Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I’m a mental health nurse so I’m told to F off a lot by patients. Maybe it doesn’t seem as significant to me as a result These people are not your partner. Is this how you excuse it. With your training you should be able to recognize the signs of abuse. Why are you so desperate to have this guy in your life? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Also he says he doesn’t treat people like this normally when. I called him On it. He said I bring it out of people. It's your fault. Classic abuser comment. He does not love or respect you. Did you look at the link? Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I read the article and I do see the elements of abuse in the relp except I don’t ever get wood back. Usually it’s me apologizing. And feeling like I harmed him Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 " the relp except I don’t ever get wood back." Huh? Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I wish I could tell you why him. I hear self esteem but this other guy I dated in the summer who ghosted me came back and was saying sorry and wanting to try again and that he was in love with me. Brought flowers too. I was able to shut him down with if that were true you wouldn’t have left the relationship in the first place and wouldn’t have waited six months to come around. So I don’t know why I’m so hung up on this guy. I think partly bc I don’t like how I reacted with all the texts. And he has a way of making me feel like I really hurt him. Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Woo as in the flowers and the other stuff. It says they often woo you back. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Do you work or go to school? It sounds like you're addicted to your phone and text/message pinging. Even if it's FU. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 You are intelligent individual, either you will choose to help yourself, or you will not. We are going round and round, and you continue to excuse, and blame yourself, so that you can continue in this cycle of abuse. I don;t understand your desperation, as his actions are clear, by the way that he has treated you over time. Anyone with any self esteem would have cut him off, after the first f off, and most certainly after the hospital episode. You have chosen to continue. Either you deal with your slef worth issues and cut him off, or you will continue to allow someone to beat you down emotionally. I will never understand why people allow other to treat them like this. I'm curious what your family and friends think of this creep? Do you have any social life outside of this guy? Link to comment
RayofLighten Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 The constant harassment from you is a big problem. It's almost like an obsession. You can't stop. You are both at fault. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Do you work or go to school? It sounds like you're addicted to your phone and text/message pinging. Even if it's FU. She is a mental health nurse. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 What does "yelp" and "wood" mean in your replies? Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 My mom is not a fan. I have not told any of my friends I got back together with him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 My mom is not a fan. I have not told any of my friends I got back together with him. Why not?....... Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I think mostly the hospital scenario but she said she tolerate him. But after the recent incident she says he is getting on her nerves. I probably shouldn’t tell my mom about it but her advice is usually good. She basically said that we would need serious counselling but it likely won’t work bc he won’t examine himself or accept any responsibility in the dynamic. I do seem to get obsessive after being rejected hence posting here. I think if I stayed on my white horse and didn’t harass him with texts I would have been like he’s an a**hole and move on but it’s bc I did that and bc he said I was acting like an and that I hurt him by insulting his gifts and intentions I come on here looking for ways to fix it. Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I keep going back to the time he was over when I seemed upset. He asked what was wrong and seemed to care and want to talk about it. I think this nasty reaction happens bc I ask over text, which might be a trigger for him. Bc I used to pick fights over text when I was younger. Even though I wasn’t doing that now he might feel that way. But it’s difficult bc he won’t talk on the phone. The harassing texts from me happened during the fight when he was being hostile. I’m not saying my actions were right but I’m not like that day to day so I don’t understand why that wouldn’t be forgivable if someone did care. So even after all the messages the Friday he was like let’s talk on the phone and acted like we were getting back together. I then texted that I didn’t want him to feel pressured into it and it seems like he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m hitting myself now bc I feel I should have just let things go until we talked. He then ignored me and then I sent texts again and he blew up. I feel very out of control and obsessive when we are fighting. I don’t get why I’m like that. Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I waste so much time beating myself up and he’s likely never given it another though bc I have validated his opinion of me that I’m craxy by texting too much and being overly emotional and obsessive. I could even be out with friends and I’ll still go to bathroom and send a message about his last message. I just wish he could have some compassion for me too. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 You did not answer my question regarding your friends, yet reverted back to self blame. I know that you do this so that you do not have to accept who he is, because if you did that, then you would have to move forward. Do you really think that a relationship is healthy that requires so much reassurance? have you ever received counseling? Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Anyways I should just let it go. I may have destroyed it but after reading all these posts I realize it wasn’t much of a healthy relationship anyways. It is a shame though bc I do think if he would have communicated with me instead of having this fight we could have been healthy and happy. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I waste so much time beating myself up and he’s likely never given it another though bc I have validated his opinion of me that I’m craxy by texting too much and being overly emotional and obsessive. I could even be out with friends and I’ll still go to bathroom and send a message about his last message. I just wish he could have some compassion for me too. Stop! I am tired of the self blame. Don't you get tired of beating yourself up. Why are you not recognizing that the relationship is not healthy? Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I went around my heart surgery but can not afford it now with my mortgage etc. my friends do not know about him as they do not like him. He had a drinking problem in the past. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Anyways I should just let it go. I may have destroyed it but after reading all these posts I realize it wasn’t much of a healthy relationship anyways. It is a shame though bc I do think if he would have communicated with me instead of having this fight we could have been healthy and happy. Good Lord! It was not about this argument. The problems started years ago. Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I recognize it’s not healthy. I just think it could have been if he communicated with me about my concerns in a supportive manner rather than shutting me down. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 So, your mother does not like him, your friends do not like him, virtual strangers do not like him, yet you keep on going back and begging for this abusive, alcoholic, manipulative creep. I do not understand! Link to comment
charis32 Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Well I would have thought that we were starting fresh. And that past resentments would be dropped. Otherwise why bother... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I recognize it’s not healthy. I just think it could have been if he communicated with me about my concerns in a supportive manner rather than shutting me down. I hope that yo recognize some day that you deserve more than this guy? Link to comment
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