Should I ghost the guy or confront him ?

[Anonymous19]

Me F23 met this guy on a dating app M25 a year ago, we went out on couple of dates, we used to walk after the dates till sunrise, talking about everything and nothing, we had quite some fun tbh, but the thing with him is he used to disappear from time to time, especially on the weekends, we weren’t serious yet so I just ignored that, I was still seeing other people as well, but then he started disappearing more often, he texts after a whole day or disappears during the weekends with his phone off, I decided to end thing and never talk to him again. I blocked him and moved on. A year passed by, he followed me again and started interacting with my stories on ig, we started talking normally, then one night I was out with my friends, he asked me where I was, I told him that I was in this restaurant with friends, but he can join if he wanted to, he came after an hour we met, we started talking like before and like nothing happened, I did explain the reason why I blocked him, and we stayed that night till sunrise again, we talked about everything and he explained that he really likes me and that he is interested in dating me again, we kissed for the first time and then he dropped me off at home, texted me immediately after that wishing me a good night and we kept texting the whole week. The problem is we have different schedules I work night shifts and he works during the day, it’s so hard for us to meet during the week, we can only go out after 3am when I finish work or during the weekends. We met two times after that day, after 3am we would just go for a ride, talk and watch the sunrise together, but during weekends he started disappearing again, every week a new excuse. When I ask him if he has plans for the weekends or suggest we can do something later on that week, he would either ignore my message and answer a day after or find an excuse. 
The last time we met he said he wanted to take this seriously and I agreed I like him as well, he’s a respectful man, very nice and smart, and we share a lot in commun, but I explained that in order for me to feel a real connection, texting won’t be the way, I wanted to meet him during the day, to go on those spontaneous dates like we used to do before , even with our different schedules I’m sure we can make it work and find time. 
After that conversation we started texting more, but then this weekend his phone was off almost all the time, we were texting Friday night and I asked if he had any plans for the next day, he answered back Saturday evening stating that he was in the beach with his friends, now I don’t know whether I should confront him and explain that this is not working or just ghost him and move on with my life. 

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, Anonymous19 said:

he’s a respectful man, very nice

I think you need to revise your definition of "respectful" and "nice", since he also does these decidedly not respectful or nice things:

5 minutes ago, Anonymous19 said:

he would either ignore my message and answer a day after or find an excuse. 

I would just tell him it's not working. No confrontation necessary. Just say your bit and move on. Don't let flakes this back into life again. 

[boltnrun]

His girlfriend gets the weekends. That's my guess.

He knows what he's doing and doesn't care that it bothers you. He knows you'll let him get away with it like you did the three previous times.

I would block him from contacting you and delete his contact info. He isn't going to turn into a "nice, respectful" man. 

[Kwothe28]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

His girlfriend gets the weekends. That's my guess.

 

This.

You met a player on dating app. You wont get commitment from that guy ever. He would just contact you whever he finds fit to see you and maybe has his way with you. 

Just say that you want commitment and that he just doesnt offer you that and that you would be appreciating if he doesnt contact you ever again. And then block him. Doubt he would care but its cleaner from your side then just to ghost him.

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, Anonymous19 said:

, I did explain the reason why I blocked him, and we stayed that night till sunrise again. I should confront him and explain that this is not working or just ghost him and move on with my life. 

Unfortunately you already explained that the disappearing acts don't work for you. You claim you were never serious or exclusive and you were dating others as well.

So it seems he's not that serious about things and just gets together if and when convenient.

There's nothing to really have a breakup talk about, but please delete and block me from ALL your social media and messaging apps if you feel he's a timewaster. Hopefully you're still dating others, because he just doesn't seem that interested.

[Batya33]

His weekends are for his girlfriend. I’d either ignore him or say politely and succinctly “thanks for your message. I don’t think we it’s a good idea for us to be in touch anymore. All the best. “. No need to confront. 

[SooSad33]

51 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you already explained that the disappearing acts don't work for you. You claim you were never serious or exclusive and you were dating others as well.

Well, if he's still at it, nothing's changed 😕 .

Same 'ol.  Move on, say you're not up for this.

[lostandhurt]

Stick a pin in it and send him a simple text.  "It was nice seeing you again but this isn't working for me, best wishes _________"  This is more for you than him.  If you run into him again or he keeps liking your IG you can just ignore him.

 I agree he has something going on with someone else.  Married or gf or whatever but something.  If you think about it you are perfect for a guy like this since you work late at night and sleep during the day.  Probably the opposite of his other woman.  Plus who turns their phone off that much???

  Hey you gave it another shot but he turned out to be the same guy you dumped the first time.

Lost

[Guest]

oh no, please leave him. He likes to play games and he's already showing you WHO he is. This will be a perpetual cat-and-mouse game you'll be given breadcrumbs. Why him when there are so many others? 

[catfeeder]

What would be your goal in confronting him? Giving him another opening to feed you more BS? Showing him that you’re really really really mad this time?

 I wouldn’t waste my energy.

[Jaunty]

??  It really sounds like a general waste of time and you both participated in it.  It sounds as if you two got together and went on a date at most a handful of times.  Mostly this is a texting type of situation.  Yes, he's a player.  Simply blocking him is the right move.  A confrontation or explanation is not warranted.

[rainbowsandroses]

He may not necessarily have a girlfriend he sees on weekends however it's clear he doesn't want to see you which is what's important.

If I had to render a guess, guy doesn't want a girlfriend. He may not even be emotionally capable of having a girlfriend.

On weekends, he's out partying with his bros, drinking, gaming and picking up women.  Again just a guess but it's fairly typical when a guy behaves as elusively as he does. 

No need to humiliate yourself by confronting him, he doesn't care.  Whatever you say will likely go in one ear and out the other. 

Reading your post, I don't find anything respectful about him. His disappearing and ignoring you when it suits him is actually quite insulting imo.

In this case, say nothing and simply block and delete is my advice.

Going forward, aim higher.  

 

[Lambert]

It really doesn’t matter.  IF you are just doing it to get the reaction or to try to change him. 

I personally think he's a player and a user.  But here's the real truth- your actions (putting up with this behavior) Is the problem. So you can ghost or tell him off. In 2 or 6 months he'll try again and you'll be back at this same place.  

Unless you completely delete and block him. let's be honest, if you really blocked him last time, you would not be dealing with this now.

He may be a player, but you've got some responsibility here. 

[Cherylyn]

It sounds like his daytime schedule and your employment night shift schedule doesn't work.  It's impractical.  Having worked night shift myself,  it was impractical because I didn't mesh with everyone else's mainstream day life hours.  By the time I had time such as weekends,  I was very fatigued and preferred to rest.  However,  I'm sure many couples make it work no matter what their work / life schedules are.  Realistically though,  it is challenging for sure.  As you say though,  you can make it work.  Anything is possible.

It sounds like (I agree with others),  he could very well have a side hustle and hence,  unavailable for you to contact him. 

You could confront him but he could very well become defensive,  give you excuses or both.  Just be prepared for any scenario.  He doesn't sound like dating material from the get go.

A very nice, smart, respectful man treats you well with his actions.  Obviously,  he has not.  ☹️