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2nd date unsure whats happening


Braytc
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I am a 22 (M) seeing 18 (F).
We met online and have been talking a lot.


I've been on a lot of dates at this point and i cant really recall a time where we didnt kiss after the first date and every date. Our first date went great, we talked for like 3 hours and had a great time. Right after the first date she was saying all the things we should do and made plans the following weekend without me even asking. After the first date the kiss kind of felt forced since i always want to show my interest in them by kissing after but she only did a quick kiss and then left, didnt really feel like she wanted to that much.


So we've still been talking the same amount as we've been, every day we text all day. She asked me to come over to her college dorm this weekend for a 2nd date again without me even asking. But what she said was "just letting you know i want to take this slow, so no sex right now." Im not really sure what she ment by that. 


So i went to her place this weekend and we were there for like 4 hours and had a great tine. After this date we didnt really kiss at all. But yet again still talking


Does anyone know why she seems really interested but doesnt do anything physically intimate or affectionate? 

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23 minutes ago, Braytc said:

"just letting you know i want to take this slow, so no sex right now." Im not really sure what she ment by that. 

She meant she wants to take this so no sex right now. What is confusing about that? 

You need to take chill a bit, OP. It's been two dates. She's only 18. A couple kisses is perfectly reasonable, especially if she was clear she intends to go slowly. 

I am not sure why you are mystified or troubled. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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26 minutes ago, Braytc said:

I am a 22 (M) seeing 18 (F).she said was "just letting you know i want to take this slow, so no sex right now." Im not really sure what she ment by that. 

What she meant is crystal clear. Cool your jets. She wants to date you not hop into bed.

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Ahh to be young again. And so overt.

She may have anticipated you’d think she was inviting you over for sex. She was being courteous if not awkward.

What you both might have done was agreed for you to go home the same day and don’t overstay your welcome. Go over and visit for the day, then go home. Don’t stay over.

Keep things short and sweet. She likes you. You like her. Enjoy. 

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1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

She meant she wants to take this so no sex right now. What is confusing about that? 

You need to take chill a bit, OP. It's been two dates. She's only 18. A couple kisses is perfectly reasonable, especially if she was clear she intends to go slowly. 

I am not sure why you are mystified or troubled. 

I get she said that and i never expect to have sex the first couple dates like i said. But it doesnt seem like anyone else i know does what she's doing.

She isn't physical at all and doesn't even kiss, again I've never seen that so that's why I'm worried.  What am i supposed to do, ask her? But i dont want to ask her cause that seems pressuring/pushy

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Slow can mean many things. She wants you to get to know her first, wants you to not use her for sex, unsure of her attraction for you, etc.

Give it a couple of more dates. If she is not where you want to be at, dump her and move onto someone who is more interested.

Edited by smackie9
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4 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Absolutely. She told you exactly what she meant by "slow":

Im not asking about sex just anything at all. Not kissing, not holding hands, no flirting, nothing physical at all just makes it feel like a hang out session 

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4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Slow can mean many things. She wants you to get to know her first, wants you to not use her for sex, unsure of her attraction for you, etc.

Give it a couple of more dates. If she is not where you want to be at, dump her and move onto someone who is more interested.

I really like her and it hurts going out and not progressing at all. I'm just really confused by what vibe she's trying to give out. Im not asking for sex at all, like i said personally i dont have sex for a while. But not kissing, holding hands, flirting just feels like there's no romance at all

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Just now, MissCanuck said:

Good grief, man, it's been two dates. 

Chill. 

So then by your experience, what happens usually? I'm just to the point where Im tired of going out on a couple dates and never getting to relationship stage so how does it usually go for you?

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5 minutes ago, Braytc said:

Im not asking about sex just anything at all. Not kissing, not holding hands, no flirting, nothing physical at all just makes it feel like a hang out session 

You met on a dating app and dating, yet you're terrified you're in the friendzone or she's not into you.

Date more mature girls your own age. She may be naïve or a virgin so stop robbing the cradle. A few of years ago she was playing with dolls. In your other thread from 3 years ago  claimed you were 25. What's the story?

 

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You met on a dating app and dating, yet you're terrified you're in the friendzone or she's not into you.

Date more mature girls your own age. She may be naïve or a virgin so stop robbing the cradle. A few of years ago she was playing with dolls. In your other thread from 3 years ago  claimed you were 25. What's the story?

 

But what is dating to you? It's not even that big of a difference to me at least, i dont really care if you're 18, 23, or 26

Those werent really the ages i didnt want to put the actual ages

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2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

omg you are 28? seriously no 18 year old is gonna be mature enough to be flirty,etc with a guy that is 10 years older. She's probably a  little freaked out/ creeped out.

I'm not do you really think an 18 year old would date someone older like that? Idk maybe they would but for our actual ages she's even told me she's much more mature than her age on our first date when we talked about it. She said she doesnt like how other 18 year olds act and that they arent mature enough for her so she dates older

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2 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

That's her pace. If you don't like it, you have other options.

It's not that i care either way i just wasnt sure what kind of message i was supposed to get from that. To me it feels like she isn't serious about it

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So, how old are you finally?

Most probably she feels creeped out by a signifficantly older dude trying to get in her pants.

On the other hand, she enjoys the attention dnd the fact that she got an older guy wrapped around her finger. The player got played. 🙂

 

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My husband and I didn't kiss for MONTHS. We hung out for hours and hours, talking and sharing food and going places together. Obviously the relationship happened.

Maybe she's tired of guys who pretend to like her but really just want sex. So she's being cautious. Nothing wrong with that.

How old are you really? Why are you being so cagey about your age? None of us know you so it's not like we're going to call her mom or something 😆

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

My husband and I didn't kiss for MONTHS. We hung out for hours and hours, talking and sharing food and going places together. Obviously the relationship happened.

Maybe she's tired of guys who pretend to like her but really just want sex. So she's being cautious. Nothing wrong with that.

How old are you really? Why are you being so cagey about your age? None of us know you so it's not like we're going to call her mom or something 😆

The one currently is correct, 22 idk why or how they even got the other stuff from it's not relevant to this or i would've said otherwise lol.

How old are you like when did you guys start dating and everything because that sounds way out of the norm. Now people do things relatively quickly. Not that kissing should be considered rushing something it's just a display of interest and affection

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1 hour ago, East4 said:

So, how old are you finally?

Most probably she feels creeped out by a signifficantly older dude trying to get in her pants.

On the other hand, she enjoys the attention dnd the fact that she got an older guy wrapped around her finger. The player got played. 🙂

 

What i said in this post, 22

Did you even read anything? We met online, we went out last week for 3 hours, and she made plans this weekend to invite me to her dorm without me even asking 😂. If any of that made sense how would someone do that.

You're making so many assumptions. I've matched her energy completely, nothing has been "someone being wrapped around someone's finger" nor have i done anything at all for her to think that, unless she's on this forum? She's seemed really genuine, if anything shes after me way more than im after her

 

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A lot of people fall in love when they get sexual, and then all objectivity goes out the window.

If she's smart enough to know that about herself, she'll want to get to know you as a human being before deciding whether she wants to bond with you sexually.

You get to decided whether early sex is more important to you than getting to know her as a person first. 

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5 hours ago, Braytc said:

So then by your experience, what happens usually? I'm just to the point where Im tired of going out on a couple dates and never getting to relationship stage so how does it usually go for you?

This is exactly how you go from dating to a relationship by not getting too physical and all distracted and actually get to know the person you are interested in.

 This girl is different than the others you have dated.  She has self esteem, self respect and doesn't use sex to keep some guy around. 

Think of it this way:  If you get along great, have fun and share common interests before intimacy then imagine how great it will be once you get there?

BTW kissing is extremely intimate to most people and to some more intimate than penetration so what you think is no big deal can be a huge deal to someone else.

  Stop trying to rush this to see if a relationship blossoms or feeling like you are wasting your time with her.  It takes time to really get to know someone so if you really like her and think she is special then show her by being patient.

Lost

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