He's obsessed with me

[Superstickyone]

I told this guy last year that we cannot hang out anymore and I didn't feel a connection with him anymore.  At the time, he said okay no problem and went on his merry way.  I would however get silent calls at least once a month where the person wouldn't speak.  I figured it was him.  I was also sure in the winter I saw him standing outside in my condo parking lot in that red jacket which I knew he wore.  

Recently he has been popping up.  I will either be in a coffee shop, convenience store or waiting for the bus.  He's just "there" all of a sudden. 

Our breakup was amicable and he seemed OK with us parting ways.

On the occasions I saw him I made small talk and was pleasant but not overly friendly.  I'm not so arrogant that even an ex can't be acknowledged.

Now he's sending texts which I'm not interested in doing.

Was speaking to him those times a mistake?  Should I have ignored him?  I get the impression he thought I was giving him a green  light??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

Same guy?

 

You didnt said that he was calling you or showing at your appartment. That is a stalker behavior. Dont answer him at all, just threaten that you will call a police if he doesnt stop contacting you or stop following you. If he does it again, call a police to handle it and get a restraining order if you have to.

[MissCanuck]

Have you not blocked his number? 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

I told this guy last year that we cannot hang out anymore and I didn't feel a connection with him anymore.   

Were you actually dating or just friends?

He can go whenever he wants. 

Avoid him. It's been a year so why are you still hoping for calls?

Perhaps you hope it's him calling or hope it's him hanging around?:

 

[Jibralta]

5 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Was speaking to him those times a mistake?  Should I have ignored him?  I get the impression he thought I was giving him a green  light??

I don't know. If you think he's stalking you, change your routine for a couple of months. See if he starts showing up then.

[Batya33]

How serious were the two of you -you tell someone you're serious with you "can't hang out anymore" -were you dating seriously or hanging out?  Were you clear you wanted no contact with him? Also yes why haven't you blocked the number?

[Lambert]

He was outside your condo? He's showing up where you are randomly? 

This is not good OP. Do you think he could be tracking you somehow or following you? 

The next time he texts you, I would say something along the lines of  stop contacting me. 

I feel it's important to explicitly say the words stop contacting me. So it's clear what you want.  

Then block him.  If he persists, tell him you've contacted the police.  

[Superstickyone]

We were casually dating for over a long period of time.  He was way too nonchalant although I was hoping for more as I really liked him.  It didn't happen.  No sweat. Not interested in rekindling things.  We parted amicably.  I will write back and be clear we can't talk anymore.  I thought I was clear last year when I said it's done!

Bit concerned 😟 he might be stalking??

Anyway I will have to change the places I go for coffee, shopping and the bus stop location.  Thanks for all the input!

 

 

 

 

 

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Superstickyone said:

I will write back and be clear we can't talk anymore.  I thought I was clear last year when I said it's done!

Not sure this is necessary.  You just stop interacting with him- totally.

No reason to continue on anything with this.. stalker 😕 .

No need to feel you should 'be nice'.  You owe him nothing anymore.

Sometimes, some people don't get it, no matter what you say.  Like you said, you thought you were clear last year when you said you were done.

Just avoid, block his number now and yeah, change up your locals.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Have you not blocked his number? 

Quoting myself as it's gone answered, but OP, have you done the above? 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Bit concerned 😟 he might be stalking??

No. He didn't even want to date seriously so he wouldn't waste time on that. Just tell him you don't want to text anymore and delete and block him from social media and messaging apps. Frankly you seem obsessed with him. 

[waffle]

It does seem a little odd that he keeps turning up.  I would not have engaged him in conversation as that does give mixed messages; I would've simply said hi (at most) and that's it.  If you're responding to his messages, that also gives mixed messages.  Is there a part of you that is flattered by the attention?

[Cherylyn]

Perhaps he misunderstood your intentions when you acted natural by engaging in small talk and pleasantries. 

Stalking you outside your condo is creepy though !  😒

I would not switch coffee shops, convenience stores nor bus stops.  I'd tell him that you were being nice as you would naturally do but it shouldn't be misconstrued as your interest in him at all.  If he can't and won't understand this concept, then tell him he will be ignored with nary a 'hello.' 

Or, you don't have to bother saying anything to him and ignore him altogether.  Block and delete his cell phone number immediately.

If you want to, you can be clear by sending him one last, FINAL text by requesting NC (no contact) and if he's relentless, ignore, ghost, block and delete him.  You decide what is best for you.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you enjoy texting him and in fact hang around hoping he will be there. Red jackets are very common and you're even imagining that is him. Yet. You don't block or go elsewhere or avoid him. So maybe you're the one who is stalking?

 

[Superstickyone]

I'm a bit surprised someone on here would say I'm stalking him! Not at all.  LOL. Trying to protect myself and do what's best to squash his interest.  

I haven't seen him around lately so ignoring his text likely accomplished my goal.

[jul-els]

You’ve exhibited poor boundaries with him. If you want to remove him from your life, then you need to do so. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Trying to protect myself and do what's best to squash his interest.  

so ignoring his text likely accomplished my goal.

Why haven't you deleted and blocked him from all your social media and messaging apps?

Protect yourself from what, exactly? He's not bothering you. 

It's unfair to accuse him of "stalking", when you text him and deliberately go to the places he'll be.

[Superstickyone]

I have never texted him.  Very confused why someone says I am.  Trying to get a reaction?

[Wiseman2]

On 6/30/2022 at 6:10 PM, Superstickyone said:

I don't think he's dangerous but a bit stalkerish yes.  Most exes would text wouldn't they? 

Did you delete and block him? Do you want him to text rather than patronize the same places you go to?