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Everything posted by Rb1980

  1. We split up march 2020 and since then I've been in one other relationship. I do miss her a lot as we had a great time together but I've accepted we are no more. Plus with the girl I'm dating now there are lot more similarities with each other.
  2. Hey, thanks for this. You are right, a few weeks ago, I was unsure but we have spent more and more time together and I can definitely feel that I'm getting feelings. With regards to this stuff about the ex, it seems to be moreso that her sexual past always played on my mind. The reasoning for this whole post is that why am I finding it hard to accept that ex's past whereas anybody else I've been involved with, their past just doesn't bother me. I know she's an ex and right now I have nothing to do with her whatsoever but I think it's maybe a feeling of inadequacy or som
  3. Hello, I've been dating a girl for about a month and our relationship is building up nicely. She hasn't had a great deal of previous partners, likewise nor have I. It's kind of meant that in my mind I don't feel threatened with being inadequate or anything and I have nothing to be jealous or fearful of. My ex though, she had a lot more partners than me. Of which she said came from a time in her life where she had left an abusive relationship and was desperately searching for someone to find her attractive, or want her. When we got together she referenced how she was no lo
  4. I think to be honest....deep down the gf that split from me 14months ago stays on my mind quite a lot (Ive had one other relationship since then) and maybe I'm just wanting something to bring back the excitement and feelings I had during that. On the other hand I love being around this new girl and do look forward to every opportunity of talking to or seeing her. So maybe I'm just looking to see how people on the outside looking in see it
  5. Yes definitely and when around her I definitely feel the spark now growing. In one way I don't really know what I'm asking for on this forum. I think it's just as my previous relationships went very differently at the start I was just unsure but I guess every experience is different!
  6. We had a really nice time together yesterday and I can certainly feel that feelings are building between us. I don't want to rush things as I've always tried to let things take a natural pace. I think as I haven't seen as much forwardness by her compared to previous ppl I've been with I'm sowing doubt in my mind unintentionally.
  7. Thanks all. I love being around her and yes we have kissed, nothing more. At the moment we have seen each other maybe once or twice a week as she's been sorting a house move. I do miss talking to her when she's not around and I do look forward to seeing her again. I think it's moreso that in both my last two relationships I found the girl very attractive right from the start. They also showed they were in to me right away. Which I guess, kind of made me feel more invested in it. We have more of a connection than I did with any ex in terms of interests, humour,
  8. Hey everyone, I hope you are well. I've started dating someone. Been about a month now. Nothing made "official" yet or anything like that but we go out, we speak everyday and we enjoy each others company. I think we both want it to go further, she's just a little cautious due to her having kids. (I'm glad she's like this in a way as my ex was the total opposite!) Ive found myself not as physically attracted to her as I have my most recent girlfriends but we have more similar connections. We like the same type of nights out, same music etc. I just have this little nig
  9. I was dumped about a year ago and it still hurts a lot. When I think about it in depth I often think about whether my actions ever hurt her. I never abused her, cheated on her or anything like that but the fact she ended up unhappy in the relationship makes me feel guilty that I made someone so sweet and caring become unhappy for some reason. I tried to help with her mental health issues, her job loss and her grief from a family death and on the whole it was appreciated but for some reason she just became unhappy. She always says it was nothing I had done or not done but I can'
  10. It doesn't benefit me at all! I totally get that. The 2nd ex, I don't really think about much. That recent incident (the subject matter of this post) sparked some thought but that's gone away fairly quick. It's the one before that I just can't shake off. My main thing seems to be her past and it really shouldn't matter! For some reason I think I felt I was special to her so that now I've become part of her past too, I feel like I never mattered
  11. To be honest....whilst in this mindset. Nothing
  12. I think that is it. Exactly! I miss my ex from last year a great deal. Maybe initially in the same way anyone would miss someone when a breakup happens. What I actually find myself doing though is looking at her past and being 1, jealous of it and 2, wishing she hadn't been that way.. It's, like, for example. She has slept with a lot more people than me. She said she went 5hrouth a patch after leaving an abusive partner where she slept with guys too quickly, she thought it might make them want her etc. But instead they slept with her then left. I find that hard for some reason.
  13. Oh I agree I have forgotten about her in the sense of contact etc. It's my thoughts about the previous ex that are now concerning me
  14. Thanks. I seem to have got over this little hump pretty quick. I wish her all the best and would love to be in her life again but I can't make that happen if she doesn't want it. Weirdly though, in letting this pass I have started ruminating about the original ex I posted about almost a year ago. I keep thinking about her past, what she's doing now, how she's coping during covid, how happy she might be, whether she is with someone etc. I really hate this and I have a session with a therapist next week but I can't shake it and worry I may end up causing myself harm long term
  15. Thanks, I appreciate the advice. As mentioned earlier, I hadn't even really given her a thought recently. Then this happened. I really think I need help as I tend to do this too much. For example when she told me she was with someone, my mind instantly goes to, "when did it start?" "How did it come about?" And much worse. I need to find ways to not be like this as about a year ago when another relationship ended I was the same, if not, worse. It seems I cant let go of someone that "chose me" it's almost as if my brain says-" they chose you and wanted you, so how can they n
  16. Yeah, I've been talking to mental health groups, family members, writing content for some businesses etc. All things that can distract and help. It's weird though as I wasn't really thinking about her at all until this came up
  17. Thank you. I really appreciate that message. I've been doing a bit of research and I feel I have some sort of attachment issue. When someone wants me I can never seem to let go. In reality this relationship was not great but I'm seeing it through rose tinted glasses as some incredible thing. I think she is a fantastic woman and I need to respect her wishes. It's just one of those things I can't shake off, knowing that she is now having fun with another man. In my head I start to question how soon after we split did they get together, do they see much of each other due to lockdown, ha
  18. Thanks guys. It's very odd as although I miss her, I know it wasn't a brilliant relationship. I should just accept that these things happen. For some reason though I just find myself stuck on the good memories and wondering why I wasn't good enough for her
  19. Hello all, I'm back as I've found the past few weeks a little weird but in particular last night put me on a negative spiral. I thought I was over my recent ex (not the one I first ever posted about) but last night she messaged me regarding her mobile phone. (I set up the contract for her and she had a question about it) I replied and asked if her and the kids are ok, she answered back saying all is good. She then added "I'm with someone else now, not a stranger but somebody I've known for years" I found this weird her telling me but I wished her all the best. I then asked
  20. Thank you. I totally understand that what I'm doing isn't good for me and I hate I've started this thought process again. In part I keep thinking if she is with someone now, how long it may have been and if she tells him the things she told me, it's none of my business and it shouldn't matter to me as I got together with someone in the summer. It's not fair of me to make it one rule for one! Another part is that I concern myself for her mental well-being. Her OCD can be quite severe and this pandemic probably hasn't helped. I wonder how her days go by and who she had made a support
  21. I'm doing a bit of extra work for some local businesses, writing content for them etc. I'm playing video games etc. It just seems I still have these thoughts even when doing these things.
  22. Thanks all. Weirdly the thing I'm most getting worked up on is her past. It has nothing to do with me now and it didn't when we were together but it creeps into my head. She is 10 years younger then me and had slept with many more people than me. When we were together she told me how she regretted more than half of them and that it came from a time in her life when she felt very insecure about herself and unloved/wanted. So when a guy showed attention she had to try and impress him. She thought sex would do this but 9 times out of 10, the guy would ghost her or say he didn't want any
  23. Yeah. I've never been very good at attracting girls. Almost feel like I don't know how! Haha! I don't think I was doing anything different I just didn't know how to find anyone. I just seemed to think it would just happen! Yeah I would consider looking into it
  24. I want to redirect them and it happens sometimes but for some reason random things pop into my head at totally random times. For example I might be working and then I'll remember a conversation we had or something that happened between us and begin analysis of it. If I break down how she was with me when she was suffering with her mental health, I can see how she was often quite horrible to me. She once said she feared she suffers from BPD and that that could be the reason why. In some respects I want to use her moody attitude as a reason to see she wasn't for me, the thing is, on the who
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