Is this a form of gaslighting

[Matter2134]

So the same man who walked out on me that and ended things is now trying to talk time. He emailed a letter saying that if I would fix my insecurities this would all be okay. He said I’m the root cause of all this and he even has the nerve to say I should get fixed as I will never be in a relationship if I’m like this. He takes no blame only that he had to leave because of my insecurities   He also stated there wa red flags he ignored from the beginning and that he should have left then. *** I haven’t said one word to him in a week or not and woll

not respond to him. He said I adore you love you and I could be with you if you fix yourself.  This man has sent me pics of him and his ex and a friend sitting around a fire when I first met him and thought that was acceptable. He said he doesn’t love him a ex and I will see in years to come that he will never get back with her. Then asked me to go to counselling with me. Lol. I am starting to believe he is insane   He even called my cousin who he is friends with and said I’m insecure and that although he loves me he can’t be with me. He was upset also I deleted his kids and friends of Facebook. 

[Kwothe28]

Quote

Is this a form of gaslighting

Yes. between his ex wife and him, you dodged a huge bullet there. Just block him and his kids and friends and dont think about it.

[smackie9]

Yup sounds like it.

[Matter2134]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yes. between his ex wife and him, you dodged a huge bullet there. Just block him and his kids and friends and dont think about it.

Totally agree. I have tried to get him to see the issues but finally cut all ties with his family and friends but now he is angry 

[treasure_island]

yes, it's like gaslighting and he's a full blown narcissist. they blame everything on you. You're insecure, or this or that, that's why the relationship isn't working. So it's all your fault. If only you weren't so insecure, then you deserve his love....

it's all bull***. Run as fast as you can.

Besides, I never liked when people call their partners insecure. He probably made you feel insecure, doesn't mean you are insecure. The most confident people can feel insecure b/c they are dating a narcissist. Narcissists do that. They lower your self esteem, degrade you, then call you insecure and leave you. Then they return to see if you have worked on your ''insecurities"'. 

Classic.

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Matter2134 said:

finally cut all ties with his family and friends but now he is angry 

Who cares? Let him stomp his feet. 

If you have cut all contact, his tantrum is not your problem. He will get bored and move on. Pay him no mind, and continue healing. 

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Matter2134 said:

I am starting to believe he is insane   He even called my cousin who he is friends with and said I’m insecure 

Sorry this is happening. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Has he always been this verbally and emotionally abusive?

You need to delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Ask your friends and family to assist you in getting rid of him by asking them to cease communication with him.

[Matter2134]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Has he always been this verbally and emotionally abusive?

You need to delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Ask your friends and family to assist you in getting rid of him by asking them to cease communication with him.

That is al in place friends and family have ceased communication with him and his family. So last night I’m in my car in the parking lot at my apartment and he pulls up and wants me to call his daughter because she is in a crisis. I politely said no and he anger got upset and said his daughter is mad at me now also because my family blocked her as well in Facebook. Im starting to think the whole family is all drama. Im not sure what more I can do besides blocking h I’m from all avenues and now he shows up to ask for my help lol. 

[Matter2134]

4 hours ago, treasure_island said:

yes, it's like gaslighting and he's a full blown narcissist. they blame everything on you. You're insecure, or this or that, that's why the relationship isn't working. So it's all your fault. If only you weren't so insecure, then you deserve his love....

it's all bull***. Run as fast as you can.

Besides, I never liked when people call their partners insecure. He probably made you feel insecure, doesn't mean you are insecure. The most confident people can feel insecure b/c they are dating a narcissist. Narcissists do that. They lower your self esteem, degrade you, then call you insecure and leave you. Then they return to see if you have worked on your ''insecurities"'. 

Classic.

Thank you this is what I felt as well. He did things to be shady and lied. His whole family unit is a mess but I’m the one with problems. lol. My family is solid and we are not drama 

[DarkCh0c0]

20 minutes ago, Matter2134 said:

. Im not sure what more I can do besides blocking h I’m from all avenues and now he shows up to ask for my help lol.

Next time he comes near you, tell him you'll call the police.

If he persists in showing up near your place, consider getting a restraining order.

What a pos. He's doing all this because he thinks he can break you so that you go back to him. He's even using his daughter as guilt card. How low.

Good job on standing up to yourself. Keep blocking him everywhere and whenever he sends a message/email, don't bother reading it. You need to heal and move on.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Matter2134 said:

last night I’m in my car in the parking lot at my apartment and he pulls up and wants me to call his daughter. Im not sure what more I can do besides blocking

You can (and should) get a restraining order.

[Cherylyn]

Yes, he's gaslighting.  Several people in my life (relatives) have gaslit me all my life so I'm all too familiar with the nasty gaslighting tactics. 

Gaslighting is deflecting, changing the subject and forcing you to question your sanity.  Gaslighters force you to change your perception of the facts by twisting your words and blaming you for any issues.  Gaslighters never take ownership nor responsibilities for their transgressions.  Instead, the shift and attention is always away from them and dumped onto YOU.  You are accused of being the crazy one, you are mentally ill, not they and you are the one who needs therapy, not they.  I truly believe gaslighters are narcissists.  They have a grandiose sense of self and no one else matters; only them.  They don't feel for others whatsoever.  Gaslighters are extremely selfish, self-centered and self-serving.  Gaslighting is the ugliest, nastiest, oldest psychological warfare there is.  Gaslighting tricks are meant to manipulate the dialogue and conversation every time until you feel like a loser which is their intent.  Gaslighters pummel you into submission if you allow it.  Never fall for a gaslighter's trap.  You can't fix them.  They are mentally sick for life.  All you can do is dissolve and exit this farce of a relationship because it's the only way to survive by getting out.  Gaslighters will shut you down every time.  The only way to win is permanent estrangement.

Gaslighters are a tricky lot.  They think they're so clever but they're really dumb as rocks because they wouldn't know emotional intelligence (empathy) if it hit them on the head. 

Steer clear and call the police because you're being stalked.  I agree with Wiseman2 about getting a restraining order.  Protect yourself.

[catfeeder]

On 12/10/2022 at 2:17 PM, Matter2134 said:

... he even has the nerve to say I should get fixed as I will never be in a relationship if I’m like this.

This is the most classic telltale sign of a manipulator casting himself as The Expert with secret vision into your future along with the self-entitlement to inflict such negativity upon you.

Along the same groan-inspiring motive is the assertion is that nobody else in the world could possibly love you, except for him, even while he owns the perfect right to withdraw that love unless and until you are willing to accept the roles he's cast for both of you.

Kinda makes you want to puke, doesn't it?

[SooSad33]

On 12/10/2022 at 2:17 PM, Matter2134 said:

He said he doesn’t love him a ex and I will see in years to come that he will never get back with her.

Yeah, and you should never get back with him.

Ignore as you are.  Don't bother responding. Is obvious you two are not a match!

Be done..move on.

[Coily]

22 hours ago, Matter2134 said:

That is al in place friends and family have ceased communication with him and his family. So last night I’m in my car in the parking lot at my apartment and he pulls up and wants me to call his daughter because she is in a crisis. I politely said no and he anger got upset and said his daughter is mad at me now also because my family blocked her as well in Facebook. Im starting to think the whole family is all drama. Im not sure what more I can do besides blocking h I’m from all avenues and now he shows up to ask for my help lol. 

Not only is he nuttier than a bad Christmas fruitcake he could be dangerous.

I suggest the following in dealing with this boy.
1 Block on all media and phone
2 Don't threaten to call police, just do so and file the report
3 If he shows up again, get a restraining order
4 The most important, learn what you can legally do for self-defense in your area, take martial arts lessons, carry after lessons if legal; do not give this clown any advantage over you.

[Matter2134]

21 hours ago, catfeeder said:

This is the most classic telltale sign of a manipulator casting himself as The Expert with secret vision into your future along with the self-entitlement to inflict such negativity upon you.

Along the same groan-inspiring motive is the assertion is that nobody else in the world could possibly love you, except for him, even while he owns the perfect right to withdraw that love unless and until you are willing to accept the roles he's cast for both of you.

Kinda makes you want to puke, doesn't it?

Very much so. 

[Cherylyn]

Gaslighting is throwing you off the original topic so you're left stomping out fires as you endlessly defend yourself.  Gaslighters deliberately deflect, will never take responsibility for wrongdoing nor ever have the desire to humbly correct themselves to resolve issues with you.  Gaslighters make sure the problem is about you and not them.  Gaslighters force you to believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with you and you're the one who has to change in order for the relationship to function properly.  It's a sick, very cruel game.  Your dignity and integrity will be disrespected and insulted to the core.  The original topic is never addressed which is exactly the gaslighter's strategy and goal.  You have no control.  They will force you to spin around and around at a dizzying pace until you realize you are being manipulated to their will.  You'll never win against a gaslighter.  The only way to win is to exit engaging in the gaslit conversation.   Often times you'll need to dissolve the relationship entirely otherwise they'll test you sorely whenever the opportunity for them arises.  

Gaslighters exhibit mental illness because normal people don't behave in this mentally ill manner. Gaslighters alienate others if victims catch onto gaslighting.   I didn't even know there was an official psychological term for gaslighting until fairly recently.  

The only way to appease and pacify a gaslighter is to roll over and play dead.  In other words, in order to keep the peace, you have to constantly acquiesce, constantly grovel and be pummeled into submission as you put up and shut up.  It's either their way or the highway.  You're toast and hosed every time.  Gaslighters control YOU if you allow them to control you.  They control the dialogue by constantly accusing you of being unstable and needing correction.  Gaslighters are forever in denial mode and narcissistic.  They're very sick people.

I'm so thoroughly disgusted by gaslighters that I no longer desire to invest in the relationship anymore.  I prefer to surround myself with people who know how to behave very decently and honorably.  Everyone else is an automatic REJECT.