Lucyk

Sorry In advance for the long post. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 months, and were friends for 2 years before that. We had a rough friendship, a lot of unhealthy behaviors and things like that. But he “changed” so we can have a healthy relationship and I really thought he had finally done it. He’s been really sweet and caring but now I’m starting to have doubts. He’s said since the beginning he’d kill himself if I ever left him, and the behavior has only gotten worse from here. He has a history of (presumed) mental health issues, which I know isn’t an excuse. A few days ago we went hiking and he started to touch me and ask me to do sexual things, and I said no. He’d keep asking and when I would try and move his hand away he’d resist. He even said “I know you want to” when I said no. I brought this up to him the day after and how it made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe, and he started to go on a rant. He said he didn’t wanna live anymore and how he wanted to die and how much of an awful person he is and how he’s so sorry and it would never happen again. I had to help him calm down so it was pushed aside. I brought it up again the day after and he said some awful things. He kept saying how he never was actually going to kill himself if I left and I took it the wrong way. He kept apologizing and said “what more do you want” when I said i felt awful he was doing that. He kept saying he made a mistake and how I was letting my emotions get involved and I was acting irrational. I called him a sick individual and he started saying how awful that made him feel and how he’s just trying to apologize and completely turned it around on me. He even went as far as saying he’s been there for me and dealt with my issues this whole time, and now I’m attacking him for a mistake he made. I started to think maybe I was wrong and I overreacted, so I apologized and moved on. But I’m still really hurt and kinda shaken up about this and I don’t know what to do. Should I break up with him? It’s really getting to me.

Just a warning before I go into this, I have a habit of overthinking and over analyzing certain situations so if you think I’m doing that and I’m wrong about all this just tell me lol. I’m hoping for thoughts and opinions on this situation. But basically I have a very close male friend, we’ve been friends for about a year. Many people think this guy likes me and I think so too, but then again I’m not sure. Unfortunately, he has an extremely hard time being open about his feelings and stuff like that. He has told me a few times I’m the only one he feels this close to and all his other friends are just people he hangs out with, like surface level friends if that makes sense. He also has had a VERY tough childhood and doesn’t have the best home life, so getting close to people and being vulnerable is hard for him sadly. Some days he will be very sweet, calling me beautiful and pretty, hugging me a lot, making excuses to hold my hand and just things like that. He acts very differently around me vs his other friends. Then when he gets too close, he will distance himself. I have a tendency to always take things personally and i constantly feel like I did something wrong, so I ask the people who I’m close to for advice. They tell me (some also know him) when he gets too close to me he’ll pull away, afraid of how I’ll react and think. A few days ago he opened up to me and told me something he said he had never told anyone before, something super personal and not good. Then the next day at school he acted kinda nervous around me and distanced himself a lot. He talks to other people in class and down at lunch but mostly avoids me, which someone told me was because I had the power to “hurt” him and he was vulnerable with me. Of course I don’t know all of this for 100% certain, Im just making assumptions based on how he acts. I could sadly never ask him cuz he would just deny it all, again afraid of fully opening up. I texted him and said I’m Here for you, and Ive noticed you getting distant and you know you can trust me, and he replied saying nothing is wrong and he talks to me all the time (not true at the moment). I asked my mother for advice and she said he is deflecting and isn’t being honest with me, she also believes everything I’ve said. Also this is what other people have observed as well. Just another note, I have OCD so even if I believe something like this, my thoughts will convince me I’m wrong about the situation, so it helps to get other peoples thoughts.