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Nervous for a date

Alex39

By Alex39
in Dating Advice

kamurj
Message added by kamurj,

Dear members, please stop debating each other and focus on the OP's post.

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Jaunty
Jaunty

That's because we have our priorities in order around here.

boltnrun
boltnrun

Way too soon IMO. Two days ago you were considering forgetting about him because he'd cancelled on you again.  And haven't you only gone on a few dates over less than a month? Don't be so ov

boltnrun
boltnrun

Isn't this a first date? No need to be thinking about anything other than "is this man polite? Is he engaging me in conversation or only talking about himself? Is he considerate of wait staff? Of me?

Alex39 Mentor

Alex39

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13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he going away with his family for his birthday and going to a concert with friends Friday? Didn't he already mention this? Why is it "weird"? 

So this is next week, not this week. 

He mentioned originally how I'll see you Saturday for our plan and how I'll probably see you before that too, we can talk about it. 

I feel like I have no ideas of anything we can do before then. Should I even suggest it, or just wait for Saturday? 

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MrMan1983 Experienced

MrMan1983

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3 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So this is next week, not this week. 

He mentioned originally how I'll see you Saturday for our plan and how I'll probably see you before that too, we can talk about it. 

I feel like I have no ideas of anything we can do before then. Should I even suggest it, or just wait for Saturday? 

Entirely up to you, wouldn't hurt waiting for Saturday though that's not long at all at this stage. Just get out there, be busy, do hobbies, enjoy your spare time and you can both look forward to next date.

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Type O Negative Community Regular

Type O Negative

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So this is next week, not this week. 

He mentioned originally how I'll see you Saturday for our plan and how I'll probably see you before that too, we can talk about it. 

I feel like I have no ideas of anything we can do before then. Should I even suggest it, or just wait for Saturday? 

How, no ideas?

Find a nice pub near yours and go for a drink? Nothing beats a lovely pub for a date with a new bloke!

Go sit in the park with a picnic or a bottle of wine or both?

If you don't want to drink, a cafe?

Doesn't need to be anything elaborate or unusual. Think of a simple thing to do and suggest it, if you want to that is!

 

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So this is next week, not this week. 

He mentioned originally how I'll see you Saturday for our plan and how I'll probably see you before that too, we can talk about it. 

You mentioned he told you he's working late all week and you're "being supportive".  Let him bring it up since there seems to be communication issues as far as "he originally mentioned" and "probably see you" and "we can talk about it". Not sure why you're worried about date ideas when he stated he's working late and he's not talking about it. You also stated you were worried 6 days is too long until Saturday. So is this coming from anxiety? 

 

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Alex39 Mentor

Alex39

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32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You mentioned he told you he's working late all week and you're "being supportive".  Let him bring it up since there seems to be communication issues as far as "he originally mentioned" and "probably see you" and "we can talk about it". Not sure why you're worried about date ideas when he stated he's working late and he's not talking about it. You also stated you were worried 6 days is too long until Saturday. So is this coming from anxiety? 

 

I just feel like a new relationship,  you usually can't get enough of the person and can't wait to see them. I can't wait to see him. It makes me feel like he's content waiting to see me though. 

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Alex39 Mentor

Alex39

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10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

See?

You don't have to allow fear to dictate your life and your interactions with him. 

You are right. There is no harm in being honest. He's being honest with me too. We can't connect if we aren't honest. I wanted to see him, I asked, and he said yes. That's all I had to do. I have to realize that if being myself scares him away, he isn't the right guy for me. And that if he genuinely likes me he'll want to see me and he'll be wanting to hear what I want and think. 

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rainbowsandroses Grand Master

rainbowsandroses

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1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

I have to realize that if being myself scares him away, he isn't the right guy for me. And that if he genuinely likes me he'll want to see me and he'll be wanting to hear what I want and think. 

Amen sista!   

Would you consider cutting and pasting to your fridge as a sort of affirmation and reminder whenever you begin doubting yourself?  

Just a thought, old unhealthy ways of thinking are difficult to shake sometimes.

What time are you meeting him tonight?  

Have fun and as always keep us posted!

 

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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3 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I just feel like a new relationship,  you usually can't get enough of the person and can't wait to see them. I can't wait to see him. It makes me feel like he's content waiting to see me though. 

Once a week is perfect now and it's good to miss each other.  I mean don't you feel in a new relationship the couple should act reliably and keep plans barring an emergency? He hasn't and you're ok with it so maybe stop with all the shoulds?

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rainbowsandroses Grand Master

rainbowsandroses

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2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Does it matter what time she was meeting him? 

Yes because by knowing the time, I could think of her at that time and send good vibes her way as hokey as that might sound to some. 

And yeah I'm pretty invested... I don't post to pass the time, I truly care what happens. 

Anyway @Alex, a few ups and downs but sincerely hope it all works out for you.... 

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Alex39 Mentor

Alex39

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So he called me after work yesterday. He had a hard day. He even sounded exhausted on the phone. He asked if I would be mad if we moved it to tonight instead. I didn't mind and I could tell he needed rest. He has a heavy labor job. He literally fell asleep right after. He called me after a long nap and we spoke on the phone. I completely believe him.

He came over tonight and it was great. We sat outside and had drinks and talked, then went inside and cuddled on the couch. We kissed and felt each other up a bit. I brought up Saturday in terms of getting intimate. He said he isn't pressuring me and doesn't care about how long I want to wait. He said that if I want to get intimate that I can initiate with him Saturday and he's down for it. The physical chemistry is definitely there and I do want to do it with him. Saturday he is coming over, we are going to binge watch a show and make dinner then sleepover. 

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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6 hours ago, Alex39 said:

. I brought up Saturday in terms of getting intimate.. Saturday he is coming over, we are going to binge watch a show and make dinner then sleepover. 

That's fine. Asking last minute is usually a bad idea, so he was smart to reschedule.  There's no need to be "supportive" or "understanding".  Would have been better to ask "one night this week". 

Try to let Saturday be fun and unfold naturally without pressuring him about sex or testing if he likes you and is attracted to you. There's no need to keep having this calculated awkward conversation about "when, where, how, etc. are we going to have sex?"

Try to relax and enjoy dating. Things will be fine if you just get out of your own way and let things evolve naturally without the checklists and timelines.

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Jaunty Grand Master

Jaunty

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Posted

Here I am, the old curmudgeon, again.

Along with being pretty strong on the negatives of texting "all day every day" (I don't think it is EVER a good idea unless the people involved happen to be absolutely brain dead and emotionally stunted - it's not sustainable and it's also superficial) -

I am quite confident that every date inside of a house / apartment is not a good idea.

@Alex39 - old married people and established couples of all stages make conscious efforts to have "date nights" and get out of the house.

Why do you think this is?

Because it helps to keep the relationship fresh.

You seem content to sit around with the guy in front of the TV most of the time you're together.  Even though you like it now (though you've said more than one time that you don't have much to say to each other)  I am telling you that the complacency that fosters is not going to serve you well in a long term relationship.   

Can't you at least drive to a neighborhood, park, or a trail, walking path, something,  and walk & talk?   Or sit on a bench / lawn if he's too tired after his work?  Or go out to a pub for a beer together, sit outside under an umbrella and take in the passersby? 

 

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