This is TORTURE!

[RayKay]

 

Is that not being a hypocrit?

You found your partner on the web, but you are bluntly saying they may not be who they say they are, etc.

 

So, it's a no no for moving before meeting?

 

I believe that's more easily said than done.

Have you ever tried to transport between England and Australia?

Not fun.

 

And you suggest doing it a few times?

 

Whatever happened to having strong feelings - and acting on them..?

 

How is it being a hypocrite, I have experience online, I have met many whom are not whom they say they are. My boyfriend was, but not all are. Not only that, but you may get along like PB & Jelly online, but not in the real world. I AM speaking from experience. I met my boyfriend online, but I sure was not calling him the "Love of My Life" before I ever even MET him. That's not hypocritical.

 

 

 

What do you mean its easier said then done? I have travelled from here to Europe, from here to Australia, from here to South America, and come back again. It's not impossible with the miracle of flight to go and VISIT someone and meet them before moving. It's not a huge endeavour, I suggested they do so a couple times - not several.

 

All I did was tell them to be cautious, as I would of ANYONE, why is that so terrible?

 

There is nothing wrong with strong feelings, that does not mean we need to not also be smart in our decisions at the same time.

[BellaDonna]

I don't want to add fue lto this fire. But I must mention:

 

 

Whatever happened to having strong feelings - and acting on them..?

 

I think that concept is fine if no one could get negatively affected by your actions, besides yourself.

 

Perhaps what bothers me is that there is a 17-year-old girl whose family life will be directly affected by these strong emotions between her mother and a stranger (Tigris).

 

If I were a mother- I would take extreme caution before I let someone become the step-parent to my child.

 

Please don't misinterpert. This is nothing against Tigris. I am glad Tigris is being true to herself- and I don't think she should be with her husband if she's not happy.

 

However I don't see this implusive decision to move and get married right away as being a good thing for Fluffy's daughter (Sapphos) to be involved in all of it, at least not if it's proceeding this quickly.

 

 

BellaDonna

[darkblue]

Note: Referring to meeting; I said 'a few', not several.

 

I also didn't say your points were terrible. I think they are valid, but it is Tigris' decision to make; and if she is sure that this is what she wants to do - she will do so.

 

 

 

No offense - but I don't think you are in any position to say that Tigris will make a decision which is not smart.

[darkblue]

I don't want to add fue lto this fire. But I must mention:

 

 

Whatever happened to having strong feelings - and acting on them..?

 

I think that concept is fine if no one could get negatively affected by your actions, besides yourself.

 

Perhaps what bothers me is that there is a 17-year-old girl whose family life will be directly affected by these strong emotions between her mother and a stranger (Tigris).

 

If I were a mother- I would take extreme caution before I let someone become the step-parent to my child.

 

Please don't misinterpert. This is nothing against Tigris. I am glad Tigris is being true to herself- and I don't think she should be with her husband if she's not happy.

 

However I don't see this implusive decision to move and get married right away as being a good thing for Fluffy's daughter (Sapphos) to be involved in all of it, at least not if it's proceeding this quickly.

 

 

BellaDonna

 

I wouldn't call it a fire BD. I would say it is a 'healthy discussion'

 

Have you never just known that something is right?

 

If no one acted on impulse - the world would be a boring place.

 

Please don't misinterpert. This is nothing against Tigris. I am glad Tigris is being true to herself- and I don't think she should be with her husband if she's not happy.

 

I think that's what this should be all about.

Tigris's happiness. If she feels that she is making a decision which will allow her to be truer to herself, and gain happiness as a result - I wish her the best of luck.

 

If I were a mother- I would take extreme caution before I let someone become the step-parent to my child.

 

Sapphos seems to be very happy about the situation, and the future.

 

Again: what can't you know about someone (who is being true) online, that will change so much on meeting them?

 

As RayKay knows, it can work

[TiredMan]

People can manipulate situations online. You can see as many pics of them as you want but it doesn't capture what they are like in person. That is, if the pics are even real. When typing, it can be personal but not like face to face. You can't EVER equate that even if both people are on cams.

[annie24]

Here's another vote for meeting in person before making life-altering decisions. I too use the internet for dating, and have met men that are very different online then they are in person. For me, it's not a big deal - I just wasted an hour getting drinks with them, in that case. But to move - !?!?!

 

You can have lots of chemistry online, but once you meet in person, find out how they smell, how they chew their food, find out that they don't like to brush their teeth... etc, you may find that you don't have the chemistry in real life.

 

Nothing wrong with taking a trip to Austrialia first, before deciding to move and quit your job back home.

 

good luck

[toad4466]

Hey, we talked about this. There are times when doing the right thing for you will get you in to a bad situation. But if you stick to your guns. then you will be fine.

[Tigris]

I thought about what my friends were saying to me. They say they have never seen me so happy! They are happy that I have found the love of my life but worried that I was prepared to emigrate when I've never met my Fiancee.

 

I've booked a flight to Melbourne. I leave February 16th and arrive on her birthday. I'm staying for 2 weeks!

 

We were to be married in England in the summer but unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances that's not going to happen next year. We plan to be married in 2007!

 

My Fiancee was prepared to emigrate to England. I stopped her because it wasn't fair to Sappho. Her sisters and brother live there and she is just finishing her schooling. She wants to go to university!

 

One of my main priorities has always been that her children and grand children get to know me before I marry her. I want them to know she'll be safe. She has been married twice before and the children have seen and heard things that they should never have had to deal with! Plus they have their own horror stories!

 

I love fluffy_girdlebuns with all of my heart and soul. Without her I am nothing!

[melrich]

Well Tigris, good luck with it all. I hope it works ouyt for you, I really do. Just keep a tiny bit of caution in your heart.

 

BTW you will love Melbourne, it is a fantastic city.

[Tigris]

My husband and I had a long talk last Sunday. Apparently he overheard a telephone conversation where I said, 'I love you'! You can imagine how the discussion went! I explained that it was a woman I'm involved with but that she doesn't live where we do.

 

I didn't dare tell him the whole truth because the Solicitor had told me not too.

 

Since then I have told both my sisters that I'm getting divorced and that there's a woman involved. They both knew I'd suspected I was Bi. I had forewarned them years ago! One sister threw everything she could think of at me! Including that my 2 nephews and neice could be bullied at school if the children found out! The younger sister said she didn't want her 8 and 6 year old to know the truth! I had no intentions of trying to get them to understand. She also said that she doesn't want me walking down the street holding hands or being seen kissing a woman. I knew I'd have problems with their attitudes!

 

I went around to see my Father the other day intending to tell him about the divorce and my sexuality. I've never felt so relieved in all my life when I drove into the street and discovered his car wasn't there!

 

Unfortunately, neither of my sisters want our Father to know about my sexuality! This is putting a great strain on me!

 

Why can't they love me unconditionally like I love them?

[Tigris]

DISASTER

 

 

We both went to see the counsellor today. Whilst my husband was present the counsellor divulged information that should not have been mentioned. The Solicitor had specifically told me not to tell him about emigrating until he'd signed the divorce papers!

 

The Counsellor could see that my husband was bottling his anger up. She used the excuse of getting him to move to another chair by saying it would give me the chance to talk to him face to face instead of side by side.

 

He started by blaming me for everything that had gone wrong with the marriage. However, I needed the Counsellor to know some of the truths that had happened over the last 6 years.

 

He'd worked away as a Tour Coach Driver because he couldn't stand driving service buses around any longer! I had become ill with Depression and Fibromyalgia Syndrome and couldn't work any longer because my body was riddled with pain!

 

Whilst he was away he had 3 course meals in a hotel, entertainment and could drink alchohol. He didn't earn a large wage! I was at home paying normal bills, our debts and trying to live on what was left over. Sometimes I didn't have anything to eat for days baring beans on toast. I had no support from my parents or sisters! Sometimes I might have a little money for fuel for the car so I could visit somebody to keep me sane! That wasn't the worst of it.

 

For 6 years we have had no central heating in our terraced house! We haven't had enough money to fix it. The Council were coming to start work on our bathroom because I'd qualified for a Disability Grant. The adaptations were to help me get in and out of the bath!

 

When they arrived and took a look at the house they said it was uninhabitable! They refused to do the bathroom because the house was in such a state! Live electric wires hanging through giant holes in the ceiling just taped together. The bannister on the staircase hanging off. Damp in the kitchen walls, etc.

 

But because it's mortgaged we would have to find £2,040 before they could start! Guess what? Because we were in so much debt nobody would lend us the money, not even the mortgage lender! So my living standards are just the same as what they were in October 1999! And my husband was living in luxury until September 2004!

 

Before we left the Counsellor she advised us to talk when we got home. So I did. I told him the truth about eventually emigrating to Australia probably in a years time. And guess what? He lost his temper. He said, 'You're selfish!' And then next thing he said, 'I'm leaving and going to my parents house!' He's packed his suitcase and he's left!

[TiredMan]

Are you honestly surprised by this though? He is destroyed upon finding all this out about you. I know I would be too.

[darkblue]

It is your decision - how is it 'selfish'?

[TiredMan]

It is your decision - how is it 'selfish'?

 

I can see where he is coming from. Then again, I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Imagine finding out that you wife is not only leaving you and wants a divorce but she ALREADY met someone else (of a different gender than you I may add) is already "engaged" to someone she hasn't even met in person and plans to marry them. All this while married. You wouldn't call that selfish if you were them?

[darkblue]

I can see where he is coming from. Then again, I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Imagine finding out that you wife is not only leaving you and wants a divorce but she ALREADY met someone else (of a different gender than you I may add) is already "engaged" to someone she hasn't even met in person and plans to marry them. All this while married. You wouldn't call that selfish if you were them?

 

I can also see where you are coming from, but the majority of your post was irrelevant to her husband.

After the divorce, he has no say, at all. In any aspect of Tigris' life.

thereforeeee, whether she meets someone now, or in ten years - it makes little difference.

 

He may be hurt at losing his partner - but he has no right to be upset that she has already found someone.

The only damage to him there is his ego.

[TiredMan]

I can also see where you are coming from, but the majority of your post was irrelevant to her husband.

After the divorce, he has no say, at all. In any aspect of Tigris' life.

thereforeeee, whether she meets someone now, or in ten years - it makes little difference.

 

He may be hurt at losing his partner - but he has no right to be upset that she has already found someone.

The only damage to him there is his ego.

 

Well they are still married right now. And she not only is interested in someone else. She is "engaged" already. Think about that. All this for someone never met before. That is a ridiculous amount to take in so I can see his reaction. I mean I still think he deserves to know it all. But I believe that one shouldn't be with someone else until their previous relationship is over with.

[darkblue]

Tiredman - you said you thought her husband should have known!

Now he knows. He's a grown man - he can deal with it.

 

No, it's not ideal. Welcome to life.

All is fair in love and war.

[TiredMan]

Tiredman - you said you thought her husband should have known!

Now he knows. He's a grown man - he can deal with it.

 

No, it's not ideal. Welcome to life.

All is fair in love and war.

 

Well SHE is the one complaining that he called her that correct? Not like I see HIM posting it.

[Tigris]

I never said I didn't care about him. What I said was I don't love him anymore! Also, he doesn't know about the engagement.

 

I didn't keep information from him to be secretive. I kept it from him so I could protect him from being hurt! You might think that's stupid but I've been solving problems most of our married life that would've caused him worry.

 

Just to put you in the picture - The women for generations in my family have ALWAYS had to carry the men! The men haven't been emotionally/physically strong enough to deal with the situations.

 

The counsellor said in our last meeting that my husband should've been taking on some of the financial responsibility and that she blames a lot of those problems for causing my illnesses.

 

My husband moved in with his parents yesterday. He had to visit me today to pick up clothes so he can attend his Mother's Best Friend's funeral. He was brought up to call her 'Auntie'.

 

On his way from work to our house the car broke down. So he arrived here 2 hours late. Luckily for him I'd arranged car breakdown cover for the last 5 years, however, it couldn't be fixed! So he got it towed to a friend's house. When he told me the situation the first thing I did was offer him a bed for the night. But he said he was catching a bus.

 

After the funeral on Monday he's collecting the car and then coming here to take some more of his things away.

[TiredMan]

But it is still cheating what you did. There is no way you can convince me that it is ok to cheat.

[melrich]

He may be hurt at losing his partner - but he has no right to be upset that she has already found someone.

The only damage to him there is his ego.

 

Gotta say I find this an extraordinary statement. His wife tells him she is divorcing him, then through the process of counselling and chats with his wife he finds out that she is leaving the country and is engaged to another woman she has never met. Now add in that he finds all of this out in the space of about 4 or 5 weeks!!!!

 

And he has no right to be upset????!!???

 

Unless the OP has met and decided to get engaged to the other woman in the period of time since she told her husband she wanted to end the marriage (about 4 or 5 weeks ago I think)....well I think I can see what he would conclude.

 

You would have to be a block of ice not to get upset about this.

[darkblue]

I didn't say that he shouldn't be upset.

Just that he should not be upset at the fact she has met someone.

Whether it be now, or in ten years time - what is the difference to him?

[darkblue]

Tiredman, how is it cheating?

She has not even met the person in the flesh, yet.

[melrich]

Whether it be now, or in ten years time - what is the difference to him?

 

It is different to him because after 6 years of marriage (?) you might expect an opportunity to to be able to resolve some issues (not saying they would be resolved but you would hope for the opportunity). Not only has he been told his wife is leaving but any hopes are cut off at the knees.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the OP has done the wrong thing (although I see some issues) what I am saying he has a right to be upset and if he wasn't upset I'd be concerned that he was not human.

 

I think it is totally understandable that he is upset.

 

As for the cheating issue (again I am not saying this has happened here, none of us know all the facts) but in my book, cheating can be on an emotional level as well as a physical level.

 

If you are in a relationship and you meet someone, in real life or on the net, and you are professingundying love to that person behind your partners back, to me that is cheating, physical contact or not.

[darkblue]

She discovered she does not have feelings for the males species!!

What opportunities did he have?!