General dating concerns

[Chrys31]

Maybe you are right though about chit chat

[Wiseman2]

No meet = no husband, right? So focus on a strategy to get to the meet, not analyzing "how forthcoming" they may be.

husband shopping hahahhahhahahah

[Chrys31]

No meet = no husband, right? So focus on a strategy to get to the meet, not analyzing "how forthcoming" they may be.

 

Thanks mate that was hilarious

[DancingFool]

I don't see anything abnormal with any of these. Pretty typical for online meeting really.

 

The guys who are new in town - it's always going to be iffy. People love to get to a new place and immediately post dating ads, but....then they get really busy with work, meeting new people in real life, etc, etc, etc. The loneliness they imagined would happen doesn't happen and they actually find themselves in a busy situation with lots of invitations precisely because they are new. Expect a higher percentage of the new in town to bail out of meeting. It's not about you or anything you said.

 

Try not to judge too much on text convos in terms forthcoming or not. Lots of people are not that great typing and if they've been online for a bit, people quickly realize that chatting and sharing too much is a waste of time. Only thing that counts is what happens when you meet face to face. The guys who actually cut to the chase and just set up a date are probably your best bet for someone being serious and looking to date. So the one that talked less but nailed a date down - it's good.

 

Other than that, people bail for all kinds of reasons - work, family, ex called and wants to talk, they just met someone else they clicked with, etc. It has nothing to do with you or what you said or did. Dating is a numbers game that way.

[Chrys31]

I don't see anything abnormal with any of these. Pretty typical for online meeting really.

 

The guys who are new in town - it's always going to be iffy. People love to get to a new place and immediately post dating ads, but....then they get really busy with work, meeting new people in real life, etc, etc, etc. The loneliness they imagined would happen doesn't happen and they actually find themselves in a busy situation with lots of invitations precisely because they are new. Expect a higher percentage of the new in town to bail out of meeting. It's not about you or anything you said.

 

Try not to judge too much on text convos in terms forthcoming or not. Lots of people are not that great typing and if they've been online for a bit, people quickly realize that chatting and sharing too much is a waste of time. Only thing that counts is what happens when you meet face to face. The guys who actually cut to the chase and just set up a date are probably your best bet for someone being serious and looking to date. So the one that talked less but nailed a date down - it's good.

 

Other than that, people bail for all kinds of reasons - work, family, ex called and wants to talk, they just met someone else they clicked with, etc. It has nothing to do with you or what you said or did. Dating is a numbers game that way.

 

Cool that is very helpful. Ye i didnt count too much on the new ones to be honest.

 

The most weird one however, is the one that asked to talk on the phone and then bailed

[Andrina]

I did OLD for a few years. Be very wary of guys who say they are about to move to your location or as in number 2, have recently moved there but then will be leaving temporarily for a career, or unable to meet you within a 2 week span. Those kind of guys can be scammers, reeling you in emotionally and then coming up with reasons they need money to get to your location, as is seen on many Dr. Phil shows.

 

To prevent this, if a guy gives a reason, like not moving there for months or leaving for months, tell them you're not into spending a lot of time with communicating if you can't meet up within a few weeks, and they they can get in touch again when they are local and ready to meet.

 

Some men are married and are living vicariously through flirting online, never intending to meet. That's why it's good to cut guys loose from being virtual pen pals if they don't ask to meet within a few weeks.

 

If you have any meet up.com activities in your area for singles in your age group, I'd supplement your dating life by trying that avenue. I did meet my husband on OLD, but it was a long, frustrating process before he and I connected. Good luck.

[Chrys31]

I did OLD for a few years. Be very wary of guys who say they are about to move to your location or as in number 2, have recently moved there but then will be leaving temporarily for a career, or unable to meet you within a 2 week span. Those kind of guys can be scammers, reeling you in emotionally and then coming up with reasons they need money to get to your location, as is seen on many Dr. Phil shows.

 

To prevent this, if a guy gives a reason, like not moving there for months or leaving for months, tell them you're not into spending a lot of time with communicating if you can't meet up within a few weeks, and they they can get in touch again when they are local and ready to meet.

 

Some men are married and are living vicariously through flirting online, never intending to meet. That's why it's good to cut guys loose from being virtual pen pals if they don't ask to meet within a few weeks.

 

If you have any meet up.com activities in your area for singles in your age group, I'd supplement your dating life by trying that avenue. I did meet my husband on OLD, but it was a long, frustrating process before he and I connected. Good luck.

 

Well the guy said that he wants to meet before he is going away temporarily. I dunno, I don't count too much on him. The other new kid on the block, also bailed. The most weird though is, the guy that asked to call me, asked me out on the call and then bailed. Case 4

[Andrina]

Even after you meet, sometimes a guy will seem to be interested and ask you out again while on the date, and then things fall apart. And some guys who you meet and both have crazy chemistry for each other, and you both seem to have the same dating/life goals, yet you find out soon after he was lying about his dating goals and was making his way through all the women on OLD. Try to keep from investing until you actually get to the point where you and a guy get past the 3-4 month honeymoon stage and you can start seeing the reality of who the person is and if he's a good risk for your heart or not.

 

You will never figure out what these strangers are doing or why, so just keep cutting off the no-go's so you're free when Mr. Right proves himself worthy. It's like sifting through a lot of sand to find the treasure.

[Chrys31]

Even after you meet, sometimes a guy will seem to be interested and ask you out again while on the date, and then things fall apart. And some guys who you meet and both have crazy chemistry for each other, and you both seem to have the same dating/life goals, yet you find out soon after he was lying about his dating goals and was making his way through all the women on OLD. Try to keep from investing until you actually get to the point where you and a guy get past the 3-4 month honeymoon stage and you can start seeing the reality of who the person is and if he's a good risk for your heart or not.

 

You will never figure out what these strangers are doing or why, so just keep cutting off the no-go's so you're free when Mr. Right proves himself worthy. It's like sifting through a lot of sand to find the treasure.

 

I understand. Then that must be it. Many of them just put a front to appear nice and maybe have multiple back up options. They actually do not mean what they say. I have to bear this in mind

[maew]

OP it's just part of the process of online dating... I don't think it's anything you are doing wrong so to speak, so try not to grind on it in your head too much. Yes people do meet this way and I have a number of friends that met their current spouse through online dating. My personal experience with it is similar to yours... some want to meet up and actually follow through, most don't. The thing with online dating is that it's based on some sort of criteria people have in their heads, gut feelings, life circumstances, etc and not on who the person they are meeting actually is... so any little thing can be enough for a person to decide they aren't interested in pursuing. I've had situations where a particular guy matched up with me on several different apps (not just once but multiple times after I went off then back on again) and STILL didn't want to actually meet in person! There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to how people use these things so just have patience and keep putting yourself out there... and ignore those that don't want to follow through.

[Rose Mosse]

The first two are duds. The third one was a test for how strong your sexual appeal and character are but he is actually a lemon (kid is at his mother's - red flag). The last one confirms that you have no mojo. Sorry, OP. You're going to have to work on your filter and your game. I don't think you're thinking on your feet quick enough and they're sensing that. You may also have a lot of fresh rules in place and seem uptight, possibly from just getting back into dating or being new to online dating.

 

Practice a few more times and don't use this as a measure of how successful you are overall. They're all just litmus tests. Good luck and remember, everything in moderation.

[Annia]

All of this seems normal to me. I don't see anything unusual. You have a date today and with the first 2 you need to define a time and place and meet and that's it.

[Chrys31]

The first two are duds. The third one was a test for how strong your sexual appeal and character are but he is actually a lemon (kid is at his mother's - red flag). The last one confirms that you have no mojo. Sorry, OP. You're going to have to work on your filter and your game. I don't think you're thinking on your feet quick enough and they're sensing that. You may also have a lot of fresh rules in place and seem uptight, possibly from just getting back into dating or being new to online dating.

 

Practice a few more times and don't use this as a measure of how successful you are overall. They're all just litmus tests. Good luck and remember, everything in moderation.

 

 

Im perfectly fine, thanks. I dunno what you mean by lemon lol. What do u mean no mojo also lol. I am starting to believe for case 4 that he aint even single.

 

Otherwise why wouldnt he call back.

[Chrys31]

All of this seems normal to me. I don't see anything unusual. You have a date today and with the first 2 you need to define a time and place and meet and that's it.

 

The date 2 I may meet him as I said. Guy 1 just bailed. As did guy 4.

[Honeycomb8]

They're all strangers and you're over thinking and being way too concerned over people you don't know. See them as bots and talk to them like they're just a highly responsive computer. Meet people asap and don't go talking for weeks.

 

You need to relax and nor stress so much. And how do you know so much about some? I mean yikes they're strangers, and you're asking about how they deal with their kids...?'

[Chrys31]

They're all strangers and you're over thinking and being way too concerned over people you don't know. See them as bots and talk to them like they're just a highly responsive computer. Meet people asap and don't go talking for weeks.

 

You need to relax and nor stress so much. And how do you know so much about some? I mean yikes they're strangers, and you're asking about how they deal with their kids...?'

 

This is normal conversation flow you know, we have to talk about stuff

[Honeycomb8]

First of all they are people, not cases, and none of the guys above sound weird. You are the weird one. They sound pretty genuine. Judging by your multiple posts (which all concern men) i'd strongly encourage you to have a break from them. It seems that you crave male attention and cant function without it.

 

I agree with this. Esp in regards to your older threads.

[Honeycomb8]

This is normal conversation flow you know, we have to talk about stuff

 

You can talk about anything. Like you don't even know them.

[Chrys31]

I agree with this. Esp in regards to your older threads.

 

Ok... I am weird... Fair enough

[Gary Snyder]

How long are you going on holiday? Maybe some of them bailed because they know they would loose momentum - any little crush you develop with a guy might erode if you can't see them again in a week or two. Plus, one of those guys was going away himself. When I was dating, if I talked to woman who was going on vacation soon, I would say she's not available to date.

 

Otherwise, the guys are just lame or not that interested in you. P.M. me your profile, let's see if anything could be turning them off.

 

Dating is the endless search for a needle in a haystack. It will take some time and patience.

[Chrys31]

How long are you going on holiday? Maybe some of them bailed because they know they would loose momentum - any little crush you develop with a guy might erode if you can't see them again in a week or two. Plus, one of those guys was going away himself. When I was dating, if I talked to woman who was going on vacation soon, I would say she's not available to date.

 

Otherwise, the guys are just lame or not that interested in you. P.M. me your profile, let's see if anything could be turning them off.

 

Dating is the endless search for a needle in a haystack. It will take some time and patience.

Guy number 2 said he wants to meet before i go holiday. As for number 4 i dont believe he is single even.

[bluecastle]

You're not weird, you're just deeply in your head on matters that, honestly, deserve next to no headspace.

 

Like these 4 "cases" you've described? They're literally not even worth thinking about for more than 18 seconds. They are pixels on your screen, voices in your phone, stories you're spinning in your mind. Someone seems keen and then goes cold? You shrug, end scene. You decide someone is iffy? Shrug, end scene. And so on. Maybe the scene changes, maybe not. Shrug, keep swiping.

 

The way you're analyzing them? Save that energy for someone you've met up with, maybe clicked with, maybe kissed, whatever. Be confused about how someone behaves after what you thought was a nice meal, or great sex. Not this stuff. You're mistaking the exhaust fumes of dating for the fuel, the "online" part with the "dating" part.

[figureitout23]

Chrys would you say you have anxieties when it comes to men?

 

I’m just basing this on your post style and topics.

 

What’s driving your actions? Distrust without evidence is a common theme with you thus far, it’s quite a leap to assume guy 4 isn’t single. have you been cheated on?

 

To answer your question nothing. This is how people act before they meet, some are flakey, or they change their minds. It’s happpens has you continued you would have chosen one of the four right? My guess is either guy 1 or 4 got your hopes up. My guess was 4 so the others are kinda buffers, they’re fluff to kinda mask asking what you really wanna ask or divulging what’s going on in your head, but you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge as pretty much everyone said you’re putting a lot of energy on total strangers, why? What’s going on with Chrys?

[Afireblue]

I dont know whats happening with the guys i talk online.

 

I am aware that this is a numbers game and that they may talk to a string of women at once.

 

Now i was talking to 4 men, at least i liked them from the photos.

 

Guy 1: Freshly arrived to London where I live, said he came for a job. We had good convos via text no sexual innuendos, seemed interested in who i am and my life and me to his, exchanged numbers. Asked me to meet this Saturday and if I had plans. I said I dont have firm plans and he said neither does he. Single, no kids , 30 yrs old. We said we could go to a pub and that it sounds like a plan. That happened on a Tues. Thur I send him a message to ask how he is and how he is doing at his new job he said things have become busy over there. He was not forthcoming with conversation and needless to say we never met.

 

Guy 2: Also freshly arrived to London. He is the same nationality as I am. We are talking for some weeks now and exchanged numbers. He said he enjoys our connection and he wants to meet asap. I said I feel the same and lets go best before i leave for holiday if possible. He said great. He told me he is looking for job in general and that he has found a job which may send him for 2-3 months to Coventry (2 hrs from London) and then he will come back. I said great. To be fair, since he is going away for a few months, i wont really bother but still i want to meet (if he does not bail). Early thirties, a bit older than me, single without kids. No sexual innuendos in text

 

 

 

 

Guy 3: 37 years old with a kid. Single as he says. Kid lives with mum but sees him every weekend. He lives alone as he says Not married previously. Actually with this one we have agreed to meet today but for some reason I have an iffy feeling about it as he doesnt seem compared to others extremely forthcoming in conversation. However, he took time to plan the date, pick a time and place (a nice bar) and he told me he looks forward to it. No sexual innuendos in text

 

Guy 4: Good conversation chemistry over text. He was forthcoming tho before we even meet spoke about the first date and subsequent ones. Called me without asking me first. He is single 18 months with a kid, previously engaged, also 37.

He lives alone as he says. He called me without asking me after a text convo. We had a half an hr long convo talking about various things where he asked me to go out before i go holiday. The conversation flowed and he told me about one date he had, where the girl asked him to go back to her place. He said he didnt like that and we discussed casually about boundaries and stuff and I mentioned that even date 5 is a bit early to me as i need to get to know the person. We said bye etc and I sent him a msg on whats app because at times i did have bad reception whilst talking and i said sorry etc. and nice to have spoken to you over the phone. He said to you too and then i didnt hear from him again.

 

What do you make out of these situations??

 

I am quite confused if I am honest here

 

Late to the party, but this is the concept of overthinking. You haven't even met this people. You have, however, exchanged messages, etc. what is there to make out of these situations... imo... NOTHING.

 

Stop overthinking and get into the real world. Meet all 4 if you want and then make your decision... really nothing for us to chip in here.

[Rose Mosse]

Im perfectly fine, thanks. I dunno what you mean by lemon lol. What do u mean no mojo also lol. I am starting to believe for case 4 that he aint even single.

 

Otherwise why wouldnt he call back.

 

Lemon means no good.

Mojo means sex appeal and charisma.

 

You're dating lemons and your personality may not be so great. Sorry.