Is he leading me on or not

[Myname216]

I know I sound crazy and obsessive. But I’ve been seeing a guy for a little over a month. We’ve spent a lot of time together and have spent multiple days in a row together. And within this month we talked about being exclusive but wanting to go slow. He made it very clear on multiple occasions how much he liked me and that he could see us going somewhere. When we started talking he was also talking to an old friend back home that was trying to get at him. Now at the time I didn’t know this I just thought she was a friend. But we met and really hit it off and at first he just told me they were friends and I didn’t care cause we only knew each other for a little. But one night we’re getting ready for bed and this “ friend” keeps blowing up his phone. Apparently she was drunk. The first time he answered it was while I was in the bathroom and took it outside. He came back in and was like “gosh she’s crazy and drunk, she’s crying and just can’t get words out straight” so I just said okay not trying to make a big deal but then she keeps blowing up his phone. So he answered again and took it out of the room. At this point I was confused. Anyway he comes back in the room and starts off with “I know this seems suspicious and I’m sorry, I know you have questions so ask them.” I really didn’t know what to say. Long story short he had still been talking to her in that way but he just didn’t know how to tell her he wasn’t interested in her anymore and met someone else. I told him that if he wanted to be with her then that was fine, but then we’d be done no hard feelings. He said he didn’t want her like that and wanted me. We talked about it for a while and came to an agreement that he would deal with it. Now when we first met he told me he was going home for her birthday. But then like 2 weeks later said he didn’t want to go home and wanted to cancel the trip but he already told his family so he was still gonna go. So he told me that he would talk to her then and deal with it. So flash forward to last weekend we spent three days together. It was amazing we talked about really deep personal things and the future and all the things we want to do together. I talked to him about how I was scared he was gonna get weird while he was gone and come back not wanting me anymore cause that’s happened in the past. And he told me he was nervous that I was gonna leave him and was too good to be true. We got really deep into this and he told me he was gonna get weird when he was home but that was only because he would be super busy and barely be on his phone. So I chose to believe him. But I’m on day 7 of 14 of his trip and he texted me very little since he left. He did call me for 10 minutes the other day while he was driving and we talked a little and joked around. But then after I texted him and he never got back to me till 5pm the next day. And I’m not gonna lie I’m the type of person who will check a snap score and his will go go up a few points while he ignores my message. I know he warned me about him being weird but all my trust issues are flaring up. I really like this guy and we actually click very well. He’s been really good at communicating his feelings and what he wants or so I thought. Should I sit around and trust him while he’s back home or should I just tell him that it’s not worth the anxiety of the situation and call it?

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, Myname216 said:

 we’re getting ready for bed and this “ friend” keeps blowing up his phone.  he just didn’t know how to tell her he wasn’t interested in her anymore.

How do you know each other? Why is he in your area?

It seems like a lot of drama, headaches and heartaches for 30 days dating, no? 

Do you really want someone who slithers off outside to talk to women who don't know you exist?

It's best to cut your losses early on. That's his hometown GF and he's cheating on her.

 

 

[greendots]

37 minutes ago, Myname216 said:

he just didn’t know how to tell her he wasn’t interested in her anymore and met someone else

That's BS. He doesn't want to tell her, otherwise he would've found a way. When you're dating someone you like, you make sure nothing gets in the way.

Whoever she is, I don't know. Is he telling the truth, I don't know either. What I am certain of, he's shown you how he confronts uncomfortable situations. Are you OK with that?

[DarkCh0c0]

Yea. A real man would have known how to put an end to this. And, The fact that he cut all contact with you shows you he's busy with someone else. Otherwise, he could have kept communication level normal (maybe less calls because the family is around، but messages instead).

My advice: follow, trust, and honour your gut.

[Rose Mosse]

He’s not ready to date someone new. This also sounds like it started off hot and heavy and a whirlwind romance/too fast.

I think you’re hoping for something to come out of this but you’ll be finding instead a lot of drama, heartache and confusion. You’re experiencing anxiety about this peculiar situation already and you’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks. 

[catfeeder]

On 9/5/2021 at 5:00 PM, greendots said:

What I am certain of, he's shown you how he confronts uncomfortable situations. Are you OK with that?

Yep. I can't help but lose respect for any guy who tries to play down the middle.

Either someone is honest with EVERYone in their life, or they're not trustworthy.

I think this guy is showing you how to dodge a bullet.

[melancholy123]

This guy is so full of sh1t that his eyes must be brown.  He's lying to you.

[MissCanuck]

This woman is his girlfriend, OP. 

I woud put money on it. Get rid of him. 

[smackie9]

I know you like him....you have had plenty of patience but this is getting out of hand. You need to put your foot down. Tell him he needs to grow a set and tell her everything....and to no bother calling you until it's done.

[Lambert]

Don't let someone control you or how your day is. 

You know for yourself this is not what you want out of a guy.  

All the other things you said, being deeply connected etc all go out the window when he basically puts you on notice he won't be able to communicate much for two weeks! oh and he'll be with anther woman so no worries... 

Get your head out of the lovie dovies.  

Is he in a third world country? 

Is this work or pleasure? 

No one is that busy.

You're being played... I would ignore him from now on.  Don't wait on anyone.  

Go focus on your own life. And hey in the next 7 days, you may realize he is not worth this. 

When he gets back, don't just fall back into his arms.  he's treating you very poorly and his actions say to me- he is a jerk.

[boltnrun]

He had to be there for 14 days to celebrate her birthday? Did they go on a trip or a cruise together or something?

[SooSad33]

I agree... too much too fast.  Assumptions included.

Fact: you really know nothing about him, do you?

You never answered any Q's ( ie. how long have you known each other..)

If you really feel you cannot trust this guy, then don't put yourself thru all the turmoil. 😕 

If trust is an issue after one month, i don't see any of this ending on good terms.

 

[Lambert]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

He had to be there for 14 days to celebrate her birthday? Did they go on a trip or a cruise together or something?

This is a great observation! And makes sense.  They are alone together. 

When I go to visit my family. It is no big deal for me make a call or check my phone.  I mean maybe a few hours at a time I would not have my phone.

It's totally different than say when.....On a romantic holiday.

That is  much more difficult.

[catfeeder]

10 hours ago, smackie9 said:

...You need to put your foot down. Tell him he needs to grow a set and tell her everything....and to no bother calling you until it's done.

I wouldn't bother. Why would I want to position myself to badger someone else into being honest?

Either someone is trust-worthy, or they are not.

If not, they can go play with someone else--I'm out.