This is TORTURE!

[Tigris]

She asked where I saw myself. I said a long way past bi but not quite lesbian. My husband was still present at this time.

 

I know I am hurting him and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be expected to stay with my husband when I don't love him as one. He is more like a brother or cousin.

 

TiredMan I couldn't commit adultery even if I wanted to the woman I love lives in Australia and I live in England!

 

Later today I'm going to see a solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

[TiredMan]

She asked where I saw myself. I said a long way past bi but not quite lesbian. My husband was still present at this time.

 

I know I am hurting him and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be expected to stay with my husband when I don't love him as one. He is more like a brother or cousin.

 

TiredMan I couldn't commit adultery even if I wanted to the woman I love lives in Australia and I live in England!

 

Later today I'm going to see a solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

 

I understand but the YIPPPPPPPPPPPPPEE seemed very harsh towards him!

[Tigris]

I phoned my Counsellor and asked for her advice. She said I should tell my husband that I was going to a solicitor to file for a divorce. So I did.

 

He thought I was having an affair with my best friend, who is my next door neighbour. She's straight! She's got a major problem at present so I was trying to help her. This meant I was spending an awful lot of time there.

 

Plus I was avoiding my husband because I was beginning to feel uncomfortable around him.

 

I told my solicitor that it was my fault because I'd discovered I'm a lesbian. Unfortunately, I can't file for divorce unless it's unreasonable behaviour on his part. ISN'T THIS STUPID! However, I can be divorced if he agrees to those conditions and it'll only take 4.5 months.

 

Well we'll just have to talk about it.

[darkblue]

I didn't know it was that uncommon.

I've spent the past half hour trying to look it up without luck.

 

Well it's either the 4.5 months - or you'd have to be separated for two years...

[darkblue]

Of course - he could divorce you one the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour'.

 

Unreasonable Behaviour. Your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live together.

 

link removed

[BellaDonna]

I'm surprised England doesn't have "no-fault" divorce.

 

link removed

 

If you truly want a divorce- do you think your husband will be cooperative?

 

Unfortunately, I can't file for divorce unless it's unreasonable behaviour on his part

 

Would he be willing to file and say that you "behaved unresonably" to avoid this technicality?

 

 

BellaDonna

[Tigris]

The problem is we have a lot of debts between us!

 

If I file for a divorce then it won't cost us anything. I'm entitled to legal aid because I've been on long term sick since Oct 1999 due to having Fibromyalgia Syndrome. If he files for divorce he'll have to pay because he is working.

 

'The ball is in his court now!'

 

I'll give him a few days to think about it then broach the subject again.

 

 

Finally, my next counselling session has been changed to Monday. It's a session for me only.

 

Thanks everyone for taking an interest.

[TiredMan]

 

If I file for a divorce then it won't cost us anything. I'm entitled to legal aid because I've been on long term sick since Oct 1999 due to having Fibromyalgia Syndrome. If he files for divorce he'll have to pay because he is working.

 

 

 

And you think this is fair?

[Tigris]

Today my husband agreed to the divorce. He also moved into the other bedroom.

 

Tomorrow I start divorce proceedings.

 

My emotions are mixed. Part of me is sad because of the pain I'm putting him through and the other part is happy because it's a new beginning.

[darkblue]

A beginning truer to yourself.

I'm glad it's working out.

 

Take care.

[Tigris]

Thanks for your support Dark Blue.

 

Today I see the Counsellor again.

[Tigris]

The Psycho Sexual Counsellor wants me to tell my husband about my Fiancee and about emigrating next year. And the Solicitor doesn't want me to tell him until he's signed the divorce papers!

 

On top of that I've decided to tell my two sisters the whole truth. I'd told them 2 years ago I thought I was bi so at least that's paved the way a bit. However, they did say that if our Father ever found out about my sexuality then they'd disown me!

 

I am not a coward so I'm going to face the two of them head on! If they don't like what they hear then tough! It'll mean I have no ties in England to hold me here!

[darkblue]

And what would you like to do about telling your husband? Put it off or tell him now?

 

(Sorry if I missed it, but,)Where are you emigrating to?

[Tigris]

I've thought about it and I agree with the solicitor. I'm going to wait until he signs the divorce papers before I mention about the woman of my dreams. The solicitor says it should only take about a week and then he'll receive them. Once they've been signed they are returned to the court. The solicitor says that once they get to this stage it's very difficult to turn back. So I'm going to wait.

 

I'm emigrating to Australia Dark Blue.

 

 

 

My love for her flows deeper than the ocean and soars higher than the mountains!

[darkblue]

I've thought about it and I agree with the solicitor. I'm going to wait until he signs the divorce papers before I mention about the woman of my dreams. The solicitor says it should only take about a week and then he'll receive them. Once they've been signed they are returned to the court. The solicitor says that once they get to this stage it's very difficult to turn back. So I'm going to wait.

 

I'm emigrating to Australia Dark Blue.

 

 

 

My love for her flows deeper than the ocean and soars higher than the mountains!

 

 

 

This really is a remarkable story. And you have had your work cut out for you to make it happen!

 

Shame you are leaving the UK to go to Austrialia. But, 'love conquers all' and 'the heart wants; what it wants' etc. lol

 

It's probably best to wait until the divorce is hard to stop before telling him - he may have a change of heart when he finds out!

 

Good luck and take care, Tigris.

[TiredMan]

How about just being completely honest with the guy? Don't you think he is owed at least that?

[darkblue]

How about just being completely honest with the guy? Don't you think he is owed at least that?

 

Yes - eventually.

[TiredMan]

I think he is owed it right now. Isn't he going to have to feel enough hurt from the divorce itself?

[darkblue]

I think he is owed it right now. Isn't he going to have to feel enough hurt from the divorce itself?

 

The marriage was long over before the divorce was discussed...

[TiredMan]

 

The marriage was long over before the divorce was discussed...

 

Seems to me because of what she wants, more than him cheating or anything.

[darkblue]

 

The marriage was long over before the divorce was discussed...

 

Seems to me because of what she wants, more than him cheating or anything.

 

And what do you want her to do about that?

 

If you found out you were gay, while being married - what is there left to salvage?

 

It wouldn't be fair on either of them.

[TiredMan]

But she said "The Psycho Sexual Counsellor wants me to tell my husband about my Fiance and about emigrating next year. And the Solicitor doesn't want me to tell him until he's signed the divorce papers! I've thought about it and I agree with the solicitor. I'm going to wait until he signs the divorce papers before I mention about the woman of my dreams. The solicitor says it should only take about a week and then he'll receive them. Once they've been signed they are returned to the court. The solicitor says that once they get to this stage it's very difficult to turn back. So I'm going to wait."

 

I think she should put it ALL out on the table now. She owed him at least that. If I was gay, I would spill it all.

[darkblue]

But she said "The Psycho Sexual Counsellor wants me to tell my husband about my Fiance and about emigrating next year. And the Solicitor doesn't want me to tell him until he's signed the divorce papers! I've thought about it and I agree with the solicitor. I'm going to wait until he signs the divorce papers before I mention about the woman of my dreams. The solicitor says it should only take about a week and then he'll receive them. Once they've been signed they are returned to the court. The solicitor says that once they get to this stage it's very difficult to turn back. So I'm going to wait."

 

I think she should put it ALL out on the table now. She owed him at least that. If I was gay, I would spill it all.

 

Why potentially sacrafice your own happiness?

If she told her husband now - he could stop the divorce procedings.

[TiredMan]

 

Why potentially sacrafice your own happiness?

If she told her husband now - he could stop the divorce procedings.

 

Well, then her actions have consequences. Not like he did something. Why should he not know the whole story NOW when he hasn't done a thing?

[Shadows Light]

What do you think the final outcome of this would be Tired???

 

The final outcome of it is... she is bent on getting a divorce and she will be divorced.

 

Now.. at this point and time he is conceding to the divorce and going along with it quietly. He already KNOWS about her bi tendencies. She's disclosed that much. He's been to the phsycho-analysts with her, where she had to look at him in the face and tell him she feels more LESBIAN than anything. She had to hurt him directly. I don't know how I would feel if I was told about it directly.

 

IF..she laid it on the table and told him she had these gradiose plans to abscam off into the sunset with a woman she fell in love with. What are possible scenarios.

 

Number one.. he puts his foot down and refuses to divorce and FIGHTS her. Accomplishing what???? getting the both of them further into debt... thats what.

 

Number Two... he quietly meekly concedes and says.. ok.. do what thou will.

 

Number Three... its the straw that breaks the camels back and he flips out on her and does something that they'll both regret.

 

The man has the patience of JOB already... I can see this tripping his trigger.

 

I see your point Tiredman. I know where you are coming from.. Honesty is the best policy. However, sometimes MERCY is better. Sometimes.. what you don't know can't hurt you. Besides... what is the final outcome of this drama... They will divorce anyway.

 

You know it gets me how much $$$$ is spent on Attorneys and courts in a battle of EGO's. because thats what it is. One party attacking another party and one upping the other. No one WINS except the attorney's they love it.. they get rich off of it.

 

I think each situation is unique. And this situation is unique. She's been honest about everything BUT.. her Ausie Luv. And that happened long after the marriage had been over. This marriage has been over for a long time.. the only thing that calls it a marriage are legalities.