Why am I having so much trouble feeling anything?

[Catlover44499]

My 23 year old younger sister passed away this weekend. She had gone down a rough path after dating this garbage guy, inevitably ending mine and hers relationship because he was scary and she would defend anything he did. So, needless to say we hadn't had much of a relationship for the past couple of years. 

Anyways, Sunday we found out out had overdosed and never woke up. This week has just been a blur. I feel like everyone around me is devastated and I literally cannot feel anything. 

Its beyond awful that this happened and it makes me wish I had reached out more. But I most definitely feel like I'm not having an appropriate emotional response to this? Or maybe it's just highly delayed. Either way, it's so weird to see people less closely involved be so obviously more upset than I am. I feel really bad about it. 

[arjumand]

I am very sorry about your loss, but you already had many feelings and worries about your relationship. Now they are all magnified and more difficult, which is a lot to take. So you are defending yourself against these very strong emotions by being in shock. Remember, there is no timetable for grief and it will, especially in such a complex situation with someone so young, come back on you. So you might want to go get some help from a grief counselor or group rather than waiting it out as it is likely to strike at a difficult and tricky time. 

It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick. But dealing with it will be better, in the long run, than not doing do so. Good luck and look after yourself. 

[Rose Mosse]

I'm very sorry to hear this. It's surreal, yes. Everything else might seem trite and strange, numb. I agree on the comment about grief counselling as there will be more emotions to come such as intense sadness and anger. It's better not to let that go unchecked or not have the support if that support is available or something you find helpful later on. You mentioned the person she was seeing wasn't a good guy. Remember her as you knew her in your younger years together and celebrate who she was to you as your sister.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Catlover44499 said:

 we found out out had overdosed and never woke up. 

Very sorry to hear that. Condolences. Being numb and feeling guilt is part of the shock and grieving. Look for bereavement support groups.

Enlist the support of trusted friends and family. Avoid social media for a while.

What were the circumstances of her death? Did she have a history of addiction? Was it a suicide? Did she die at home, in a hospital or this BFs place?

Most of all take care of yourself. How are your parents dealing?

[Kwothe28]

Emotional numbness is somewhat normal after major loss. Not everybody process grief the same way. It all happened suddenly and you are overwhelmed and need a time too process things. After things settle you will probably process it better and with emotions. If you have difficulty after certain time, yes, grief counseling helps.

You are maybe worried its because you were estranged, dont. Again, not everybody process grief in the same way and should be fine. She was your sister, it should come to you naturally in time. Its all maybe too much right now so that is why you just dont feel it. Sometimes it takes time to accept those things.

[Batya33]

Very sorry to hear about your loss.  Are the reactions you are seeing mostly on social media?  Please please let yourself be.  There are no shoulds. 

My dad and I were not close.  He struggled with mental illness for at least 65 years of his life.  I forgave him for what had gone on once I was in my 30s.  He died when I was 50.  It was mostly a relief for my mother and my sister and me because he'd been so sick and struggling the last year especially.  It wasn't a way to live.  I didn't feel much.  I did love and respect him.  I remember a well meaning friend calling me and before really asking how I was doing went into this whole dramatic monologue about losing a parent, how I must be feeling etc.  She'd been very close with her dad and he died when she was a younger adult.  I said to her that no I didn't feel that way, we weren't close and no need to assume I was feeling that.  She was put off. 

But you know what -it's my father, I experienced the loss, I'm allowed to express it in whatever way I feel like.  So are you.  But here's the thing - my father died 5 years ago and I find myself in the last year remembering so much -so much of what he gave me, did for our family, did for the world.  I am not sad but I am much more emotional about it, more focused, more thoughtful.  I share the memories with my son, I ponder how I got to where I am because of his devotion and loyalty despite his horrible mental illness, etc. 

So you never know when or how it's going to come up. If it does.  If it doesn't just be compassionate with yourself -because there are no shoulds.  I'm sorry for your loss!

[Seraphim]

I am so very sorry for your loss. It could be that you are in shock and as it becomes more real to you the emotions will come. 

[melancholy123]

I think you are probably in shock and her loss hasn't actually hit you yet.  Be kind to yourself and remember we all grieve differently.  It doesn't mean you are wrong or bad to not feel much of anything.

My mother and I had a bad relationship for decades and I felt nothing when she died, and 10 yrs later I still dont feel bad.

Dont beat yourself up.

[reinventmyself]

Look up 5 stages of grief . . and one of them is denial.  Our psyches have a way of protecting ourselves from pain and trauma by numbing intense emotions.  Give yourself some time and go easy.  The feelings may come later and in different ways.  And as another just mentioned, the level of emotions will be in relation to your connection with her.  

When my mom passed away, I was all over the place.  Nothing made any sense for quite some time.

I am sorry for your loss.  Be patient with yourself.

[boltnrun]

I didn't cry at my mother's funeral. My brother sobbed constantly. People were coming to ME and asking if I was OK because apparently I looked like I was in shock. I think I was.

Your emotions will come out in different ways. No, you are not a terrible or unfeeling person just because you haven't cried yet.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Lambert]

I'm so sorry for your loss 

As others have said, maybe you're in shock.  Try not to be so judgmental on yourself.  

This is new territory, emotions wise.  So you don't know, it might hit you differently than anything you've experienced before. 

It's a lot to process and may come out in other ways. Who's to say what is appropriate.

It's an awful situation and turn of events with your sister. Unless you have other siblings, you really have nothing to compare to. Even if you do, don't. 

 It's not a one and done thing. This will be with you now. However you cope is OK. 

(((hugs)))

[SherrySher]

9 hours ago, Catlover44499 said:

My 23 year old younger sister passed away this weekend. She had gone down a rough path after dating this garbage guy, inevitably ending mine and hers relationship because he was scary and she would defend anything he did. So, needless to say we hadn't had much of a relationship for the past couple of years. 

Anyways, Sunday we found out out had overdosed and never woke up. This week has just been a blur. I feel like everyone around me is devastated and I literally cannot feel anything. 

Its beyond awful that this happened and it makes me wish I had reached out more. But I most definitely feel like I'm not having an appropriate emotional response to this? Or maybe it's just highly delayed. Either way, it's so weird to see people less closely involved be so obviously more upset than I am. I feel really bad about it. 

It's okay to feel how you're feeling. You're slightly in shock, and when we're in shock, our minds sometimes goes numb in order to take the time to process something of this magnitude.

It's a type of protection from your mind, so it doesn't feel overwhelmed.

In time, while you're processing, you will eventually grieve, but not before your mind is ready.

I am so sorry for your loss. It's absolutely tragic.