I screwed up big time. Will he ever forgive me?

[charis32]

I have wondered before if he is mentally ill but he has never disclosed anything other then ADHD.

[charis32]

The only connection we have currently is he still seems to let me use his Netflix account

[boltnrun]

No he hasn’t spoken to me since last Wednesday.

 

Smart guy.

 

Maybe he's appalled by his own behavior and decided to stay away for good this time.

 

Please do the both of you a huge favor and don't text or call him trying to lure him back with promises of "things will be different this time".

[katrina1980]

I have wondered before if he is mentally ill but he has never disclosed anything other then ADHD.

 

Then why accept it from him?

 

Surely you understand there are better ways of communicating hurt/frustration other than f*ck off.

[katrina1980]

Then why accept it from him?

 

Surely you understand there are better ways of communicating hurt/frustration other than f*ck off.

 

If you don't understand it, you set yourself up to be abused by next guy.

 

Perhaps even physical abuse as verbal abuse tends to escalate.

 

Would you accept physical abuse if you felt it was your fault?

 

Where do you draw the line?

[charis32]

You think he’s smart for leaving me? Someone that is willing to make changes so the relationship could be healthy.

[katrina1980]

Your mindset about this actually frightens me. On your behalf.

 

I guess there isn't much more to say except best of luck whatever choice you make.

[charis32]

Why does my mindset frighten you?

[katrina1980]

Why does my mindset frighten you?

 

Because you're unable to recognize verbal abuse when it's staring you right in the face.

 

Instead, you accept blame and actually ask if HE will ever forgive you!

 

This is classic denial, and what frightens me is that if you continue to deny and/or accept blame for HIS verbal abuse, asking him (or any man) to forgive you, you might accept physical abuse as well for same reasons.

 

And find yourself in the hospital or worse dead.

 

Please read up on this, I am not exaggerrating.

[Annia]

I don’t think he should excuse it at all. I would just like another chance or at least for him to talk to me about things. The thing is we both need to change our behavior, it just can’t be me

 

But in all these years he didn't change his behaviour... so your "it'd work if he did this or that/if he communicated and listened to me" is based on fictional conditions that never happened and keep not happening. Not when you were with him previously and not now. So unless he turns into a total different person that he's not nor never was all this time, it's not working.

[Annia]

Well I wanted to know how to fix it and make it healthier and that’s why I came on here. As I said before when it’s good it’s really good. It’s just neither of us seem to approach conflict well.

 

So if a person is abusive and awfully toxic to you, it's ok if they're sometimes nice?

[katrina1980]

Read about the woman whose bf threw acid in her face because he felt hurt/frustrated. Disfiguring her for life.

 

In reading her story, it all started with the same type of verbal abuse you are experiencing and will continue to experience from various men unless you learn to recognize it, value and respect yourself, learn boundaries and walk away!!

 

The first time it happens.

[Hollyj]

I'm curious. how often dis he travel to you?

[charis32]

That is a good point. I guess he doesn’t care enough to change his behavior with me.

[charis32]

Every second weekend but that’s bc of my schedule I work every other weekend and sometimes he came up during the week or I went down there

[charis32]

Hollyj. I have taken your advice and reached out to a therapist. Pretty sure I’m a lost cause though

[Hollyj]

Hollyj. I have taken your advice and reached out to a therapist. Pretty sure I’m a lost cause though

 

Fantastic! You are not a lost cause, and this is a positive step forward.

[charis32]

Why are you curious about how often he travels to me? It was every second weekend due to my schedule of working every other weekend and sometimes during the week. I went down to his area a few times. He never invited me to his place bc he lives with his bro and sister innlaw.

[Hollyj]

Did you meet them?

[charis32]

Nope. Well I knew them from

Five years ago when I met them. But he didn’t introduce me to his family this time or tell them.

[charis32]

That was how the fight started I asked why he hasn’t told his family bc he introduced me quite early on last time and I was wondering if his feelings were different this time. His response was “do you think I give a flying f**k who you tell about me. I don’t give a single f**k so why do you care so much.” Then he made an excuse about he doesn’t see his family much and he doesn’t have me to his place bc it’s tiny. I think he was hiding me bc he didn’t think we would work out and didn’t want to have to explain to them why not.

[Hollyj]

Please change your attitude towards therapy, or you will get nothing out of it.

[charis32]

I really don’t understand at that point where all the anger was coming from. He seemed to think that I wanted to much after four months of seeing each other once every second week but we lived together for years and talked over the five years so in my mind you either want to progress the relp like you originally said or you don’t. Maybe I am unreasonable

[Hollyj]

That was how the fight started I asked why he hasn’t told his family bc he introduced me quite early on last time and I was wondering if his feelings were different this time. His response was “do you think I give a flying f**k who you tell about me. I don’t give a single f**k so why do you care so much.” Then he made an excuse about he doesn’t see his family much and he doesn’t have me to his place bc it’s tiny. I think he was hiding me bc he didn’t think we would work out and didn’t want to have to explain to them why not.

 

That's a lovely and reassuring response.

[charis32]

Ya I don’t get it.