General dating concerns

[Chrys31]

If you waste your own time then they will waste your time.

 

Could you be more clear please?

[Wiseman2]

You do not seem interested in meeting anyone. You seem interested in chitchat.

Could you be more clear please?

[Chrys31]

You do not seem interested in meeting anyone. You seem interested in chitchat.

 

errr that is not true obviously. lol

[Sportster2005]

I didnt talk in general. I talked specifically about guys that asked me out and I reciprocated as to organise something.

 

Cases 1 and 4 bailed for seemingly no reason.

 

Not sure about cases 2 and 3 i would need some insight. As for case 3, he seems to do everything right on setting up the date, however, he is not so forthcoming with convo compared to the others....

 

Sexual innuendos for me are very important not to exist in the early communications.

 

I understand. Your cases are specific, but that doesn't change anything. In general dating is very frustrating, and people often behave unpredictably. I don't think there is a lot of value in analysing every specific case. Make some boundaries and filters. Apply then generally, and don't micro-manage expectations. If a man wants to be with you, he will. If not, let him fly.

 

Sexual innuendos are a good way to filter out prospective men. You apply that generally, and you should. If a man is sending mixed signals, or generally being shady, use it as a filter also.

[Chrys31]

I understand. Your cases are specific, but that doesn't change anything. In general dating is very frustrating, and people often behave unpredictably. I don't think there is a lot of value in analysing every specific case. Make some boundaries and filters. Apply then generally, and don't micro-manage expectations. If a man wants to be with you, he will. If not, let him fly.

 

Sexual innuendos are a good way to filter out prospective men. You apply that generally, and you should. If a man is sending mixed signals, or generally being shady, use it as a filter also.

 

Any insight for yesterday date

[Wiseman2]

Either you enjoyed him and the date and want to go out again...or there are too many red flags and you don't. It's that simple. Continue to meet others that fit your criteria and see how it goes. However cut your losses and don't waste your or anyone else's time on "iffy" prospects, simply to have something to do. Reinvest that energy into messaging and meeting better prospects.

The guy asked me at the end of the date if i had a good night and if i would like us to go out again. I said yes that i had a great night and i would love to go out again

tbh im not too hopeful about it as i dont know the real situation between them and how available he really is. I guess i will see if he calls again but anyhow i will keep moving

[Honeycomb8]

He's a dud date. I would not give him another moment's thought. But then again you entertained the previous creep for way too long, so that says something.

[Chrys31]

He's a dud date. I would not give him another moment's thought. But then again you entertained the previous creep for way too long, so that says something.

 

why do you think this one is dud?

[bluecastle]

I'm a little worried about you Chrys, sincerely. The amount of thinking and analysis around all this is just unhealthy.

 

It seems you don't trust yourself enough to know what to make of a date? That you need to tell us how it's going as it's happening, then turn to us to tell you how to feel?

 

If you had a good time, great. If you didn't, also great.

[Chrys31]

I'm a little worried about you Chrys, sincerely. The amount of thinking and analysis around all this is just unhealthy.

 

It seems you don't trust yourself enough to know what to make of a date? That you need to tell us how it's going as it's happening, then turn to us to tell you how to feel?

 

If you had a good time, great. If you didn't, also great.

 

 

No i did, but i dont know whats gonna happen. Maybe ye i will just let things play out and not think too much about all this

[Chrys31]

Also, because i sent him yesterday a message after the date that i am home and i would love to meet again etc. should i now leave it up to him if he wants to follow up on that?

[Batya33]

Also, because i sent him yesterday a message after the date that i am home and i would love to meet again etc. should i now leave it up to him if he wants to follow up on that?

 

Yes leave it to him. Did he ask you to let him know you got home ok? Did you thank him while you were on the date?

[Chrys31]

Yes leave it to him. Did he ask you to let him know you got home ok? Did you thank him while you were on the date?

 

yes he did. i thanked him both on the date and in the text as well. When he asked me at the end of the date if i would like to meet again i said yes, i meant it genuinely, but for some reason he said that i didnt seem too confident about it. I assured him that i want to see him again in text as well and at the end of the convo he sent me speak soon with a kissing emoji. So now the ball is in his.

 

Of course i know there is always a possibility not to hear from him again. But yes, overall i had a good time as i can only speak for that one date

[Batya33]

yes he did. i thanked him both on the date and in the text as well. When he asked me at the end of the date if i would like to meet again i said yes, i meant it genuinely, but for some reason he said that i didnt seem too confident about it. I assured him that i want to see him again in text as well and at the end of the convo he sent me speak soon with a kissing emoji. So now the ball is in his.

 

Of course i know there is always a possibility not to hear from him again. But yes, overall i had a good time as i can only speak for that one date

 

Great. From now on I would limit the thank you to the date, show the enthusiasm you did about seeing him again and if that person is that insecure that he cannot bring himself to follow up and make a time/place plan for another date I'd have serious concerns about whether he is available to date you or interested enough to choose you over "fear". I would assume if there's no time/place plan for another date that that was the last date -that's the reality - you've expressed more than sufficient interest (and again I wouldn't do the text next time -keep it in person, great that you thanked and showed enthusiasm in person!) and now it's up to him to follow up.

[Chrys31]

Great. From now on I would limit the thank you to the date, show the enthusiasm you did about seeing him again and if that person is that insecure that he cannot bring himself to follow up and make a time/place plan for another date I'd have serious concerns about whether he is available to date you or interested enough to choose you over "fear". I would assume if there's no time/place plan for another date that that was the last date -that's the reality - you've expressed more than sufficient interest (and again I wouldn't do the text next time -keep it in person, great that you thanked and showed enthusiasm in person!) and now it's up to him to follow up.

 

sure i wont text now. I just dont understand the insecurity. Well the availability is another question, as he actually trash talked his ex. Dunno if you have read above

[Batya33]

sure i wont text now. I just dont understand the insecurity. Well the availability is another question, as he actually trash talked his ex. Dunno if you have read above

 

There is nothing to understand -you are not his therapist. I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation with the trash talking. Unless and until he confirm a time and place plan for another date there is no next date so if I were you I'd move along, get the guy off your radar and if he contacts you for another date then you can decide then.

[Chrys31]

There is nothing to understand -you are not his therapist. I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation with the trash talking. Unless and until he confirm a time and place plan for another date there is no next date so if I were you I'd move along, get the guy off your radar and if he contacts you for another date then you can decide then.

 

Absolutely. At the end of the day, i dont know what is going on really in his life. So all good

[Batya33]

Absolutely. At the end of the day, i dont know what is going on really in his life. So all good

 

Right and you don't need to at this point. You might if and when you two are serious and exclusively dating.

[Chrys31]

I also cant help to think that him and Guy 4 are related. They told me exactly the same things word for word???

[boltnrun]

I also cant help to think that him and Guy 4 are related. They told me exactly the same things word for word???

 

So if you think he's a liar why do you want to go out with him again?

 

Are you looking for a boyfriend?

[figureitout23]

3rd time asking...

 

Chrys, do you suffer from any forms of paranoia?

 

Were you cheated on before?

 

Why do you distrust men?

[Chrys31]

So if you think he's a liar why do you want to go out with him again?

 

Are you looking for a boyfriend?

 

Yes of course.

 

I just think its too much coincidence....

[Wiseman2]

Yes are you looking for a bf or just playing detective games? Didn't you date the last online dude for months without ever seeing his place and then worried the whole time that he was married? That doesn't sound like you want a real bf, it sounds like you want a lot of drama. It seems you are very bored or unemployed, whatever if you have all day to play cyber-sleuth and use strange criteria to come up with these bizarre conspiracy theories (he's married, 2 guys are the same guy etc.) Perhaps you could try some online video games or bingewatch some romcoms to kill time or amuse yourself, but you don't seem ready to date with any type of confidence in yourself or your prospective dates...

[Chrys31]

Yes are you looking for a bf or just playing detective games? Didn't you date the last online dude for months without ever seeing his place and then worried the whole time that he was married? That doesn't sound like you want a real bf, it sounds like you want a lot of drama. It seems you are very bored or unemployed, whatever if you have all day to play cyber-sleuth and use strange criteria to come up with these bizarre conspiracy theories (he's married, 2 guys are the same guy etc.) Perhaps you could try some online video games or bingewatch some romcoms to kill time or amuse yourself, but you don't seem ready to date with any type of confidence in yourself or your prospective dates...

 

Which dude??

 

Well I aint unemployed I got a carreer, thanks.

 

And yes both dudes threw me EXACTLY the same chatlines and info.

 

So ye I have every right to believe they are related

[figureitout23]

Which dude??

 

Well I aint unemployed I got a carreer, thanks.

 

And yes both dudes threw me EXACTLY the same chatlines and info.

 

So ye I have every right to believe they are related

 

 

Well if you suffer from paranoia you do...

 

On your last 17 page post I stated instead of the boy who cried wolf you’re the girl who cried cheat.

 

I also think you’re getting off on people going down the rabbit hole with you which is why my direct approach of asking what’s going on with you is being ignored

 

You don’t want to date.

 

These posts are just more game playing for you.

 

I feel super bad for the men in this situation because you’re exposing them to your sh*t and you aren’t giving them any kind of warning... this is why I don’t online date anymore, people like you, people who think it’s ok to project their crap on others rather than seek help.

 

Seek help.