Waiting for a girl to ask me out.

[That36guy]

I'm currently working at a local retail store and in the past few months, things have been going EXTREMELY downhill. Long story short, some internal changes have been made and our whole system of work has been completely altered for the worst. The workload has increased and put too much of a burden on us workers. Many of us have had to go many several consecutive days without days off, meanwhile all of our managers and team leaders have set schedules where they're given one designated day off per week along with alternating weekends off. Many employees have completely abandoned ship, a majority of them leaving without putting in their two weeks notice. This has obviously lead to not only extra work and catching up for the rest of us, but also more frustrated and disgruntled managers. Their frustration leads to more fights, leading to more workers quitting, leading to more work, leading to more frustration from management and so on. It's a horrible cycle here in the workplace and it's only going to result in more chaos as time goes on.

For me personally, I've reached a point where I want out. I've been working this same job for roughly five years and things are worse than ever. I dread coming into work everyday now and in what little days off I get, I spend a chunk of them worrying about how bad my work load is going to be the next day and how much slack I'm going to have to pick up. This job is bad for my mental and physical health now and I obviously need to leave, but here's the caveat: A female co-worker who likes me and whom I believe is going to ask me out soon.

She's one of those women whom I don't talk to a lot. She's generally pretty quiet around the work place, but I've been catching her staring at me quite a bit lately. I can see it in the way that she looks at me that she's probably into me and just this past weekend, I overheard her saying something that caught my attention. I was clocking out for the day and she and one of her friends had also showed up. They were turning a corner and I heard this women saying something along the lines of "I'm coming close to asking soon..." but then she saw me and they both went quiet and changed the subject. I'm thinking that they could very well have been talking about her intent to ask me out soon.

But my dilemma is that I don't know if I should wait on this co-worker to make her move. I'm feeling pretty assured that she likes me and she may be planning to ask me out, but I don't know how much more I can hold out on this job. I'm seriously leaning towards quitting without notice once I get a new job, but I obviously want to stick around to make things work with this co-worker. I'm ultimately stuck in a position where I have to consider waiting around for her whilst dealing with a very stressful job that I hate. What should I do?

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, That36guy said:

A female co-worker who likes me and whom I believe is going to ask me out soon.

my dilemma is that I don't know if I should wait on this co-worker to make her move.  I obviously want to stick around to make things work with this co-worker. 

Why not wait until you go back to college and date women there?  It's not a good idea to ask out/date co-workers.

[boltnrun]

Was she at your party?

[That36guy]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not a good idea to ask out/date co-workers.

I get that, but my plan is to just leave this job if me and her end up together.

[That36guy]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Was she at your party?

No, not at my party.

[Pleasedonot5]

Are you interested in dating her, OP?

And yeah, your work sounds awful. Promptly look for another job, and then leave your current role when you are hired elsewhere. 

[That36guy]

52 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Are you interested in dating her, OP?

And yeah, your work sounds awful. Promptly look for another job, and then leave your current role when you are hired elsewhere. 

Yeah, I’d say that I’m interested in her.

[Andrina]

Never a good idea not to give 2 weeks notice. For a very long time, you'll be putting that workplace on a resume, and it's better to leave on a good note to get a good reference. 

When you plan on leaving the workplace when you get a new job, you can mention to this co-worker that you're leaving so she can ask you out on the spot, or apparently lose out on the opportunity forever. You're not on social media, easily found? Are you too cowardly to ask her to get together?

[That36guy]

32 minutes ago, Andrina said:

You're not on social media, easily found?

I don’t do social media.

33 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Are you too cowardly to ask her to get together?

Yes.

[smackie9]

For the love of god just ask her out. It's summer time, lots of nice things to do, and I bet she would welcome the distraction from the bull$%^& at work.

[LaHermes]

3 hours ago, That36guy said:

What should I do?

 

3 hours ago, That36guy said:

I've been catching her staring at me quite a bit lately. I can see it in the way that she looks at me that she's probably into me

 

3 hours ago, That36guy said:

I obviously want to stick around to make things work with this co-worker.

Nothing will work (or not work) if you don't ask her out!  Come on, OP!  Just ASK her.   She won't bite!  How can you be SO FEARFUL OF APPROACHING  A HUMAN FEMALE. 

I recall you saying you are going back to college, and there were many suggestions made here about joining extra-curricular activities in college (clubs, associations, sports and so on). 

[Kwothe28]

I dunno, maybe my country is different(more traditional kind) and some female member here talked about her asking the guys out so maybe that dynamic changed somewhere, but boy, you need to become a man. A man takes initiative. A man asks the girl out, accepts whatever answer she gives and then proceeds to either going to that date or moving his attention to next girl that maybe wants to date him. What is important that you wont be hung up on that, you will know her answer and you can move on. Wondering over if some girl wants you or not will just lead you to "what if" scenarios. When you know the answer you will never wonder if it could happen or not and you can proceed with your life. So, take initiative, be a man and ask her out!

[Capricorn3]

4 hours ago, That36guy said:

 I've been catching her staring at me quite a bit lately. I can see it in the way that she looks at me that she's probably into me and just this past weekend, I overheard her saying something that caught my attention. I was clocking out for the day and she and one of her friends had also showed up. They were turning a corner and I heard this women saying something along the lines of "I'm coming close to asking soon..." but then she saw me and they both went quiet and changed the subject. I'm thinking that they could very well have been talking about her intent to ask me out soon.

To me all I see is it is all wishful thinking and fantasy.  Believe me, many people stare at someone but that doesn't automatically have to mean that they are into you.  Sometimes it's the complete opposite.  Also, they were talking and when they saw you they stopped.  That also doesn't mean that she is "into you".  All it means is that whatever the conversation was about, it doesn't concern you.

If you believe that when anyone stares at you, or stops talking when you walk past, means that they are into you or about to ask you out ...... man, then that means half the world wants to date you.  Um, I don't think so.

If YOU want to date her, then just ask her out already.  At the rate you're going, you'll be posting here about the same thing for the next 10 years and still not getting anywhere.

[That36guy]

21 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

All it means is that whatever the conversation was about, it doesn't concern you.

I think they were talking about me. Just prior to them turning the corner, I had announced on my walkie-talkie that I was clocking out for the day.

Our walkie-talkie chatter goes out through all store walkies and these two co-workers had their walkies on them. I’m thinking that they heard me on the walkie and that led to them conversing about me.

[Pleasedonot5]

3 hours ago, Andrina said:

Never a good idea not to give 2 weeks notice. For a very long time, you'll be putting that workplace on a resume, and it's better to leave on a good note to get a good reference. 

When you plan on leaving the workplace when you get a new job, you can mention to this co-worker that you're leaving so she can ask you out on the spot, or apparently lose out on the opportunity forever. You're not on social media, easily found? Are you too cowardly to ask her to get together?

Yes. Agreed - sorry, OP, I did not make it clear in my first response. Promptly look for another job and when hired, give no less than 2 weeks notice, and then leave.

[Capricorn3]

10 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I think they were talking about me. Just prior to them turning the corner, I had announced on my walkie-talkie that I was clocking out for the day.

Our walkie-talkie chatter goes out through all store walkies and these two co-workers had their walkies on them. I’m thinking that they heard me on the walkie and that led to them conversing about me.

Well as long as you believe this, there is nothing anyone can say which will convince you otherwise.  You will believe what you want to believe. So the next step is ..... ask her out.  But I doubt that will happen, so you're back to square one.

[shellyf62]

18 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I think they were talking about me. Just prior to them turning the corner, I had announced on my walkie-talkie that I was clocking out for the day.

Our walkie-talkie chatter goes out through all store walkies and these two co-workers had their walkies on them. I’m thinking that they heard me on the walkie and that led to them conversing about me.

There are a lot of assumptions in that post!!!!

Just ask the poor girl out for a coffee & see what happens.

[Batya33]

I know this for sure.  If my then ultra shy husband had not asked me out - for lunch - we worked at the same firm - we would not be together now.  There is no way I would have asked him out and anyway at our big company we rarely ran into each other.  I mean this was july 1995 and it was even less common for women to ask men out but since we worked for the same company even more of a reason I’d have never asked him out. I left the company 8 months later.  Nothing to do with him or that we were dating.  Back then no internet and he’d have had no real way to get in touch with me  

He risked big time me saying no.  Because we’d only met a couple of times and he had no idea if I was dating anyone (I was!!) and I might not have been into socializing at work.  but i wouldn’t be watching my 12 year old boy zoom with his buddy and play video games. And my middle aged husband controlling the remote from his recliner. I know.  Soooo exciting.  For me a little slice of heaven as I curl up on the couch with a good book at the end of a long day.
 When I was single at this time on a Thursday night I’d likely have been out on a date or with friends if I wasn’t working late or at some party or social event.  Wouldn’t trade this comforts of home stuff for the world and wouldn’t have traded my life back then for this other than worrying about being still single. 

But it started with him asking me to lunch. That restaurant closed a long time ago and I said yes to another date even though I had to pay for our not inexpensive lunch - turned out he’d left his wallet back at the office! Course of true love didn’t run smoothly for sure.  It’s all risky.  You just have to balance the risks.  Are you really going to choose fear over a potential good match ?? Really ??

[boltnrun]

So let's say she never asks you out.

What will you do?

Will you "freeze" like you did with the girl at the party who, incidentally, was also "staring" at you?

Sorry, but if you keep this up you will never find a girl to date.  Never.

[That36guy]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

So let's say she never asks you out.

What will you do?

Will you "freeze" like you did with the girl at the party who, incidentally, was also "staring" at you?

Sorry, but if you keep this up you will never find a girl to date.  Never.

There’ll obviously come a time when it’s clear that she’s not asking me out and I’ll move on to another job.

But we haven’t reached that point yet and I’m willing to wait it out a little and see what transpires.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, That36guy said:

There’ll obviously come a time when it’s clear that she’s not asking me out and I’ll move on to another job.

But we haven’t reached that point yet and I’m willing to wait it out a little and see what transpires.

Why won't you ask her out?

[That36guy]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Why won't you ask her out?

Why should I? If she’s going to ask me out, then I’ll just wait and spare myself the nervousness, anxiety, and worrying.

[Pleasedonot5]

I mean, she might. She might not. To your credit, you were right (at least at first) about the woman who was coming into your store. You intuited that she was interested and you learned she indeed was interested at first. 

So, here's a new person you think is interested. If you sincerely think this coworker going to ask you on a date, but you're too anxious to make the first move yourself, at least resolve to make it easier for her to do so. Strike up a conversation, maybe flirt a little or otherwise show interest. Maybe small steps are what you need, instead of an all-or-nothing approach. 

Just a thought.

[That36guy]

9 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

I mean, she might. She might not. To your credit, you were right (at least at first) about the woman who was coming into your store. You intuited that she was interested and you learned she indeed was interested at first. 

So, here's a new person you think is interested. If you sincerely think this coworker going to ask you on a date, but you're too anxious to make the first move yourself, at least resolve to make it easier for her to do so. Strike up a conversation, maybe flirt a little or otherwise show interest. Maybe small steps are what you need, instead of an all-or-nothing approach. 

Just a thought.

That's what I'm saying. I've had several intuitions and gut feelings that turned out to be true and this could very well be another one.

And I'll certainly try some approach at goading her into asking me out. I can think of certain scenarios where me and her could be alone and I'll at least see what comes of that.

[SooSad33]

10 hours ago, That36guy said:

They were turning a corner and I heard this women saying something along the lines of "I'm coming close to asking soon..." but then she saw me and they both went quiet and changed the subject. I'm thinking that they could very well have been talking about her intent to ask me out soon.

You have no idea if this was about you.  They could have gone quiet because what they were talking about was private and not for all ears... so you may be assuming is all.

 

2 hours ago, That36guy said:

Why should I? If she’s going to ask me out, then I’ll just wait and spare myself the nervousness, anxiety, and worrying.

Is this not what is happening now? 

I don't feel you are too free of nervousness & anxiety, as you sit and wonder.

 

Anyways, wait if you wish.. but you may be doing that for another 6 months, especially if what was being discussed (possibly) had nothing to do with you....and you carry on at your really crappy job, instead of actually focusing on your own self and what you need to do.