What is it with passive men?

[Wiseman2]

This is fine. However make sure you lay back enough to determine interest level. For example, if they don't communicate or ask you out again, next them rather than stepping up and stepping in too much.

My personality is confident and forthright with men and I have tended to attract the guy who sits back, goes with the flow types.

[smackie9]

The reason they are passive shouldn't matter...it's how you feel about the situation is what counts/your perception. I have met attractive guys that are passive....I need more than good looks. I need someone who isn't going to sit there like a lump while I carry on the conversation. Passiveness affects me on all levels...so it's a complete turn off.

[Jibralta]

Try taking the word "passive" out of this sentence:

 

I cant say that I even respect passive men.

 

I suspect that due to what's been modelled for you during your upbringing, you have subconsciously come to view all men as this way.

 

Why else would you settle for Mr. Downer?

 

In your mind, there must be nothing else out there. Otherwise, Mr. Downer would come along and you'd say, "NEXT!!"

 

Instead, you are PASSIVELY accepting what comes along.

 

Next time you see one of these guys, say, "Thanks, but no thanks," and hold out for Mr. Proactive (or somebody similar).

[abitbroken]

Do you go after men who show no signs of interest in you, and even though you don't think they are, go out with you reluctantly after being hounded or are interested in the ACTIVITY but not you romantically. I.e. if you ask a guy out to watch the game, go to a street fair he already was interested in going to or whatever, that he sees you more as giving it a whirl/activity partner and does not consider it a date /he is free so why not?

 

Guys who are interested in getting to know you WILL show interest in some way.

 

Or are guys "attracting you" by giving you their sad sack story and you are biting?

 

you date passive men but you expect them to turn into a pursuer after you go out. Its' not going to happen.

 

Start showing men the green light and see if they make a move otherwise be happy with guys where you must plan everything and he just shows up

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, oneclickinfluence said:

we have identified the main problems that people have with pavement.

Do you think that's why people have relationship issues?🤔

[boltnrun]

55 minutes ago, oneclickinfluence said:

I need the entire interior and exterior of my home painted. We were doing an entire remodel, and we hired heritage contracting of wny They did a great job, and now my home feels like it is brand new

Were they passive men?

[Tanzi]

On 11/16/2020 at 1:53 PM, catfeeder said:

Blah. Skip that. In my book, passivity means not into me enough to be motivated. And who wants that?

 

On 11/16/2020 at 2:11 PM, SarahLancaster said:

I agree with catfeeder. What you perceive as 'passive' is actually not caring enough about you to pursue another date. Move on.

 

On 11/16/2020 at 2:26 PM, SherrySher said:

I third that...if he's not getting a hold of you, then the interest isn't there. A man who really likes you will be contacting you.

 

I also think it's okay for the woman to initiate now and then, but what you described, sounds more like men who aren't as interested as they should be if they truly do want to date.

 

Even passive men will be more than happy to message you if they want to see you again.

I fourth that.  If contact goes on for more than a few weeks without a date fixed then it's time to move on.  Otherwise, it is just a waste of your time.

[Hollyj]

On 11/16/2020 at 12:48 AM, LoreliFinn said:

Why do some guys wait for you to initiate, make plans or even text first?

 

I have been on 3 dates in the past month and it's the same rigomor each time. Connections are really good, lots of talking, smiling and even an offer to hang out again, but no date set.

 

They sit back and wait for you to get in touch & offer to meet up again. In 2 cases the guys sounded super enthused & the dates go great. But I do all the leading. Isn't that the man's job?

Personally, I wouldn’t waste my time.  They don’t sound really interested or they would reach out.  

[whiteroses3230]

I enjoy a fair amount of talking/texting/getting to know someone before meeting for a date so I’m usually able to frame what I like in a man through that. If he asks me out or plans even the first date I’ll literally say “great! Btw I love that you planned something for us. I really like that you take initiative. It’s one of my favorite traits in a man” ....if he texts me “good morning” or something I like I’ll say “aww, I appreciate you thinking about me.” It’s annoying that we have to do a fair bit of “training aka encouraging” in the beginning but I think it’s important to avoid passive reciprocation. 

[LoreliFinn]

I realize some men are passive personalities, in all areas of their life.   I have dated and actually found the shy guy quite appealing.  They aren't particularly controlling, demanding or argumentative.  I usually am more attracted to them than the bossy alpha types.

Problem is the passive guys are somewhat of a mystery and you don't really know how they feel about you.  This part got me frequently wondering (and hooked) about them, which is arguably not healthy.

I am between a rock and a hard place.  Recently I dated a nice, sweet shy guy who appeared totally into me.  I started getting my heart ❤️ involved + to really like him.  Thought it was going somewhere.

Out of the blue he started talking about another woman and making excuses not to see me anymore. I was crushed.  Did I not see the signs? There weren't any!  He kept saying he couldn't let me go after every date we had.  We would hug for a good 5 minutes before parting.

I feel like giving up on the search all together and forget all about connections with men.  One disappointment after another.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

13 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

I realize some men are passive personalities, in all areas of their life.   I have dated and actually found the shy guy quite appealing.  They aren't particularly controlling, demanding or argumentative.  I usually am more attracted to them than the bossy alpha types.

Problem is the passive guys are somewhat of a mystery and you don't really know how they feel about you.  This part got me frequently wondering (and hooked) about them, which is arguably not healthy.

I am between a rock and a hard place.  Recently I dated a nice, sweet shy guy who appeared totally into me.  I started getting my heart ❤️ involved + to really like him.  Thought it was going somewhere.

Out of the blue he started talking about another woman and making excuses not to see me anymore. I was crushed.  Did I not see the signs? There weren't any!  He kept saying he couldn't let me go after every date we had.  We would hug for a good 5 minutes before parting.

I feel like giving up on the search all together and forget all about connections with men.  One disappointment after another.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Either you're seeking reciprocity in communication, or you are not.

Accepting a flatline as an 'a-okay' is a choice you get to make, but as you've noticed, it's not necessarily accurate or readable.

Hold out for a potential partner with whom you sense and feel a real 'simpatico'.

Anything less than that will get you... less than that.

Head high, and move forward to find a better match.

[Rose Mosse]

47 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

I realize some men are passive personalities, in all areas of their life.   I have dated and actually found the shy guy quite appealing.  They aren't particularly controlling, demanding or argumentative.  I usually am more attracted to them than the bossy alpha types.

Problem is the passive guys are somewhat of a mystery and you don't really know how they feel about you.  This part got me frequently wondering (and hooked) about them, which is arguably not healthy.

I am between a rock and a hard place.  Recently I dated a nice, sweet shy guy who appeared totally into me.  I started getting my heart ❤️ involved + to really like him.  Thought it was going somewhere.

Out of the blue he started talking about another woman and making excuses not to see me anymore. I was crushed.  Did I not see the signs? There weren't any!  He kept saying he couldn't let me go after every date we had.  We would hug for a good 5 minutes before parting.

I feel like giving up on the search all together and forget all about connections with men.  One disappointment after another.

 

I would think you're referring to integrity. 

This man has no integrity. Also, no class. I'm sorry about this. 

[LoreliFinn]

No integrity is something I hadn't thought of about nice, sweet (apparently) shy guys.

This guy wasn't being authentic is my guess here.  Thoughts inside his own head did not match up to his actions with me.

The quiet ones may be wearing a "mask", under which the rest of the world has no privy to.

 

 

 

[Rose Mosse]

I look for integrity. Passive or outgoing is fine. Usually true colours will come through so never fear. It sounds like the person you were dating was willing to be pleasant enough but may not have been on the same page. 

He could just as easily have said you both were not compatible and thanked you for the time you've spent together. I think the part about the other woman was unnecessary and insensitive. 

Again, very sorry about this. Don't give up. Give dating a break for awhile but definitely don't give up.

 

[Tinydance]

Sorry but I think most men are not passive or shy. When they're not initiating dates they're just not really that interested. They might just like to keep their options open, so they act upbeat and enthusiastic on the date. I'm actually a really friendly and bubbly person and I'll smile and act chatty and at the end say: "It was really nice to meet you". I'm just acting friendly and making the other person feel comfortable. I do it even towards people I'm not into because I don't want to sit there with a sour face expression. Or excuse myself to the toilet and never come back lol I'm just not like that.

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

Sorry but I think most men are not passive or shy.

Some definitely are. Just like some women are aggressive. There are all kinds out there.

[Tanzi]

I think you are confusing passiveness with other traits, none of which seem to be positive.

This guy sounds like he was stringing you along from the start. 

 

 

[LoreliFinn]

Thank you Rose!  For the encouragement.  Much appreciated.  It's easier to give up but as you say take a break and return with a more positive outcome.  Right now my lousy attitude won't attract anyone🤥

 

 

[Wiseman2]

There's really only two types of men. Interested or not interested.