Given up on dating

[MartynH]

Hi everyone, What are some of the reasons a lot of you (particularly guys) have given up on dating?

 

I am 6ft tall, I work out religiously so i'm in fairly good shape and I am reasonably successful with a phD in molecular microbiology and I travel a lot, both for fun and for work. I am currently a post doctoral research fellow at a very highly regarded University.

But women just do not seem interested at all. They usually just flake out and I never hear from them again. However, I have been told by several people that I am not very sharp when it comes to interpersonal dynamics and do not pick up on blatant flirting from women.

 

Do guys give up after all this?

[Batya33]

Woman. I think dating is optional. I think it’s essential to date or similar if you want to get married or have a serious long term relationship with a good match that’s not like a marriage of convenience or arranged. Personally I think it’s a shame when people give up for negative reasons especially stereotypical stuff or others opinions.  But again why date if you don’t feel like it. 

[catfeeder]

My guess would be that anyone with your research abilities could opt to research ways to learn interpersonal skills rather than just give up--unless dating or a relationship wouldn't really interest you enough.

There's no such thing as a life requirement that dating 'must' matter to you in order for you to enjoy a full, well rounded and successfully happy life. But if it does matter to you, consider that most people don't have a problem with hiring a plumber, a lawyer, a tax expert, when they need particular expertise that impacts their quality of life. So it only makes sense to research the subject and possibly hire the right expert to help you develop your social and dating skills if you believe that owning those could enhance your quality of life.

If not, then no harm, no foul. Do exactly as you please.

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, MartynH said:

I am 6ft tall, I work out religiously so i'm in fairly good shape and I am reasonably successful with a phD.  I am not very sharp when it comes to interpersonal dynamics and do not pick up on blatant flirting from women.

What are you doing specifically to socialize and meet women?  Are you using any quality dating apps and talking to and meeting women? 

Are you involved in groups, clubs, sports, volunteering or taking fun classes where you can meet like minded people and talk to women regularly? 

Why would you wait around for "blatant flirting"?  

[smackie9]

Prob because you are too stiff and need to be more charming by being a flirt yourself, tease, make them laugh, good eye contact with playful eyes/looks. It's an artform for sure but ya gotta really put yourself out there with confidence/ be relaxed...give it a go. 

[Kwothe28]

There are people who are not really socially adept. Its kinda easier for a women since they are the ones that are approached to. For a man, well, you need to take some initiative at first. Meaning that you at least need to approach and make contact. You are not a woman, nobody would approach you. 

Giving up on dating is for, I dunno, people who are really dissapointed in one. Like for divorced dads who dont want to date anymore want to just live their life. You havent even tried it properly. So, there is nothing to give up for now. 

[LootieTootie]

It sounds like you need to work on yourself a little bit more. You look great on paper, but when they get to know you, it's a different story.

Are there things you think you need to improve on? Self-awareness is BIG when you are trying to put yourself out there. If you are unaware of how obtuse you may be coming off, you will always find yourself in the same place you started. So instead of thinking about giving up, maybe think if there's anything else you might need to work on.

Once you have a list, even if its super long or super short, you can go from there in how to work on those areas.

[ShySoul]

Male here with a different perspective then you'll probably get from most. I haven't given up on dating, I just never saw the need for it in the first place. If dating is a process of getting to know someone and seeing if you want a relationship, why not just get to know them through the course of everyday life? As you become friends with someone and get close, you'll know if their are feelings there. Then it's a matter of trusting those feelings and believing in yourself enough to take the next step. As a friend once told me, life is 49% fate and 51% you. Life will set opportunites in front of you, but it's up to you to make the most of them. The, admittingly rare, cases I've had of mutual attraction with someone have come when I wasn't looking or thinking about it. I was simply going on with my life, became friends with a female, and next thing I know there is something more.

There are many paths to love. Some try the dating route. Others take more scenic drives. The important thing is to be happy with yourself and content doing what you love on your own. When you are happy just being the real, authentic you, then you develop real confidence. That confidence shines through and will be noticed. So stay busy with your studies and travels. Have fun and focus on enjoying your life. When the time is right, things happen. Don't conside it giving up, as much as an extended pause until the right time and right person comes along. Then when they do, carpe diem.

[Cherylyn]

Even though you're on the right path with your goals for your career,  not every woman is keen on a man who travels a lot including for work and your time is limited for a relationship due to your doctoral program. 

I wouldn't give up though.  There is a woman out there who foresees a lot of potential in you so she'll either remain patient or you'll attract women by the droves like bees to honey after you're finished with your education and on the fast track with your job.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, ShySoul said:

s you become friends with someone and get close, you'll know if their are feelings there. Then it's a matter of trusting those feelings and believing in yourself enough to take the next step. As a friend once told me, life is 49% fate and 51% you. Life will set opportunites in front of you, but it's up to you to make the most of them. The, admittingly rare, cases I've had of mutual attraction with someone have come when I wasn't looking or thinking about it. I was simply going on with my life, became friends with a female, and next thing I know there is something more.

I did that in junior high and early high school.  Because I was just getting to the point of being allowed to date.

  I didn't rule out ending up being involved romantically with a platonic friend -it happened once, almost happened another time -when it did it was a mistake and when it didn't -actually two or three times -it was a good thing we didn't go there. I didn't have the luxury of taking that sort of long way around.  When I dated -on and off from 1980-2005 it meant that you both knew why you were meeting for a date, it was a structure (especially dating with the goal of a potentially LTR) where you didn't have to have awkward conversations or make a move on a platonic friend that might have a really high risk of ruining the friendship.   

Also weekends were date nights.  I didn't waste date nights on platonic male friends if I could help it so if a man wasn't asking me out or wanted "friends first" I'd hang out casually -not on a weekend night and like with my female friends we understood that if we met someone who wanted to date us and we wanted to date them very often you could cancel or reschedule with the female friends -depended on what the plan was.  

Had my husband not asked me to get back together after 3 platonic evenings over about 5 weeks I'd likely not have accepted another invite to hang out platonically -I was turning 39 and focused on meeting men who wanted to date me to get married and start a family if possible.  I liked him in that way and since we were going to be long distance and had been engaged in the past I wasn't likely to tell him I wanted to be back together.  Being friends only would have been too hard for me.

I'm not a fan of giving up on dating if the person still wants a potential long term relationship.  If the person doesn't and wants to sort of go with the flow, hook up, have a fling here or there, go on a date if he's asked and feels like it -sure - but otherwise I wouldn't try the friends first route and see if it becomes a serious romantic relationship.  To me that's just as or more frustrating than dating other than in a minority of cases -most women I know gauge interest by whether the man is asking them out on dates or accepting an invitation for a date with enthusiasm.

[Andrina]

On 1/10/2024 at 3:40 PM, MartynH said:

They usually just flake out and I never hear from them again.

Your version of them is flaking out. Their version is probably that they gave it a go and you weren't their cup of tea for whatever reason. It doesn't mean they are flaky. It means it's a part of the normal dating process whereas new dating situations flicker out at a higher rate than finding a keeper. 

It's a numbers game. Lots of major things to match as far as dating/life goals, so why would that be easy? How often do you put yourself out into the world in places where singles in your age group gather? Have you tried OLD or Meetup.com? If not, give that a go. It's good your friends gave you some feedback on what the problem might be. Are any of these friends female to give you a female perspective on anything you should improve to make yourself more presentable (updated hairstyle/clothing) and likeabilty to dating prospects? I don't mean changing your personality. It could mean avoiding topics that are off-putting to many. It could be practicing giving genuine compliments if you don't normally do so, such as when a woman has dressed up nice for a date, that you say the color looks pretty on her, etc.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[NighttimeNightmare]

On 1/10/2024 at 1:40 PM, MartynH said:

I am 6ft tall, I work out religiously so i'm in fairly good shape and I am reasonably successful with a phD in molecular microbiology and I travel a lot, both for fun and for work. I am currently a post doctoral research fellow at a very highly regarded University.

But women just do not seem interested at all.

there’s many women who wouldn’t be impressed by your on-paper achievements, esp if you’re from a younger generation. Say, 35 and under. 
 

it’s different now. Women will happily date short men, be their own boss, never want to stay at home and pick up your socks or be your maid.  they want chemistry, not outdated bragging rights.  
 

So if you struggle interpersonally and are relying on this list you provided us to score… that’s prob why. You’re throwing your list out there, like you did to us, saying “this should be enough.”  Well, it’s not, and it’s not impressive to many people.  Learn to connect with women using your personality, not achievements. 

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

there’s many women who wouldn’t be impressed by your on-paper achievements, esp if you’re from a younger generation. Say, 35 and under. 
 

it’s different now. Women will happily date short men, be their own boss, never want to stay at home and pick up your socks or be your maid.  they want chemistry, not outdated bragging rights.  
 

So if you struggle interpersonally and are relying on this list you provided us to score… that’s prob why. You’re throwing your list out there, like you did to us, saying “this should be enough.”  Well, it’s not, and it’s not impressive to many people.  Learn to connect with women using your personality, not achievements. 

I agree.  And -FWIW I preferred to date shorter men -and married one.  However I did want someone who was my equal at least as far as work ethic, ambition, professional goals.  And also wanted the opportunity to be home full time with a family longer than maternity leave so I saved up while I was single in case I married someone who worked for a nonprofit, or government etc.  What is written about younger women today was just as true when I was dating in my 30s in the 90s/2000s.

[Coily]

I won't say I have given up, as much as I'm just very pessimistic about my chances anymore. I have been looking for years in about a 2 hour radius of me, which is a minor metro area, and I have been disappointed in the single women in regards to them being long term relationship material. I present myself well and put myself out there, the results are disheartening for a guy at 40.

It's also very easy to get discouraged as the most vapid people seem to bounce from relationship to relationship, or so it seems.

The best chances I have had are by expanding interests and following the advice regularly given here about getting involved, joining meet-up groups and the like.

 

Now I will say I think there is a shift in the pop-culture side of dating, which you are more likely to encounter. With vapid women especially there is the specious Triple 6 idea. 6 foot tall, 6 figure salary, and 6 pack; which I think you are using to dishearten yourself here. I have seen far too many women on dating sites who throw out "I want a man who is at least 6'" While they themselves are 4'11". LOL  Would you want to date someone that shallow?

There is also a very strange social phenomenon, at least to me, where the rules of dating and courtship are drastically different, but no one knows what those rules are.  Culture shifts in expectations, the rise of social media influencers, who run around saying you need X kind of Woman or Y kind of Man to be happy. It's all rubbish. However it does effect people in dating pools, sometimes subtly. There a naybobs with followings playing to "strong independent women", tradwives, MGTOW, and players; all corroding the ideas of someone you may run into in the street.

All of that said, don't give up. There are good normal women out there to date, it's an uphill battle to stay motivated.

 

 

[catfeeder]

On 1/10/2024 at 5:54 PM, smackie9 said:

Prob because you are too stiff and need to be more charming by being a flirt yourself, tease, make them laugh, good eye contact with playful eyes/looks. It's an artform for sure but ya gotta really put yourself out there with confidence/ be relaxed...give it a go. 

I’d go mild with this. When this stuff is not natural to someone, they often overdo it and comes off as overkill.

Think of the difference between the exaggerated projections of a stage actor versus the subtleties of movie actors. I’m not even all that happy with this comparison, because ideally we don’t ‘act’ for others, we bond through interpersonal skills we have learned and adapted as our own over time.

But these skills can be learned through self awareness and observation and empathy with others. And yes, there are professionals who can help guide you, but I’d avoid the hardline scammers out there who promise to teach you how to ‘get’ women. Those are a bunch of sexist garbage and would train you to behave like a stereotypical fool.

[boltnrun]

A man who attempts to "flirt" with me gets nowhere. Now, if he engaged me in an interesting conversation that's a whole different story. 

I was dating a man and one of his friends told me "you have the body of a 15 year old" (I was in my mid 30s). My eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out. It came across as a big load of BS. I had another man tell me "you're the most beautiful woman I've seen in this city". Another eye roll. 

I do find tall men attractive, although I can make my own money and I don't care about a "6 pack", (just be interested in being healthy). I actually prefer men who don't have "game", who come across as sincere and intellectually curious. And who treat others with respect and have empathy. I can work with the rest. 

I hope you find the right one for you. She will appreciate your qualities, not expect you to change them. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

I wouldn’t say that I’ve given up on finding a date. Just frustrated with the different avenues that are available these days. Especially at my age and with the hobbies I have.  

[ShySoul]

15 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'm not a fan of giving up on dating if the person still wants a potential long term relationship.  If the person doesn't and wants to sort of go with the flow, hook up, have a fling here or there, go on a date if he's asked and feels like it -sure - but otherwise I wouldn't try the friends first route and see if it becomes a serious romantic relationship.  To me that's just as or more frustrating than dating other than in a minority of cases -most women I know gauge interest by whether the man is asking them out on dates or accepting an invitation for a date with enthusiasm.

I think friends first can be misinterpreted. It's not that you become friends to see if it becomes serious. It's that you become friends to simply be friends. It's a matter of putting aside the need to have a relationship and letting it happen when it happens. Doesn't mean the person doesn't want a relationship, just that they are willing to wait and pick their spot. Having a real, loving relationship that lasts forever is one of the few things I've ever wanted in life, ever since I was probably five. But I also know myself and realize that I'm not someone that could see myself with just anyone or could put myself out there repeatedly for people I didn't already know I was interested in. So I focus on myself until it happens. There's no (ok, maybe very little) fustration because I'm not even thinking about it.  When there has been a mutual interest, grown out of friendship, I didn't hesitate and my enthusiasm was well received. Really, if love is the goal it can happen at any time. For me it doesn't matter if I'm 20, 50, or 80. When it does happen, it won't matter what came before, how long it took, or how few or how many dates you had. All that will matter is the love you share.

11 hours ago, Andrina said:

It's a numbers game.

Problem with number is that it's all how you look at them. Someone can date ten people and not end up with anything. On the otherhand, someone could date two women and end up in a relationship with one. First person has a 0% sucess rate, second bats .500.  I won a raffle once buying one ticket whereas other people bought a dozen. There's too many variables to say meeting more people leads to greater sucess as it has to be the right person you are meeting. It's like playing the lottery. Buying a lot of tickets might slightly increase your odds, but it's still a long shot and most likely you've just spent a whole lot of money. 😉

Again I say, just do what works for you and makes you happy. That's what we're all looking for right? If you aren't happy with whatever route you are taking, it's fine to stop it and do something else.

[ShySoul]

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

When this stuff is not natural to someone, they often overdo it and comes off as overkill.

But these skills can be learned through self awareness and observation and empathy with others. And yes, there are professionals who can help guide you, but I’d avoid the hardline scammers out there who promise to teach you how to ‘get’ women. Those are a bunch of sexist garbage and would train you to behave like a stereotypical fool.

So true. And the sad thing is that most women can see through the nonsense the scammers teach, so it doesn't even help. Well, unless you want to end up with easily manipulated women who probably lack confidence in themselves so they fall for those tricks.  Really, the best thing you can do is believe in yourself and be the person you naturally are.  Don't try to be someone you are not or think you have to behave any specific way. There is someone for everyone and you should want someone who likes you for you. 

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I was dating a man and one of his friends told me "you have the body of a 15 year old" (I was in my mid 30s).

Umm... I would think that line would be more likely to get me in trouble. Why would you imply you are interesting in someone who looks underage? Just keep it simply and say she looks nice, mentioning age is a no win situation!

[mylolita]

On 1/12/2024 at 3:57 AM, ShySoul said:

Male here with a different perspective then you'll probably get from most. I haven't given up on dating, I just never saw the need for it in the first place. If dating is a process of getting to know someone and seeing if you want a relationship, why not just get to know them through the course of everyday life? As you become friends with someone and get close, you'll know if their are feelings there. Then it's a matter of trusting those feelings and believing in yourself enough to take the next step. As a friend once told me, life is 49% fate and 51% you. Life will set opportunites in front of you, but it's up to you to make the most of them. The, admittingly rare, cases I've had of mutual attraction with someone have come when I wasn't looking or thinking about it. I was simply going on with my life, became friends with a female, and next thing I know there is something more.

There are many paths to love. Some try the dating route. Others take more scenic drives. The important thing is to be happy with yourself and content doing what you love on your own. When you are happy just being the real, authentic you, then you develop real confidence. That confidence shines through and will be noticed. So stay busy with your studies and travels. Have fun and focus on enjoying your life. When the time is right, things happen. Don't conside it giving up, as much as an extended pause until the right time and right person comes along. Then when they do, carpe diem.

Shy! 
 

I can‘t tell you how much I was agreeing with you while reading your reply!!!

 

This is refreshing to hear! 
 

I also believe you don’t need slews of hundreds of dates to find The One. Just ten minute conversations with anyone of the opposite sex is enough, if you are observant, know yourself, and what you want, you can be so quick in deciding and making judgements. Whether to go on a date with someone or not, to me, is actually the big decision, not whether to carry it on after the 5th.

 

I also agree with your part luck, part you philosophy. Again, you’ve put it beautifully. Meeting my husband was part luck. I was 18 and had never dated yet, been asked but knew the guys asking me, it wasn’t right or wouldn’t go anywhere - a waste of time, really. He was the first guy I ever dated. I went on a date with him because I was convinced, even from meeting him once that night, that this was the man I was probably going to marry. 15 years later, both our snap judgements were right! 
 

I really don’t believe you have to put yourself through all the dating. The time wasted, the expense, the let downs, disappointment and energy wasted. Yes, I totally believe you need to be out and meeting new people all the time, constantly, and constantly looking, everyone is your potential “soulmate”, but I just don’t think you need to date as many as you can to find that person. 
 

Get a fine tuned picker and know what you’re after and I think that’s all you need. Plenty of casual meeting and conversations but, I would only date someone if I personally thought - marriage material. And very seriously as well. 
 

I realise everyone is different. I had to reply to you because I have never come across someone with a similar opinion on this to me! You hear date as much as you can and keep going on dates etc but you never hear your approach! 
 

Thanks for the alternative there Shy! 
 

x

[mylolita]

14 hours ago, Coily said:

I won't say I have given up, as much as I'm just very pessimistic about my chances anymore. I have been looking for years in about a 2 hour radius of me, which is a minor metro area, and I have been disappointed in the single women in regards to them being long term relationship material. I present myself well and put myself out there, the results are disheartening for a guy at 40.

It's also very easy to get discouraged as the most vapid people seem to bounce from relationship to relationship, or so it seems.

The best chances I have had are by expanding interests and following the advice regularly given here about getting involved, joining meet-up groups and the like.

 

Now I will say I think there is a shift in the pop-culture side of dating, which you are more likely to encounter. With vapid women especially there is the specious Triple 6 idea. 6 foot tall, 6 figure salary, and 6 pack; which I think you are using to dishearten yourself here. I have seen far too many women on dating sites who throw out "I want a man who is at least 6'" While they themselves are 4'11". LOL  Would you want to date someone that shallow?

There is also a very strange social phenomenon, at least to me, where the rules of dating and courtship are drastically different, but no one knows what those rules are.  Culture shifts in expectations, the rise of social media influencers, who run around saying you need X kind of Woman or Y kind of Man to be happy. It's all rubbish. However it does effect people in dating pools, sometimes subtly. There a naybobs with followings playing to "strong independent women", tradwives, MGTOW, and players; all corroding the ideas of someone you may run into in the street.

All of that said, don't give up. There are good normal women out there to date, it's an uphill battle to stay motivated.

 

 

I love this one - the women asking for the 6 figure, the 6 foot and the 6 pack - I hope they are millionaire 26 year old catwalk models then! 
 

I have to agree agree agree Coily! 
 

There seems to be a “I am great; I am amazing, I’m so independent and intelligent, I’m active and fit and great looking” therefore I need this special, perfect guy. I think, the harsh reality, and reality it is, is that most of us are imperfect, highly flawed, and very average, yet so many of these people now seem to hold themselves up in the highest regard, and only the best will do.

 

The men have to somehow be kind of traditional, protective, and have a great job, yet at the same time foster this almost mind reading balance of feminist equality at all times, keeping everything 50/50, yet not being a push over, yet always hearing her out with fantastic communication, whilst engaging in intellectual debates, always making time for her whilst keeping their own hobbies and friends. Fit, but not obsessed. The list goes on and on, and then I realise… oh… of course! That’s why you’re single! 
 

x
 

 

[Kwothe28]

46 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I love this one - the women asking for the 6 figure, the 6 foot and the 6 pack - I hope they are a millionaire 26 year old catwalk models then! 

More like 26 year old single mom wannabe Instagram models. And I have nothing against single moms, my mom was one. But she didnt go around chasing rich dudes to take care of her while her friends were telling her "Gurl, you got to manifest yourself a rich daddy with 650k a year income to take care of you". Was watching a youtube video with one of those. She literally used those words about "manifestation". And thinks her man should earn 650k a year while having no idea about average income of people. Which again I am fine if they can realistically go for that. There are very beautiful, very successful rich single women who can. But, very average, single mom wannabe Instagram model with small following can mostly hope one of those DMs her for sex when he is horny. That is about it. Lots of them are not realistic because due to dating apps and social media, the reach people have is larger and some of those men do ring them for sex. So they automatically think those men are in their dating pool and that they can pull those men and make them to marry them. But its not a realistic side of things.

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, ShySoul said:

I think friends first can be misinterpreted. It's not that you become friends to see if it becomes serious. It's that you become friends to simply be friends. It's a matter of putting aside the need to have a relationship and letting it happen when it happens. Doesn't mean the person doesn't want a relationship, just that they are willing to wait and pick their spot. Having a real, loving relationship that lasts forever is one of the few things I've ever wanted in life, ever since I was probably five. But I also know myself and realize that I'm not someone that could see myself with just anyone or could put myself out there repeatedly for people I didn't already know I was interested in. So I focus on myself until it happens. There's no (ok, maybe very little) fustration because I'm not even thinking about it.  When there has been a mutual interest, grown out of friendship, I didn't hesitate and my enthusiasm was well received. Really, if love is the goal it can happen at any time. For me it doesn't matter if I'm 20, 50, or 80. When it does happen, it won't matter what came before, how long it took, or how few or how many dates you had. All that will matter is the love you share.

Love wasn't my only goal though.  If it had been then sure .  I never "needed" a relationship.  I wanted - not needed - a husband and the opportunity to have a child where it was a good match on both sides and where we both wanted a family very badly. It was one of my top two life goals.

Obviously love was essential! I've always had platonic male friends.  I hope I always will! I love my close friendships- doesn't matter if male or female.  When I was looking for a husband I took the most effective and efficient (yes efficient -for most of that time I worked more than full time and/or was involved in intense college/grad school etc) approach as I saw it -my own personal experience and those of almost everyone around me who was serious or marriage minded.  If I'd taken your approach which is a very fine one -I'd have foregone many opportunities to meet marriage-minded men who also were involved in meeting women to take them on dates to see if it could become serious.  For sure if a platonic friendship went down a different path that's cool too but I had to be proactive about finding the right person to marry especially in my 30s and couldn't risk a roundabout or -back then anyway -highly unusual approach of simply making friends with men and seeing what developed.  

So if I'd given up on dating I'd have been giving up on any real chance of finding a good marriage and the opportunity to have a baby biologically.  It might have happened "anything is possible" "love will find you" - but if I truly wanted what I wanted that approach would have been fun, interesting, and far far too risky and passive given my goals.  That's why I advised the OP to consider what his goals are in dating.  If I'd only wanted to find "love" -to feel that loving feeling with someone at some point whether at 20, 40 or 80 then sure why bother going on dates or looking to date.  If I'd only wanted to date for fun -I agree. N

o one has to date.  I do think it's a shame when people give up on dating for negative reasons. 

And sure the OP can rationalize "I give up on dating, so I'll befriend women through daily life, activities, interests, work - and tell myself "it's not dating, we're friends who hang out." 

I will put aside the desire for a romantic relationship and be friendly, friends, caring, supportive, laugh a lot - we'll do stuff together and I'll listen to her stories of her dating life because we're friends and maybe someday something will happen between us that's romantic.  I've given up on dating not on "love." 

Sure whatever works. If he does that to me he'd only be giving up on the structure of dating and will have to twist himself into a pretzel to put aside the desire for a romantic relationship with certain of these female buddies who he'll see on non-date nights unless  they feel exactly the same as him (unlikely).  But for sure if he doesn't care either way about a long lasting loving romantic relationship that's cool and being friends with men and women is a delightful way to live IMO.  With the "anything can happen" mindset.

[Wiseman2]

On 1/10/2024 at 3:40 PM, MartynH said:

 women just do not seem interested at all. They usually just flake out and I never hear from them again. However, I have been told by several people that I am not very sharp when it comes to interpersonal dynamics and do not pick up on blatant flirting from women

What exactly does "given up" mean? Not actively on dating apps or trying to chat up women with a goal in mind?

It fine to take a break from actively seeking someone out but it doesn't even seem like you've been doing that. 

It seems like you're hoping women approach you? 

[smackie9]

Women think and feel with their emotions...so you will find success with being able to emotionally connect intellectually along will good body language. Have to have that back and forth banter, flirting, mirroring, being a little mysterious/aloof. No pickup crap, but more like an emotional dance of feeling each other out. I agree it has to feel natural not over done.