Retroactive jealousy

[digitaljohn]

Has anyone or your partner overcome it? How does someone over come it and what can I do as a partner to help?

 

My partner won’t agree to see a therapist. She is jealous of the people I slept with prior to meeting her. She also doesn’t think that I found her attractive on our first date. To be honest she is right. I did not at the time and she found out somehow but the more time i spent with her the deeper I fall for her and she is now the most beautiful to me. She just can’t get over it..

[Wiseman2]

Why did you move in after knowing her 6 mos? Is there a reason you need to stay in this?

 

Read up on domestic violence.:https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence-against-men/art-20045149

Do you think she loves me a lot and just is extremely jealous? She told me to move out and wants us to end on so many occasions I lost count. hitting me and telling me to get the out.

[MissCanuck]

OP, this relationship is a train wreck and this woman is an abuser.

 

No, this is not love.

 

Just like we said in your other thread.

[bluecastle]

From the snapshot offered in your last thread, your issues are far, far more complicated and corrosive than "retroactive jealousy." You are in a relationship that is only 6 months old where you both resort to physical violence. That is true skull-and-cross-bones territory: something to back away from, not to keep leaning into.

 

It is really that simple.

[digitaljohn]

I know she has issues and I love and care for her. That’s why I am still here.

[digitaljohn]

I moved in because we wanted to live together to save for another house. She already owns a townhouse and I am a bit behind financially. Did we make a mistake by moving in together too soon?

[DancingFool]

How did I solve this problem? Dump them and kick them out of my life with extreme prejudice. Amazing how that solves problems when your SO is acting like a psycho.

 

It's an approach that never fails to work and even more amazingly leads to happy, healthy relationships....with other people who are sane, happy, and healthy.

[Lambert]

OP, this relationship is a train wreck and this woman is an abuser.

 

No, this is not love.

 

Just like we said in your other thread.

 

Honestly. She must want to change. has she said she wants to change? Or is it just you, miserable, hoping she will? I ask this respectfully, what does she bring to this relationship that makes you stay with her?

[bluecastle]

Did we make a mistake by moving in together too soon?

 

Short answer: yes.

 

For most people, being chastised for your past and physically assaulted regularly do not add up to “love,” let alone a good recipe for harmonious cohabitation. Why you’ve processed all that in those terms—well, I think that’s the thing to figure out here, not her

[MissCanuck]

Did we make a mistake by moving in together too soon?

 

Yes, but that's not what causes this abuse.

 

If she's refusing to get help, this won't get better. You can't help her; this is above your paygrade.

[Wiseman2]

Move back to wherever you lived before. This way you won't be beholden to her and won't get beaten up on a regular basis.

She already owns a townhouse and I am a bit behind financially.

[Rb1980]

Hello.

I suffer from this and its horrible. I can't stop thinking like it.

It doesn't happen all the time and sometimes there can be a random trigger for it.

Before my ex and I recently split, we spoke about this and her way to help me was to reassure me that the past is the past for a reason and it no longer matters as she is (was) with me.

Through the effort she put in, I found I thought it less and less when in her company and it would only appear if I was having a depressive moment or we had an argument.

Support her where you can with the positives she brings to the relationship

[Cherylyn]

Tell her people in your past stay there; they are in the past only and no more. Remind her that they're no longer in your daily life permanently and forever. They're history. Tell her that the fact that you remain in a relationship with her is proof that you sincerely love her with all your heart, you find her attractive and you are more deeply in love with her as each day passes by. Tell her you're not going anywhere. Be gentle, kind, helpful, selfless, considerate and she too will fall more in love with you as each day passes by.

 

Guard your eyes. Your partner will appreciate it. Never have a roving eye! Don't habitually do, say nor write anything inappropriate ~ EVER. Be conscientious and classy always.

 

Don't be abrupt, do an about face nor storm out the door. Work it out. Give both of yourselves a chance to heal and get over this obstacle. All is not lost nor doom and gloom.

 

The longer you are with her, the more she will observe your true loyalty and devotion to her.

 

She has low self esteem and she's insecure. In some ways I was the same way with my husband at times and I know it was unwarranted. However, over time, I realized that he is extremely moral, honorable and possesses the highest integrity. I admire and respect him without question as your partner will, too if you are patient with her.

 

Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

They regularly beat each other up.

Tell her that the fact that you remain in a relationship with her is proof that you sincerely love her with all your heart, you find her attractive and you are more deeply in love with her as each day passes by.

-Things escalate and turn into violence resulting in me leaving the room

-I don’t hit or curse at her unless I’m absolutely edged (slapped her twice but with minimal force and that’s about it).

[Hollyj]

This will give more context:

 

"ust to clarify, she doesn’t go out of her way to hit or curse at me. It usually goes like this:

 

-She gets angry and starts saying I don’t want to date you anymore

-I get a bit upset but try to distract her

-Fail to distract her and she starts telling me to get out

-I stay in the room and try some more to distract her

-Things escalate and turn into violence resulting in me leaving the room

-I come back when she cools down. She will be upset with me a for a bit then we are good a few hours later

 

I don’t hit or curse at her unless I’m absolutely edged (slapped her twice but with minimal force and that’s about it)."

 

[

B]"She actually is a very nice and caring person. Although she has a different side to her and anger management issues.

 

When she isn’t angry we actually are great. It’s only when she thinks about my past or get triggered by something she’d go nuts.

 

This morning, I woke up she was already angry at me. She went through my Facebook timeline and found the stuffs I posted 10 years ago (I like Russian, do latinas like asian men?, I want a Vietnamese girlfriend...etc). She was raging and hitting me.

 

She also questioned my Instagram which I deleted about the girls I followed before I met her. What do I do?"

 

 

You seem to thrive on drama and chaos. No love here.

 

What do your friends and family think?

[boltnrun]

He hits her too, but only when she really, really pisses him off which I guess is OK. And since it's only with "minimal force" I guess that also makes it OK.

 

OP, you two are toxic and abusive to one another. You two should separate permanently and attend abuse therapy.

 

BTW, by any chance are you two indulging in any substances? How about drinking, do you two drink a lot?

[Cherylyn]

They regularly beat each other up.

 

If that's the case, it's time say, "Adios!"

[catfeeder]

Some people are best loved from far away.