This is TORTURE!

[TiredMan]

Well you reap what you sew then. If I am married and I decide I want to be with someone else and I hurt that person, should it really be made easier for me?

[Shadows Light]

Oh... have you suddenly figured out that you are Gay!! well good for you.

 

No Tired. How is it easier???? what is easier??? for whom is it easier??

 

So... being "LESS" merciful is better. I mean the man's pride has already taken a blow man... his wife of 15 years tells him she prefer's woman. How the heck to do you think this man feels??????

 

Do you suppose that ..oooohhhh it'd be easier for him knowing she's now found someone else too?????

 

Sooo.. you think that tipping the scales and telling him RIGHT NOW.. while the IRON IS HOT.. is the best... cause... he's most likely to CRACK. You think thats a good idea do you????

 

There's a name for that you know... its called.. TORTURE..ahhh well just like the subject matter of this thread.. how apropo

[TiredMan]

I don't know. When it comes to the settlement in the divorce, it should highly favor HIM no?

[darkblue]

I don't know. When it comes to the settlement in the divorce, it should highly favor HIM no?

 

Why!?

Do you think it is Tigris's fault that she discovered she was a lesbian?

[Tigris]

TiredMan you're prejudging me!

 

To get out of my 1st marriage I gave my first husband loads of things he shouldn't of had. Plus I took on some of his debt. And I said I'd committed adultery when I hadn't!

 

Because I'm going to emigrate I'm leaving this husband with all the furniture, the car, and possibly the house. Is that a fair exchange?

 

I'm going to Australia to the woman of my dreams with only the clothes on my back and in my case!

 

In my opinion that's not fair to her!

[TiredMan]

 

Why!?

Do you think it is Tigris's fault that she discovered she was a lesbian?

 

Is it HIS lol? Like I said, he didn't do a thing. People's feelings are what they are. If I all of a sudden am not interested in my wife and decide to try someone new, isn't it my fault although my intention was NOT to hurt her?

 

I do have to say that the 1st husband shouldn't have anything to do with this one, unless they were somehow in cahoots.

[Shadows Light]

So.. I suppose she should stick around. And both of them can be miserable together. Thats your advice????

[RayKay]

 

I know I am hurting him and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be expected to stay with my husband when I don't love him as one. He is more like a brother or cousin.

 

TiredMan I couldn't commit adultery even if I wanted to the woman I love lives in Australia and I live in England!

 

 

It's still emotional adultery - considering you now call her your fiancee and all. If this person is whom I "believe" it is, I also advice a lot of caution to you both for various reasons. Not only have you never met in person, but there are huge differences in life experience, age and emotional development in my opinion (again if this is whom I think it is).

 

Honestly, I am not sure how I feel about this, I do think your husband has the right to know. I don't care if the love is not there for him, the fact is when you COMMIT to marriage, you are commiting to them and I believe it is very disrespectful whether you "discover" you are gay or not, to cheat - physically OR emotionally.

 

When you met him, you talked about how you made the first moves, and so forth on him, I imagine at some point you DID love him, and I think given that you should still treat him with the respect he deserves. Does that mean telling him or not? I don't know, but I would caution against seeming to think it's all about you - as soon as you said "I do" it became about BOTH of you. Maybe "legality or not" but the fact is it STILL IS a marriage, just because it was "over" for you does not mean the marriage itself is suddenly worth nothing to him.

[darkblue]

I think the thing to keep in mind is - it is no one's fault.

[TiredMan]

So.. I suppose she should stick around. And both of them can be miserable together. Thats your advice????

 

No but it kind of feels like holding info back that will affect any divorce settlement. Plus, if this situation does happen, I'd rather get it all at once than pow, feel hurt, finally recover, then pow, find another bit of news.

[fluffy_girdlebuns]

Hello to everyone who seem to be attacking my fiance, Tigris. I am fluffy...the scarlet woman who live in Australia.

I am 42 yrs old and Sappho is my 17yo daughter who first chatted with Tigris about 2 months ago.

When I found out that Tigris was 42 yo, I started talking with her. Nita liked her a lot so I was curious about this woman who was getting on so well with my beautiful daughter.

Over the time we got to know each other, the subject of bi sexuality came up in conversation and I disclosed of my own volition that I was single and bi myself.

The rest is history. Please moderators, if you want to censor someone for being the "Scarlet" woman in this situation, please censor ME! I am the one who has stepped into a relationship (for the first time mind you) with a woman who is married but legally separated. I love Tigris, regardless of what others may think of the dangers of net romance...and she loves me. We are meeting in February and Im over-the-moon to be finally able to have the chance to meet this wonderful, huge-hearted woman who has stolen my heart.

 

Please, for anyone who truly loves another human being, Tigris is the love of my life and I trust and respect her honesty and openness in EVERY aspect of our relationship.

 

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to post this in regards the the REAL torture both Tigris and I feel every time we cannot kiss and hug and be with each other in person. That is still to come and I am eagely looking forward to kissing her for the first time.

 

She is a really good-natured lady who is genuinely suffereing in this. Please take this into consideration that she is doing what she knows is right regardless of anyones opinions.

 

Regards,

Fluffy oxo

[pizzachick13]

Hello all. This is Sappho.

 

RayKay, no offense intended to Tigris, but do you seriously think I'd date a woman who is the age of my mother?! Please, I do have some taste. Also she's really not my type. The flirting that we did on Enotalone was when I was having troubles and needed some friendly flirting to lighten my mood and it did. That was all it was. It will never turn into anything more. She's with my mother now, not me.

 

TiredMan, I don't think that Tigris's husband deserves all you say he does. From what I hear he is a nice guy, but like darkblue said it isn't her fault that she discovered she is a lesbian. It also isn't her fault that she discovered herself in my mother, fluffy_girdlebuns.

 

Thankyou to Shadows Light and darkblue who have been supportive of Tigris, who is a dear friend of mine. She doesn't deserve to be attacked like this by anyone.

 

Sappho...

[TiredMan]

I don't think anyone is attacking her. But again, people say it isn't HER fault for findind she is in a love with another women, while married. I'm sorry but it is. Is it HIS fault? If she wanted to leave him for another man, it's the same.

[Cadence308]

Now that it's been established that Tigris is engaged to Fluffy, who is Sapphos mother, I think that we should wish them well!!!

 

Tigris has been very torn about her marriage and sexuality for a long time, as her previous threads illustrate. She sounds like she has made some decisions about her relationships and sexuality and should not be castigated, in my opinion.

 

I do have to agree that she does owe her current husband respect and the truth. However, I think it's her decision to decide when the time is right. It is really easy for other characters on enotalone to type comments on here, telling her what the right thing to do is. That is not for any of us to decide.

 

Cheers, Tigris! And may you and Fluffy experience hot and passionate ... in as many waterbeds that you can find in Australia!

[Tigris]

Angie darling, thank you for coming to my rescue and being my Knight in shining armour! My love runs deeper than the oceans and soars higher than the mountains. I've never felt this way about anyone before!

 

Nita sweetheart, thanks for your love and support. There's only one person in the world that could be prouder than I feel right now, your Mother! I'm honoured that you are going to be my Step-Daughter!

 

Ballys, thank you for your support, and especially for reminding everyone that this problem has been going on for some time.

 

I intend to tell my husband, father and two sisters very soon. However, I've been cautioned by the solicitor and friends not to go in 'full steam ahead' like I usually do!

 

My husband suffers from High Blood Pressure and my Father suffers with Angina and TIA Strokes!

 

Finally, my two sisters say they will disown me if I tell my Father about my sexuality!

[darkblue]

I believe the post which I was going to refer to, has been deleted.

 

Tiredman - I did not say that it was her husband's fault. It is no one's fault that Tigris has such feelings for another person (it happens to be a woman, there is no difference).

 

The fact that her husband will not know until the divorce is definite - makes no change to the fact that he will know.

 

The marriage was over long before this - thereforeeee it makes no difference when he finds out.

 

 

Thankyou to Shadows Light and darkblue who have been supportive of Tigris, who is a dear friend of mine. She doesn't deserve to be attacked like this by anyone.

 

No, she does not deserve this treatment. That is why I feel the need to post on this thread.

 

Raykay - I think you made assumptions and mistakes, which you must have withdrawn.

 

Tigris - you are not at fault nor are you to blame. And I wish you happiness in your fresh start.

[RayKay]

db - there is no need to withdraw them, all I did was comment on something which I needed more clarification on it, and I got it through a PM and further on this thread.

 

There is no reason to withdraw it as I was only saying there were certain issues - there still are even though it may not be an age one there are still differences in many other areas and I would give the same warnings to ANYONE of any age, sex whatever, giving up everything they have to move to be with someone they have never met. Hence, I am not removing the comments.

[darkblue]

db - there is no need to withdraw them, all I did was comment on something which I needed more clarification on it, and I got it through a PM and further on this thread.

 

There is no reason to withdraw it as I was only saying there were certain issues - there still are even though it may not be an age one there are still differences in many other areas and I would give the same warnings to ANYONE of any age, sex whatever, giving up everything they have to move to be with someone they have never met. Hence, I am not removing the comments.

 

I thought you had removed the post - It was only on rereading there, that I found you hadn't.

 

But then again - why isn't it? Your comments were centred arond the assumption that Tigris was having these relations with Sapphos. Which was wrong.

 

I would give the same warnings to ANYONE of any age, sex whatever, giving up everything they have to move to be with someone they have never met

 

I love Tigris, regardless of what others may think of the dangers of net romance...and she loves me.

 

I see... You really must be careful with leaving your husband (with whom you have no feelings for) and joining the love of you life..?

[novaseeker]

db - there is no need to withdraw them, all I did was comment on something which I needed more clarification on it, and I got it through a PM and further on this thread.

 

There is no reason to withdraw it as I was only saying there were certain issues - there still are even though it may not be an age one there are still differences in many other areas and I would give the same warnings to ANYONE of any age, sex whatever, giving up everything they have to move to be with someone they have never met. Hence, I am not removing the comments.

 

And I don't think you should be asked to, either.

 

Look, I was married and discovered during the course of my marriage that I was bi ... more on the 'het' side of bi, but bi nonetheless. I told my wife, it created massive problems, we worked on them and eventually decided to separate and divorce. I never acted on my 'bi' feelings at any time during the time I was married, because it would have been wrong to do so and unfair to do so.

 

Every marriage 'ends' long before a separation. That in no way, shape or form means that one party should become involved with another person while they are still married. It certainly is adulterous and disrespectful (it's emotionally adulterous, I agree with RayKay) ... but more importantly for you, Tigris, it's really a bad, bad, bad time to enter another relationship with someone. Your mind, your emotions are so loaded at this point in time: freedom, a sense of euphoria about being 'out', a sense of excitement about being free from a marriage that felt more like a suffocating trap ... but believe me, these are not the conditions under which one should make life-changing decisions like deciding to emigrate to be with someone you've known for 2 months and have never met in real life.

 

So, I sympathize greatly with your situation, I have experienced the same conflicts that you do. But I can't in any way condone what you're doing, to be honest.

[RayKay]

I see... You really must be careful with leaving your husband (with whom you have no feelings for) and joining the love of you life..?

 

Well, obviously she had feelings for her husband at some point. If you read her past posts even she admits that. Two marriages in the past that ended, I think it's time to take some time before jumping into another one so fast - whether it's because you have realized you are gay or not.

 

 

I have had enough experience with net romances to say until you MEET in person you NEVER know how well you truly can be together, or if you will be at all.

 

So yes, I do caution someone leaving their entire life behind to move overseas to be with someone they have NEVER met in person. At least arrange to meet a couple times BEFORE doing so.

 

It has nothing for me to do with being "dangerous", it has to do with building up something online that may not even be there in real life.

[darkblue]

I see... You really must be careful with leaving your husband (with whom you have no feelings for) and joining the love of you life..?

 

Well, obviously she had feelings for her husband at some point.

 

I have had enough experience with net romances to say until you MEET in person you NEVER know how well you truly can be together, or if you will be at all.

 

So yes, I do caution someone leaving their entire life behind to move overseas to be with someone they have NEVER met in person. At least arrange to meet a couple times BEFORE doing so.

 

It has nothing for me to do with being "dangerous", it has to do with building up something online that may not even be there in real life.

 

Now the love of her life may not exist?

 

What can't you say on the net that you need to say in person which makes the world of a difference?

 

Well, obviously she had feelings for her husband at some point.

 

Note: had.

 

Even if there is no chemistry in person with this new love - this has proven that she is by no means in a stable marriage.

That much she knows.

That much, she must correct.

[RayKay]

I am not arguing against her leaving her husband, I am cautioning that sometimes people are NOT whom they present online. Online, you can always be "on". Living with them is totally different. Meeting them is totally different.

 

So, no, she may NOT exist, not as she has built her up to be.

 

Given Tigris' history of seemingly falling for many many people quickly, I DO think it would be wise for her to take some time TO HERSELF before jumping in with someone else.

[darkblue]

To recap - Leaving her husband, is fine.

 

Finding the love of her life on the internet, is not so good. Because she may be building her into something she is not.

 

But how will she know unless she meets her? Which you advise against...

[RayKay]

To recap - Leaving her husband, is fine.

 

Finding the love of her life on the internet, is not so good. Because she may be building her into something she is not.

 

But how will she know unless she meets her? Which you advise against...

 

I never advised against MEETING her..please reread where I said I suggest they DO meet.

 

I advised against MOVING to be with her without at least meeting a couple times first.

 

Look, I found MY partner on the internet and it has gone very well, but still someone online is not always the same in person.

[darkblue]

To recap - Leaving her husband, is fine.

 

Finding the love of her life on the internet, is not so good. Because she may be building her into something she is not.

 

But how will she know unless she meets her? Which you advise against...

 

I never advised against MEETING her..please reread where I said I suggest they DO meet.

 

I advised against MOVING to be with her without at least meeting a couple times first.

 

Look, I found MY partner on the internet and it has gone very well, but still someone online is not always the same in person.

 

Is that not being a hypocrit?

You found your partner on the web, but you are bluntly saying they may not be who they say they are, etc.

 

So, it's a no no for moving before meeting?

 

I believe that's more easily said than done.

Have you ever tried to transport between England and Australia?

Not fun.

 

And you suggest doing it a few times?

 

Whatever happened to having strong feelings - and acting on them..?