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Why would your partner say this....?


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Hi

 

I've requested advise off this site before and it hasn't half helped. So I'm asking a question for my friend.

He said that his girlfriend told him....

 

"We had a school reunion a while back, I didn't go but word got back to me that I was the one that all the lads wanted to sleep with"

 

Now my immediate reaction to that to my friend is she's full of herself and has a very high opinion of herself. But he is infatuated with her so I said I'd post and ask for third party advice.

I think if it was me I would end it as she comes across as one that needs validating feeding her ego and that my friend should be privileged that he has this girl that all the lads want to sleep with.

Even if it was true, I don't think in a "normal" conversation or context that should ever be said to your partner.

His question basically is why would she say that?

 

Thanks for your advice.

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Why woud she say it ....

 

Because she doesn't yet recognise what is ok and not ok to tell your b/g/friend .....

She wants him to know she is a hot rock and he should be grateful he has her

She wants to let it be known that she pretty much has a choice

She is full of herself

She is very insecure and wants to boost her self esteem by putting forward the story of how she was the one they all wanted to be with .... ( most likely answer )

 

Take your pick .

 

Who the hell says * hot rock * were am I ? 1958

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I think that she simply shared something that she was flattered or surprised about without giving it much weight or thought. If we are going to dump people over that......might as well just quit dating completely and be single for life.

 

OP, you are coming across over the top judgmental and this is one of those things where you really shouldn't be sticking your nose and opinion into. Your reaction is more concerning than what that girl said to her bf.

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Wow this doesn't need a stick of dynamite to be blown out of proportion. It was just a comment. Keep in mind those lads wanted to sleep with a lot of the girls they went to school with. They were horny teenagers.

 

So the Bf could have just told her he doesn't want to hear it or didn't need to hear that. And that would be that.

 

If I had a BF that made a comment like that I would have rolled my eyes, and given him the head shake with smirk. And say ok lover boy enjoy your moment lol

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Wow this doesn't need a stick of dynamite to be blown out of proportion. It was just a comment. Keep in mind those lads wanted to sleep with a lot of the girls they went to school with. They were horny teenagers.

 

So the Bf could have just told her he doesn't want to hear it or didn't need to hear that. And that would be that.

 

If I had a BF that made a comment like that I would have rolled my eyes, and given him the head shake with smirk.

Yup..... ...

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Pretty simple really. She was using that particular situation to complement herself. If she had told him "In school all the guys wanted to bang me" it would have sounded pretty bad but the way she put it sounds like a complement...well I guess some would think it is a complement.

 

Look at it this way. Big deal, a bunch of horny teenage boys wanted to bang some girl they go to school with. Have you met a teenage boy??? They all want to bang SOMETHING!!!

 

It was in poor taste and she was possibly fishing for a reaction or complement but either way he should just let it go. If this type of thing happens again like she shares how a coworker wants to bang her or this or that guy wants her then he should reconsider dating her.

 

Kind of sounds like she enjoys being the center of attention.

 

Lost

 

PS Just read your other threads and it looks like you got some really good advice, maybe not what you wanted to hear but solid advice from most replies.

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There both in there mid 30's by the way. I've since spoke more and he's told me a bit more about it. Not only has she said this to him, but also claims that lads she went to school with in her year, who are now married where messaging her asking her out for dates, now I said to him ok this doesn't seem right to me, again why is she saying this to you?think about it. It certainly seems that she is insecure, has a high opinion of herself and that she wants him to validate her, and as you say, wants her to feel grateful he has her as she in her eyes has a choice of any man.

I could accept this if they where teenagers but the girl he is seeing is mid 30's with kids.

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She is looking for some sort of validation. Not healthy for sure.

 

The fact that she is in a relationship and is not shutting down these married men trying to once again bang her is the most troubling.

 

If I were you I would tell my friend when she brings this stuff up to ask her two simple questions. "What are you getting out of this" and "why are you telling me this"

 

Make her explain her motives. I bet it will get really uncomfortable real fast and if it doesn't she is not the one for him.

 

Lost

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There both in there mid 30's by the way. I've since spoke more and he's told me a bit more about it. Not only has she said this to him, but also claims that lads she went to school with in her year, who are now married where messaging her asking her out for dates, now I said to him ok this doesn't seem right to me, again why is she saying this to you?think about it. It certainly seems that she is insecure, has a high opinion of herself and that she wants him to validate her, and as you say, wants her to feel grateful he has her as she in her eyes has a choice of any man.

I could accept this if they where teenagers but the girl he is seeing is mid 30's with kids.

 

Well if he really wants advice .

My advice is for him to tell her she is being hugely inappropriate and if she wants to reminisce to join the school facebook page .

It all yells insecurity to me and that is not nice for her really ....to need to big herself up . Sadly I have seen both men and women use this kind of language to get their partners to show insecurity and jealousy ...it makes them feel wanted , validated and desired . It may be all she is used to , who knows what kind of life she has had ... For some the simple action of been with a person isn't validation enough and they need more of a display to prove how much they are wanted . It is sad really . However it isn't up to your friend to enable her or feed this .....tell him to tell her straight this is talk that should just be kept to her and her girlfriends .

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I don't think it matters. If it's a turn off to your friend, he knows what to do. Start distancing himself or end the charade of being in a relationship. Stupid comments don't necessarily warrant any response. He is not her shrink either so churning all of this over and over in his mind is an exercise in futility. Like will attract like. If he's attracting these types of women, he might want to check himself and see whether he's a magnet for insecure and shallow.

 

That's all he needs to do at this point, reflect on himself and move forwards. He doesn't need to keep associating with people he doesn't see eye to eye with.

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Oh, geez! If I had heard that come from a HIGH SCHOOL reunion? You bet I'd share that with my partner, and we'd both have a chuckle.

 

It's high school--so it's high school stuff. If I were with a partner who'd take that so seriously that he'd complain to a friend about it? I'd want to know about that, because he certainly wouldn't be the secure and confident grown adult I'd come to know well enough to love.

 

However, if this were a new relationship, and the guy I'm dating wasn't exactly my 'partner' yet? I'd still enjoy a good chuckle, and I'd keep it to myself.

 

Bottom line: it depends on where this guy is with this woman. She either has faith in him to enjoy the joke, or she's sprung it on him prematurely, and she has lousy judgment.

 

He gets to pick.

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Going with the original post, did you consider that the girl was shocked that any of the guys thought that way about her? Teen girls often think they are not attractive and she may have felt that way too. If any guy had said that about me I'd have been completely shocked. You are too judgmental.

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If I had a BF that made a comment like that I would have rolled my eyes, and given him the head shake with smirk. And say ok lover boy enjoy your moment lol

 

LOL Same...

 

I'm thinking more along these lines:

 

Going with the original post, did you consider that the girl was shocked that any of the guys thought that way about her? Teen girls often think they are not attractive and she may have felt that way too. If any guy had said that about me I'd have been completely shocked. You are too judgmental.

 

Oh, geez! If I had heard that come from a HIGH SCHOOL reunion? You bet I'd share that with my partner, and we'd both have a chuckle.

 

It's high school--so it's high school stuff. If I were with a partner who'd take that so seriously that he'd complain to a friend about it? I'd want to know about that, because he certainly wouldn't be the secure and confident grown adult I'd come to know well enough to love.

 

However, if this were a new relationship, and the guy I'm dating wasn't exactly my 'partner' yet? I'd still enjoy a good chuckle, and I'd keep it to myself.

 

Bottom line: it depends on where this guy is with this woman. She either has faith in him to enjoy the joke, or she's sprung it on him prematurely, and she has lousy judgment.

 

He gets to pick.

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