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  1. I feel that everybody is attacking you here. You had a crush on a guy you worked with (sometimes it can't be helped, i'm sure most people here have experienced similiar or been in situations where they've been attracted to somebody even when it doesn't look "good on paper").. You left the place of work because you had a crush on a guy and from what I can tell, wanted to get your head together. For some reason, you caved and messaged him. You have been holding these feelings in for a while and it came out when you messaged him. He told you at first that it was mutual, which isn't very decent of him. Whether it was mutual or not (maybe he has back-tracked), is uncertain at this stage. Time will tell, when you are detached from the situation, the truth seems to come out and you will see things clearly. It seems that you developed this crush, in part, because something is missing from your life? I mean, I'm not sure.. It is difficult to say whether there was ever a basis for a relationship with this guy (i don't have enough information and I was not there, so I am not going to make an assumption). I think the thing is, he doesn't seem receptive to your messages or communication with him, so I'd suggest to withdraw and accept that this might not happen at this time, or that he is not interested. I'd personally go No Contact with him, and seek therapy if these feelings are still plaguing you. Maybe underlying it also is a gap in your marriage where you are not feeling emotionally fulfilled. I'm not sure whether any one single person can make us feel totally fulfilled What you need to concentrate on now is grounding yourself and getting your strength back and maybe loving yourself for who you are. Maybe you developed this crush as a distraction to make yourself feel better (endorphins), when if you work on yourself and produce endorphins through exercise etc (and getting your self-respect back), you may end up with a similiar and more healthy effect. Anyway, good luck. Work on yourself and get yourself healthy. Then you can make some decisions.
  2. I know somebody else in a similar situation and she kept looking like you are. You are delaying the inevitable, but it might sort itself out. You are aware that your dad likes your husband, but honestly, this does not factor in as it is how you feel that is important and i think you are aware of this. You've just got to manage the inner conflict you have of your dad's approval vs. what makes you happy, and hopefully you will choose your own personal happiness over anything else.
  3. I've been thinking about this for a while and I don't accept that I imagined the whole thing. Some people are players and use people for their own agenda (to get attention etc). It is not really an acceptable thing, but I guess most people don't think about how their actions impact others. Will be moving forward with my eyes wide open. Thanks to everybody who offered productive responses :)
  4. I've had two compulsive liars in my life. Both of whom were amazing people. I knew they were lying to me, and both because they didn't feel "good enough". They were though, both amazing. You are worthy of love.
  5. Thanks Rose Mosse. Actually, I am going to accept that I imagined the whole thing.
  6. I'm not asking for anybody to "bash" her or anybody else. It's a bit more complicated than I am making out. But, yeah, I won't be a victim. The posts above yours are good.
  7. I think the whole thing was a grey area. It is hard not to fall for someone sometimes! I never made a move though (wouldn't have dared unless i had a green light). I'd say she just used me for attention, which makes it more 'abusive' in a sense. She should feel really proud of herself for using somebody who is vulnerable and, in her mind, with low social value. Congratulations to her, what a gal! And yes, getting my resilience back is definately the way to go. It's like i want to heal myself properly before i close myself off again.
  8. Thanks melancholy123, yes, you are right. You really do need to be tough to survive this life. Usually, i just become distant / shut-off when i don't want someone around and they usually get the hint and move on. But this one was really.. gregacious, but it was a public / professional setting of sorts, so I am now guessing it was at attempt to get me back onside (though it felt like more than this). They were using me for attention. I'm sorry about your friend that travelled to Mexico with you and then shut down. That is indeed, strange behaviour. How long did you know them before you went to Mexico? I think, from now on, i'm going to wait at least six months before i even take anyone seriously. Eg, stand back and if they're still there in six months, they might be worth getting to know further.
  9. Long story short. Enjoyed the company of a 'friend' who I think, might have been emotionally abusive. I didn't realise it at the time, but i endured yelling, put downs and humiliation in front of others. Their behaviour suddenly turned around at one point, and i took this as a clue that they were romantically attracted to me, like i was to them. Then suddenly this person leaves without a goodbye and i have never heard from them again. I feel used, disrespected and a fool (why wasn't i smarter?). This hurt me as i thought i cared about this person, thought i was building a rapport with them (how wrong can you be?,), let them in and took their behaviour reversal as an attempt to make amends (and increased my trust for them), only to be dumped and discarded. Each time i tried to withdraw from this person, they'd seek out my attention and actively pull me back in. This made me think maybe they were committed to building a friendship / relationship with me, as in, our connection could have developed in the future. This has been a large part of my depression lately and i have struggled to make sense of it. I don't have any contact with this person, but still have some mutual contacts, which i can't really avoid right now. I felt we were building a rapport, but it all feels false now and it has all dissolved to nothing. It just makes me feel so used and disrespected. How do you get your self respect back and build your resilience again? It feels like i have broken up with someone. I will be extremely careful before letting anybody in again in the future... I'd like to seek counselling, and will slowly look for one. Mods: does this belong in a different forum? Thanks for reading.
  10. This is an interesting question! Partnership implies a few things to me: - Equals - Shared responsibility - Great and harmless communication - Effortless communication - Consideration of each other - Working out shared or individual goals together (you can have both) - Respect - Love - Admiration
  11. She is seeing you moving on and is jealous or still bitter and resentful, or realises her own deficits (even on a subconscious level) and is not happy with them. Bottom line, she is resentful and jealous and extremely manipulative. Keep doing what you're doing, and improving yourself and apply for custody of your children. Dictate the terms.
  12. Yes, you may. I'm 50. Female, single and gay. A recipe for disaster really! I've been depressed since I was a teenager. My sibling died 15 years ago, so I have had time to process it. Still feel grief on birthdays and suicide anniversary etc, but that isn't for a few months yet. I'm fairly isolated and I know this is a problem. I am on low income due to completing a course. This means that I can't move out of the home that i hate (neighbours are noisy and it is a constant point of stress) and I feel trapped, not to mention like a low-life, as I am on the low end of the food chain. All that aside, I am honestly evaluating whether i am a good person or not, or what type of person i am. It is easy to delude yourself into thinking you're worthy somehow, but the honest truth is- what makes a "worthy (or "good")" person? In actual fact, nobody can answer this for me, i have to answer it myself. Maybe that's what this whole process is all about. Strangely enough, i have spent 3 days in my apartment, mostly drinking (i know, bad), sleeping, wallowing in self-pity, watching youtube clips and Netflix. A lot of Netflix! I honestly don't want to deal with much or many people (if anyone) at all right now. Maybe a shop attendant etc, or somebody special, but I don't have anybody "special" in my life, so that is not going to happen. I felt aweful this morning. The usual hungover stuff and poor (very poor) mental state. But, as usual, I talked myself out of it, the cloud lifted (eventually) and I managed to find a bit of reprieve for a few hours in afternoon (you'll see I posted here), but then suddenly it's like the depression and hopelessness enveloped my brain again. It was really weird, like a black cloud came over it. I am trying not to think negatively or take too much on. Am accepting this hopeless state I am in and I have another three days off, so it'll be interesting to see if i leave my apartment (I have to, but how far i go is anybody's guess). I don't want to be like this and would like to envision a life of happiness and lightness for myself. One thing i have realised though is not to drag anybody else down with me. I have done this recently, but have realised i need to be in this on my own. I think that everybody goes through this at one point. Anyhow, my mind is quite active when it's not filled with black putty (soot). I just have to get through the next few months and then I can change my situation next year (living and vocational). I am in two minds: to travel (drive around and practice my trade), or set up a business. For as hopeless as i sound, i fare quite well when i am engaged and have a goal and belong to something. I think that's what is missing in my life - "belonging". I hope i can find it or develop it really soon. Thanks for listening and asking your questions. It has helped me to type it all out.
  13. The sudden disappearance is concerning. Is it possible he was seeing somebody else? Was he often absent? There are scammers that have double lives.. They'll marry a girl, gain her confidence, then organise a loan or to purchase a house together, but, wait... You'll have to put all of your money into their account first and then, poof! You'll never see them again. Not sure if he was one of these? Just seems that when things weren't going well, he was nowhere to be seen. At the very least, he is a coward, or was seeing someone else imo. Ignore all contact, regardless of how 'reasonable' it seems. Believe me, it is not reasonable! The threat needs to be reported to the police incase you need a restraining order later.
  14. This is so true. I had a similiar experience a few years ago and thought i would never get over it. I went through all of the emotions. Every one last of them. one day, i realised i was over this person and now i could think of nothing worse than this person coming into my life, and i can see how bad and aweful this person actually is. I pray for her salvation (not sure what has made her that way), but do not, in any way, want her back in my life. In fact, it scares me that she might try again. Anyhow, what Cherylyn says is true. Selfless and mature are the operative words... I think you need to block and ignore any contact from her. This is not you being cruel (get past that thought. Ignore it.. She will survive). Do not get caught in breadcrumbs (morsels of info).. This is her throwing you scraps and basically, they don't respect you if you eat them. It is just their way of testing if you'll still be stupid enough to eat up their crap.. Don't do it! Best of luck to you my friend. Keep posting here to get perspective, if you need it. It usually helps to get other people's perspectives.
  15. This a great post, take heed! You love nature, it inspires you. You are already ahead of the pack. As some people have suggested, look in to re-education and / or finding a job or volunteer position in nature setting. You would also get a reference from your recent employer right? That would make finding the new job easier. 41 is not old. I am older than that and still plodding along. If you travel, you could do odd jobs, such as kitchen hand or bar work. Cleaning, or maybe gardening? You could get some business cards printed with your contact details on (surely you'd take mobile phone in van?), or better yet, get a decal printed on your new van with you phone number etc.
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