My Mum Has Cancer

[RayKay]

Thank you fairie

 

And thank you so much cristal for your story, I am so sorry you lost your mother that young....it does indeed sound like you & I have similar family histories. I hope you are very pro-active with your own breast health as a result.

 

That silence...it is indeed something that scares me. That she would miss out on grandchildren, her kids getting married, all of us graduating.

 

She has lists up in her house of her goals...that include to live to see us each graduate (I am going back to school myself)...stuff like that is hard.

 

Thank you so much.

[77streaks]

dear ray kay,

 

my mum had cancer when i was 7 and passed away when i was 9.

after that i started to read up alot on cancer therapies when i was 16 -20.

amongst the readings i did, many people reported that having a vegetarian diet helped.

 

I sincerely hope to help, although i am no doctor.

My friend's mum who had breat cancer too, went on a vegetarian diet and sought therapy to talk out whatever issues she had experienced, as cancer could also be linked to some kind of unresolved issues.

 

Your mother is lucky to have such a supportive child. I am sure she feels the love and that will boost her morale and chances.

 

Good luck! God bless your mother and all of your family.

[77streaks]

just to add, alot of the reports i read...a grape diet tend to help. as in eating only grapes, as it has large qty of anti oxidants.

 

you could google it.

 

all the best wishes

[RayKay]

Well, it was a long day yesterday....aside from chemo treatment, lots of results came back.

 

The news from her cardiologist is there was a heart attack, but they are not sure "when". There does not seem to be too much concern however and she is okay to go ahead with the surgery.

 

The news from her CT scan is (the scan itself is not totally clear as she is allergic to the contrast dye they use) there are several nodes involved, which was however expected. There appears to be a spot on her liver but it may be a cyst. She got quite mad at the doctor as she seemed rather unconcerned about it, and insulted my mum would question her about it. She is going to go to her regular doctor today to discuss it, and perhaps look at going down to Mayo at her expense to get more testing.

 

The "bad" news though is the chemo she is on does not seem to be affecting the tumour at all. She is a bit upset about that as she had wanted a much more aggressive chemo to begin with (Taxotere) but the doctor had said they did not really start with that (though studies have shown it to be very effective). So, 4 chemos that have left her feeling blah, and not much result.

 

So, now the plan is either to bump up the surgery, then do chemo/rads. Or to do 4 treatments of the more aggressive chemo before surgery. I think she will talk to her other doctor about it today for his opinion (he did his PhD on breast cancer and is very knowledgable). The "good" thing about her not having had surgery yet is they can tell this treatment did not do much by having been able to see the tumour...if she had had surgery first and then chemo they would not of known.

 

There is still lots of hope, and lots of options left...and I am praying that spot on her liver is a cyst...sigh. It was upsetting. I had some horrible dreams last night of her dying.

 

I will update when I know more about what route she is going to take next.

[PassionatePices]

RayKay i'm so sorry to hear about your mom.

 

You & your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[RayKay]

just to add, alot of the reports i read...a grape diet tend to help. as in eating only grapes, as it has large qty of anti oxidants.

 

you could google it.

 

all the best wishes

 

I am very sorry to hear of your mom. That would be very hard at that age..my stepfathers mom died when he was very young of bc too and I know it was hard for him.

 

You can't eat too many antioxidants on chemo, as it defeats the chemo. Anyway, I think eating ONLY grapes would have you pretty ill and malnourished given all they have is natural sugars and some fibre and antioxidants - no proteins, grains, etc! I am athletic and that would not cut it...seems rather unhealthy (like the "grapefruit diet"). I can see eating them as part of your diet though..I eat lots of veggies & fruit though already.

 

There is a "cancer prevention diet" though which I try to follow that involes basically healthy eating, and aim to be organic. I was vegetarian for many years but had health complications eventually from it. The cancer prevention diet does include meat, but only organic meat, and certain kinds are not allowed.

 

In our family unfortunately there is a genetic risk not brought on by diet, though a healthy diet and exercise can greatly reduce it. Exercise and maintaining a healthy weight can decrease your risk by up to 65% even WITH the gene. I fortunately have always been active and a healthy eater, so we'll see. Then again, so is my mum!

[darkblue]

RayKay, just to let you know that I have not been online much (personal problems) - but I am still thinking about you and your mum, and indeed your whole family.

I'm hoping that you all pull through this stronger than ever.

 

You are in my thoughts, as always.

[ShySoul]

Sending my best wishes as well Raykay. You've shown me a lot about what strength and courage is in dealing with this. You are an inspiration to me. I hope all is well and continues to go so. Keeping you in my thoughts.

[RayKay]

Thank you Darkblue and ShySoul

 

I appreciate your comments and thoughts & prayers all very much.

 

Her doctor has recommended she go for surgery sooner, and get a laprascopy of her liver....so we will see what her surgeon says next week. Kinda scary as we were planning for surgery in May so bumping it up is not something I was ready for myself. She says she is more afraid of more chemo then surgery though...keep you all updated of course

 

DB - hope all is well...you know how to reach me if you need to talk!

[Unchained_melody]

Hi RayKay,

 

So now I have the full story about your mother's cancer. You replied to my recent post somewhere in Relationship conflicts thread and today I've been trying to look for a place to talk more about cancer and maybe get some insight and help.

 

I think we both need counselling unless you are already getting it. I don't know any other internet sites that discuss about cancer like a forum or something.

 

When I first heard about my partner getting cancer, I didn't sleep for 2 days, i barely ate anything and I cried myself to sleep within the 4th day of him not being there because he already jumped on a plane to Queensland at that time.

 

Eventhough I love him so much you know, it's hard. it is.

There are two parts of me right now.

One there is a part of me that is doing abit of researching, spending time with him, having fun, telling him how much i love him. Feeling that it's all going to be good and I will still wake up every morning with the sun on my face.

Two, the other part is - We have to (atleast once or twice) been thinking in between those nice moments that it may get to that point where we need to prepare a farewell card in our hearts.

 

It is only that farewell card that we keep to ourselves that makes us a strong person.

I know I have been preparing my farewell card. Have you?

I know it's hard, but don't think about doing this all the time.

 

The most important thing is that, there should be more sunshine than stormy dark clouds in every moment, every thought, every feeling and everything that we see.

That's the truth. To me, We see daylight as a sign of life or happiness, also some people see the night as depressing, or an ending to something.

We might see both day and night at 12 hours for each everyday, totalling 24 hours.

But when you really look up at the skies and beyond, the sun is still there it hasn't really disappeared.

 

So even if you feel scared of the negative outcome, there is alot that we can do for the time being to prevent that or atleast make it worthwhile.

 

My auntie is really good at giving me advice and helping me feel better.

She's been through worst things in her life that what I have been through.

People she loved died in her arms plenty of times during her younger years, her first husband died from a gunfire because he was a security guard. A very ugly and painful way to die. He fell into the water and his legs and arms were severed under the boat's engine.

What was worst? She couldn't be there to say her last words to him because she was working, and he died almost instantly.

 

So she said to me this and asked me this question:

 

When you wake up in the morning after an argument the previous night, get dressed to go out or to go to work, and you see your beloved still sleeping in bed as usual - What everyone doesn't usually expect is that from the moment you walk outside or wake up, death could come at any time sometimes without warning.

 

1. Would you prefer to come home that day and realised you beloved died in a car accident instantly, and without being able to say goodbye to eachother? or apologise to eachother?

 

2. Or would you prefer to know your beloved is not dead yet but is dying, but being able to spend time and have much more time to actually accept what will happen and be able to say goodbye?

 

My auntie suffered no.1. She said she would much rather put up with no.2 because no.1 she says - no matter how many times it has happened to her, it feels extremely painful and shocking.

 

But anyway, any form of sickness whether it claims death tomorrow or death that is yet to come, either way it doesn't spell anything good in our lives.

It's not death that we really do fear, it's saying goodbye forever.

 

Sometimes I sit here wondering what i should do with my life, I mean there are plenty of things I would love to do but I just can't get myself to feel motivated to do any of them.

It's very confusing and i feel so depressed.

 

I hope your mother is feeling better. I stay positive as long as you stay positive..!

[RayKay]

Unchained Melody, I know there are a few cancer dicussion boards out there - link removed for example where you can discuss these things as well.

 

In my area too they also have counsellors and support groups available for family & friends of cancer patients that you may want to look into.

 

There are good days and bad days, but the journey also strengthens you, and gives you a whole new outlook on life - I learned that when my past boyfriend died - that there is a whole other way of looking at things. You WILL grow from this in many ways no matter what happens.

[Unchained_melody]

Ray Kay, I still do not know what I would do without him? it is so hard. So so hard.

 

Eventhough I have not heard of any worst news yet about his cancer, I am already starting to feel like I should get ready for a funeral.?? What is wrong with me?

 

I force myself to snap out of it most of the time and remain positive.

It must have been very painful when your past boyfriend died, I can't even bare to imagine the pain, I don't wanna go there.

How long were you and your past boyfriend together? if you don't mind me asking.

 

 

Oh and thanks for the link.

[RayKay]

Ray Kay, I still do not know what I would do without him? it is so hard. So so hard.

 

Eventhough I have not heard of any worst news yet about his cancer, I am already starting to feel like I should get ready for a funeral.?? What is wrong with me?

 

I force myself to snap out of it most of the time and remain positive.

It must have been very painful when your past boyfriend died, I can't even bare to imagine the pain, I don't wanna go there.

How long were you and your past boyfriend together? if you don't mind me asking.

 

 

Oh and thanks for the link.

 

I am hoping very much it would not come to that...but somehow you survive. You do it. The main thing for me going through that young was I felt very alienated from my peers. I had been with him for almost 5 years, and it as two weeks before his 26th birthday when he died (it felt very strange when I turned 26 and realized I had grown older then him) and I really felt like a "widow" even though we were not married, and I felt little understanding of that from peers (family was great though). And it meant I also never quite felt on the same level as others my age too (at least not most of them).

 

But....I also grew much more empathy for others, a greater understanding of my own strength, emotions, and of priorities. I wish he was still alive as the world missed out on a wonderful person, but I often wonder if I would be whom I was without that...and I can say I am glad I had those 5 years with him, rather then none at all.

 

What you are going through is normal, there will be days you think the worst (I had one of those last night) and others you are positive....it's grieving the situation.

[coollady1957]

HI RAYKAY, I have been trying to keep up with your posts about your mom.

I know it must be difficult at times dealing with her illness. I hope the best for her. I keep her , you and your family in my daily thoughts and prayers. Take care !

[RayKay]

HI RAYKAY, I have been trying to keep up with your posts about your mom.

I know it must be difficult at times dealing with her illness. I hope the best for her. I keep her , you and your family in my daily thoughts and prayers. Take care !

 

Thanks coollady!

 

Had a rough day on Saturday, just did NOT feel like going out and being social......and so I didn't. It all kind of hit me again how scary it all is.

 

Saw mum Sunday though and she is alright...tired but okay. Nervous though too, as we await to see what the next step will be. She meets her surgeon on Thursday to decide whether to try a different chemo or go ahead earlier with surgery....

 

She had a great trip though, said it was much needed!

 

Thanks for your well wishes

[redandblack]

Hey RayKay,

 

I hope everything is going well for you. I haven't been on this site much in the past few months, but I do hope that everything works out for you. You're a great person and I really hope everything works out. Maybe the part of the universe that seems to be predestined will work in your favor this time! I'm rooting for you!

 

Stay strong and take everything one step at a time. Take care

[darkblue]

Still thinking of you.

[annie24]

Me too!!!

[kellbell]

Me three...

[RayKay]

Awwww, thanks ALL of you....it feels good knowing there are people out there thinking of my family and sending us those good thoughts

 

Love to you all!

[WildChild]

Oh RayKay I am sorry to hear about the spot on her liver. Like you said it could be a cyst, but I'm sure it is nerve racking for you all regardless. It doesn't help when the professionals act as the one did to your Mom. Sometimes it seems as though they forget their bedside manners. Her normal doctor seems to have a wonderful bedside manner and is empathetic. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Confessoress]

RayKay, I really wanted to give your post a more useful response but I just started blubbing my eyes out half way through your post. My Mum died of cancer when I was 17 years old. It kills me that I can't ask her for advice, don't have a woman's influence, she will never see her grandchildren, I can't ask her for advice when I have kids and she will never meet my boyfriend. In fact I just can't think about her very often because it tears me apart.

 

My Mum was unlucky, by the time the found her cancer it had already spread to her bones and there was no stopping it.

 

But, your Mum has a lot better chance. She sounds like a healthy woman and very strong, mentally and that is very important.

 

You must not feel guilty for thinking about yourself at a time like this. It is so incredibley hard for people watch their love ones suffer. But as it goes, you have to look after number 1 because if you don't in turn it will effect your Mum.

 

Your Mum is incredibley lucky to have a daugther like you *hugs* We're all here for you.

[RayKay]

Thanks Confessoress,

 

I am so sorry to hear of your mum, that would be very hard - I am positive she is still watching out for you though in some way.

 

No new updates really since last time, I saw her on Saturday as she had me & J over for dinner and she was in good spirits and baking bread and cinnamon buns like mad. Chemo #5 is this week, so some nervousness with that of course once again, but she has had a good "good week" prior to it.

 

Thank you all very much for your support

[Mrocza]

RayKay, still thinking of you and sending out my thoughts, positive energy and prayers to you and your mom.

 

You have everyone here standing behind you 110%, even if we're not there in flesh

 

It takes a lot of courage for you to be so strong in these circumstances and I think you have a lot of strength and courage, which is exactly why your mum is holding up so great.

 

Life has many surreal wake up calls and you can never really plan or predict to the full extent, even a well thought-out bike trail can leave you with it's cuts and scrapes, but you learn how to handle those other falls with grace. I admire the fact that you're so positive throughout this all, when it is much easier to fall victim to dispair, but you realize that not all is lost.

 

It's a tough road ahead, but you just have to keep pushing! You may not get there first, but atleast you get there!

[darkblue]

It has been 8 days since anyone has reassured you we are still thinking of your mother - so I thought I would start the trend, so to speak.

 

I sound like a broken record, but you really do have my fullest support and positive vibes.