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So almost 6 months ago my spouse left because she was unhappy. She had a EA prior to leaving ended up with said man. So I’ve went LC for the past few months no more begging, pleading, slip ups. We have 2 children I now have my son she keeps our daughter. She owes me money. Almost 2k. I still let her use my car for the sake of the kids without it she would be screwed. I told her next year around tax time I’m going to claim both children as she has not been working and I need to put a dent in my car payment before I take it back. I found out she was going on vacation for her bday because she told me. So I asked her when can she start paying me back, she then goes on a tangent telling me how much of a pos I am, how I make her life hell, how I show her how much of a ty person someone can be, she should’ve chose a better father of her children, how I’m so petty, how she’s chained to me and I control her life but I don’t do anything to control her life or stop her from doing anything. She thinks everything I do is to be petty including taking the car back. But it’s like how long do you expect to keep it?

 

I’m so lost because I help her so much. Not a lot of men would give her their car. It wasn’t my intention to be petty. The only aspect I refuse to help her at is a place to stay that’s too much. I don’t care about her relationship anymore I’ve been healing and growing as an individual got a second job taking care of mines. Talking to women. I know longer have hopes of recon. If it happens it happens. I don’t bother her at all I don’t ask about her relationship. But I would like the debt to be repaid.

 

I do however ask my son how she’s doing from time to time. I used to do it often but less and less I think it was part of the healing is this wrong? She says I’m manipulating him and ruining his mental. I don’t put things in his head or bad ideas about his mother

 

Why is she still so angry and resentful to me?

 

Other then this interaction we have had great interactions she’s been flirty. Texting me a lot I don’t usually entertain because I know it’s breadcrumbs when we exchange kids we joke and laugh. But then she says “why can’t we just get along” she’s all over the place. Is this normal? What’s going on?

 

Also she’s been stalking the women I talk to adding them on social media and such which also makes no sense to me help me out here?

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First of all - When spouses leave marriages because they are "unhappy" it usually has nothing to do with the marriage. I suspect your ex was unhappy because she wanted to have an affair, something fun and new, and you were in the way.

 

Secondly - don't fall for the "she needs my help" BS! She kicked you to the curb and now needs your help ($, car)... Too bad so sad for her. She's on her own by here OWN choice, don't let her use you. As for the kids? If she can't manage to figure out a way to support herself, then you should get them both until she can act like a responsible adult. DO NOT fall into the guilt trap of "I'm doing it for the kids" crap!

 

Thirdly - She is all over the place because she is co-dependent, and insecure. She's either tired of the new flame already (trust me, she will continue to hop from flame to flame, getting bored very quickly) or he's tired of her, and she is stringing you along when she feels scared about being alone.

 

Been there. Done that. Don't make the same mistakes I did!

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This is perfect reason why should either hire an attorney or go to mediation.

 

As you can see the two of you are too emotionally charged to make fair financial decisions and decisions that are in the best interest of the children.

 

The two of you combined are making things messy when they needent be.

 

Look at it this way. . If the two you saw eye to eye on things you'd likely still be together, right?

 

Hire a third party to mediate or expect more of the same and worse.

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It sounds like she is still unhappy with her life and is blaming you/ using you as a scapegoat. You need to stop trying to analyse her mood swings. It's her ego talking and her denial to accept responsibility for how she got where she is. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

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Residual items from the marriage need to be dealt with. Speak to a lawyer about your car and any payments. If you're unsure about it at least go for a consultation and see where you stand without making any moves. I can appreciate that you're both really trying to get along for the sake of your kids.

 

For your own individual mental health, I wouldn't hold on to the idea of reconciliation even in the future. That's your slighted ego talking. Let things go and put it to rest. Maybe speaking to third parties for legal help or counselling (for yourself) might help you in that direction. She left you for someone else and is capable of having an emotional affair. What else do you think she's capable of?

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Sorry to hear this. Are you legally divorced? Let the lawyers sort out finances, debts etc. You weren't dating so it not about my money my car etc. Get a lawyer.

 

Yes, stop asking your kids about her. It's unfair to put them in the middle of this contentious battle ground.

So almost 6 months ago my spouse left because she was unhappy. We have 2 children I now have my son she keeps our daughter. She owes me money.

 

I do however ask my son how she’s doing from time to time. I used to do it often but less and less I think it was part of the healing is this wrong? She says I’m manipulating him and ruining his mental. I don’t put things in his head or bad ideas about his mother.

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lawyer up buddy. But before you do, document everything, what the kids tell you, record your phone conversations, keep all text messages, etc. Keep track of how often she uses the car and when, how much you pay for gas, insurance, car payment and any other expenses. Build your case.

As for the vacation, her BF must be paying for.

 

Tip: do not notify her or anyone that you are seeking legal counsel. Let her find out when she gets served.

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Poor choice of words we were engaged we are not married. So it is MY CAR

 

almost 6 months ago my spouse left because she was unhappy.

Kind of a snarky response from someone who refers to her as his spouse, don'tyahthink?

 

So long story short we broke up after 10 years.

And many states consider 10 years a common law (marriage)

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So you are not legally married so first things first. Find out if it will be considered a common law marriage.

 

Next I assume you are the father of both children and are named on their birth certificates. You need to get some legal advice on what your rights are as their father. She sounds vindictive and petty so you could very well find yourself with visitation and child support until they are both 18 and graduated from high school. Go to your county courthouse and ask if they have someone you can talk to.

 

The next step is to see what is really going on here. She didn't have an emotional affair, she cheated on you for a while and then decided she liked the model she was test driving and left you for him. Funny thing is that the new car smell wears off really quickly when all the excitement of sneaking around and sex become seeing each other all the time and having a kid in tow.

 

So why is she blaming you? Who else is she going to blame? The kids? Her new bf? She certainly cannot take the blame herself so who is the boogey man? The POS controlling jerk? You are her scapegoat for her choices and life as it is now. Basically she planned her escape with this guy so she could be happy and now the wheels are falling off her plan and reality has come knocking.

 

She flirts and acts friendly so she can keep you as a back up plan, a safety net. Don't fall for any of it!!!

 

What you need to do is stop engaging in any of it. Tell her all communication needs to be through email unless it is an emergency. This allows you to keep a record of what is planned, promised and any pertinent info you may need later. When she asks why email simply let her know that since other forms of communication often turn ugly email is best for all involved.

 

Please stop asking your children anything about her. She is no longer your concern and you need to focus on being the best single parent you can be.

 

You need to get your car back and get a formal custody arrangement as soon as possible. You are liable for any damages she my cause with the car and you are vulnerable without a legal custody arrangement.

 

It is over, time to finish it the right way.

 

Lost

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She is seeing you moving on and is jealous or still bitter and resentful, or realises her own deficits (even on a subconscious level) and is not happy with them.

 

Bottom line, she is resentful and jealous and extremely manipulative. Keep doing what you're doing, and improving yourself and apply for custody of your children. Dictate the terms.

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