30 And Never Had A Girlfriend, Too Ugly?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Distressedmamma said:

Well just to throw this out there as a country girl. I find city living to be a cold and lonely experience (I lived in a city for 2 years). People weren't friendly, and looked at me like I was odd if I were friendly. No one made eye contact walking through streets. No one stopped to help someone in need. I cant imagine how hard it would be to find someone compatible to share life with if I stayed in the city. 

Country all the way. 

Probably not related to the OP and tinder but anyway. That's my thoughts. 

I'm so sorry you had that experience!  I lived in a major city my first 43 years, my mom has for most of her 87 years, dad for most of his 83 years, husband grew up in same city and the people I met and bonded with, the experiences and adventures (you made a point of mentioning adventures-wow I could tell you stories, yes all G-rated lol) how I got to experience art, culture, theater, diversity all at my "doorstep" - that level of access especially as a child and teen.

I along with many others helped many people when I did volunteer work starting in the 1980s until 2008 (and I have done volunteer work in my new city as well).  I was constantly talking to complete strangers on buses, trains, the street, the parks, at museums and cafes and restaurants.  I met a dear friend in 2010 -we happened to be near some park benches in the middle of the city -a little park in the middle.  I had my baby in a stroller.  She asked me -never met me before -what kind of stroller and did I like it -her baby was a few months younger than my son - so -to your point about "helping" I told her I loved it, we struck up a conversation and we became fast friends- we were the same age and both had our one and only children in our 40s.  I met a number of people in this way and I helped many tourists and strangers -I helped a family whose toddler walked away in a huge crowd of people at Christmas time -got them reunited -one of countless examples.

I would not have had the amazing career I had, had my fifteen minutes of fame a couple times over, met my husband, had the education I had and the life experiences had I not grown up where I did.

Some of my friends who grew up in the country and burbs were way too sheltered (not all -depended on individual families of course -I'm not one to generalize) and it hampered their abilities to be out there in the world, to know about art and culture and current events, and how to help people in need because of how sheltered they were.  

So sorry you had that experience. I've been in many small towns and had mostly lovely experiences other than being stared at like an "outsider" but I would never let that color my perspective of small towns or make me want to generalize.  I spent six summers in sleepaway camps in rural areas and went on several retreats in rural areas. I loved it!  I respect lots of perspectives! Sounds like living in a city is not for you.  Again I'm sorry.  

I think when it comes to finding a mate there doesn't need to be an inordinate focus on city vs. country - it depends on the people. I know people who grew up in cities as I did who then relocate to rural areas or like my former boss have a country home they visit on weekends in a rural area and keep an apartment in the city, I know people who grew up in rural areas who happily settle in cities.  It is certainly a good topic of conversation. 

My husband and I had to because his career required me to be flexible as to relocation.  I did have certain limits -very few- on places where I would be comfortable living (more related to parts of the U.S. as opposed to city v. country).  We matched well in that way because we had very few places he would "love" to live that I would hate to live.  But yes you don't really want surprises when it comes to choosing a place to live particularly if one person wants to be close to family (where we live now is a two hour plane ride from our immediate families).  

I would avoid dating anyone who was close minded about different lifestyles -in general -not because of need to relocate but the more open minded then the less risk of conflict -I mean life throws curveballs so a person who is dead set against suburbs because "they are all so sheltered and hate diversity and love big box stores" is likely not a person who will be able to be flexible with life's challenges.  As opposed to "suburban living is not for me because I prefer to be near public transportation and live walking distance if possible from my job."  

[Mammalyssa]

@Batya33 there is absolutely no need for you to apologise! Lol

Im in australia, so I am guessing everyone's experience differs. 

And yes, I too would not be keen on someone who doesn't have an open mind about experiencing different lifestyles. I think that's why my opinion about having a licence is so strong.. I would like to think the person I'd date would be broad minded and ready to say yes to exciting and new opportunities or experiences. If you custom your lifestyle to limit any change then that's a little off putting.  Country vs city life is definately a whole other topic!!

[Carnatic]

22 hours ago, MysteriousTelephone said:

Again, I would say so, because I've been able to make friends very easily, from every walk of life, which is something people struggle with. I'm a fairly upbeat person, if I was just throwing out negative energy and making people feel uncomfortable, I don't think I would be that successful in making friends. I do ask good follow-up questions, and my posture is fine.

It's not that I'm super against volunteering in community theatre, but like I said, I do believe another regular commitment would cut into the several ones I already have, and something would have to drop. I'm also not terribly interested in volunteering in community theatre, meaning if I did it, it would be to meet a woman, and that's just not a great reason to do volunteering.

I have determined those things, yes, yet I still get posts saying "Have you thought about going out and meeting people? Sorry you're introverted, have you thought about not wearing rags?" and it does just feel that people aren't reading my messages at all.

Honestly, I didn't know what I expected from posting on here, I guess on some level I hoped to find someone who'd been through this and got out the other side. What I've seen so far, are people who are mostly happy in relationships telling me how easy it is, that all they did was go to a bar. That's great for them, but no help to me. Even the anecdotal stories seem to be along the lines of "Yeah I had a friend who struggled with love, only dated a few times, then he met 'the one' and got married late, at 29." I've literally yet to read in this thread of anyone who has got to the tender age of 30 and never had a girlfriend, or any interest in that department. That's not me saying I've got it so much harder, but it does make me feel unusual if I cannot find another human being who has gone through this experience to this extent.

I get your frustration that sometimes when you say you're having difficulty meeting women to date you get people telling you to do things you're already doing. Of course nobody on this site knows you, so it's not their fault if they read your posts and then suggest going out more or doing more activities. This sort of thing can make you frustrated and defensive, it does to me anyway and then that makes it look like you have an attitude problem. It's the reason why I'm more in favour of open discussion than one person with a problem and everyone else offering solutions and I'd rather ask someone another question than give them an answer.

From my perspective too, the more that people (my friends, or people online) suggest things like this, the more it can make me feel at a loss to explain why I can't find women who are interested in me. If people say 'why don't you talk to women, or why don't you join clubs for activities' and I already do these things then people like myself and the OP can be drawn towards the conclusion that maybe we're just too ugly and there's no getting over it.

Hopefully it's something else, and I don't expect someone who doesn't know me on the internet to have the idea but again that's why I prefer open discussions.

If you're interested in my perspective OP, I did have a girlfriend before I turned 30, but only one, when I was 27, for around a year and half and she was quite obviously (to those around me) only interested in having somewhere to live and not really interested in me at all, so yeah that dented my confidence.

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

f you're interested in my perspective OP, I did have a girlfriend before I turned 30, but only one, when I was 27, for around a year and half and she was quite obviously (to those around me) only interested in having somewhere to live and not really interested in me at all, so yeah that dented my confidence.

Confidence-denting is a choice. A choice to react to feelings of a bruised ego. I had plenty of men choose other women over me and often women who in my opinion were more attractive than me.  I had to compete with younger/more fertile women, with more attractive women, etc. I had relationships that didn't work out, felt like banging my head against the wall.  I had people tell me all sorts of things too -"too picky" "but why do you want kids when you have [description of successful career]" 

I had a friend call me when I was already pregnant to excitedly tell me that there was a spot open at the clinic she went to to artificially inseminate herself (she didn't know I was preggers -I wasn't telling) - talk about supportive -she knew I had a serious boyfriend but because she was a single mother by choice two times already she wanted company, wanted validation for giving up on "men" and going on her own (she ended up having two more children with the same anonymous sperm donor -never married, had a few somewhat serious boyfriends before she started down that path).  

People say the darndest things. Dating requires a thick skin.  Dented confidence happens and if you want what you want you find a way to react so you can move on ASAP to greener pastures.  For me it was worth finding that way -scratching my way back sometimes to the surface -as my mom would say sometimes "hmmmm well at least it probably can't get worse" after I told her about a particularly awful first meet or date.  

[Carnatic]

46 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Confidence-denting is a choice. A choice to react to feelings of a bruised ego.

Everything is a choice to you isn't it? I don't think I've ever seen a thread where someone has said they have an issue, whether confidence, dating, mental health, where you haven't at some point said 'it's a choice'.

I know that's your personal ideology when it comes to mental health issues, I find it kinda toxic.

Yes, being in an abusive relationship dented my confidence, some people have it a lot worse... some people don't survive them so I'm fine with saying my mental health suffered as a result of what I experienced.

[Tinydance]

5 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

Everything is a choice to you isn't it? I don't think I've ever seen a thread where someone has said they have an issue, whether confidence, dating, mental health, where you haven't at some point said 'it's a choice'.

I know that's your personal ideology when it comes to mental health issues, I find it kinda toxic.

Yes it is a choice. There is the saying: "It's not the heavy load, it's how you carry it." "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Etc.

[Wiseman2]

On 11/8/2022 at 8:27 AM, MysteriousTelephone said:

I cannot find another human being who has gone through this experience to this extent.

@Carnatic has contributed several posts to your thread indicting that he and many others are in the same boat as you seem to feel you're in.

[Carnatic]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Yes it is a choice. There is the saying: "It's not the heavy load, it's how you carry it." "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Etc.

So if someone punches me in the face and busts my nose would you argue that while I didn't choose to get punched I did choose to bleed?

And if that's not the case for my nose when why is it for my brain.

What about soldiers suffering PTSD, would you tell them that they chose to be affected by the things they saw?

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Carnatic said:

So if someone punches me in the face and busts my nose would you argue that while I didn't choose to get punched I did choose to bleed?

And if that's not the case for my nose when why is it for my brain.

What about soldiers suffering PTSD, would you tell them that they chose to be affected by the things they saw?

Those instances are very different to OP's situation. It is hardly comparable to fight in a war or get assaulted, to having dating troubles. Nowhere near the same.

[Carnatic]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Those instances are very different to OP's situation. It is hardly comparable to fight in a war or get assaulted, to having dating troubles. Nowhere near the same.

Yes I reacted because Batya said it was my choice to let what happened to me affect me, and has done so in the past too. Not related to the OPs situation but all I wanted to do was add my experience since the OP thinks he's the only one, not have it picked apart by a woman who seems to be able to shrug off everything that happens to her.

[Kwothe28]

On 11/8/2022 at 1:38 AM, MysteriousTelephone said:

I really feel like you're trying here, but seem to have not read much of my posts.

How do you define me being 'unwilling' to dress up nicely and go to places to meet girls, when it's literally something I've repeatedly mentioned that I do? I would say I'm out socially 4-5 nights out of 7 every week, that's not insignificant or 'unwilling to try'. I do appreciate the game theory that it's just a numbers game if you just keep at it, you used the 'out of 10' example: now picture doing that, consistently, for 12 years and coming up with zero? That's pretty soul crushing.

I did read. I mean I wasnt here for a week so maybe missed a few pages but its more- less the same. My problem isnt with you and that you are unwilling to approach women in general, we know that you are not. My problem is that I am telling you that you need to do that constantly in order to get a girl. Not one girl once in a while but constantly every time you get a chance. Because "soul crushing" or not, you just need to move forward. And while some men can just wait and approach some girl once in a while and get the shot, you are the one that needs to work on it. Constantly approaching, trying to take a number, getting on dates etc. No matter how hard rejections are for anybody, because I doubt there is a human being on Earth that is just immune to it. But they just brush it off and move forward. So can you.

Again, if you are out socially 4-5 nights a week, to how many girls are you approaching in those days? To how many of them have you asked the number? Add them on social media maybe? Tried to call them out? For example, since this thread started, have you tried to approach any of girls while you are out? And with what results?

Because I have a feeling its maybe 1 or 2. And that you need to that far more fequently in order for somebody to stick around. 

[Tinydance]

19 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

Yes I reacted because Batya said it was my choice to let what happened to me affect me, and has done so in the past too. Not related to the OPs situation but all I wanted to do was add my experience since the OP thinks he's the only one, not have it picked apart by a woman who seems to be able to shrug off everything that happens to her.

I think this is becoming a difficult topic because it's derailed into another direction. I don't think OP's experiences are actually on the same level as people suffering trauma and PTSD, getting assaulted, having loved ones die, and so on. I understand it would be very frustrating to have never dated when you're 30. People do deserve validation and maybe it's not fair to minimise it and compare to other things. Like the typical: "Don't complain about your problems because there are children starving in Africa".

However, I would also like to add that even people who had gone through severe trauma actually got help and healed and moved forward. There are people who for example had been in an accident and ended up in a wheelchair but yet still found a relationship after that. There are also a number of famous people who actually became injured and disfigured but they pursued activism and things like that. What I meant by making a choice is that the person could have just completely given up, gotten into drugs or alcohol, never left the house, maybe even ended their life. But they made a different choice to that.

I just find it doubtful that OP keeps saying to stop suggesting anything to him because he's already doing everything and being confident and positive. I don't think someone can actually in reality be confident and positive who on this whole thread sounds negative, extremely self critical and bitter.

I understand he can be completely honest here and say whatever he wants, as opposed to in real life. But everything he's been saying has been basically judging himself and saying that every other person has it better. "My friends are all hot and find someone, all other guys find someone, 14-year-olds find someone". First of all, that is just really not the case. Most people are not hot or rich so dating isn't a piece of cake for anyone. Your average person does have to actually try. And there is a lot of rejection. I'm speaking from my own personal experience.

I'm happy to sympathise with someone's situation but also why do I have to sympathise with OP more so than any other person who puts effort into dating and struggles? Which is actually a lot of people. He has even said many times that he can't think of anything actually wrong with him and neither could any of his friends. I'm sure he's not hideous so why should we feel sorry for him.

[boltnrun]

I can't speak for anyone, but I'm presuming what the two posters mean is not that things shouldn't affect us because obviously they do. But how we choose to act in the face of difficulties is up to us. 

For example, I know people who say "everyone's an a-hole, everyone lies, everyone cheats, everyone's out for themselves" and they're angry and bitter as a result. Or, some women who post on here about a man they're seeing who initially came on strong and then faded, and their conclusion is "I don't understand men, this is how they all are, none of them want a committed relationship!" Or men who come on here after their wife cheats and conclude "all women cheat, they're just after money, they're all gold diggers, they all leave once they find someone 'better'". None of those conclusions is true, but that was their experience and they reacted by becoming depressed, bitter or angry.

On the other hand, when I encounter an a-hole I just conclude that individual is an a-hole. When my ex cheated I didn't decide that all men are liars and cheaters. I understood that HE is, but that doesn't apply to all men. I don't think it's pleasant to be angry, bitter or depressed. And when I DID become anxious and depressed (not due to relationship issues but something else) I got professional help because I feared becoming that way permanently. And I don't want to be.

One of my friends repeatedly says "I hate people". I just find that sad. I don't hate people, I actually like most of them. To me, going through life hating people is a depressing way to live. 

Anyway, that's just my take. And I sincerely hope the OP meets a woman who appreciates him and enjoys his company. 

[Carnatic]

42 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think this is becoming a difficult topic because it's derailed into another direction. I don't think OP's experiences are actually on the same level as people suffering trauma and PTSD, getting assaulted, having loved ones die, and so on.

Well yeah I wasn't referring to the OP's experience or saying that it's the same as any of those things, I was referring to my own... really only because the OP kept saying that he was the only one who couldn't find a partner, like I wasn't trying to say 'hey let's talk about my issues' only 'I have issues too'. But then someone came along to analyse my issues and this is where we are now. I don't really want to talk about this I want to focus on the OP's issues too, but also I'm going to say 'hey actually' if people start saying my issues are just down to having my ego bruised, or I chose to have my confidence dented.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Carnatic said:

Everything is a choice to you isn't it? I don't think I've ever seen a thread where someone has said they have an issue, whether confidence, dating, mental health, where you haven't at some point said 'it's a choice'.

I know that's your personal ideology when it comes to mental health issues, I find it kinda toxic.

Yes, being in an abusive relationship dented my confidence, some people have it a lot worse... some people don't survive them so I'm fine with saying my mental health suffered as a result of what I experienced.

No it is not -never wrote that or meant that - you are taking what I wrote to extremes.  I responded to your specific situation of dented confidence from dating-related issues and rejections. 

It's not my "personal ideology," and I'm sorry you find that "toxic" but what you say is my opinion simply is not - I agree with you that someone who would say everything is a choice would speaking nonsense. 

I simply respond to individual situations and it's up to you if you want to build some straw man of some distorted exaggeration of what I wrote so you can then personally attack me.  I know what I wrote.

In general with exceptions I'm a fan of personal accountability and taking responsibility for one's choices.  It's not my "ideology" though.

Separately I'm sorry you're having struggles and challenges with dating.  I did as well for many years so I can relate at least to an extent. It's silly to say someone chooses to have their confidence dented -your feelings are your feelings!  I was referring to choosing how to react to the dented confidence feeling.  This morning my son made bad choices in reaction to his feelings of frustation.  As a result I docked him from his computer for 30 minutes.  He said "but I felt angry" so I reminded him you can feel angry and not [described how he reacted]".  We have these reminder convos a lot - and I acknowledge it's hard to react to feelings of frustration by continuing to behave respectfully (or choosing to take time out, etc) but the feelings and reaction choice are separate. 

I was rejected by someone I tried to befriend in September.  Now I have to see her at a mutual event biweekly. I could choose to avoid the optional event but instead I show up, greet her cordially as I do with everyone else and focus on meeting new people.  It's not an easy way to react but it's best for my health and goals.

[mylolita]

They don't call it the "mating game" or "dating game" for no reason - there are winners, there are losers, there are people in-between. 

It's not too pleasant to come to release maybe it's not just bad luck why something is or isn't happening to you. You think you are doing everything right, that you are doing everything you can, apart from maybe you have suggested the appearance of your face. What can we say but, something is up, you're being rejected by these women for a good reason, or, maybe you really are just unlucky, and if you wait it out you will likely find The One. 

All women will have a reason why they rejected a man - all. The tormenting thing about it is, most of the time, you will never know. We don't get a feedback form on rejection from the opposite sex. 

In my opinion, 95% of this stuff is pure intuition. You get a feel for social situations through experience and also just being either naturally good or bad at this type of thing. Some people are naturally charming and people gravitate towards them whether they are good looking or not, others not so much. Making friends is a whole different ball game to having someone become your girlfriend. It's not the same thing in my opinion either. I am much more likely to jump into a friendship casually than I am say, just take on a boyfriend because he's "friendly" or "nice". It's another tough pill to swallow, but most women don't want "friendly" and "nice" - they are looking for much more than that. So this kind of pleasant confidence will make you friends, but when attracting the opposite sex? A whole different ball game. We're not even in the same league here where I stand.

Rejection is tough. Rejection is brutal. Even the most gorgeous person has faced it at least once. No one likes to be told "you are not good enough". It stings, big time. Life is blooming well hard. We have to become mentally strong, get a thicker skin. God only knows! 

This has been real interesting for me. It is very rare that someone asking for advice only wants to hear from people who haven't succeeded in their field of question, and rejects any advice from people who have won in love or, at least, succeeded in some aspects where they need help or advice. Interesting!!!

x



 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Making friends is a whole different ball game to having someone become your girlfriend. It's not the same thing in my opinion either. I am much more likely to jump into a friendship casually than I am say, just take on a boyfriend because he's "friendly" or "nice".

Yes -different- but after college etc the same in this way - making new friends as an adult where it requires both people putting in effort to carve out precious sparse free time to meet up is rare to find - rare to find people who are reliable in that way, want to put in the effort to do so, reciprocate.  Also despite romantic attraction being out of the equation there's also those people who retain that high school sense of wanting people who look a certain way or wear certain clothes, etc.   It's easy enough to find someone who is available to chat online or occasionally by phone.

[mylolita]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes -different- but after college etc the same in this way - making new friends as an adult where it requires both people putting in effort to carve out precious sparse free time to meet up is rare to find - rare to find people who are reliable in that way, want to put in the effort to do so, reciprocate.  It's easy enough to find someone who is available to chat online or occasionally by phone.

Agree!

I find making friends so easy - it's just like, one day, we were talking, next week, they are here having coffee at the house, and the week after, our kids are playing together, then they constantly text, and arrange meet ups etc. The thing I find difficult is thinking, is this person someone I deeply click with? Plenty of nice conversations and even deep conversations can be had but, when all is said and done, was it just a nice time? Do I really care for them? 

I ask myself this plenty! Genuine friendship that contains love is hard to find. I have plenty of friends but really, in my 30s, I am thinking, are they actually friends? I don't know. High end acquaintances!!! 

The... meeting your potential wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend? Your criteria is, astronomically different. This could be the person you have babies with, are with for the rest of your life. A decision like that takes someone to knock you off your feet. That's where I think the dating game is completely different to making friends. I know it looks like it's similar but to me, different worlds. There is a huge sexual element for a start which adds whole other dimensions to the thing. It's extremely complex. People who find this stuff effortless - flirting, being charismatic, being outgoing and sexually attractive - it's a huge skill. A skill I think they don't even know they have, half the time, because it's so natural and instinctive to them. People brush it off or say it's because they are good looking but, I think we all know plenty of people who aren't that amazing in the looks department but are just... magnetic, to the opposite sex. OP should talk to them!!! What makes them tick? How do they view rejection? What do they say to women? All of that juicy stuff. It's golden information. 

You either have it or you don't comes to mind. 

Confidence can be gained of course. We're talking about seduction here which, in my opinion, there is many a different layer to it. 


x

[spinstermanquee]

14 pages... and still the "yes... but" answers 😞

[Mammalyssa]

39 minutes ago, spinstermanquee said:

14 pages... and still the "yes... but" answers 😞

Lol... I've enjoyed the 14 pages of back and forth.. not necessarily stayed on topic but how interesting are the different point of views that are so varied by people's life experiences!

[mylolita]

4 hours ago, Distressedmamma said:

Lol... I've enjoyed the 14 pages of back and forth.. not necessarily stayed on topic but how interesting are the different point of views that are so varied by people's life experiences!

Very true!

 

I have to admit; not to use the problem MysteriousTelephone has as almost food for thought but, it is a very interesting topic - you could say one of the most vital topics there is in life really! How to find love? Wow! 
 

The game has changed so much from even 20 years ago. No one knew online dating would be a thing - people used to put a short little ad in the paper yonks back. One of the main problems of modern dating I am finding is that, in the past, you only had a “local” pool to choose from.  It was very rare someone met someone else from out of their town or state or county (if you are British like me!) now, it’s international. With the whole online thing, you can be tempted to look at anyone, anywhere. Almost too much choice in a way. The culture has changed as well. My generation are in no special rush to settle down, we feel like we have “all the time in the world”. 
 

Women are going off at 25 and just starting their careers. They are too busy for the guys. More and more women are happy to be single and not have children as well. I read a statistic that for the first time in history, women who are 30 and over and don’t have children is higher than those who do (50.1%) which means, more women don’t have children than do! And there was a pretty eye opening statistic that said the largest number of western births are to mothers in the 40-45 age range category over the 20-25! More 40 plus year old women are having babies than women 25 and under!

 

Times are changing. I personally don’t think for the better, but who am I to say huh?! What do I know! 
 

Are all these changes creating a happier western society? We report as more lonely, more depressed, and less satisfied than any of our previous generations. 
 

Food for thought. So many of these threads posted by both genders. My sympathy is there because it’s tough and times have changed.

 

x

[mylolita]

Just to put it out there, as a 32 year old married women with three kids who is feeling quite rare and unusual in these times - women? Do you feel like you were sold a lie? Career first, babies later? Find your man when you are 28? Settle later? Did anyone tell you it was  okay to aspire to be a housewife? Did you even think it was an option? And men, would you even dare suggest to any modern woman that “I’ll take care  of you?” For fear of chauvinistic backlash? 

 

How about, entertain settling sooner? Have your babies at 22, 23. Your babies grow up, you get your time back at 35 when your kids are 12 but you are still young, then go get your crazy hour career, because your children will be older and you now have the time. But, you got the best of both worlds, but without the biological strife and pressure. Young men don’t get frustrated because they are realistically being taken off the market younger, same for the women. 
 

As my husband employs people, he always said he would rather employ an older woman who has finished having babies rather than employ a young one only to have to pay maternity leave. The advantages to starting your career at 30-35 to me are, massive, and positive for society.

 

I know I am going to get a massive back lash from this but I think this kind of alternative opinion should be put out there. I am a woman and I wasn’t happy with the current societal trend. When I’m 38 my children will be 11, 10 and 8. I would love to start a career then, when I have finished the intense but amazing early years job of motherhood. 
 

These questions maybe don’t get aired because everyone says they are offensive or against women’s liberation - all I am asking is, is this the right way to go for every single woman out I there? Is every single woman a high powered business woman happy to work 70-80 hours a week? Does this even make her happy? And does this make men happy, or leave them out in the cold until she says okay, I’m ready to settle down now and I’m 30 and you’re 30 plus so we better get on with it!

 

I realise there are individual stories where career and children later work out - I feel they are the lucky ones. In general,  are my generation reporting happy dating, happy relationships, long term stable relationships? I feel like it’s a no.

 

I think these questions are absolutely relevant to the OP and relevant to any man or woman looking to settle down or find someone in their 30s or even beyond in todays market.

 

When I was 16, I sat down in front of our college career advisor, she asked me what I wanted to do. I told her be a housewife and a mother. I might as well of said I wanted to created a new planet and fly to it tomorrow. We have gone so far in the opposite direction.

 

Women are also told there are no men capable or willing to be the breadwinner and start families earlier. Women! You will be surprised! They haven’t been given the chance to step up to the plate and take on those big responsibilities earlier! It does wonders to a young man’s confidence. He saves the girl. He is respected and admired greatly by her. She needs him, he needs her. 
 

Modern relationships? No one needs anyone anymore. People seem out for themselves, thinking only of themselves, and think later in life there is this dream guy or gal waiting for them to begin living once everything is perfect and financially collected together in just the right way. This is not happening, the statistics show this!

 

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[DarkCh0c0]

@mylolita I like your questions, but I think they should have their own new post.

 

[Mammalyssa]

@mylolita I would also like to see your last post go up as a new thread as it would be very interesting to read the replies, but I think could turn into a long one! I will hold off replying in anticipation of a nice juicy thread :) 

[mylolita]

Curious to know how the ladies and the gents feel about this new climate!

 

Are we allowed discussions like this on eNA moderators? @HeartGoesOn!

 

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