This is TORTURE!

[DN]

Please have courage and dont be manipulated by your sisters' lack of understanding...she cannot stop you from seeing your niece and nephews...you have a legal right as their aunt to see them

 

I am almost certain that aunts do not have a legal right to see their nieces or nephews unless they are legal guardians or in some other way stand in loco parentis. I am willing to be contradicted if you can cite specific case law or legislation that proves otherwise.

[Shadows Light]

But if you read her earlier posts, it appears that she fell for quite a few females (neighbor, prof, etc....). All while married.

 

 

Exactly. She did. And she'd tried discussing her thoughts and feelings with her husband. She didn't at first understand what was happening to her. He did not react as I understand it. Actually, I don't know what the correct response would be. Maybe could have/would have/should have... maybe he could have sought counseling WITH her at that time.

 

I remember when I was first married. I had "MEN" coming on to me like fly's to honey. I didn't understand it. Even after I told them I was married. I wasn't doing "anything" to attract it. I DID.. sit down and talk to my HUSBAND.. telling him what was happening. I didn't want this attention. He laughed and said he'd expected it. I was SAFE NOW. "What is that supposed to mean"... he said some men will hit only on married women because there are NO EXPECTATIONS... just FUN. I HAD NO IDEA!!!...

My point with that anecdote is... I HAD A PROBLEM. I WENT TO MY BEST FRIEND.. my husband and told him I had a problem. And we worked it out together. He'd given me a few ideas on how to handle these situations.

 

NOW back to TIG.. could have/would have/should have.. he's known for quite some time that she was developing attractions for females. And finding it increasingly impossible to deal with those feelings. Married or NOT.. these were THOUGHTS and FEELINGS that were over whelming her. SHE'D told him. He ignored it.

 

Now had she come to him and told him that she was an alcholic or drug abuser. Would he have ignored it? or had she told him she had other thoughts encroaching in on her that she didn't know how to deal with.. would he have ignored it?

 

YES. He would have.

 

She was a very very sick woman a few years back. Bed ridden. And she was left alone to fend for herself. He had a job that took him away from home, where he only came home for a day once a week. She was ALONE. He'd ignore her phone calls. He'd ignore her complaints to him that she felt lonely. He'd ignore her phone calls.

 

I'd say the issues in these marriage go deeper than what is on the surface. And no... just because they had marital problems does it give her liceance to take her marital vows in vain. However... she didn't HIDE her feelings that were encroaching on her. He chose to couch it...and hoped it'd go away.

[novaseeker]

I see what you are saying, Shadows, but I would give the same advice to anyone in Tigris' situation, whether gay, straight, lesbian: getting involved with someone that quickly during a divorce process is a red flag, getting engaged to someone without having met them in real life is a red flag. These are big risks. I do hope things work out for Tigris in the end, I really do, but I can't really stand by and not point out that there are large blinking red flags here, because to do otherwise would be to offer poor advice, in my opinion.

 

At this point, Tigris is going to do what she has decided to do, I think that's clear enough. So it really seems to be a disagreement among the rest of us about the situation, and that's probably fairly pointless to continue in any depth.

[TiredMan]

I don't believe that. I believe you CHOOSE to cheat. And what she did was emotional cheating on her marriage many many many times over and with different people too. She wanted to be with all these women. You don't stay in a marriage while trying to figure out if you can get with these women.

[melrich]

Were I speaking to any friend of mind in this situation I would say the exact same things I have said here - something doesn't seem quite right.

 

I think this is the main point. The obvious advice to give someone in this situation is to step lightly and you would give it to anyone. I do not think that there is any post in this thread that is a "personal" attack, it is all advice you would give to anyone in this situation.

 

Your family need to know WHO you are in love with...I dont want to have to hide away when I join you in March

 

And I think this is the reason the advice is being given. The OP herself does not know who she is in love with. Personally, I really don't care how much you talk on the phone or over the internet, until you meet someone, until you look into their eyes, until you experience them in the flesh you can only know them at a superficial level.

 

So I think if you boil down all the advice that has been posted to this thread, take out the emotion and colorful wording, the core of it seems to be,

 

"Go over to Australia, meet this other person spend some time with her, THEN think about whether or not you want to make the sorts of commitments you seem to be making sight unseen."

[Tigris]

I've just found out that the two male 2nd cousins started a conversation on Christmas Day at their Mother's house about me. They said they'd felt sorry for me. Suddenly their Mother (who I'd confided in earlier in the week) realised what was going to be said and stopped the conversation by saying, 'I don't think this is an appropriate subject for Christmas Day dinner!'

 

She's advised me to tell my Father as soon as possible because we have 3 family parties this month and she thinks there's a very good chance someone will tell him before I do!

[Tigris]

Yesterday my husband reminded me that we get our Decree Nisi through today. I started to think about the happy years we had and that made me cry!

[Shadows Light]

That was a very cool article melrich thank you so much.

 

 

I actually found a link to the article I read. This is taken from the leading broadsheet in Oz. On re-reading it I found the "60%" figure is actually quoted from the states. There are also references to teh UK here.

 

I think it describes well the burgeoning problem of online affairs.

 

[Tigris]

Told Dad about me last night.

 

I was dreading it!

 

All I said was, 'Things hadn't been going too well with my marriage for the last 6 years. (He had tears in his eyes!) That I knew I was different growing up. And that I don't like men anymore!'

 

He said, It's your life do with it what you want.' (This was not the reaction I thought I'd get!)

 

I said, 'I hadn't known how to tell him.'

 

He said, 'It's ok.'

 

I said, 'Thank you.' (I had to leave the room in a hurry because I was going to cry in front of him.)

 

When I left my youngest sister's house he came to see me off. I never said anything but kissed him on the cheek. Which is very unusual for us!

 

I'm pleased that's over!

[darkblue]

We always imagine the worst case scenario in our head.

I hope you feel some sort of relief that your father finally knows - and seems okay with it.

[Shadows Light]

I'm glad for you Tig. A parents love for a child is infinite.

[Hope75]

It doesn't seem to have turned out as badly as you feared.... are you relieved now that you told him?

[Tigris]

Yes, I'm definitely relieved now!

 

At least if he goes to the 3 family parties this month and it slips out during any conversations, he already knows. I'm not saying that he won't get upset if it's mentioned but, it'll definitely make things a lot easier for him.

[Tigris]

My two sisters still want me to keep it to myself! Why should I?

 

It's taken me 30 years to decide who I am. Why should I still hide?

[darkblue]

That was their opinion, Tig.

You did what you thought best - and it turned out better than you expected.

[fluffy_girdlebuns]

Hello my darling Tigris,

You definitely have the courage of a tiger in your heart and I love you for it my darling lady!

You deserve lots of kudos for having the guts to tell your Dad...I hope when you tell him about me, the response it equally positive.

I love you with all my heart,

Fluffy G oxoxoxoxoxo

[Tigris]

Fluffy mentioned last night that she's noticed I'm sometimes possessive. I can't help it!

 

Weeks ago I was dealing with the 'Green Eyed Monster'! I think I've solved that problem by locking it in my head and throwing the key away!

[Shadows Light]

Weeks ago I was dealing with the 'Green Eyed Monster'! I think I've solved that problem by locking it in my head and throwing the key away![/quote]

 

 

Find the KEY. Let out the Monster... and BANISH him from you.

Tig...locking the green/eyed monster in your head is probably not the best place for him. He's having fun up there like ROMPER ROOM... playing hide and go seek and all those kiddie games.

 

 

I know this... cause the green-eyed monster is pervasive in my life sometimes. And he's like that unwanted company... you'll sit down and have tea with him just to be polite... but you really wish he never had your address in teh first place.

[darkblue]

I agree with Shadows - you can't bottle up emotions.

You have to tackle them and do something about it.

[Tigris]

Maybe I'll get rid of these problems permanently when I go to Australia? I definitely hope so.

[TheFallenShadow]

Aye, the green eyed monster does tend to render itself at times in everyones life, how you deal with it, however is another story...and locking it away inside is not a good thing, but sometimes you feel thats the only choice you have. But then on the other hand, speaking from experience, there were times that because of the green eyed monster, my X controlled me, and how no one would ever want me, and if i did have a friend that was female, she did her best at destroying any friendship i had...so no, the green eyed monster is something that you dont want to set and have tea with....

[fluffy_girdlebuns]

My darling, everyone is right...let all this emotional baggage out and BANISH the monster or it will keep rearing the ugly green head it has. I love you with all my heart but you know that trust and openness about any issue is the key to beating it...just do it and you will see how freeing it feels not to be jealous or possessive.

I love you with all my heart and believe me, I wish I was able to return to the UK with you in March but its not looking hopeful...dammit!

But maybe its God's way of giving you this time to get rid of all your past angst over jealousy and possessiveness before we get together??? What do you think?

I love you forever and a day my darling lady,

Fluffy G oxoxoxoxoxoxo

[TiredMan]

On a side note, do you notice how people refer to their own choices as "monster" or "demons" when talking about how they are jealous people or have a drug/alcohol problem? I hear that all the time. "He couldn't overcome his demons". Cmon, call it what it is lol.

[Tigris]

I should've know at some point this would happen!

 

My illness/disability (Fibromyalgia Syndrome) and my depression have started to affect me again! Stress triggers off an attack and that's one thing I've got a lot of at present!

 

It doesn't help that we're in the middle of winter and the cold triggers off the pains! I'm now on the maximum doseage of painkillers that the doctor will allow. Unfortunately, the central heating hasn't worked for 6 years and it needs replacing. So I only have one gas fire to heat the whole house!

 

I'm seeing the Psychiatrist on Wednesday. I'm pleased because I desperately need to see him to be put back on medication again! I was doing so well about 10 months ago that my medication was stopped. In the last few weeks I've been crying a lot. I can cope with that however, things are getting worse. I've been hurting myself for a few weeks. This starts by me scratching until my skin bleeds! Once the skin's damaged I continue to do do it. Eventually when the skin heals properly it looks like I'm covered in bruises. Over a year ago I'd scratched my right arm, this time I'm scratching my legs!

 

Today things have got worse. I'm now at the stage where I want to punch walls!

[darkblue]

Hey Tig,

There's nothing anyone here can really do for you, apart from listen - which you know I will be more than happy to do.

 

It is Monday and your appointment is on Wednesday - hold tight and if you have any major issues/difficulties - you can get in touch with your GP.

 

Take care.