminate them (nor would you want to!) but there are things you can do to decrease chance.

 

There are also things that increase it. This is why women on heavy duty pills, or on hormone therapies, whom have children later in life, whom are overweight all have higher risks of breast cancer for example. It's also why women in general have a higher risk then men (though men do still have breast cancer risk - more so in families with breast cancer genes) as they have more of these hormones.

 

I am going off the pill, took my last one on Saturday, and today as a matter of fact I am going to get a non-hormonal IUD inserted. Also, if you prove to have an actual breast cancer gene, they can put you on an oral chemotherapy (like tamoxifen or femora) that reduce the estrogen receptors...they really can have some crappy side effects though, so I would ONLY consider these once there was an actual confirmed gene.

 

Here is a short description on what roles hormones and hormone receptors play in breast cancer:

 

link removed

[kellbell]

Hi RayKay,

 

I continue to pray for your mom. I pray very hard that a solution can be made as far as they best way to combat these hormones.

 

BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!

[Iceman26]

My best wishes to you and your family in this terribly difficult time. I sincerely hope that all turns out well.

[PRSOV]

RayKay, your family is in my prayers... stay strong and be positive

[Hope75]

Hey Rach,

 

I'm thinking of you and your family too-

 

If the cancer is estrogen positive- that is quite good- she can go on Tamoxifan (which I believe DN's sister is on) and they tend to do very well on it.

 

I am praying for you guys!

[RayKay]

Hey Hope,

 

Yes, they are also testing Femora now.

 

Not sure how pumped she will be to go on Tamoxifen now as well after all the other chemo and rads and surgery!

 

they even use it preventively in high risk women now, especially those dx'd with DCIS or Stage 1 cancers.

[avman]

I am praying for you and your mom as well RayKay!

[hosswhispra]

My thoughts and prayers to your mom, you and your family....

 

stay strong.

[RayKay]

I actually just got back from coffee with mum :smile: She looks great!

 

She does not want to do chemo again, unless she has to....her docs have said they might want her to do 4 more rounds after surgery. On top of the 6 rounds already, the surgery and rads...and tamoxifen. Honestly, I told her she has to do what feels right for her. I told her the research I have done showed that for hormone sensitive cancers, more chemo is less effective then tamoxifen....as tamoxifen actually helps starve the cells of their fuel, whereas chemo tries to kill cells, which tend to be more resistant when hormone sensitive. I think you have to do everything you can, but I certainly think she has to also do what feels right for her.

 

And so far, no sign of it being anywhere else, she gets a PET scan this week which will indicate if there is something, but if there isn't, and they are already taking her breasts, and nodes....I don't think she wants more chemo. It's a quality of life thing for her I think...if it comes back in two years thats one thing...but I told her I support her whatever she decides. I of course want my mother to be here as long as possible, and she wants to be around as long as possible, but not if she can't live life and embrace it in the way she does.

 

She kinda wonders if she should have had the surgery before chemo now, as she has lost so much weight and won't have as much fat now to create her new boobs..lol.

 

I don't know, but I have been reading a lot of research that indicates that tamoxifen is more effective in post menopausal women...while my mom isn't post-menopausal yet, who is to say that she is not one whom it would work for, ya know?

 

She told me at lunch my grandmother had taken Diethylstilbestrol (DES) during pregnancy...which some of you may not know, but it was prescribed to many many pregnant woman to prevent miscarriages at one point. Only it turned out it did not do that, and had other high high risks. I wonder if that is part of the problem and cause of her and my grandmothers cancers. They do not have any other "reproductive" issues that are sometimes apparent, though mum did have a few miscarriages. Hmmm. Miracle drugs are so often not that at all.

 

She told me a funny story today about when she was in Hawaii, this older couple was walking by and the fellow nudged his wife's arm and said "look, they even have skinheads down here" - sheesh, my mother is this gorgeous woman, whom dresses very classy and beautifully, with a sweet smile and has the biggest heart for ALL people of all colours, races, orientations. I was just amazed that people don't recognize in this day and age that bald does not = rebelliousness or being a skinhead! One of our family friends whom lost a leg to bone cancer, said maybe it is because most people expect people with cancer to be sick and invalid...while she is out still working, doing the grocery shopping and is still active, so people don't expect her to be a "cancer patient". Maybe it's because she does not care about her bald head and if she is hot she goes without a scarf or hat? Maybe it is because she does not want to wear wigs (uncomfortable) and people "expect" people with cancer to hide their baldness? I don't get it. Maybe it's just because I have seen it so many times in my own family I think differently? I don't know.