Met a Potential New Friend Yesterday ...

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Doesn't sound like a lesbian date sounds like a recruiter. Cult, MLM or some sort of set up. Do not meet for dinner. At most get a coffee at whatever mall you saw her.

Yeah, my first thought was MLM too.

[catfeeder]

Could be any of the above, but we all need to take some minor risks in order to learn potential payoffs. I tend to set my internal trust meter to a neutral 5 when meeting new people, then I observe and allow them to show me over time whether I'll invest more trust or withdraw it and walk away.

 

I wouldn't bother trying to coax the woman into coughing up her sexual status or other info that's yet undisclosed. The whole point of getting to know people is to learn this stuff over time. Whether she's lesbian or not would be irrelevant to me, because if she wanted to know whether I was available before investing time in me, she could have simply asked.

 

If she pulls out some MLM scam, I'd enjoy the rest of my meal and stop her at the earliest appropriate time by saying, how about if you leave that material with me to consider later, and we talk about non-business stuff while we're eating?

 

I'd split the tab and split quickly if I get the sense that I don't want to be friends. Otherwise, it's nothing lost and a question answered to share a nice meal with someone you might enjoy.

 

Fingers crossed for you, Kat.

[katrina1980]

Thnx guys for all your insight!

 

Not sure I agree with those who say it's MLM or recruiter, but I suppose it's possible.

 

I just didn't get that sense; we spent over an hour walking and talking, absolutely no mention of a side business or trying to sell me on anything. No business card given.

 

We talked about our jobs (Littler, she is a RN who works in a large local hospital). And I in legal.

 

We talked about travel, where we are from, how we like living downtown, good eats and restaurants we like, stuff like that.

 

In retrospect, I regret not mentioning my bf, I could have said "oh my bf and I LOVE that place"! Or something like that but I didn't, I was simply enjoying meeting/getting to know a new friend.

 

Anyway, we shall see!

 

We made a plan to have dinner after work this week, we have each other's number and if I don't hear from her by tomorrow I will reach out.

 

My gut tells me she just wants a friendship, but I've been wrong before about such things so we shall see!

 

But my thought is, even IF she is lesbian or bi, still no reason why we can't be friends, as long as she understands and accepts that I'm straight and in a happy relationship w my bf.

 

Thanks again, I will be sure to update!!

[Littler]

...Not sure I agree with those who say it's MLM or recruiter, but I suppose it's possible...

 

Even if it is a MLM recruiter, it doesn't mean you're any less of a catch.

 

 

...We talked about our jobs (Littler, she is a RN who works in a large local hospital). And I in legal...

 

If you're in legal, I have a feeling you're pretty good at reading people. Or maybe she's tired of the grueling hours as an RN and she wants a nice comfy job as an expert witness in med mal cases?

 

 

We will await your updates with much anticipation. Good luck!

[thornz]

If she was interested in getting to know you better in a non platonic sense then the first things she would ask you about is your availability right? She would have sought out if you had a partner. Also she would let you know she finds you attractive by complimenting your appearance, not your handbag?! All of the things you mentioned you chatted about are basic getting to know you better lines of conversation. It all seems very platonic to me.

[katrina1980]

She actually did compliment my looks/appearance, I just didn't mention it to y'all.

 

But I don't find that odd, my friends and I often compliment each other.

 

And with other women I've met who turned out to be interested in more than friends, initially they tread very cautiously as I presume they didn't want to offend me, not knowing if I was gay or straight.

 

But then came the question -- "have you ever been with a woman"? Ugh.

 

Anyway, as I said, my gut tells me she wants just a friendship so am gonna stick w that and have fun!!

[maew]

Wowza I think it’s so brave to approach a stranger and start chatting and walking around with them out of the blue... as an introvert I am terrified of and also in awe of such people!

 

My bet is that the lady is at least Bisexual... in any case hopefully you get a good friend out of the deal!

[katrina1980]

Wowza I think it’s so brave to approach a stranger and start chatting and walking around with them out of the blue... as an introvert I am terrified of and also in awe of such people!

 

My bet is that the lady is at least Bisexual... in any case hopefully you get a good friend out of the deal!

 

Oh I hear ya maew!

 

I am a huge introvert too, but while uncomfortable in large crowds, I have no problem meeting new people while out and about. So maybe I am more of an "extroverted introvert" if there is such a thing!

 

However, it's very rare when I click w someone like I did w her, which is why I think we may end up becoming good friends.

 

I'm gonna touch base with her today so will let y'all know!

[figureitout23]

My moneys on friend.I would just be super surprised if she assumed your sexuality without any indicator.

 

I guess I must be odd because I have made friends in this manner, I didn't realize how odd it was, how do people make friends? I mean whether its coworkers or neighbors or out and about, we cold approach everyone don't we? Like I literally have friends where I dont remember how we became friends we just started talking lol. It could be related to race too, IDK...theres variables, race,sex,temperment,approacability

[figureitout23]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=559519

 

Same woman?

[Wiseman2]

For most guys getting numbers from women usually means trying to get a date. Your bf seems to have that lens. If you disagree with him, simply do whatever you want.

I get to my bf's place, I mentioned it to him and he's telling me to not be so naive, that this girl does not want to be my "friend" she asked me out on a "date,"

[katrina1980]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=559519

 

Same woman?

 

What do you mean? The link you posted was a post from another poster, ironi.

 

I've never posted about this woman before, I just met her.

 

She approached me in the mall. :)

[katrina1980]

For most guys getting numbers from women usually means trying to get a date. Your bf seems to have that lens. If you disagree with him, simply do whatever you want.

 

That is exactly what I was (am) thinking too a Wise. Like exactly.

 

Anyway, we briefly chatted last evening, very friendly and we're meeting after work on Thursday, around 7:00ish.

 

I am no longer concerned and looking forward to it, and of course getting home and telling my lovely bf, haha you were wrong! lol

[Littler]

So no romantic interest from her?

[katrina1980]

So no romantic interest from her?

 

No not at all, I'll let you know when/if that changes after we meet for dinner tomorrow night.

 

My gut tells me it won't, but I've been wrong before!

 

My bf still think she does and is treading lightly since she doesn't know me; I did mention my bf in text last night though, she seemed interested in hearing more about him, so that's very telling!

 

I'll update on Friday.

 

I have a question for you though Lit, why do you think she may have a romantic interest in me?

 

To me it's very natural for women to meet spontaneously and chat, become friends, but as Wise said, not so true for men to meet that way?

 

Men would regard it as a potential hook up?

[WithLove]

I think it's odd that you've spoken to her this much and haven't mentioned your significant other, especially after her "have you ever been with a woman" comment!

 

To her, she's probably thinking that if you had someone, you'd have mentioned it already!

[katrina1980]

I think it's odd that you've spoken to her this much and haven't mentioned your significant other, especially after her "have you ever been with a woman" comment!

 

To her, she's probably thinking that if you had someone, you'd have mentioned it already!

 

Pls read my last post, I did mention him last night in text, which was the first time we've talked since meeting last Saturday.

[katrina1980]

I think it's odd that you've spoken to her this much and haven't mentioned your significant other, especially after her "have you ever been with a woman" comment!

 

To her, she's probably thinking that if you had someone, you'd have mentioned it already!

 

She did not ask me if I have ever been with a woman, I posted other women have.

 

And again, I did mention my bf.

[WithLove]

Sorry, I did read your last post, but I must've missed it!

 

Looking forward to an update.

[Rose Mosse]

Just following the thread the past few days but not commenting as I agreed with Bluecastle's post. Enjoy your new friendship. I too recently made a new friend this past weekend but no issues of sexuality or availability. We have a similar background and she is recently separated from her husband with three kids. New friendships are wonderful and a blessing. Good for you for giving it a chance and making new friends.

[Littler]

No not at all, I'll let you know when/if that changes after we meet for dinner tomorrow night.

 

My gut tells me it won't, but I've been wrong before!

 

My bf still think she does and is treading lightly since she doesn't know me; I did mention my bf in text last night though, she seemed interested in hearing more about him, so that's very telling!

 

I'll update on Friday.

 

I have a question for you though Lit, why do you think she may have a romantic interest in me?

 

To me it's very natural for women to meet spontaneously and chat, become friends, but as Wise said, not so true for men to meet that way?

 

Men would regard it as a potential hook up?

 

The sole reason I view your new friend as a pursuing you romantically is because she asked you to dinner. If it was lunch, coffee or "find another time to talk," I would lean towards a platonic relationship.

 

It's funny, I shared this thread with my wife and she sided with you. She also said my theory is not surprising since I'm a guy and "guys seems to have trouble understanding that women can be into each other without sexual motivation." I told her it's not trouble understanding, it's wishful thinking that two women would be into each other romantically. Actually, I didn't tell her that as it would have been too predictable...and I'm no longer 18.

 

And yes, it's true that most men starting a budding friendship don't ask each other out to dinner and if they ask a woman out to dinner (or almost anything, now that I think about it), absent extenuating circumstances, it usually means there's romantic interest.

[Batya33]

Yes I'd love an update! Ironically the other day there was a loooongg thread on my local moms group FB page about how they'd been "courted" by random women who turned out just to want them to sell MLM products. And I felt badly I'd jumped to that conclusion. I sure hope you've made a new friend!

[katrina1980]

Yes I'd love an update! Ironically the other day there was a loooongg thread on my local moms group FB page about how they'd been "courted" by random women who turned out just to want them to sell MLM products. And I felt badly I'd jumped to that conclusion. I sure hope you've made a new friend!

 

Lol, no worries Bat, but if MLM was on her her agenda, I promise you I'd know by now!

 

She's not "courting" me lol, I texted her yesterday, we chatted for for a bit then mutually decided on a place that was affordable to both of us.

 

So yeah it appears I've made a new friend! Yay for me, I don't have enough friends out here!

 

Back east yes, from way back, but out here, people come and go.

[Littler]

Where's "out here?" I'm not asking for specifics, but do you live in a college town or something?

[katrina1980]

Where's "out here?" I'm not asking for specifics, but do you live in a college town or something?

 

Southern California.

 

Yes BIG college/Uni town. And big vacation town.