Waiting for a girl to ask me out.

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, That36guy said:

Why should I?

Simply because it will save you a lot of weeks or months of waiting and wondering and wasting time, when all you have to do is ask now and get your answer immediately - either a yes or no.  It really can't be that hard, surely.  You might wait a very very very long time.

[Pleasedonot5]

3 hours ago, That36guy said:

That's what I'm saying. I've had several intuitions and gut feelings that turned out to be true and this could very well be another one.

And I'll certainly try some approach at goading her into asking me out. I can think of certain scenarios where me and her could be alone and I'll at least see what comes of that.

And who knows? Sometimes when you get comfortable with that sort of 1-1 conversation, asking someone if they would be down for coffee or lunch later becomes a lot easier. 

One time several years ago I sparked up a conversation with an attractive gal at my college's fitness center (off to the side, neither of us were working out at the time).

After a fantastic conversation where we laughed lots and seemed to connect, I said I enjoyed the conversation and uncharacteristically (I was always more nervous when it came to asking people on dates) asked her if she'd be free for lunch sometime. It just seemed natural. (Turns out she had a boyfriend, but we had a good chuckle over it). It's been easier for me ever since to treat asking someone out as less of a huge "moment." Another time at a social dance event I ended up sitting with a new group of people. A person and I ended up in solid conversation. After, I did the same - asked her if I could have her number, and maybe we could grab coffee sometime, and we actually ended up going on several dates.

I think if you just got used to making conversations and connections with people like that - and just treated any further step as an offer to get to know someone better - it would become a lot easier for you to handle mentally. 

Like I said - I suppose follow your gut here and at least make it easier for her to ask you. But if it feels right just say you enjoy talking to her and ask if she'd be down to grab a coffee sometime.

Hope this helps. 

[smackie9]

You are going to be 40 and wonder why you never had a GF yet.

[Lambert]

Nothing in your life changes until you change it.

 

[boltnrun]

So your plan to find a girlfriend is to presume a girl likes you because she "stares" at you, then wait for her to ask you out?

How do you think that will work out for you?

[LaHermes]

15 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Wondering over if some girl wants you or not will just lead you to "what if" scenarios. When you know the answer you will never wonder if it could happen or not and you can proceed with your life. So, take initiative, be a man and ask her out!

What Kwothe said. 

Perhaps what really needs to be addressed, OP, is the root of this pathological fear you have in the face of something so mundane and simple as asking someone for a date! You do see that it makes no sense, and yet there has to be a reason for your very obvious dread.

I know you have often mentioned dread of rejection in your other threads. So, what is the absolute worst thing that could happen if you were rejected, as in, a girl turned down a date?  

Or, if indeed you asked this girl for a date, and after one or two dates she decided not to see you any more.

You need to address and conquer this fear somehow, OP.

"Research shows that fear of rejection can have a negative impact on emotional well-being, interpersonal relationships, and psychological functioning. It affects the way we feel about ourselves, the decisions that we make, and the goals we choose to pursue. Fear of rejection can make us think small and act even smaller."

From:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201812/how-conquer-the-fear-rejection

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, That36guy said:

That's what I'm saying. I've had several intuitions and gut feelings that turned out to be true and this could very well be another one.

And I'll certainly try some approach at goading her into asking me out. I can think of certain scenarios where me and her could be alone and I'll at least see what comes of that.

No need for gut or intuition.  A person who is available to date and wants to date you will ask you out.  No need to read tea leaves.  Now some women don’t ask out men but if she wants to date you she will show interest tjsf will be obvious and most likely mention places and activities she likes so that you can then  follow up with an invitation for a date. I do know as a woman the only way I knew a man was interested in dating me was if he asked me out on a date.  If he didn’t I assumed he was interested perhaps in flirting or found me attractive but not interested in dating. Or if he was not enough to ask me out so that interest without action was irrelevant to me and a waste of time to overthink on. 

[DarkCh0c0]

@That36guy and I'm waiting to get rich without lifting a finger 🙂

[lostandhurt]

I have  been waiting for Kate Beckinsale to call too.  I have no idea what is taking her so long to ask me out...

Dude really?   There is no good or even bad reason not to ask this young woman out for a drink.

  I get asked for my number by women a few times a year (pre pandemic) and I feel extremely flattered and lucky but I don't rely on it.  Most of the time the women that do ask I am not interested in so I have to take control of my life and not just wait for what I want to just happen.  That is a lot of waiting for something that may never happen.

I bet she has told her gf's she doesn't understand why you haven't asked her out yet since she has given you plenty of signs that she is interested.

  This seems to be a theme for your life, time to shake things up and get out of your comfort zone.

  Lost

[Batya33]

35 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I have  been waiting for Kate Beckinsale to call too.  I have no idea what is taking her so long to ask me out...

So apparently her cat just underwent chemo!!  That's probably why -cut her some slack.  Hopefully the cat will be in remission soon and you can make your move.  You should.

OP  - things can change on a dime.  People meet new people all the time so this woman you refuse to ask out easily could be asked out later today and you missed your opportunity.  Don't let that happen.

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So apparently her cat just underwent chemo!!  That's probably why -cut her some slack.  Hopefully the cat will be in remission soon and you can make your move.  You should.

OP  - things can change on a dime.  People meet new people all the time so this woman you refuse to ask out easily could be asked out later today and you missed your opportunity.  Don't let that happen.

Yep, and then you'll start another thread about how awful she was for not asking you out. Just like that other woman who started dating Kyle, and then you lambasted her rudely over messages because she never asked you out!  When you could have done so and been dating her all this time!

You can keep repeating this same behavior over and over and then wonder why you can't find a girlfriend...or you can try something different.

Please see my signature lines below, they are apt for your situation.

[That36guy]

8 hours ago, Lambert said:

Nothing in your life changes until you change it.

 

Good things come to those who wait.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Good things come to those who wait.

Not applicable to this situation.  Rather strike when the iron is hot is more apt.  Don’t make excuses to be passive.  

[Pleasedonot5]

9 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Good things come to those who wait.

'Ah, all [good] things come to those who wait,'
(I say these words to make me glad),
But something answers soft and sad,
'They come, but often come too late.'

The saying comes from a poem which has a twist at the end.

[boltnrun]

14 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Good things come to those who wait.

Have you found that to be true so far?  Or have you found yourself standing on the sidelines while other guys date the girls you wanted to date?

[Lambert]

27 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Good things come to those who wait.

I'm not sure what you mean by this... You asked what you should do.... and I said basically, if you want a change, you have to do it for yourself. 

Is your advice to yourself to wait? 

I don't think staying at a job you hate and stresses you out will lead to good things. 

I also wouldn't put too much stock in waiting for a girl to ask you out.She may be thinking about it, but another guy could ask her out and she forgets all about you.  

And then it will just be your own dumb pride that caused you to missed out... 

If you're interested, act it. Give your notice at work.  and live for yourself.  the wait and see is approach is lame. 

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, That36guy said:

Good things come to those who wait.

Well, it seems you have your answer and if your intention is to play the waiting game then I'm not too sure what the point of all these threads are asking about how to ask a girl out etc.

Now that we all know you intend waiting, we can all move on from beating this dead horse.

[boltnrun]

In all of your threads I don't recall that you ever actually asked any girl for a date. The closest you came was having the party (during which you went into the bathroom and played on your phone for a period of time and didn't ask out the girl who you said was "staring at" you the entire time).

Am I wrong and you actually have asked a girl out and got "rejected"?  Or have you not asked anyone out?

[That36guy]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

In all of your threads I don't recall that you ever actually asked any girl for a date. The closest you came was having the party (during which you went into the bathroom and played on your phone for a period of time and didn't ask out the girl who you said was "staring at" you the entire time).

Am I wrong and you actually have asked a girl out and got "rejected"?  Or have you not asked anyone out?

Never asked someone out before.

[boltnrun]

49 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Never asked someone out before.

And yet you think "waiting" is the way to get dates and a girlfriend?

You waited with the last several girls (the store customer, the coworker who didn't put her lunch next to yours, the girl who "stared" at you during your party and now this coworker) and so far, nothing.

If you don't swing the bat you'll never get a hit, you know?

[LaHermes]

11 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

if your intention is to play the waiting game then I'm not too sure what the point of all these threads are asking about how to ask a girl out etc.

Quite so, Capri.

However, the OP needs to address the root of this problem, the "why" he has never asked someone out before (at age 25). 

 

[Capricorn3]

36 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Quite so, Capri.

However, the OP needs to address the root of this problem, the "why" he has never asked someone out before (at age 25).

Oh, I agree.  I believe he said it's because he fears rejection. But I don't think any of us can convince him of anything as long as he has the mind set he does.

[Batya33]

48 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Oh, I agree.  I believe he said it's because he fears rejection. But I don't think any of us can convince him of anything as long as he has the mind set he does.

I agree.  OP in college I was on a weekend college retreat and had a massive crush on a classmate who I'd just met.  Not only did I ask him out (thought he was flirting with me) I asked him basically to be my boyfriend - asking him on a date would have been weird since we were away for a weekend -nowhere to go but I told him I was interested in him and asked him "out".  He said no. 

Then he pursued and became a couple with someone else there who was much prettier/cooler than me - objectively -well, at least in my opinion and the rest of the weekend I had to watch how into her he was and them all cuddly/parading around.  Ouch.  It hurt, it stung, was right in front of my face - in the 1980s and it was much worse than just seeing photos on social media is my best assessment.

Guess what.  I survived.  And guess what - yes I asked out more men after that over a period of years.  Choosing fear is an option as you are doing of course but it sure won't get you what you say you want.

[That36guy]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I agree.  OP in college I was on a weekend college retreat and had a massive crush on a classmate who I'd just met.  Not only did I ask him out (thought he was flirting with me) I asked him basically to be my boyfriend - asking him on a date would have been weird since we were away for a weekend -nowhere to go but I told him I was interested in him and asked him "out".  He said no. 

Then he pursued and became a couple with someone else there who was much prettier/cooler than me - objectively -well, at least in my opinion and the rest of the weekend I had to watch how into her he was and them all cuddly/parading around.  Ouch.  It hurt, it stung, was right in front of my face - in the 1980s and it was much worse than just seeing photos on social media is my best assessment.

Guess what.  I survived.  And guess what - yes I asked out more men after that over a period of years.  Choosing fear is an option as you are doing of course but it sure won't get you what you say you want.

You tell this story every time you comment on my stuff. I don’t care.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Capricorn3 resumed this well.

OP won't take any advice into account. I believe this post needs to be locked.