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2nd date unsure whats happening


Braytc
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2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This is exactly how you go from dating to a relationship by not getting too physical and all distracted and actually get to know the person you are interested in.

 This girl is different than the others you have dated.  She has self esteem, self respect and doesn't use sex to keep some guy around. 

Think of it this way:  If you get along great, have fun and share common interests before intimacy then imagine how great it will be once you get there?

BTW kissing is extremely intimate to most people and to some more intimate than penetration so what you think is no big deal can be a huge deal to someone else.

  Stop trying to rush this to see if a relationship blossoms or feeling like you are wasting your time with her.  It takes time to really get to know someone so if you really like her and think she is special then show her by being patient.

Lost

Well to put it in perspective she seems to be have ghosting me all day today but we'll see tomorrow what happens! Like we had a great time last night, she texted me last night and this morning then started leaving on read all this afternoon and tonight so who knows how im supposed to react?

It's funny cause i went on another date tonight with someone great as well and they couldnt stop kissing me. It doesnt change anything about how i view them or why i stick around. Kissing to me just makes our bond even stronger. We had great conversation and get along really well and kissing doesnt make or break anything it just helps it.

 

The girl i just went out with tonight was 21. Its funny how you can go out with every person in the state and never have had 1 single relationship like how 

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2 hours ago, Braytc said:

Its funny how you can go out with every person in the state and never have had 1 single relationship like how 

Maybe they sense that you're over-eager and it puts them off. 

Your anxiety here is leaping off the screen. Your desire to advanced physically is, too. It's also apparent that you have difficulty understanding differences of perspective and that what you think is okay and expected (ie. kissing or sex early on) might not be for other women. Your posts indicate you struggle to step outside yourself and appreciate that others might not feel the same way you do about these things.  

All of that is likely apparent to the women you're meeting in real life as well. It can be too much and if you're finding that you're striking out a lot when it comes to actually maintaining a relationship and getting past the first few dates, you need to reflect on your own conduct. You're the common denominator. 

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9 hours ago, Braytc said:

It's not that i care either way i just wasnt sure what kind of message i was supposed to get from that. To me it feels like she isn't serious about it

Serious about what?

7 hours ago, Braytc said:

What i said in this post, 22

If you're 22 now, then you were 19 in your last post, and not 25? So, I guess the girl you were writing about then was 17, if we go by the age difference you used in the title.

Let's see... She was in an abusive relationship for three years, and that relationship ended seven months before she met you. That makes her about 13 when her last relationship started. 

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her past 3 year relationship was very physically and mentally abusive

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Her relationship ended like September of last year so hasnt been a full year, like 7 months ago if that's recent or not.

What ever happened with her?

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7 hours ago, Braytc said:

Did you even read anything?

Yes, I did read everything, including your previous thread 3 years ago, when you wrote that you were 25.

 

7 hours ago, Braytc said:

idk why or how they even got the other stuff from

The other stuff is what you yourself wrote in thread title several years back. So, either then or now you were lieing about your age. What amuzes is me is how you are trying to make it look like your lie is somebody else's fault, that it does not matter, that I didn't read the thread, etc. Hilarious how liers act when they get caught in their lies. 🙂

As for the young lady, you are asking a questions about, she most probably identified that you are not an upstanding individual (lies, pushing for physical contact), so she has her guard up.

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4 hours ago, Braytc said:

 i went on another date tonight. The girl i just went out with tonight was 21. 

So her instincts were excellent to keep a wannabe player's hands and tongue off her. Stick with fast girls who want hookups. 

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4 hours ago, Braytc said:

The girl i just went out with tonight was 21. Its funny how you can go out with every person in the state and never have had 1 single relationship like how

Yes, many dates and no relationships, exactly because of the things you are doing, it is rampant:

  • people expect instant gratification. And if they do not get that gratification quickly (for men this is sex, physical contact), they move to where they can get their itch scratched; not realising that they miss an opportunity to build on solid foundation if they chose to be patient;
  • people like you go on dates, not because they look for a meaningful encounter, but to assuage their insecurities. Like you went out on a date with a different girl, not because you liked her, but to assuage your insecurity, because the smart girl is blowing you off. You are insecure and you used the other girl for validation.

This is why relationships have become rare. 

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6 hours ago, Braytc said:

Well to put it in perspective she seems to be have ghosting me all day today but we'll see tomorrow what happens! Like we had a great time last night, she texted me last night and this morning then started leaving on read all this afternoon and tonight so who knows how im supposed to react?

It's funny cause i went on another date tonight with someone great as well and they couldnt stop kissing me. It doesnt change anything about how i view them or why i stick around. Kissing to me just makes our bond even stronger. We had great conversation and get along really well and kissing doesnt make or break anything it just helps it.

 

The girl i just went out with tonight was 21. Its funny how you can go out with every person in the state and never have had 1 single relationship like how 

Slow down. Let her respond. If you’re interested in her be more patient and respect her boundaries. You’re spreading yourself too thin also and getting frustrated. 

Take a step back and don’t compare her with other women you’re making out with either. 

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24 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It's clear you're fugding the details somewhere here. 

Yes, it comes across as trolling when you do this. And yes age matters. Especially when dating a teen girl. However your update indicates you found someone else to prey on.

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4 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Slow down. Let her respond. If you’re interested in her be more patient and respect her boundaries. You’re spreading yourself too thin also and getting frustrated. 

Take a step back and don’t compare her with other women you’re making out with either. 

These posts are actually getting funny now.

Who said im acting too fast? I've done absolutely nothing.  Ive been just going out with her talking, watching movies, have done nothing  but hugged her. Never made any advance, never asked her about anything. Ive been completely "slow" about it so idk where anyone is making these assumptions or how.

Since we're on an anonymous online forum im just asking other people what they think about it. Why is this so hard to understand?

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4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, why not just be honest about your age?

It's clear you're fugding the details somewhere here. 

Can you stop? I told you and you're not listening can we stay on topic?

It's funny how i asked the simplest question "what does taking it slow mean, what does it mean when someone doesnt kiss you or show any kind of affection" since ive never really seen this before. And everyone is going off on all kinds of different things complicating it

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5 minutes ago, Braytc said:

Can you stop? I told you and you're not listening can we stay on topic?

It's funny how i asked the simplest question "what does taking it slow mean, what does it mean when someone doesnt kiss you or show any kind of affection" since ive never really seen this before. And everyone is going off on all kinds of different things complicating it

Because you either lied in 2019 on the thread title YOU YOURSELF WROTE or you're lying now. It's relevant because the young 18 year old maybe is being more cautious with an older guy. She might think you're after sex or after an insta-relationship in order to lock her down.

Do you believe kissing means the woman is serious about you? Are you looking to get serious with someone right away?

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13 minutes ago, Braytc said:

i asked the simplest question "what does taking it slow mean, what does it mean when someone doesnt kiss you or show any kind of affection" 

Asked and answered.

20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What she meant is crystal clear. Cool your jets. She wants to date you not hop into bed.

 

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40 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Because you either lied in 2019 on the thread title YOU YOURSELF WROTE or you're lying now. It's relevant because the young 18 year old maybe is being more cautious with an older guy. 

 

Or is perhaps not legal.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Because you either lied in 2019 on the thread title YOU YOURSELF WROTE or you're lying now. It's relevant because the young 18 year old maybe is being more cautious with an older guy. She might think you're after sex or after an insta-relationship in order to lock her down.

Do you believe kissing means the woman is serious about you? Are you looking to get serious with someone right away?

She knew ahead of time is what im saying, we also went out together for 3 hours. She then proceeded to invite me to her dorm the following weekend as a "2nd date". I never once hinted as sex, never once talked about it. Never talked about anything at all.

Yes i do actually. That what happens about 90% of the time. How can you think it doesn't at least "certify" that someone is into you

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Asked and answered.

 

Anyways it looks like all of that was wrong because she's been ghosting me now the past 2 days lol for who knows what reason nothing even happened differently between date 1 and 2 

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2 minutes ago, Braytc said:

She knew ahead of time is what im saying

Knew what ahead of time? That you're actually 28? Why tell us you're 22 then? We don't know you. We're not going to report you to the police or anything like that.

5 minutes ago, Braytc said:

How can you think it doesn't at least "certify" that someone is into you

I've kissed guys I wasn't "into". It didn't "certify" anything. And I didn't kiss my husband for months. However, getting married is as "certified" as you can get. And for the record I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 20. 

So you believe this other young woman you went on a date with has "certified" she's into you because she kissed you. Do you like the 18 year old more? The 21 year old is at least closer to your age, regardless of whatever "maturity" level you think the teenager has. I'd pursue the 21 year old since it seems to you the teenager is fading.

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I actually respect a teen who acts like that.  That they have some self control and won't just 'give in' to someone who wants to get physical.

She said she'd like to take it slow.  And was good that she wanted to have you over for a 2nd date.. as she's still trying to get to know you and that's fine!

IF she's all into you she will drop signals when she is ready to go all the way. She'll sit closer, have good eye contact and possibly reach out on her own. ( touch your hand, arm, etc). For some, things need to progress at a slower pace and that should be okay). You just keep on meeting up & working on getting to know each other different ways.

You said she's been quiet last cpl days?  Are you reaching out to her?  Do you reach out every time - or is it both of you?

 

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Knew what ahead of time? That you're actually 28? Why tell us you're 22 then? We don't know you. We're not going to report you to the police or anything like that.

I've kissed guys I wasn't "into". It didn't "certify" anything. And I didn't kiss my husband for months. However, getting married is as "certified" as you can get. And for the record I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 20. 

So you believe this other young woman you went on a date with has "certified" she's into you because she kissed you. Do you like the 18 year old more? The 21 year old is at least closer to your age, regardless of whatever "maturity" level you think the teenager has. I'd pursue the 21 year old since it seems to you the teenager is fading.

No ahead of time that im 22 and shes 18, just that im older

It just feels better idk how people dont see that. If you like someone and into them more than just a friend then you kiss them. It just almost hurts when someone doesnt

I like them both equally for different reasons as stated which is really hard. Im going out with the 21 yr old this weekend again.

The 18 year old has been starting to contact me again today so idk if she wants to continue and idk if i should even ask her. Do you think its smart to bring it up like "hey what are we doing" or?

 

 

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1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

I actually respect a teen who acts like that.  That they have some self control and won't just 'give in' to someone who wants to get physical.

She said she'd like to take it slow.  And was good that she wanted to have you over for a 2nd date.. as she's still trying to get to know you and that's fine!

IF she's all into you she will drop signals when she is ready to go all the way. She'll sit closer, have good eye contact and possibly reach out on her own. ( touch your hand, arm, etc). For some, things need to progress at a slower pace and that should be okay). You just keep on meeting up & working on getting to know each other different ways.

You said she's been quiet last cpl days?  Are you reaching out to her?  Do you reach out every time - or is it both of you?

 

I hope you're speaking in general cause I've said it many times in this post i have not made any advancements at all except a short quick kiss after the first date then that was it.

I did not ask her to go to her dorm. SHE asked ME to without even asking so i was in no way shape or form hinting at sexual contact

She just started contacting me again today so idk what that was about. Ill see if she wants to set up a 3rd date. It's been mutual, we both reach out to eachother honestly she does more often if i dont respond right away

 

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10 minutes ago, Braytc said:

I hope you're speaking in general cause I've said it many times in this post i have not made any advancements at all except a short quick kiss after the first date then that was it.

I did not ask her to go to her dorm. SHE asked ME to without even asking so i was in no way shape or form hinting at sexual contact

She just started contacting me again today so idk what that was about. Ill see if she wants to set up a 3rd date. It's been mutual, we both reach out to eachother honestly she does more often if i dont respond right away

 

Okay, good, so contact has continued from both sides.

I know, I am not saying you instigated anything - but were you not asking in reference to this? Why nothing's happening..yet? ( and how she mentioned how she is not into being physical right away).

So, all seems cool atm.  Continue as is.  Does sound like she has an interest.

 

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10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Okay, good, so contact has continued from both sides.

I know, I am not saying you instigated anything - but were you not asking in reference to this? Why nothing's happening..yet? ( and how she mentioned how she is not into being physical right away).

So, all seems cool atm.  Continue as is.  Does sound like she has an interest.

 

Correct nothing has happened i was just asking you guys if you had any experience with this in your lives and wondering what results from it. Like is there a chance at a relationship from this and does this go on for months? That's what i was trying to ask

Im just not used to this at all so i was worried if this is a waste of time or what

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7 minutes ago, Braytc said:

Correct nothing has happened i was just asking you guys if you had any experience with this in your lives and wondering what results from it. Like is there a chance at a relationship from this and does this go on for months? That's what i was trying to ask

Im just not used to this at all so i was worried if this is a waste of time or what

I'm trying to explain that I do not see it as a waste of time.. do you?

It is acceptable that some people do not see it necessary to jump into the sack on your first or 2nd date.  IF you can handle her taking it slowly, good.

And I mentioned some typical signs she's getting closer to you - sitting closer, good eye contact , a touch ( hand, arm etc). So, just watch for this... And, maybe if she still seems kinda stand-offish by your 4th date, then maybe she feels it's not there and to just have your say and you feel this isn't going anywhere.. then move on.

 

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4 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I'm trying to explain that I do not see it as a waste of time.. do you?

It is acceptable that some people do not see it necessary to jump into the sack on your first or 2nd date.  IF you can handle her taking it slowly, good.

And I mentioned some typical signs she's getting closer to you - sitting closer, good eye contact , a touch ( hand, arm etc). So, just watch for this... And, maybe if she still seems kinda stand-offish by your 4th date, then maybe she feels it's not there and to just have your say and you feel this isn't going anywhere.. then move on.

 

Thank you a lot for that, i really wasn't sure how to go about this. I want to let her take it slow and everything but I've also had people tell me that I need to make a move so it's kind of like a 50/50 shot you know?

So you think maybe give it till the 4th date and if she still isnt showing any kind of progress there probably wont be anything more coming from this?

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