SherrySher Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Even if she thought it might be 'the plan all along'....it's not creepy at all. Some women actually like being liked and a man finding them attractive. She would be flattered. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 If you can tell yourself that you're meeting up as work colleagues it might be safer. I'm not keen myself dating in the work place. You're opening a can of worms there so be cautious overall. I thought you were going to ask her out to coffee as a colleague. You don't know her so I wouldn't get the idea that this is a date of any sort, if that makes sense. Maybe that's what you were intending. It shouldn't be so nervewrecking if you're just going for a chat as work mates. True, but after meeting her yesterday, I fully admit I have a crush on her. I'll have a think tonight. I wont be sending until tomorrow evening. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 If you can tell yourself that you're meeting up as work colleagues it might be safer. I'm not keen myself dating in the work place. You're opening a can of worms there so be cautious overall. I thought you were going to ask her out to coffee as a colleague. You don't know her so I wouldn't get the idea that this is a date of any sort, if that makes sense. Maybe that's what you were intending. It shouldn't be so nervewrecking if you're just going for a chat as work mates. But he's not looking for a workmate 'pal', he already has those. He likes this woman, he finds her attractive and he would like to go for coffee with her in order to see if it could lead to anything. Which I think is great! You're a really nice man, Tom, no reason in the world why you couldn't potentially date this woman. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 I also understand the 'colleague' dating business. The nature of my work though is it's not like a regular 9-5 job, I travel between different schools and at the moment we wont see each other anyway (her in on Tuesdays, me Wednesdays) plus only for an hour. One thing I am determined is to not let this all drag out. If she's in a relationship, I move on. I've always tended since my teens to let the crush linger, never ask out because I knew if it didn't work....it would all come crashing down. A way of keeping the hope alive I guess (not recommended). Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 I think if you value your career and you are working towards something at the school you're at you might think twice on this or at least get to know each other better. She's not even a month old at the school and I don't think it's a good idea to date someone so new to the school or neighbourhood. Give her some time to settle in and go out for coffee or drinks or lunches as friends. This is just my take. If you both were already friendly and have been colleagues or established there for quite some time it might be a bit different because you already know each other. This woman isn't even a few weeks at the school. My gut feeling isn't right on this but you can take the chance and see whether she's receptive to the idea. If she is I'd be wondering why - I don't suspect a new employee would want to start romantically dating someone at the school she just started teaching unless she was desperate or looking for a rebound. This is a big risk to take being new. None of this makes sense to me. I'm just being realistic here. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Being realistic? You're basically telling him to not take chances, be alone, be miserable like how he is now. None of it makes sense to you? He likes this woman, he wants to ask her out for coffee. Seems pretty straight forward to me. Either way, Tom. I hope YOU do what's best for you. Don't listen to those who only want you to doubt yourself or doubt the situation. Good luck. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Being realistic? You're basically telling him to not take chances, be alone, be miserable like how he is now. None of it makes sense to you? He likes this woman, he wants to ask her out for coffee. Seems pretty straight forward to me. Actually, no, that's not what I said at all. Did you read anything or did you simply jump to conclusions as you usually do? I was mentioning that this is his work place and suggesting he meet with her as work mates and get to know her more. I was in no way wanting him to be miserable. I don't think anyone can make anyone be miserable by the way, least of all strangers on a forum. I think I've been pretty encouraging throughout this thread. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 Could an ADMIN please lock/delete this thread. I have no desire to post on ENA anymore. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 Could an ADMIN please lock/delete this thread. I have no desire to post on ENA anymore. Apologies for the outburst above. It’s not been a good evening. If the thread can be left open for now that would be appreciated. Going to bed, early start. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 1, 2020 Author Share Posted October 1, 2020 A new day. Woke at 4.15 and couldn’t get back to sleep until 5 worrying about things. Finally went back to sleep only to be woken by the alarm at 5.45! :( Not a bad day but glad to be going home. Decided to do something special tonight, Lass and I are going out at 17.00 for a decent hike. Plan to do around 4-5 miles. Once home I’ll send the email which is now drafted, and see what happens. At least I’ll know either way. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 I agree - take it one step at a time. Hope you have a wonderful hike! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 1, 2020 Author Share Posted October 1, 2020 We (Lass and I) have had a wonderful evening! It's done me the world of good tonight. I was able to settle things in my head regarding this email tonight (which I'm about to send). I've accepted it will probably be a 'no'. I'm generally a pessimist anyway, but I don't want to get my hopes up on this. It hasn't depressed me though, quite the opposite in fact. This has been such a positive step forward, two months ago I thought I'd never move out of the shadow of my ex and continue to self loath for the rest of my life. No matter what happens now, I've made the effort and put myself out there. I had a conversation wit myself tonight, and I was kind. I apologised for the self hatred I've bestowed upon myself and reminded myself that I'm a nice, caring guy, and someone will appreciate that one day. [ATTACH=CONFIG]11655[/ATTACH] [ATTACH=CONFIG]11656[/ATTACH] Regardless of last nights 'blip', I genuinely appreciate the support and help I've been given over the last month. It's been a great source of comfort, and confidence building knowing you guys are out there. Thank you x Now....I better send this email.....here goes!!!! Link to comment
LaHermes Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 Lovely joyful photo of you DB. And there's Lass looking pensively out across the evening landscape. Life is full of surprises DB. So, here's to hoping that you are pleasantly surprised by the response to your email. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Big harvest moon tonight I see. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 For what it's worth, you are pretty cute and you look so happy, it's infectious and THAT is what draws people to you. So yeah, work hard on shutting up that inner critic because he isn't bringing any value or worth to your life. Being happy in your own skin though, flaws and all, does wonders. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 1, 2020 Author Share Posted October 1, 2020 For what it's worth, you are pretty cute and you look so happy, it's infectious and THAT is what draws people to you. So yeah, work hard on shutting up that inner critic because he isn't bringing any value or worth to your life. Being happy in your own skin though, flaws and all, does wonders. Thank you! I did feel rather positive tonight. For a long time I wouldn’t smile for photos...or avoid them altogether. Well I delayed sending the email until about 20:50 BST. Feel a relief it’s done now. As I say I’m looking at it as a ‘no’ and distracting myself with a book before bed, no point getting my hopes up at this point. In other news I pick my new car up on Saturday! Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 Thank you! I did feel rather positive tonight. For a long time I wouldn’t smile for photos...or avoid them altogether. Well I delayed sending the email until about 20:50 BST. Feel a relief it’s done now. As I say I’m looking at it as a ‘no’ and distracting myself with a book before bed, no point getting my hopes up at this point. In other news I pick my new car up on Saturday! Ooooh now that's exciting! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 Ooooh now that's exciting! Yeah I’m quite excited, it’s a bit of a hot hatchback (photos to follow tomorrow). About to get up, could easily stay in bed but I’m working from home today. The plan is to keep busy and not let me thoughts dwell. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 Another from last night. [ATTACH=CONFIG]11658[/ATTACH] Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 The working from home hasn't really worked out today, I've spent the afternoon cleaning the car out for going back to the dealership. I suppose some maybe wondering regarding the email..... I've heard nothing. It's still early days, but I'm not holding out much hope if I'm honest. Kept dreaming about receiving an email from her last night which did my head in, hate my mind sometimes. I have felt a little deflated today, but I'm focusing on not letting it get me down and I'm just trying to keep than inner confidence. I'm 1 pound off losing a total of 2 stone (28 pounds) since August and that's giving me a real boost at the moment. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 Lovely atmospheric photo, DB. Those wild places. Many don't reply to emails immediately (and I include myself, guilty!). Or even see the emails immediately. Give it time, DB. I doubt she would completely ignore the email. Keep your heart and spirits up! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 Lovely atmospheric photo, DB. Those wild places. Many don't reply to emails immediately (and I include myself, guilty!). Or even see the emails immediately. Give it time, DB. I doubt she would completely ignore the email. Keep your heart and spirits up! Thanks LaH She did take three days to initially reply to my welcoming email. I suppose I'm not wanting to feel positive, because I know I'll be disappointed more so when it doesn't come to anything. It's a tricky one of finding the balance. Either way, with the weight coming off and hopefully with covid coming to an end next year..... I'm looking forward to the prospect of getting out and meeting people. I've essentially shut myself a way over the past 12 years though my 20s. I miss my late Dad greatly, but I'd become very complacent when he was here (before he was ill). I found I had a companion I loved (being my Dad), didn't care about meeting someone...at my heaviest (26 stone) had lost any sort of self respect and focussed on my hobby (model kits) which in itself can be quite isolating. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 Bless your Dad, DB. It is heart-lifting to read how you loved him and had his company for as long as you did. He was your friend. The good Dads of this world are all too often overlooked I think. You are doing well with the weight loss. It's hard going I'm sure. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 There is nothing quite as sexy as...... Unblocking drains and being splattered by raw sewage.... Going for a shower, and clothes in the wash.....my favourite hoodie too! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 Had a really good chat tonight with a friend, who can't stand the way my mother behaves. We both agreed, that at some point I'm going to cut ties with her. For example she posted on Facebook how wonderful it was to spend time with me, and she can't believe it will probably be next year before she sees me again. It's a joke when over the 5 days she was up in the area, I spent as little as an hour and half with her (she'd argue that I was offered to join them for Sunday lunch, but I decline). She said she was going to buy me some shopping to help with my lifestyle change....she never did, but their meal on Saturday night cost £200..... However, as I said to my friend....the time is going to come where ties are cut, but I suspect things will only reach that point when I meet someone. For now though I'm doing my best to put distance between us and stand up for myself. I know many around me would like me to cut ties, but I'm only just regaining confidence. I'm looking on 2020 (as being a **** year like we all do) but as my transforming year. The caterpillar is in the cocoon.... and come 2021, I hope soar like a Butterfly (that's how I'm trying to look on it anyway). Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 Fighting hard tonight to stop myself slipping. Rather than letting it mull over in my head, thought it best to write it down. So easy to start self loathing, to tell myself I shouldn't have sent her that message, that she probably thinks I'm a creep. It's hard when it's your default setting to automatically loath in these circumstances. I do feel a bit of an idiot for even bothering sending the message. Show's how fragile I still am. Any recommendations to help take my mind of the negatives? Link to comment
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