DancingFool Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 Fighting hard tonight to stop myself slipping. Rather than letting it mull over in my head, thought it best to write it down. So easy to start self loathing, to tell myself I shouldn't have sent her that message, that she probably thinks I'm a creep. It's hard when it's your default setting to automatically loath in these circumstances. I do feel a bit of an idiot for even bothering sending the message. Show's how fragile I still am. Any recommendations to help take my mind of the negatives? Why..... I mean maybe you need to define for yourself better what a creep is. Like if you were going around with your phone attached to a pole trying to snap pics under women's skirts....that would make you a creep. Being friendly and inviting someone new for coffee....why would that make you a creep? It does make you a friendly person and that's about it, regardless of whether the other person responds, doesn't respond, etc. You don't control what people think or how they react, but you DO control yourself so that's where you need to get a grasp on what is good and what is bad. Asking someone for coffee or lunch - nice. Setting up a cam in the women's bathroom - creep. Maybe draw some definitions like that to get out of the "I'm a creep or a fool mode." Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 2, 2020 Author Share Posted October 2, 2020 Why..... I mean maybe you need to define for yourself better what a creep is. Like if you were going around with your phone attached to a pole trying to snap pics under women's skirts....that would make you a creep. Being friendly and inviting someone new for coffee....why would that make you a creep? It does make you a friendly person and that's about it, regardless of whether the other person responds, doesn't respond, etc. You don't control what people think or how they react, but you DO control yourself so that's where you need to get a grasp on what is good and what is bad. Asking someone for coffee or lunch - nice. Setting up a cam in the women's bathroom - creep. Maybe draw some definitions like that to get out of the "I'm a creep or a fool mode." Great post DF, thank you. That has helped, and as you say you can't control what people think or react. I know I tried to be as genuine as possible. Good point about grasping what is good and bad. I wonder if that is a link to the codependency and the difficulty of making decisions for yourself. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 Off to pick the new car up (pouring down here). Thought I’d reveal as of this morning, I’ve official lost 2 stone! (28 pounds). Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 Love the car!!!! Has apple Car play, and is rather spacious. Really love the colour scheme. Is it wrong at 35 to feel like a boy racer! [ATTACH=CONFIG]11660[/ATTACH] Best of all....what are the chances, the the last two letters are my initials! Going to go out for a spin I think (even in the rain!) Link to comment
LaHermes Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Safe and happy driving, DB. Congrats on the new vehicle. Looks good! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 Safe and happy driving, DB. Congrats on the new vehicle. Looks good! Thanks LaH I'm rather smitten with the car...... going to have to give her a name I think! I've had a lovely afternoon. My mate across the road and his eldest son (who's 20) and I had a drive around the countryside where we live (they are my social bubble). Had a good laugh and genuinely enjoyed ourselves. Makes me realise how far I've come in the last 6 weeks. Everything felt incredibly bleak back then, where as dare I say it.....I'm enjoying life a bit at the moment. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Total chick magnate. Congrats on the new wheels.Love the car!!!! Has apple Car play, and is rather spacious. Really love the colour scheme. Is it wrong at 35 to feel like a boy racer! [ATTACH=CONFIG]11660[/ATTACH] Best of all....what are the chances, the the last two letters are my initials! Going to go out for a spin I think (even in the rain!) Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 3, 2020 Author Share Posted October 3, 2020 Total chick magnate. Congrats on the new wheels. Chick magnet hehe....time will tell! Want to go out for a drive in it, but it’s dark....so little point! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 Woke at 8, and decided to take the car for a drive. Gorgeous morning with low cloud hanging across the hills! Felt great to be out in the Autumnal air. [ATTACH=CONFIG]11661[/ATTACH] Teaching in half an hour, and then I've some work to do in the house, keeping busy is the plan. Hope everyone has a great Sunday x Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 Managed to do some of what was planned today, but not all (which was particularly tidying!) Starting to plan on getting rid of bits and pieces in the house of Dad's and make it that bit more my own home. I think the big positive at the moment is me getting back into hiking/fell walking. I live right in the middle of that sort of country, and it's stupid not to when it is on my door step (literally). My big plan 3 years ago had been to shift the weight and aim to tackle places like the Lake District, and Snowdonia. With Dad dying, and the short term relationship ending....those places stopped interesting me. Now the weight is coming off, I really want to get out there adventuring. Thursday night's hike reminded me how I love getting out in the middle of nowhere......just me, and my border collie.....bliss! Weather isn't looking great this coming week unfortunately. I'm hoping Thursday afternoon might be ok for us to get out again, as I'm home for 16.00. However the nights are drawing in now, it's nearly dark by 19.00. It's not all bad, Autumn is my favourite season, I love the changing colours; the reds, oranges and browns. Plus its my birthday at the end of this month, not that I've anything planned mind. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 4, 2020 Author Share Posted October 4, 2020 Well....looks like I’m going for a coffee..... Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 4, 2020 Share Posted October 4, 2020 Told you so :) No reason at all why she wouldn't like you or want to go out. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 5, 2020 Author Share Posted October 5, 2020 Told you so :) No reason at all why she wouldn't like you or want to go out. I suppose I'm not use to these things sort of happening to me, granted down to my own lack of self confidence. I am reminding myself it's just a coffee and to not get too carried away. Her reply was lovely, starting with 'Of course, that would be lovely..... great to meet new people after moving up north etc'. She's away from this Tuesday afternoon back in London, so she has suggested the following Tuesday after work. I finish quite late (5pm) but I'm happy to still do then, but will also give her some other options. I'm also going to add my mobile number to the next email. Here is a question for those more experienced on here. If a guy asks you out for a coffee, would you suspect he might 'like' you? I ask because she hasn't come back dropping hints of a 'partner'. Without over thinking, a positive at least, has to be that I can't have made such a bad impression last week if she'd like to spend time getting to know me. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 If the man was single, then yes, I would assume he's at least interested. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 5, 2020 Author Share Posted October 5, 2020 If the man was single, then yes, I would assume he's at least interested. I suppose she doesn't know I'm single. I'd like to think though its crossed her mind though. I've over a week to prepare at least! Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 6, 2020 Author Share Posted October 6, 2020 Today is somewhat dragging, but I’ve less than 3 hours to go so that’s not bad. Quick change into my walking boots and a walk before dark is the plan. I’ve a message drafted ready to send to the teacher I’m meeting for coffee. For all intents and purposes we will call her ‘C’. I’m really looking forward to us meeting up which looks to be sometime next week. I’m just keeping myself in check though, fully admit I’ve a crush on her....but there is the chance she’s in a relationship. I also had a reply on one of the dating sites. I originally messaged said person (we will call ‘J’, about three weeks. She apologised and we are having some nice chit chat back and forth. Overall though, I’m enjoying putting myself out there and interacting with the opposite sex. It’s certainly helping me build by confidence. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 6, 2020 Author Share Posted October 6, 2020 Managed to get home in time to get out with Lass. There was an amazing sunset this evening. Really looking forward to the weekend (if the weather is good) I'm planning to do a 7 mile (one of my favourite locations). The first part of the walk is where I went on my second date with the woman I dated nearly three years ago, so I've struggled with aspects of the walk. However right now, I'm really embracing the new me and getting out exploring. I'm really enjoying this new found positivity. My counsellor made a suggestion last night of putting 'post it notes' with positive/self confidence boosting words around the house. I'm going to put one on the car sun visor saying 'You are worthy', partly because of my love of Marvel's 'Thor'.....but a reminder to myself that I do have worth. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 Post it notes are a good idea. Thor is great. :) One of my more favorite characters from Marvel. Which Marvel movie was your favorite? Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 6, 2020 Author Share Posted October 6, 2020 Post it notes are a good idea. Thor is great. :) One of my more favorite characters from Marvel. Which Marvel movie was your favorite? In truth, I'm a Captain America fan at heart. Truly a character I inspire to be like. Must admit I like the first Avengers film, but also love Endgame. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 6, 2020 Author Share Posted October 6, 2020 Just rediscovering one of my favourite bands, 'The Devine Comedy'. I stopped listening to them as I associated it with driving over to see my ex. Loved singing along to two of my favourite songs today on my commute. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 7, 2020 Author Share Posted October 7, 2020 Another workday finished. Really enjoying my teaching, I think after spending so many months at home teaching online, it has really made me appreciate getting back out there and seeing people (apologies if I'm repeating myself). Spoke to a friend on the way home and I said for the first time in a long time.....I feel happy. I've never felt such a sense of worth about myself as I do now. I've just got to continue to sustain these positive thoughts. Bought a game for my PS4....first time in three years. I'm not really a gamer, and use my PS4 for Netflix/Disney+. I use to be a bit of a Star Wars fan, so I'm looking forward to playing 'Star Wars Squadron' tonight....not for too long though, early night as I'm up at 5.45. Hope everyone's had a good day. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 It sounds like you are really doing a great job reclaiming your life, your interests, and who you are as a person. Lovely new car, btw. Fun colors. :) Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 8, 2020 Author Share Posted October 8, 2020 It sounds like you are really doing a great job reclaiming your life, your interests, and who you are as a person. Lovely new car, btw. Fun colors. :) Thanks DF I’m not quite there, last night I needed a reminder that it’s not about others making me feel good about myself. Reminded myself of my weight loss and all the positives that entails. I’m wearing a jumper for work I’ve not worn for a year. Small steps. I’ve a pupil away so using the time as a break in a somewhat busy day (not helped by having a bad head). Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 8, 2020 Author Share Posted October 8, 2020 The bad head didn't really get any better until we got out on tonights walk. I'll be honest, I got somewhat emotional on the walk and began to pray/talk to my Dad (Grandad) and Grandma (which links to earlier today). On my home I called in to see a friend of mine as I had some things for her (we will refer to her as 'R'). 'R' was the teacher that 'C' has taken over from at one of the schools I work at. 'C' had requested via the school to get in touch with 'R' regarding pupils she has inherited etc. 'R' said (not because I asked) that she would do some digging about the relationship status of 'C'. At this point, I'm very much preparing for her being in a relationship, so I don't end up getting my hopes up. I'm really focusing on not letting this getting me down, or blaming myself. I'm working on loving myself, but.....I know deep down there is still that longing to be with someone, not anybody....someone special. The main thing I miss is human touch, holding hands....holding each other. I suppose what I'm saying is.....I need to be prepared for meeting up with her for a coffee, knowing she is taken, and I'm going to find that a challenge (but I'll do it.) That is life..... I know that, but I must admit, this song's lyrics are playing through my head right now. Link to comment
Long Gone Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 Woke to a nice surprise this morning. Under three stone lost (30 pounds in total!) Last Saturday I ate a bit stupid, and I put 6 pounds on....however this week I've lost 8 (including the 6 I put on). Hike tomorrow afternoon with Lass, I'll share the odd photo in here. Link to comment
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