Is this normal or should I breakup with my boyfriend?

[Lucyk]

Sorry In advance for the long post.  Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 months, and were friends for 2 years before that. We had a rough friendship, a lot of unhealthy behaviors and things like that. But he “changed” so we can have a healthy relationship and I really thought he had finally done it. He’s been really sweet and caring but now I’m starting to have doubts. 

He’s said since the beginning he’d kill himself if I ever left him, and the behavior has only gotten worse from here. He has a history of (presumed) mental health issues, which I know isn’t an excuse. A few days ago we went hiking and he started to touch me and ask me to do sexual things, and I said no. He’d keep asking and when I would try and move his hand away he’d resist. He even said “I know you want to” when I said no. 

I brought this up to him the day after and how it made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe, and he started to go on a rant. He said he didn’t wanna live anymore and how he wanted to die and how much of an awful person he is and how he’s so sorry and it would never happen again. I had to help him calm down so it was pushed aside. I brought it up again the day after and he said some awful things.

He kept saying how he never was actually going to kill himself if I left and I took it the wrong way. He kept apologizing and said “what more do you want” when I said i felt awful he was doing that. He kept saying he made a mistake and how I was letting my emotions get involved and I was acting irrational. I called him a sick individual and he started saying how awful that made him feel and how he’s just trying to apologize and completely turned it around on me.

He even went as far as saying he’s been there for me and dealt with my issues this whole time, and now I’m attacking him for a mistake he made.

I started to think maybe I was wrong and I overreacted, so I apologized and moved on. But I’m still really hurt and kinda shaken up about this and I don’t know what to do. Should I break up with him? It’s really getting to me.

[shouldhavelearned]

Sounds like they need professional help first and foremost.

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Lucyk said:

He’s said since the beginning he’d kill himself if I ever left him. he started to touch me and ask me to do sexual things, and I said no. He even said “I know you want to” when I said no.  he started to go on a rant.  he said some awful things.

Please read up on abusive relationships. Talk to trusted friends and family frankly about what is going on. Extricate yourself from this asap.

Tell him it's not working, then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Please get out before this escalates and he gaslights you into thinking it's ok.

[Capricorn3]

Yes, you should break up. The sooner the better. He is being abusive and before you know it, it will be full-on control and take over your life.  You have red flags all over the place - heed these warning signs. 

[Cherylyn]

No, it's not normal and I'm not you but if it were me,  yes,  I'd breakup with him.  Whatever he does with his life whether to prolong or end it,  is all on him and he's responsible to do as he will.  NOT you. 

[LootieTootie]

2 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Yes, you should break up. The sooner the better. He is being abusive and before you know it, it will be full-on control and take over your life.  You have red flags all over the place - heed these warning signs. 

Not to mention, this is how abusive partners are. It starts with the verbal abuse, the verbal manipulation,  guilt tripping, abusive sexual taunting, and then it morphs to physical abuse & physical sexual assault. 

get out now OP

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Lucyk said:

He’s said since the beginning he’d kill himself if I ever left him

...and that would be my exit, right there. If he contacted me after I was safely away from him, I'd tell him I'll call the police if he contacts me again.

I haven't read the whole post, because this would be enough for any healthy person to walk away. It's emotional blackmail, and will only get worse, never better, if you stick around this guy.

It's not beyond people who threaten suicide to take you or others down with them, you know. This is not a safe person to be anywhere near.

[Kwothe28]

Between him being abusive and him trying to literally rape you, yes, you should get away from there. He is clearly mentally unstable and he is dragging you along with him. What is worst is that he is emotionally manipulating you by playing a victim and its working on you. Again, get away from there before it does more damage to you.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Lucyk said:

ask me to do sexual things, and I said no. He’d keep asking and when I would try and move his hand away he’d resist. He even said “I know you want to” when I said no. 

Nope, nope, nope. 

I'd have ended right then and there. That is seriously disturbing behaviour. Predatory. Add to that his threats to end his own life? 

What about this is making you question if you are over-reacting? If anything, you are under-reacting and not recognizing how serious all of this is. You need to end this relationship today.

5 hours ago, Lucyk said:

We had a rough friendship, a lot of unhealthy behaviors

Such as? 

[smackie9]

Been there…the only way out is to get out. 

[Tinydance]

I don't think he made a mistake. He tried to do sexual things with you and you clearly said no. But he kept pushing and pushing even though you kept saying no. He knew you didn't want to so he was aware and still doing something knowing that, so it wasn't a mistake. He was making a conscious decision to continue doing what he was doing. You had a right to be upset about it and talk to him about it.

Sounds like he just wanted to gaslight you and put the blame on you. So he started threatening to kill himself and basically saying you were the bad guy. He sounds really unhinged and manipulative. If he has mental health issues (they sound serious) then he needs to get help. From everything you wrote in your post it doesn't sound like he's in any state to be in a relationship.

[Jaunty]

None of what you've described are "mistakes."   You're in an abusive relationship, I believe.  In any case, he is not stable and you already knew this during your "difficult friendship."

Please take care of yourself and end this relationship.  It will damage you.

[Jibralta]

On 7/1/2023 at 8:14 PM, Lucyk said:

Should I break up with him?

If I were in your shoes, I would break up with him and declare myself free from feeling guilt or responsibility for any of his choices. 

 

[Coily]

Nope not normal. If you are worried that he will self terminate, I would call the police for a wellness check on him after you leave.

This is a bridge worth burning to be honest, extract yourself from this relationship and don't look back.