DancingFool Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 It really comes down to this. If he simply doesn't like or isn't active on social media, it's easy enough for him to simply tell you that so you can understand where he is coming from and why he won't add you on. The fact that he got angry and hid it instead is a huge red flag. When someone hides like that, there really is only one reason for it - either he is actively cheating or he is leaving that option open for himself and very deliberately so. Add to it that he is keeping you and your relationship in a sort of social isolation. He supposedly doesn't get along with his coworkers, so you don't interact with them, you only know the one friend, but not others, you've never met his family. Basically, all the people who could normally give you a heads up that he is doing something behind your back are conveniently out of your reach or don't know you well enough to ever speak up. A very very typical and convenient set up for cheaters. He could be cheating with you, he could be cheating on you, or he is simply keeping that option open for now, but the bottom line is you have no way to know. For that reason, I'd exit this relationship. It wouldn't work for me. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Well put by DF. I think your concerns about social media are just a vessel for your general concerns: about him, about this relationship. Almost two years in and you’re roughly where people are at a few weeks, a few months. That wouldn’t suddenly change if he accepted a friend request, so I’d really start thinking less about his social media and more about what you’re getting and what you want and whether those things overlap. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Have your friend look to see what he posts. My buddy was told her guy at the time didn't have FB, but she found it a year later, and he was married with kids. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Did he block you on FB or is his context limited to only friends?Have your friend look to see what he posts. My buddy was told her guy at the time didn't have FB, but she found it a year later, and he was married with kids. Link to comment
Babe210 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 Did he block you on FB or is his context limited to only friends? His content is limited to only friends Link to comment
Babe210 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 It really comes down to this. If he simply doesn't like or isn't active on social media, it's easy enough for him to simply tell you that so you can understand where he is coming from and why he won't add you on. The fact that he got angry and hid it instead is a huge red flag. When someone hides like that, there really is only one reason for it - either he is actively cheating or he is leaving that option open for himself and very deliberately so. Add to it that he is keeping you and your relationship in a sort of social isolation. He supposedly doesn't get along with his coworkers, so you don't interact with them, you only know the one friend, but not others, you've never met his family. Basically, all the people who could normally give you a heads up that he is doing something behind your back are conveniently out of your reach or don't know you well enough to ever speak up. A very very typical and convenient set up for cheaters. He could be cheating with you, he could be cheating on you, or he is simply keeping that option open for now, but the bottom line is you have no way to know. For that reason, I'd exit this relationship. It wouldn't work for me. This is great advice! And yes my concerns seem to be more than just social media but a lot more other thing Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 What are the other issues? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Do you spend time at his house, OP? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 For reasons I still don't know, I've had two relationships where neither one of us asked to be each others `friends' on social media. One particular bf had an issue with the people who commented on pictures he could see, so allowing him access I knew would be basket full of other issues, I didn't even pursue it. (long story) These relationships are years in the past and I know they've moved on to other partners and though still somewhat active on social media, they never include them as friends as well. It doesn't bother me either way. . I do find it somewhat curious, though. Also noted, that women I know will have their profile pictures with their guy, update their status and populate their page with all sorts of photos of their boyfriend. If you were to look at the boyfriends page, it's often void of any girlfriend. My takeaway. . .maybe they just see the importance of it all. Came back to add, the fact that you asked him and he went to lengths he did is suspect. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 My ex wasn't hiding things from ME when he refused to add me. He was hiding me from other women. He wanted to appear single so he could communicate with and hook up with other women. He didn't want me on there claiming to be his girlfriend and posting pics. Link to comment
Babe210 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 I was saying that I’ve come to realize it’s just more than social media , you are right he is hiding me from his family , coworkers so it is a little suspicious. It did t worry me at the beginning because it was just the beginning of the relationship but now we are heading to almost two years and it is bothering me a lot more Link to comment
Babe210 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 Do you spend time at his house, OP? He stays with his family friend and yes I have been the house and hanged out there Link to comment
Babe210 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 I am not one to post my relationship on social media, it was just a bit weird he didn’t want to add me on Facebook, and yes I asked him about it and he got upset so I have never really approached the issue again but I will bring it up again Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Unfortunately being a secret and fwb should have bothered you a lot sooner. Now is your chance to end things as it becomes clearer you have no real place in his life. End things and find a guy who shares his life with you.I we are heading to almost two years and it is bothering me a lot more Link to comment
bluecastle Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I am not one to post my relationship on social media, it was just a bit weird he didn’t want to add me on Facebook, and yes I asked him about it and he got upset so I have never really approached the issue again but I will bring it up again Before bringing it up, I'd have an honest conversation with yourself. As in: Do you genuinely think that, were he to suddenly be understanding and make you a Facebook friend, would that fix everything? At this point, who do you think you're more frustrated with: him, for being shady on this front, or you, for staying with a guy you think is shady for nearly two years? Link to comment
Lambert Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 who do you think you're more frustrated with: him, for being shady on this front, or you, for staying with a guy you think is shady for nearly two years? This is a great point Blue.... I completely relate to realization that it was me! Yeah, they sucked as a person, but I kept dealing with it! Link to comment
bluecastle Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 This is a great point Blue.... I completely relate to realization that it was me! Yeah, they sucked as a person, but I kept dealing with it! It's like building a home. You're pouring the foundation and realize one of the pillars is wobbly, cracked, not level. Ugh. Best thing to do is shore it up, so the floors will be even. And if you can't? Best thing to do is go back to the blueprints and start over. But sometimes we are really, really excited to have that home, so we go ahead and add the floors, the walls, the roof, the wiring. Meanwhile, that wobbly pillar is there, getting worse with time, and every time we feel it we have a little reminder of a choice we made that resulted in a less-than-secure home. If he wanted you to be a Facebook friend, an Instagram friend, then you would be one after nearly two years. He does not want that, has made it clear, as well as being clear in that he does not want to discuss his reasons. Think about all that as hard facts of the universe. Then think about whether it's a universe you want to continue living in. There are millions of others, after all, where the air might be more easy to breathe. Link to comment
Babe210 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 It's like building a home. You're pouring the foundation and realize one of the pillars is wobbly, cracked, not level. Ugh. Best thing to do is shore it up, so the floors will be even. And if you can't? Best thing to do is go back to the blueprints and start over. But sometimes we are really, really excited to have that home, so we go ahead and add the floors, the walls, the roof, the wiring. Meanwhile, that wobbly pillar is there, getting worse with time, and every time we feel it we have a little reminder of a choice we made that resulted in a less-than-secure home. If he wanted you to be a Facebook friend, an Instagram friend, then you would be one after nearly two years. He does not want that, has made it clear, as well as being clear in that he does not want to discuss his reasons. Think about all that as hard facts of the universe. Then think about whether it's a universe you want to continue living in. There are millions of others, after all, where the air might be more easy to breathe. This is great advice!! Thank you , it is dawning on me that I am the one who has accepted it as okay and chose to stay , and I should just end it Link to comment
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