Why did he do this to me? And does he feel guilty?

[Lucylu23]

Hey guys It's me Lucy again, so basically I started talking to this new guy name Adrian he's a senior at my school super cute and super sweet (or so I thought). So me and Adrian had sex and he treated me so gently and sweetly and kindly, He took me to the park afterward and we chilled and flirted and had a good time, we enjoyed each other's company I can tell he felt very comfortable with me. He even wanted to continue to meet up bc he was talking about giving me kids in the future etc. So then a few days later we were flirting and texting and we were planning on meeting up again and in the middle of our planning he ghosted and left me on sent and he turned off his activity off on Instagram. He even kept looking at my posts whenever I would post on insta but didn't text me back. So I confronted him in person in the halls at school and It didn't go well at all he would not make eye contact with me whenever I tried to ask him  If I did anything wrong to cause him to not want to talk to me. He would just shrug it off and say oh i didn't feel like responding but not look me in the eye whenever I tried to make eye contact with him. Then the situation escalated and he literally ran away from me in the halls and then his friend tried to help me out to help me get my answers, so his friend gave me Adrian's number and I called him and he picked up but hung up on me when I asked him whats up. So his friend called Adrian from his phone for me and Adrian picked up and told me over the phone the cowardly way why he ghosted me. So then today I confronted him again wanting to why he did all that *** for no reason and once again he kept avoiding eye contact with me and kept trying to distract himself from looking at me. I don't understand this why ? Do yall think he feels a least some type of guilt??

[spinstermanquee]

Sorry Lucy dear, you've been played.  Please do not continue to cast your pearls before swine.

[Lucylu23]

1 minute ago, spinstermanquee said:

Sorry Lucy dear, you've been played.  Please do not continue to cast your pearls before swine.

so he don't feel guilty at all?? thats just ***ed up 

[Batya33]

I'm sorry too.  He said nice sweet words to you hoping you two would have sex and you did have sex. Now that that has happened he is no longer interested. My suggestion is that if you're looking for more than a one and done sexual experience or looking for more than a sexual arrangement let a man plan dates in advance and take you out on dates whether expensive or free or in between and wait to have sex until you've known him over a longer period of time -at least several months and until you two are committed and exclusive and hopefully in love.  

Watch the feet- actions over time -not the lips-just what he says.

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, Lucylu23 said:

so he don't feel guilty at all?? thats just ***ed up 

I mean it depends. You agreed to have sex with him without a commitment, after just "talking" - so he assumed you were ok with that and at the moment he felt romantic and said some sweet things which he might have meant at the moment.  Later he changed his mind about seeing you again.  Many people change their mind after one time hanging out. It doesn't sound like he planned a date - you went to his house or something and had sex then you took a walk in the park? I mean it's rude not to respond to a text but you seem to think that because you two had sex he owes you a response? What if you'd just talked and gone to the park and held hands?

Also don't assume others react as you would. I'm sorry you're disappointed.  And I hope you used protection.

[Cherylyn]

He used you for sex only.  You were nothing more than a romp in the hay for him.  You were used and discarded. 

And, no,  he does not feel guilty.  Onto his next conquest .  .  . 

[MissCanuck]

I don't think he feels very guilty, no. 

He is behaving rudely, in any case, which is even more reason to forget this guy. 

5 hours ago, Lucylu23 said:

he was talking about giving me kids in the future etc

Oh, honey. Please don't take this sort of make-believe talk seriously, from a guy you have not been dating for a long time. By the sounds of it, you are both in high school, right? If so, you are both way too young for this type of fantasizing anyway. 

[lostandhurt]

Please tell us you made him were a condom. 

 This guy would have told you anything he thought you wanted to hear to get into your panties plain and simple.  He wanted sex and once he got what he wanted he was done with you.  Does he feel guilt?  Not enough to face you or not do this to the next girl and then the next.

 He is a coward and a jerk that used you.  I am sorry this happened but I hope you learned something from all this.

 Lost

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Lucylu23 said:

So me and Adrian had sex and he treated me so gently and sweetly and kindly, He took me to the park afterward . He even wanted to continue to meet up bc he was talking about giving me kids in the future etc. 

Sorry this happened. Were you dating or did you just hook up for sex that one time? It's seems like he just wanted sex.

Unfortunately it seems like a misunderstanding. He may have thought you were ok just having sex without dating or being in a relationship. 

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Don't chase uninterested boys.

If you would like a BF, get to know them and date for a while before having sex. 

Make sure you go to a physician/ clinic for STD testing and information about contraception. 

Don't let boys try to "give you kids". It's a trick so they don't have to wear condoms. 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

9 hours ago, Lucylu23 said:

so he don't feel guilty at all?? thats just ***ed up 

You are young so you assume everybody would feel guilty about hurting you. No. Somebody would just do it without feeling guilty. In his mind you are not a person with feelings, you are just another notch on the belt. He just avoids you so you wouldnt make a scene. Take it as a lesson for next time and maybe dont sleep with people before you meet them better.

[Jaunty]

16 hours ago, Lucylu23 said:

so he don't feel guilty at all?? thats just ***ed up 

What he "feels" really doesn't matter, it's how he's behaving that is important.

Sadly, this kind of situation is fairly common especially with young and immature guys.  After they have sex with a girl they try to disappear.  They can't, or don't want to deal with any of the personal or intimate things that happen between people when they have sex, so they just try to shut it all down.  

It's very rude and hurtful but how a person behaves is up to them.

You need to close this door firmly and move on.  

From this post, I have the impression that you probably should think about developing a stronger relationship and really getting to know a guy before getting sexual with them.  That would be a good way of taking care of yourself.

[Batya33]

Even if he told you "I feel really guilty -I could tell you liked me and wanted to date me and I wanted to have sex with you and wasn't really thinking about dating you.  I should have told you I'm not interested in dating you and I don't think we should hang out again."  Would that make you feel better?

[boltnrun]

Please stop immediately having sex with guys if it's a relationship you want. Having sex doesn't make a guy want to be your boyfriend. 

And I doubt he feels guilty. You agreed to have sex with him without being in a relationship, so what does he have to feel guilty about?

[Lucylu23]

6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Please stop immediately having sex with guys if it's a relationship you want. Having sex doesn't make a guy want to be your boyfriend. 

And I doubt he feels guilty. You agreed to have sex with him without being in a relationship, so what does he have to feel guilty about?

Actually i didnt agree to just having sex with him, we talked about it together and he even said he would show me through his actions that he'll stick around afterwards, but i get what your saying 

[Batya33]

19 minutes ago, Lucylu23 said:

Actually i didnt agree to just having sex with him, we talked about it together and he even said he would show me through his actions that he'll stick around afterwards, but i get what your saying 

What did he mean by stick around?  Did you talk about dating each other exclusively ? Did he make a plan to take you out on a date he planned within the next week or so? What actions was he referring to and did you ask?  Stick around is vague. It can mean he intended to hang out with you after intercourse to make sure you were ok  and possibly chat with you at school. 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Lucylu23 said:

 said he would show me through his actions that he'll stick around afterwards, but i get what your saying 

Try to do things the other way around. First establish a relationship, then have sex.  They need to show you actions before sex. 

[Lucylu23]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

What did he mean by stick around?  Did you talk about dating each other exclusively ? Did he make a plan to take you out on a date he planned within the next week or so? What actions was he referring to and did you ask?  Stick around is vague. It can mean he intended to hang out with you after intercourse to make sure you were ok  and possibly chat with you at school. 

actually idkk what he meant by that all i said was actions speak louder than words and he agreed with me and that was that I probably should have asked to clarify.

[Batya33]

Just now, Lucylu23 said:

actually idkk what he meant by that all i said was actions speak louder than words and he agreed with me and that was that I probably should have asked to clarify.

Yes. Why didn’t you ?  Did you want to date him with potential for a relationship or did you want to hang out and have sex? 

[Lucylu23]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to do things the other way around. First establish a relationship, then have sex.  They need to show you actions before sex. 

Yeah u right well now idgf about him bc what he did was so messed up and how he handle the situation was just ugh it was bad like very bad so atp im kinda over it

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Lucylu23 said:

Yeah u right well now idgf about him bc what he did was so messed up and how he handle the situation was just ugh it was bad like very bad so atp im kinda over it

So you’d have been fine if he said “I’m not interested in hanging out again and I hope we can be nice to each other when we see each other at school “

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Lucylu23 said:

Yeah u right well now idgf about him bc what he did was so messed up and how he handle the situation was just ugh it was bad like very bad so atp im kinda over it

Yes, forget this guy. He's not BF material. Instead start talking to other boys at school. Be friendly and don't have sex unless they are respectful and ask you on dates and act like a BF.

[Jaunty]

6 hours ago, Lucylu23 said:

actually idkk what he meant by that all i said was actions speak louder than words and he agreed with me and that was that I probably should have asked to clarify.

No - if you want to be in a relationship with a guy, he needs to SHOW you that he's into being with you by actually putting in the time and energy BEFORE sex happens.  

Verbal "clarification" doesn't count, because if his main goal is to have sex,  he might find it easy to say whatever he thinks will get him there.  That's what this guy did.

[MissCanuck]

In the future, it would be better to date and see if the guy is committed before having sex with him. 

Casual sex is fine, to be clear, but if you are the type who gets attached through sex (and many, many are) it is not a good idea. Build something more solid with the boy first, and then consider getting intimate. 

[lovergal]

He's not that into you.

He just wanted sex. You gave it pretty easy.

Now he doesn't want anything to do with you.

Stop calling him and stop being crazy.

Just distant yourself and move on. If you see him, avoid him.